The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
A Moment in Time
That evening when Twilight Sparkle trotted out to Green Grass’ wagon with a happy gait, she was disappointed to find the polite stallion standing outside, just as carefully groomed as if he were attending a funeral. All of the joy seemed to have been drained out of him, with even his glossy green coat seeming dull and listless, but his eyes were the worst. Their normal mischievous twinkle was just gone, replaced by a dull blue glaze that just seemed to drive a spike right through her heart.
Before she could even say a word, Green Grass spoke in a listless monotone that sounded memorized.
“I think we should take a break from our project tonight, and go get a beer at Berry’s. Just one, and each sleep in our own beds tonight. For a change. We need to talk.”
* * *
The trip to Berry’s bar with the normally chatty stallion felt more like a trip to jail than a night out on the town. Whatever was bugging him about their relationship seemed contagious, every moment of his silence brought more doubt into her heart. Lying to him about remembering that night nibbled away at her heart. How could he trust her if she admitted to eavesdropping on him at Sugarcube Corner? Erasing a memory was easy, but using a memory spell to recall the forgotten ones from that night had been more than a little dangerous, because there was always the chance for wiping out the memory that was being sought, or creating a false memory that would be indistinguishable from reality. Even after the spell, she could only remember her stumble through the town vaguely, as if she were following some siren song that only she could hear. Or perhaps tracking him by scent. He had a nice bookish smell about him normally, if you could smell down past the fountain water and goldfish.
Tonight he smelled of spa, and a series of minor scratches, welts and bruises that peeked out from under his scroungy green coat bespoke a painfully difficult day indeed.
For herself, the day had been somewhat quiet and odd. Each one of her friends in turn had dropped by the library on one pretense or another to talk briefly on random topics before excusing themselves. They all seemed to have something bothering them too. Even Pinkie Pie had been excessively chatty as if she were worried about something, but that was a little silly. Pinkie never worried about anything serious, and if she did, she would have said something. Right?
Why do things have to be so complicated? I broke his thesis, but I fixed it. He should be feeling happy, not sad. There are so many things about the big lug that we were just beginning to experience, and now it feels as if he is building a wall to keep me out. Princess Celestia first sent me here to feel true friendship and afterwards she let me stay so that I would not be taken away from my friends. Could he be worried about the same thing, only on a deeper level? Commitment seemed to frighten him so much when he talked to Mrs. Cake, and it frightens me too. I should tell him! After all, my friends and I stood up against Nightmare Moon. Talking to him about the way I feel should be easy. So why isn’t it?
She had never really been to Berry’s bar before other than a quick peek inside. Green Grass obviously had, shucking off his hat and cloak onto a hook and plodding into the basement as if he were following a well-worn path thousands of hooves had trod before, which probably was not much of an overstatement. It was a bit of a shock to find out just how many members of the town frequented the establishment. As she glanced around the bar, she only saw familiar faces, and even Cheerilee was waving to her from a half-full back table.
“Hey, Green Grass. Your fellow teacher is waving to us over there. Why don’t we sit with them?”
The green stallion actually took several steps in the direction of the table before pulling up short. “No,” he said tersely. “That wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Unannounced teacher’s meeting. Upset parents. I bet I’m getting fired.” He gestured at the table where Superintendent Masters and Cheerilee seemed to be discussing something with several parents of his unicorn magic students until they had been interrupted. Five sets of staring eyes on her was an unnerving sight, but she firmed her resolve and continued walking over to the table, dragging Green Grass along in her wake regardless of his wishes.
“Good evening, everypony. Greenie and I were just taking a nice walk in the evening air and thought we would stop in for a quick drink. How nice to see you all here. Are you happy with how your children are progressing under his tutelage?”
“Not at all, young lady.” Pokey Pierce uncoiled from the table with a disappointed scowl on his somewhat flushed face, partially excused by the empty martini glass by his seat. “Your coltfriend has been useless. The only thing he’s done for my daughter is send her home with frosting in her mane.”
“He has my daughter clipping flowers, when she should be learning skills more applicable to becoming a doctor,” said Dr. Stable rather uncomfortably before taking another sip of mineral water. “Admittedly she’s gotten quite good at it, but no daughter of mine will be a hedgetrimmer.”
