"What time does Pinkie want us over at Sugar Cube Corner?" I inquired of Rarity, her pure white coat gleaming brightly in the sun. It had been two days since our conversation with the esteemed Princess Celestia, and my generous new friend had taken it upon herself to make me some new clothes. Apparently, wearing the same thing everyday while performing manual labour on a farm is generally considered unsanitary.
Who knew?
"I believe she wanted us to arrive at eight o clock, dear," She mumbled as she stitched a shirt for me, a look of utter concentration and devotion on her muzzle. Was it a muzzle? Or does it count as a face? Whatever.
The two of us were sitting in the Carousel Boutique, and I was absentmindedly stroking my host's cat while I waited for my new garment to be completed. The little guy was purring contently, and it stretched it's little legs out, giving me access to it's snow white belly. "Should I bring anything?"
"Oh, but of course, darling! It's always polite to bring your host a gift!" She replied enthusiastically. "Some flowers or a nice bottle of wine would be appropriate, though from my experience, Pinkie's parties do not necessarily require something so... sophisticated."
"Huh." I said, scratching behind the cat's ear. "What do you mean? Like... Weed? 'Cause I'm not really about that kinda thing."
Rarity glanced up from her work. "Weed? You're asking me if you should bring Pinkie Pie marijuana?"
I blushed. "Well... I dunno what you meant by less sophisticated! Besides, I didn't even know Equestria had weed. It was kind of a joke." The purple haired unicorn continued to stare at me incredulously. "It was just a question! I wasn't actually gonna bring weed! I wouldn't even know where to get it!"
Rarity's sapphire eyes returned to the shirt, moving from side to side as the unicorn shook her alabaster head. "Well I most certainly did not mean marijuana. However, if you got her a bottle of rum or a similar substance, I'm sure she could find a use for it."
"Gotcha, Rare-Bear."
She raised an eyebrow. "Rare-Bear?"
"Don't judge me."
"Of course not, dear. Now then, come try on your shirt."
I stood up (causing the cat to angrily leap off of me) and slipped the purple purple fabric over my head, shoving my arms through the sleeves ("Not so roughly!") and looked in the standing mirror. I had to admit, it was pretty snazzy. It was a pretty standard t-shirt, though it seemed to fit me perfectly. Not to mention the fact that it felt as if thousands of beautiful angles were caressing my skin
"Wow, this is awesome, Rarity! Thank you! And you did it in such a short time!"
She smiled gently, pleased by the praise being lavished upon her. "Oh, it was nothing dear. I mean really, it's just a simple shirt."
I grinned at her. "Yes, but it means a lot that you made it for me." Reaching into the pocket of that my jeans (Rarity hadn't gotten around to making me new pants yet), I pulled out the small fabric purse Applejack had given me. "Now, how much do I owe you?"
She waved a white hoof at me dismissively, and returned my grin. "Oh please, I couldn't take the money you earned from Applejack away from you. Consider it a... "welcome to Equestria" gift."
"Wow, thank you, Rarity. I really appreciate it." I knelt and gave her a hug, resisting the urge to pet her soft coat of fur. These things were too cuddly for their own damn good.
After maintaining the embrace for what I hoped was an appropriate amount of time, I rose back up to my feet and gave her another thank you. "Well, Rarity, I guess I'd better head out and find a liquor store." Man, that felt weird to say. Was I seriously gonna drink with ponies tonight?
Hell ya I was. But still, it's weird to think about it.
"Oh, there's one on Hoover Lane. The mare who owns it is a regular client of mine, so tell her I sent you. You might get a discount."
I chuckled. "You're the pony that just keeps on giving, huh?"
Rarity smiled at me and adjusted her mane with a hoof. "I'll see you tonight, James."
"Sure thing! Later!"
I stepped out of the boutique, squinting in the harsh sunlight of the afternoon sun. I should really invest in a pair of sunglasses. Would they have sunglasses in my size? Probably not. I sighed, letting my shoulders droop a little. A man can dream, I suppose.
I made my way over to the liquor store (appropriately named 'The Merry Mare') and stepped inside, relishing the feel of the cool store on my skin. I got a few looks as I walked in, but most ponies knew who I was now. Celestia had called a public assembly during her brief visit in Ponyville, and introduced me to the populace.
Frowning, I recalled meeting Lyra. Nice enough pony, but she needs to keep away from my hands. It was kind of creepy.
"Hello there! May I help you!" A small purple mare with a fruit cutie mark asked me.
"Hey there! I was looking for a gift to bring to a party a friend of mine is throwing tonight. Do you have any suggestions?"
The pony giggled and rolled her eyes. "Pinkie Pie's party?"
"Uhm, ya, how'd you know?" I asked, surprised.
"She's been here for a half hour stocking up."
The purple pony's words proved true, for as soon as she finished speaking Pinkie Pie stepped out from behind a shelf, pushing a shopping cart laden with enough alcohol to kill a small country.
"Holy cow, Pinkie!" I exclaimed, taking a step back in shock. "Is that all for tonight!?"
