WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?!

by Cydon

Chapter 2 WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?!

As I wake up the sun is shining through the window and onto my face while birds chirp nearby. I roll over away from the sun and try to go back to sleep in this soft bed. I feel a tugging on my back and a pressure on my arm as I roll, I adjust myself until I'm comfortable and settle back down. A moment later I feel a feather brush my face. "Mmm!" I wave my arm around in front of my face and smack something feathery. 'Wait a second! I felt that!' My eyes shoot open quickly and I look around. I'm in a strange room that I have never seen before. The walls, ceiling, and floor are white. 'Am I in the hospital?' I take a closer look, hanging on the walls are various posters of a group called the Wonderbolts a dresser with an open drawer and a bit of a mess scattered around the room. 'Heh looks like my room, except for the posters who are they? This can't be a hospital, it looks more like a bedroom. Where the hell am I?'

I roll out of the bed and try to stumble to my feet. I take a few steps before losing my balance. 'Not the face!' I quickly save my face from a date with the ground as I land on my hands. I take notice of my 'hands' and quickly bite my lip to hold back a surprised shout. 'WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?! AND WHY ARE THEY BLUE?!' Holding me up are not the pale skinned five digit hands that I have had all my life but instead are two blue and furry stumps ending in a hooves. Trying desperately to keep from freaking out and running around in circles until I pass out from exhaustion. 'If I can even run.' I try to calm down. 'I need a mirror, now where can I find one? A bathroom! Okay, first figure out how to walk then get to mirror. Then I have to find out what the hell is going on.' I try to take a step and stumble around on my hooves for a minute trying to get to the door. After falling down several dozen times and landing on the surprisingly soft floor I finally reach the door and push it open. I cautiously peek my head out and look up and down the hallway before spotting the conveniently placed bathroom not three steps away. Finally getting the hang of not face planting as often I cautiously walk inside and right up to the mirror.

Staring back at me with bright magenta eyes now full of fear, wonder, and confusion is a blue horse. 'No, too small. A pony? I'M A PONY?!' I move my head around to check out the rainbow colored mane when I spot feathers. A quick stretching of my 'arms' and two blue wings unfold from my sides. With eyes widening in surprise I recoil away from the mirror. 'Not just a pony a pegasus pony! What's going on here!?' I feel the strength start to leave my limbs as my vision becomes blurry. 'No. NO! Stay awake! No fainting!' I stand still for a minute to let the dizziness fade. 'I need to lie down.' I carefully walk back to the room I woke up in and stare at the bed that is up to my chest. 'Maybe if I? No what about? AHA!' I lean back on my rear legs and lift my fore hooves into the air, before I lose my balance and fall on my face again I push off manage to get most of the way onto the bed. 'Okay now what?' With a bit of squirming I pull my rear legs up onto he bed with me. 'Well, here I am standing on a bed in a strange house in the body of a blue pegasus. Ha this is the craziest dream I've ever had ha hahaha!' With a pony like snort I lay down on the bed. 'And I'm going to wake up in the morning and laugh about this. I bet I'll wake up if I just go back to sleep.' With my mind made up I close my eyes.

"Mmm." 'Who's there?' Suddenly my eyes open and I get up and stretch. 'What the Hell?! I'm not doing that!' With no control over myself I sit back and watch as I hop down off the bed and with a gentle flap of my wings float back to the bathroom. After... relieving myself I discover that this pegasus is female. 'What the FUCK is going on here! Why am I a girl pegasus!?' Suddenly we stop, and my mouth opens as a raspy voice comes out.

"Is somepony there?" 'Wait, what? Can she hear my thoughts? Wait! She Can Talk?! Who the hell am I asking?' After a minute she shrugs and we go downstairs. 'This is the most fucked up dream I've ever had. First I turn into a pony and then I find out I'm a girl pegasus and now I have no control whatsoever!' After making a sandwich out of daisies. 'Uh oh.' She eats it and I can taste it. 'That, actually isn't half bad. It's kinda like salad but with more flavor.' She fills a bowel with plain old lettuce. 'Don't tell me, is it like cereal?'

"Tank I got breakfast!" 'Tank?' A Tortoise wearing a propeller on its back flies into the room nearly hitting us. Tank lands gently on our head and brings his head down to look us in the eyes causing her to giggle.

"Tank you silly Tortoise." She reaches up and grabs him setting him down on the counter in front of us. He smiles as he eats his lettuce. I can feel her smile as she goes to the door and steps outside. We look around taking in the view in the distance I can make out a large castle perched precariously on the side of a mountain. 'Wow, nice view-' Then she looks down. '-on a Fucking cloud!' I can feel her face form a smile as she jumps off the edge of the cloud.

'HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!' With wings tucked to our sides we plummet to the ground at shocking speed. 'Please oh god above I don't wanna be a pancake!' I can feel the adrenaline pumping furiously as the ground rapidly approaches. 'Come on fly!' She waits until the last possible second to spread out our wings, I can feel the strain as she flaps furiously to regain altitude while maintaining our speed. She looks back, a rainbow colored streak is zipping along behind us. We fly fast, faster than I have ever gone in a car. She has a destination in mind as she heads for a small cottage at the edge of a dark forest. With four light thuds we land with all four hooves in front of the cottage and walk up to the door before knocking on it gently. 'Why haven't I woken up yet? Are dreams supposed to be this long?'

"Hey Fluttershy you in there?" She shouts. 'What kind of name is Fluttershy?' The door opens a crack and a yellow face partially obscured by a pink mane pokes out.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, it's just you. What are you doing all the way out here?" The pony known as Fluttershy opens the door fully. 'I'm Rainbow Dash?'

"I just stopped by to hang out. I haven't seen you in a while." Fluttershy smiles and invites us inside. 'This is way to long to be a dream and way to real to be drugs. Maybe I'm in a coma? What happened last night?' They start chatting so I tune it out and try to remember last night.

"Hey Kevin your shift is over in ten!" I hear my boss shout. He always got angry if someone clocked in early or clocked out late but other than that he wasn't a bad boss.

"I got it!" I shouted back. 'Hopefully he won't bother me again.' I get back to work, I work the back room stocking, taking inventory, unloading trucks, and the like. It's hard work but the pay is alright and the hours fit into my schedule. Up at noon work till eight and video games till I fall asleep.

I finish the last of my tasks for the day and clock out, just in time too as my boss comes back to see if I'm done. "Good job today Kevin, keep it up and you might get a raise." 'A raise! That would mean I could finally afford to move out of that dump of an apartment!' I raise my hand in mock salute.

"Sir yes sir!" He gives me a look and chuckles.

"Go on, get outta here." With a final wave I head out to my car and start it up. I don't live far but the weather is supposed to turn sour and I don't want to get caught in it. I turn on the radio. 'Lets see if there is any good news today.'

"-ocal meteorologists are predicting tonight's storm to be the biggest we've had in a while so batten down the hatches folks it's going to be a rough night. In other news another pile up-" I click off the radio. *sigh* 'I guess not.' I drive back to my apartment in silence only the sound of the engine for company. I park on the side of the road next to my apartment complex and go inside. The complex is a mess but it's home. I fumble with my keys before finding the right one and sliding it home. My apartment is messy but I like it that way, after I wade through the discarded pizza boxes to my T.V. I turn it on. 'So what should I play hmm? Eenie meanie miney moe.' I pick up the game. 'Black ops it is.' I spend the next few hours mopping the floor with some noobs before someone with skill joins. After several kills going back and forth he beats me. 'Well played stranger well played.' I send him a congratulatory message and shut everything off.

With a sigh I stretch my arms popping a few things. Now satisfied I head to the fridge and pull out some cold pizza. I munch on it absentmindedly as I go to my room. Stepping around the mess I finish the pizza and fall into bed. Closing my eyes I fall asleep hoping tomorrow will be better than today.

"And that's how Equestria was made!" I snap out of my flashback as we stare at the bouncing pink pony in front of us. 'What? When did she get here?'

"Pinkie Pie you are so random!" Rainbow Dash says with a laugh. The pink mare called Pinkie Pie bounces over and looks us in the eyes. It was like she was staring into my soul with those blue orbs.

"Hey Dashie did you know you have a guest?" 'Ho hu wha?'

"What are you talking about Pinkie? Nopony is in my house."

"No silly filly. In here." Pinkie taps her hoof on her head and giggles. 'Weird coma dream pony why you no make sense?' Our head shakes as Rainbow laughs quietly. I mental face palm and chuckle at Pinkie's antics while Rainbow freezes on the spot. 'Oh crap did she?'

"Hey guys. I gotta go, see ya!" Rainbow runs out the door and flies up into the sky. 'Okay maybe she just wanted to-'

"Who are you and why are you in my head?" '-or she does know. Crap, what do I do now?'

"I know your in there talk to me!" I concentrate. 'I hope this works.'

'Um Hi?' She tenses, our eyes narrow and I can feel her anger rising. 'Okay she's furious I have to calm her down.'

"Who are you?"