“I really don’t have a complaint about how well he does his work,” said a unicorn mare named Quick Fix nervously. “He’s been really good with our little Snips. Maybe a little too good. Now the house is o-overuun with sp-sp-spiders.” An involuntary shiver ran down Twilight’s back at the thought of the little hairy creatures, making her almost hit Green Grass in the face with her tail.
Both Superintendent Masters and Cheerilee remained quiet, although they both looked uncomfortable with their presence, and Green Grass poked gently at her flank. “Twilight. You’re making a scene.”
“I am not! I just want to—” She cut off sharply at a scowl from Green Grass and a short shake of the head. It seemed as every head in the bar was turned their direction, and Twilight blushed at the unwanted attention.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump in on your meeting, and I would like to apologize to all of you. Greenie and I will just sit over there, on the other side of the room.”
As she turned to leave, Pokey settled back down in his own seat and spoke just a little too loudly.
“Fake.”
* * *
Green Grass stopped breathing. Twilight stopped walking. “Excuse me?”
She remained locked in place with her tail still pointed at the teacher’s table, although Green Grass tried his best to silently encourage her to ignore the slight and keep moving. Pokey could not see the little tremble in her eyelid or feel the subtle change in the basement air that signaled the start of disaster, but the tutor did, and he tried to remember where all the fire extinguishers were in the bar.
“I said, he’s a fake.” Pokey Pierce locked eyes with Green Grass and glared. “No wonder my daughter has not progressed beyond—”
“Your daughter,” interrupted Green Grass in an attempt to save Pokey’s life, “is in the eightieth percentile for power, but only in the twentieth for control, something that you have not been teaching her. That little episode with the frosting was the first time I’ve gotten her and Sweetie Belle to both cooperate, which is critical if she is to develop her talent properly. These things take time.”
“Well, you’d have time if you weren’t chasing tail all over town.”
There is an ancient bar etiquette that states: When a fight is about to begin, the piano player must stop in mid-song and a deathly silence lasting a minimum of three seconds must ensure before violence begins. Twilight was not much for etiquette, and Berry’s bar did not have a piano.
There was a faint scraping noise of hooves on the floor when Twilight whirled around, swapping ends almost instantly while her horn fairly glared with purple light, followed by a loud but familiar ‘pop’ as Pokey Pierce vanished from the table.
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” The glare Cheerilee gave to Twilight encompassed every year of her teaching experience⁽*⁾, making the similarly experienced student drop into a nearby chair as if she had been tackled. “Yes, Ma’am!”
(*) The rumor that Princess Celestia taught a class in Teacher’s Glare is entirely false. Just because the Princess has a glare that could stop a manticore in its tracks, does not mean she shares that knowledge during the one hour closed meeting she conducts with all outgoing Canterlot teaching graduates each year. Unfortunately, Green Grass slept in that morning, and missed it.
—
“Where did you put him?”
Twilight wilted and mumbled. “...”
“Where?”
“The fountain.”
“Go get him out, right now and apologize! Don’t give me that look! And I’m going to want to speak with you after school— after our meeting is over. Now go!”
With a mumbled something that could have been assent, Twilight slouched out the door, leaving Green Grass alone in the bar. Well, as alone as the sole target of every eye in the room could ever be. He pulled a chair over to the teacher’s table and lowered his voice to talk with the two remaining parents privately before Pokey got back.
“Miss Fix, I think you could invite Snails over some night to go on a spider trapping hunt with Snips, but when they’re done, make sure they release them somewhere a long way from the library, please?” he added with a shudder. “And Dr. Stable, when you were your daughter’s age, did your parents let you loose with a knife to practice surgery on the neighborhood pets?”
The bluntness of the comment seemed to shock the doctor into a similarly sharp retort. “Of course not! That’s horrible! I never picked up a scalpel until medical school.”
“So why are you pushing Tootsie into doing things you never did at her age instead of letting her develop on her own? She has an amazing talent, you know. By the time she goes into medical school, if she does, she’ll have more experience holding a knife than any of her colleagues, even if she only uses it for careful surgery on plants. Next year, you may even get her to start needlepoint, if you don’t squash the fun she’s having now.” The doctor hesitated before giving a reluctant nod, and Green Grass scooted his chair back.
“Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to order a couple of beers and wait for Twilight. We have some things to talk about.”