"Oh, hey James!" She chirped, smiling broadly as she saw me. Well, she was probably already smiling broadly, but I only saw it when she came into view. "Well, no not all of it. Mr. Cake asked me to pick up a case of beer for him. But other than that, we're gonna have a GREAT time!" She pushed the overflowing cart to the check out counter, prompting the purple mare to attend to her customer.
"Wha... Jesus, Pinkie Pie, that's... a lot."
"Oh, don't be silly! We don't have to drink it all in one go!" She said happily, consoling me. "We can save a bottle for next time, too!"
I shrugged. Fair enough. "Well, I was gonna buy you a hostess gift here, but you're clearly set for alcohol, so I guess I'll just get something else." I frowned, trying to decide what to get her now that plan A was up in smoke.
"Oh, pshaw, silly filly! You don't have to bring me anything! Your presence is the only present I need!"
My heart warmed. "Aww, thanks Pinkie, that's really sweet of you to say! You're giving me a case of the warm an- wait, did you just call me a filly?"
The curly maned mare gathered up her multitude of shopping bags and stuffed them in her (much smaller) saddle bag. "I'm looking forward to seeing everypony tonight! It'll be sooo much fun! We'll play games and introduce you to everypony who you haven't met yet! And I got Vinyl Scratch to DJ and the Cake's are going out of town so we can be as loud as we want! Oh, you're gonna have so many friends! Well, I gotta run, but it's been nice seeing you James! See you later!"
"See you, Pinkie!" I called after her as she bounced out of the store. Talking to her is way too exhausting.
"So," The dark purple mare said from behind the counter, "If you're not gonna buy something after all, I just made enough bit's to close early."
Time to head back to Sweet Apple Acres and get ready then, I guess.
Music pounded from inside the enourmas gingerbread house, making me wonder if the vibrations from the tune would make the whole house collapse. "She really knows how to throw a party, hey Orange Honest?"
Applejack rolled her eyes, not dignifying my latest attempt at a nickname with an answer. "C'mon, sugarcube, let's head inside. I ain't had an excuse to go to a party in weeks."
I chuckled and pushed the door open, knowing that there was no way Pinkie Pie would be able to hear us knocking above all of the noise. The two of us entered the bakery, and we were met by a wave of stares as my towering form walked in. Well that's kind of uncomfortable. "Uhm... Hey everyone. I'm James and uh..."
"JAAAAAAAAAMMMES!!!" A high pitched voice called suddenly, making me jump. Twilight Sparkle had just stumbled into Applejack and I. The unicorn wore a huge smile on her face, and her eyes had a slightly vacant expression. Looks like a certain purple someone found Pinkie's sizable stash of booze. "AND APPLEJACK!? I am SOOOO happy to see you two!"
She tottered over, wrapping Applejack and I in a group hug, much to our surprise (and amusement of the onlooking party goers). "Twi, your mane smells like alcohol," Applejack started. "How much did y'all have!? It's only eight thirty!"
Twilight Sparkle giggled, releasing us from her grip of death. "Uhm... I think... two? No, no three." I raised my eyebrows and smirked to Applejack who just shook her head in disbelief.
"Yer such a lightweight, Twi."
The inebriated unicorn snickered and stumbled into the crowd currently milling about the bakery. I turned to my blond companion and motioned for us to join them. "We should head in before our lavender friend drinks everything."
Applejack just shook her head again and we merged with the crowd, a technicolour sea of ponies, some unicorns levitating their drinks beside them while others danced to the electronic beat blaring from the DJ's booth in the corner. I was suddenly aware of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash who had found me among the throng. I guess being way taller than the other's kind of makes me stick out.
"Hiya, James, glad to see that you made it!" Pinkie greeted me, handing me a drink.
"Oh, thanks, girls. Nice to see you all!" I was vaguely aware of Twilight Sparkle giggling madly in the corner with a mortified looking Fluttershy. Motioning to the pair, I smirked. "I guess ol' purple over there can't really hold her liquor, huh?"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and facehoofed. "Ya, this is the only thing that she's faster than me in. I mean, we can't all be Rainbow Dash's, but that filly seriously needs to work on her endurance."
I laughed at that and took a sip of Pinkie's brew. Surprisingly, it was pretty good. "You think you're tough stuff, Rainbow?" I teased, giving her a playful smile.
The cyan pegasus laughed. "Oh, please. I could out drink anypony here!"
"Too bad I'm not a pony." I responded coolly.
A broad smile broke out on her... let's go with muzzle. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
"SHOT CONTEST!!!" Pinkie Pie suddenly screamed, much to the approval of the other guests.
I downed my drink and set it aside. "You're on."
A crowd had gathered around the small table Rainbow Dash and I were currently taking our shots on, and ponies placed bets on who they thought would win. After fifteen shots of whatever mystery drink Pinkie Pie kept pouring for us, though, things outside the table began to get a little fuzzy.
"You know, Rainbow," I began, attempting to point at her, but instead flopping my arm across the table. "Ah, dammit. You know, Rainbow, if you give up now, I be sure to tell -hic- everyone how you lost with dignity."
Rainbow swayed back and forth in her chair, looking fairly drunk herself. "How about this... no."