'I'm Kevin.' She thinks for a moment.

"What are you doing in my head? Are you spying on me?!" She crosses our fore hooves.

'Spying? No! I don't know how I got in here i'm just as confused as you are!' Her anger starts to fade and in a low voice she says.

"How long have you been in my head?"

'I'm... i'm not sure exactly, but at least since you woke up this morning.' I can feel the blood drain from her face as she pales.

"You mean you saw..." Her voice trailed off.

'I have seen, heard and felt everything you have but I tried not to pay attention when you were in the bathroom, I am a gentleman after all.' She began blushing.

"Your not going to tell anypony about that are you?" I could feel the worry in her voice.

'What happens in your bathroom stays in your bathroom.'

*phew* "Good." She began lazily flying us towards town.

'So... where are we going?'

"To Twilight's." 'Coma, dream or whatever it doesn't look like i'm waking up anytime soon so I might as well play along.' She began flying faster, a large tree came into view near the center of town and she landed right in front of it.

'Wow that's a big tree, Um why are we here?' Rainbow huffed as she trot up to the door.

"To get answers and hopefully to get you out of my head." Rainbow knocked on the door hastily, warily eyeing the ponies who had stopped to see the mare who was talking to herself. The door opened and an exasperated Twilight glared at the intruder to her domain.

"This is a public library you know." She growled still giving us a death glare.

"Hehe oh yeah." Twilight sighed as we squeezed past her.

"So Twilight about that spell."

"Oh don't get me started on that spell. I've looked it over five times and found no mistakes, it should have worked perfectly. Why didn't it work?" Twilight fell back on her rump staring at the floor as she started muttering quietly.

"Twilight!" Twilight jumped and looked up at us. "It kind of did work, just not how you wanted."

"What?" Twilight looked us up and down as if looking at Rainbow Dash for the first time. "You mean? Professor?"

"Ah no. But it did get somepony."

"If the spell didn't get the Professor then who did it get?"

"He said his name is Kevin." Twilight snorted and started laughing.

"That name is ridiculous!" Twilight said as she rolled onto the floor.

'Hey! It's my name, what kind of name is Twilight anyway? It's a time of day and a bad book where I come from.'

"Kevin disagrees with you Twilight." Rainbow said holding in her giggles.Twilight calmed herself and stood up.

"So you can hear him right now? It really did work?"

"Yes." Twilight smiled.

"I Knew it Would Work! Can I talk to Kevin? He should be able to talk through you just relax and let it happen." Twilight levitated over a quill and parchment with her magic. Hey that's pretty cool.' "I want to know everything." She said as her smile turned a bit maniacal. 'And that's really fucking creepy.'

"I don't know about this." Rainbow said nervously.

"Just relax Rainbow you can even take a nap if you want."

"Well alright. Kevin you better not do anything I'll regret!"

'What! Don't leave me alone with her!' Rainbow snorted and lay down on the cushion. After a few minutes she fell asleep, I opened our eyes and stood up while Twilight stared in awe.

"Rainbow?"

"No, i'm Kevin." I say chuckling nervously, I stick out a hoof to shake before remembering I don't have hands. I try to pull it back but Twilight grabs it shaking it before letting go. 'How?'

"I can't believe it, my spell really worked! Yes!" Twilight hoof pumped and did a cute little victory dance. Seeing no reason to interrupt I let her finish. A minute later she stopped and sat back down quill and parchment at the ready with a huge not so maniacal grin on her face.

"All done?" She nodded furiously like her life depended on it, never losing her smile for an instant.

"Yep! Now I have some questions for you. Seeing as you were not the intended target of my spell I need your help to find out why you were grabbed instead." 'I still think your just some sort of coma induced hallucination, but why not see what you have to say.'

"And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Well for starters I need to know where you were and the last thing you remember doing." 'Shouldn't a hallucination know this?'

"Well, ok I guess. I was in my apartment, and the last thing I remember doing was going to sleep."

"Sleeping got it. Now where in Equestria is your apartment?" Twilight said as she took down notes.

"I've never heard of Equestria. My apartment is in a country called the United States of America. Where I come from the only sentient species is a race of bipedal hairless apes with powerful brains." Twilight's smile may not have faded but the twinkle in her eyes had certainly died.

"Were you one of these apes?"

"Yes. We call ourselves humans." Twilight looked up from her parchment, staring at me for a moment before going back to taking notes.

"I've never heard of those before. Where are you from again?"

"Ohio."

"What?"

"Never mind. Can you send me back or not?" Twilight stopped writing and levitated her quill and parchment to a table.