“How are you and Twilight getting along?” asked Dr. Stable⁽¹⁾ abruptly.
(1) Not to imply that the Princess had ordered any kind of observation of her favorite student from the medical professionals in the town, but there was a slightly enhanced concern among the medical community over her mental well-being after she levitated a giant space-bear through town one night. Think of it as defensive medicine.
—
Green Grass paused in his retreat to wince. “We’re just taking a break from putting my thesis back together tonight. We have the whole thing laid— I mean outlined now, and I should be able to finish it on my own.”
“On your own?” asked Cheerilee. “I know you two have been having some relationship issues, but—”
“No. Sorry. We’re not really together. It was just a mistake on my part. One I intend on rectifying before it gets any more out of control than it already is. Excuse me, please.” He got up from the teacher conference and collected a pair of Berry’s homemade beers before settling down in a small table out of the way of normal traffic. When Twilight finally came back into the bar, looking vaguely guilty and more than a little angry, he flagged her down but still did not relax when she was seated.
“Did Pokey give you any problems?”
“No.” Twilight Sparkle scowled slightly and nodded in the direction of the teacher’s table. “Did they?”
“Yes. I’m probably still fired. Once a few parents file a complaint, it’s a lot easier just to get rid of the temp and hire a new one.”
“They can’t do that! I’ll go over and—”
“No.” It took all the willpower he could muster to meet her eyes, and even then it was just for a moment, holding his unopened beer as if it were a life preserver. The words he had practiced came out like frozen chunks of ice; they tore his throat to ribbons and froze his tongue.
She took it well. Well, she seemed to take it as a joke at first, then her expression got serious, and she did not speak at all. Still, he did not wind up in the fountain or exploring the moon, so it went better than expected. There was an exceedingly long period of time in the bar where they simply sipped their respective beers without a single word being said. When she reached the end of her first beer she turned down a second from Berry with the excuse that more than one beer made her sleepwalk, which almost made him smile again. Almost.
The chilly walk back to the library was made in silence under the silvery light of the radiant moon, as if the Goddess of the Night was determined to make their last night together as romantic as possible. Twilight insisted on helping finish their work on the thesis despite his half-hearted objections. It was only fair, she said. She had messed things up, she should help fix them. In the end, she had to threaten to inform Princess Celestia of his intransigence. He attempted to counter by threatening to inform the Princess of Pokey’s nighttime swim, she countered by accepting his offer, and volunteering Spike for the mail delivery for both.
He backed down. When his clock struck the designated hour, they both quit work on the thesis and stored their notes, Twilight taking the additional time and effort to magically copy their night’s work again and send it to the library. She insisted on letting him use the library bathroom for his nightly ablutions, and he did not fight. With freshly brushed teeth and encumbered heart, he trudged away from the library and crawled into his own cold and lonely bed.
A few short hours ago he had awoken warm and happy, without a care in the world. Now what? Behind him, the clock slowly clicked out the glacial seconds as he stared into the dark ceiling. The dread over having to break the news to Twilight had not diminished as he thought it would. Instead it loomed over him, larger and darker than ever before.
She knows this is better for the both of us. If it hurts this much now, imagine how much it would hurt later.
The comforter he curled up beneath gave him no comfort, and seemed to draw the heat from his body into the crisp fall air. Last year he had no problems sleeping in the wagon, enjoying his freedom from parents and school. Now it was all he could do not to think of being curled up with Twilight in front of her crackling fireplace, instead of alone in his cold bed lit by whatever flickering starlight came through the tiny window. The stars crawled by as he stared out into the darkness, uncaring, unemotional as they had shone for thousands of years before his birth and would continue to shine unabated when he had long turned to dust.
Luna truly did know loneliness; this could only be a small fraction of the loss she had experienced over the endless years of her life. It was no wonder the Princesses were not known to take a mortal mate. The hammerblows of loss as they would see their beloved wither and die, one after another would erode their adamantine souls even as he could feel the cracks in his own after but one short strike.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Alfred Lord Whinnyson was a liar. And a jerk. The Princesses probably knew the poet, so perhaps he could ask their opinion⁽²⁾ the next time they met. As if either Princess would lift a hoof to help him after this debacle.
(2) Actually, they would agree with him, although Celestia would add ‘Lecherous’ to the description.