I squinted and nodded slowly. Touche, Rainbow Dash. Touche. "Well, ya got me there. 'Nother shot!" I shouted, downing another one. Why were there three Rainbow Dash's!? That's hardly fair.
For a moment Rainbow hesitated, glaring at the small shot glass in front of her, before picking it up between two hooves and downing it.
The crowd yelled their approval, and I noticed Applejack standing in the crowd, laughing at my antics. I lifted my arm to point at her. "Jokes on you, Jackie, 'cause you gotta drag my drunk ass home!"
She giggled again and shook her head. "Not if ya keep callin' me Jackie Ah won't."
Rainbow suddenly slammed a hoof on the table, forcing my attention back to our match. "Hey! Stop makin' doe eyes with the farmer, we have a... thing goin' on here!"
"Fine, MOM."
Her eyes widened, and for a moment she looked deeply offended. "Oh, it. Is. On."
It's funny, just three days ago she was trying to beat me to death. Oh, how times change.
"...and then Optimus Prime was all like, 'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings' and Megatron was like, 'Aww dammit' and got the... oil? kicked out of him."
Twilight looked at me in wonder as I recounted the tale of Canada's creation and independence. "Thatsh incredible Jamshe! But what happened to the Prime Minishter Batman?"
I nodded sagely. "Oh, he just escaped the TARDIS in time to save Finn and Jake."
Twilight smacked a hoof to her forehead. "Of course! How could I have missed that?"
I just shrugged. "Happens to the best of us, Purple Smart."
The two of us broke down into giggles, and somewhere in the back of my mind I felt guilty for partying with ponies and not searching for a way to get back home to dad. But, a larger part of me was too busy laughing at my own goofy nickname for her.
The two of us were interrupted by Pinkie Pie, who flopped on the couch right between the two of us.
"HEEEEEEY, PIIIINKIIEEEEE!!!" We both called out with unrestrained joy.
"Hey guys! Enjoying the party!?" She asked, yelling over the noise levels of the event.
Twilight and I both nodded. "Is Rainbow Dash conscious yet?"
Pinkie Pie nodded, her wildly curly mane flopping back and forth. "Ya, she's puking out back, I think. Fluttershy's looking after her."
Another fit of giggles overtook me. "Classic Fluttershy." I said after I calmed down a bit. In all honesty, I haven't had this much fun in a long time.
"Oh, by the way James, I think Applejack's looking for you. I think she wants to head home soon."
"Arright, arright," I slurred, stumbling off of the couch and to my feet. "Well, it's been... woah, so drunk... it's been fun partaking in party with you guys! Thanks for having me, Pinkie!"
"Oh, anytime, Jamesie Wamsie! How often do you get to throw a party for a human!? Not often! That's the correct answer!"
I laughed. Woah, that was weird. When did the floor get there?
"Arright, we gotta be real quiet when we get home so we don't wake anypony up." Applejack explained to me as we walked down the dark path to Sweet Apple Acres.
"Pfft, are you kitten me right meow? Quiet is my middle name. I'm like, the king of subtlety."
Even in the dark, I could tell Applejack was rolling her eyes at me. But then again, what's new?
"Didja have fun tonight, sugarcube?" She asked, pressing up beside me. I guess ponies don't really have a sense of a personal bubble.
"Ya, I really did." I said, feeling the familiar guilt I had been staving off all night coming back. "Did you?"
"Ya, I did." She said, laughing a bit. "When you accused Rarity of sneakin' in weed ah nearly peed mahself laughin'. The look on her face was priceless."
I smiled at that knowledge. "Glad to hear you enjoyed that one."
We continued to stumble down the dirt road in silence, and I was surprised we hadn't gotten lost yet. Then again, we might already be lost and just not realize it.
A sudden, chilling sensation swept over my body, and I whipped around, staring into the darkness behind us.
"What's the matter, James? Why're you stopping?"
For a moment, I just continued to stare at the pitch black road. "... It's nothing. I just felt like I was being watched or something."
Applejack yawned, and waved a hoof at me. "Ah, yer just drunk."
"Wait... Do you see that?"
The Element of Honesty turned as well, looking at the same patch of blackness as me. Only, it wasn't completely dark. There seemed to be a sinister red glow in the distance, illuminating a small portion of the road in a bloody light.
"Ya! What is that?" She asked incredulously.
"I.. I don't-" I never got to finish my sentence, however, for the red light shot forwards and slammed into my chest, burning a hole into the purple shirt that Rarity had only just made for me.
I flew backwards a few feet, landing hard on my back and clutching the sizzling burn mark on my chest. "Augh...! Applejack...! Run...!"
I slammed a fist into the ground and pulled myself back onto my feet. "AAUUUGH!" I screamed as the motion irritated my chest wound. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, the pain was just too much.
"JAMES!" Applejack yelled out, "What's happening!?"
"Get to Sweet Apple Acres now, Applejack!" I yelled, desperately wishing for my vision to clear. Suddenly, I hear a loud crack, and I was thrown forwards onto my already tender chest. My vision started growing dim, and I heard the sound of hooves running over dirt.
"JAAAAMMMEEES!"
Sorry, Jackie. I guess you're just gonna have to take the harvest in without me, tomorrow.