"Do you have magic?"

"No why?"

"Then we have a problem." Twilight took on a serious face that worried me a little.

"Explain." I said trying to keep the worry from strangling my voice.

"The spell was designed for unicorns. The reason it is only supposed to be used on them is because they are able to use their magic to return to their bodies. But since you can't use magic."

"I can't send myself home."

"Right. However, I prepared for this. If the spell affected the wrong pony I can send them back myself, if I just use this spell-" Twilight opened the drawer of a nearby desk. "-here... Uh oh."

"Uh oh, what do you mean Uh oh?"

"The return spell I wrote down is kind of... missing." I took a step towards the desk eyes darting frantically for any sign of the parchment that held the key to my way home. 'What if the only way to wake up is to use that spell! How will I get home?'

"But you have another copy. Right?" I say as panic begins to rear it ugly head.

"You see, well, um. No, I don't. But I can remake it, I just need a week!" 'Great, a whole week in a coma dream thing.' I face hoof which seeing as hooves are hard, hurt a lot.

'Oww.' 'Stupid stupid stupid!'

"Whu? Ow! Why does my face hurt?"

'Sorry Rainbow, that's my bad.' Rainbow huffed and blew our mane from our eyes.

"Rainbow?"

"Yeah I'm awake. So what's up?"

"I'm afraid your going to be stuck with Kevin for a while." Rainbow tensed up.

"Don't you have a spell to send him home?"

"Well I did but it's gone and now I have to remake it."

"What!?"

"Don't worry I should be done in a week tops!" Rainbow started pacing back and forth in front of Twilight.

"A week! But the Wonderbolts future bolts competition is in a week!" Twilight flinched at the shout. 'The what?'

"I'll work as fast as I can Rainbow but you can't rush it. I don't want to accidentally scatter his spirit." Rainbow sank into the cushion and covered our head with our hooves. 'Wait. I can get scattered?!'

"I've got weather duty today Twilight, I gotta go." Rainbow muttered from beneath our hooves before getting up. Rainbow leapt up into the air and with a thrust of our wings was out the door.

'So what is weather duty anyway? I don't see and radar dishes anywhERE!' Rainbow started zipping back and forth across the sky kicking clouds faster than I could keep track. One moment she was kicking a cloud and the next she had already gone through two more. Suffice it to say it was an amazing display of speed and skill. After about ten seconds we stopped, she hovered in the air and puffed out her chest breathing heavily.

"That, is how I do weather duty." If I could move our jaw right now it would be on the ground. 'She just... all the clouds... in the sky...'

"Ten seconds flat." Rainbow rubbed a hoof on her chest then blew off some dust before gently floating back down to the ground.

'That has to be the most amazing display of speed I have ever seen!'

"What can I say? It's my talent."

'The agility, the speed, the amazing skill!' Rainbow's smile grew bigger and bigger as I went.

"Well I don't mean to brag but I am the only pony to ever pull off a Sonic Rainboom."

'A what?'

"It's-" Rainbow started but was cut off by a voice from behind us.

"Dashie if your head swells any bigger you won't be able to fly straight." We spun around to see the pink bubbly mare known as Pinkie Pie already bouncing around us in circles and talking nonstop about something I can't keep up with or even attempt to follow. Rainbow shoves a hoof into her mouth and we wait a few minutes, when she seems to be finished Rainbow takes our hoof back. "And then I said are you crazy? You can't have a party without hot sauce! And then Surprise was like-" 'Hot sauce?'

"Pinkie you are So random." Pinkie stopped and giggled.

"Ooo that reminds me are we still going pranking today?"

"You know it!"

'Hey can I come too? Oh wait, I have to. Can I help?'

"Er. Hey Pinkie-"

"Of course you can help Kevin." 'What. The.-'

"-Buck?" Rainbow stopped and stared at her pink friend. After a few seconds she shook our head and started muttering to herself. "Just Pinkie being Pinkie. Just Pinkie being Pinkie." Over and over again until she calmed down.

'Rainbow? You okay? What was that all about?'

"No but I'll manage. I still can't understand how she does that but don't question it. It can drive a pony crazy."

'Uhuh.'

"Come on we have pranks to pull!" Pinkie said happily bouncing away into town.

A/N: In case you didn't figure it out. 'Kevin thinks like this.' he hears this.

'Talks in Rainbows head like this.' Rainbow hears this. (and Pinkie too)

"And talks through Rainbow like this." Everpony in hearing distance hears this. But Kevin can only do it when Rainbow lets him. As it is still her body she has control.