—
He listened to the clock chime the hour again as he stared at the stars. Then after a while, it chimed again. At least he would not have to worry about his presence in town causing any lingering pain for Twilight or himself. After what she did to Pokey, even though he fully approved of her actions, there would be no way he was not fired.
There was a faint spinning to the room, as if an inky whirlpool were drawing him back into a long pattern of ‘discussions’ with his father, leading to an inevitable result of forced matrimony. Striking off on his own for another town was problematic because he had no marketable skills other than teaching unicorn magic, and without an advanced degree, his hornless state would place him at considerable disadvantage in the private employment market for unicorn tutors. The idea of mooching off distant relatives was distasteful, although his own house always seemed to have a distant cousin or feckless nephew staying for ‘just a week or two.’ At least he owned his wagon, if not the contents. The ownership of his own heart was what was truly in question. A month ago he was certain of its allegiance. Now it felt as if it had been removed, and another put in its place.
The faint click from his front door closing nearly escaped his notice as he brooded, but the dark figure that slipped unexpectedly into his bed and quickly curled up around him most certainly did not.
An agonizingly unhappy look was draped raggedly across Twilight’s beautiful face. In the moonlight he could see damp tear tracks down both cheeks, and her cold body trembled against his under the thick comforter.
“I have to ask. Are you wanting us to break up because you don’t like me anymore, or because you don’t want to hurt me?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” he answered instantly.
“Then why can’t you see how much you’re hurting me?” she sobbed, mashing her damp face into his neck.
There was really no response for that. All he could do is hold her close and wait for the crying to end. It seemed contagious.
“You didn’t even ask,” she grumbled with an angry poke at his ribs and a sniffle.
There was no real response he could make to that either, other than to hold her even closer. Finally after a long time, he managed to say, “Yes. You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right,” came her muffled, indignant response. “I wouldn’t have come over here and crawled back into your bed if I was wrong. It took forever to chart it down to just two hypotheses.”
He raised one eyebrow and tried to look at her face, but Twilight had managed to snuggle up under his chin. “What in the world would make you think I didn’t like you?”
“I dumped you in the fountain, for starters,” she said with a sniff.
“Oh piffle. I deserved it. Plus it probably was an appropriate reaction to my smell. Oof! Watch the hooves, please.”
“I like the way you smell,” she mumbled with a twist of her head and a deep appreciative sniff. “Eau de Goldfish.”
“Well, what other possible reason could I have for disliking you? Certainly not your reaction to that disfigured book? Miss Pince-nez would have judged it somewhat inadequate punishment for one of her books treated in that fashion.”
Twilight giggled, and relaxed just a bit against his neck. “She would have wanted your cutie mark intact to nail up against the Canterlot Library bulletin board, with a warning note.”
“Yeah, something like ‘He defaced a library book and got off lightly.’ What else?”
“I hit you in the head with that letter.”
“Pshaw! A mere love-tap at that range.” Green Grass carefully tucked a corner of the comforter around an exposed bit of purple coat. “Besides, it contained a key to the cell door of my dungeon prison. Had you delivered it in classic format, it would have been inside a cake.”
“What?”
“Sorry. It was a letter from the Earl of Pine Valley, informing me that his daughter is to be wed to some other poor schlub. I plan on having it gilded and placed in a frame where I can gaze upon it every night in blessed remembrance of my escape from durance vile. What else?”
“When I broke in on you during the evaluation, and commented about your horn?”
“I have a horn? Since when?” He made a show of groping about his forehead while Twilight giggled. “Or were you talking about my other— sorry.” The sudden tension that coursed through her body was painfully slow to recede. “Uncomfortable subject?”
“Yes. Extremely.” The faint trembling eventually passed, even though she still felt tense against his neck.
“Fear not, young mare. For although I am a stallion of little willpower, I hereby swear I shall never lay a hoof upon you without securing both your full consent, and the prior written permission of either your parents, or your… um… teacher.” A faint feeling of suppressed giggling and relaxation against his side indicated a successful strike. “I don’t suppose there is a governmental form for that, do you think?”
The giggling became audible. “I hope not. Now, back to our subject that you seem to be avoiding. When I ruined your thesis, you were angry at me.”
“Oh, yes. Extremely angry.”
“That made you dislike me, didn’t it?”
“Hm… Yes. Briefly. There were extenuating circumstances, though. You tried so hard to fix it, and you eventually did. Even if you hadn’t, I would have eventually gotten it back together. I would have grumbled a lot, but I wasn’t really angry at you, I was just angry at the whole universe in general, and you were in the way. For that, M’Lady, I offer my most sincere apology and beg your pardon. Anything else?”
“Not that I can think of.” She squirmed delightfully for a bit to get more comfortable. “I’ll see if anything pops up in the morning. Oops. I mean if I think of anything. You’re rubbing off on me.”
“Just ink.” Green Grass sighed and looked out his window at the distant stars. “I thought we both agreed that sleeping together was a bad idea?”
“You made a Pinkie Promise to come back to bed.” Twilight’s eyes⁽³⁾ glittered in the darkness as she looked up at him.
(3) Purple, thankfully. For a moment, Green Grass feared they might be Princess Luna Turquoise in color.
—
“Yes, but that was your bed.”
“I hereby declare this to be my bed. Are you staying in here, or going to sleep in your bed in the library? Gotta warn you, it’s locked.” She grinned mischievously before nuzzling back into his warm neck.
That grin was contagious, and he could feel a matching copy spreading slowly across his own face. “Well, I did promise.”
Outside, a familiar voice far away called out across the town, “Forever! Now go to sleep!”
They both giggled, but after a while Green Grass could feel the tension began to return to Twilight, and a faint sniff reached his ears.
“What’s wrong?
“Why am I doing this?” asked Twilight quietly. “What if I’m really not ready for this? What if I goof it all up? What if I turn you into some sort of evil hate-filled stalker from the darkness beyond who preys on ponies in unceasing revenge for my horrible misdeed?”
He quickly kissed her on the nose. “Wouldn’t work. I don’t see in the dark very well, and I don’t have the academic qualifications for the Stalker position. Besides, can you see my fat flank chasing anypony in ‘unceasing revenge?’ Gasp! — Slow down! — Pant! — Wheeeezzeee! — Ow!” He rubbed his own nose. “Bad hoof! Not boop.”
“Be serious!” Glittering purple eyes looked up at him, only to drift up to his rumpled mane which must have been standing on end from the subdued snicker it earned.
“As you wish, M’Lady.” The look Twilight was giving him turned into a brief glare, but only briefly.
“Twilight Sparkle, I should be the one nervous about all this. I’m certainly not ready for… well, this I’m ready for, I suppose. But beyond this lies a world I’ve never seen before, let alone visited. Frightening thought indeed, M’Lady, for but a few weeks ago I knew quite well what my path was, and now it has changed beyond all resemblance. Who knows, perhaps next week it will change again as that handsome unicorn stallion of your dreams gallops up to your door and takes you away to his giant library. I would hurt inside, but I would be glad for you too, and I think…” Green Grass paused to blink several times and swallow what seemed to be a stone. “I think I care for you more than I care for myself. Whatever happens, I would be happy for you, if you were happy.” He paused, looking down into those violet eyes that seemed so deep he could drown in them. “Your turn.”
Twilight looked out his window at the moon which had just begun to shine down into their bedchamber. “On a fall night much like this one, I once asked Princess Celestia what it felt like to be immortal, how it felt for her to see pony after pony grow old and die while she herself never changed. She didn’t answer me at first. We were out stargazing, and I remember her looking up into the sky while she talked. At the time, I thought she seemed to have an audience larger than just myself in mind, but I never really realized who else she was talking to until we saved Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon.
“She told me that she did change, every day on the inside with everypony she met. When somepony dies or goes away for a long while, it is important to cherish their time spent here more than you grieve their departure, and critical that you live in the now instead of obsessing about the future or agonizing over past events. The absolute most important thing of all is to treasure the moment, for it will never come around again.”
She settled her head back down in the hollow of his neck and finally relaxed. “I don’t know if this moment will last a moment, or a lifetime, but I intend on treasuring it to its full extent.”
Green Grass remained lying there as Twilight’s breathing became regular, and all the tension he could feel in her body slowly drained away. The moonlight that illuminated their bed made it seem as if the whole world were made of silver, but the feeling of her breathing on his chest was a moment he was treasuring far more than a mountain of bits.