albino pumpkin: U GAIZ RLLY NEED 2 LIZZN 2 DIS ITZ IMPOTENT!66666666666 I HERD ON DA NEWZ DAT PRESENTENT OBAMA IS GONG 2 SEND ARMIES IN2 EVERYBRONY'S HOUSS N TAKE AL DA PONIEZ AWAY FRUM DEM!66666 Its true I saw it on da internet. Lorelai Faucet has arleady bin arested n sent 2 Guacamole Bay!1111 U al need 2 hide ur poniez in ur speshul safes n under ur bedz or da garverment wil cumfiscate dem!111111
lol jk
Fangz 2 mah broniez n pegashitters 4 readin, refuelin n hlepin me 2 make dis such a gr8 story 4 goffic broniez n pegashitterz. U gaiz al rock lik Tom!111111111111111111111
6666666666666
I had alot of fun wif mah goffik peepz in da presint but I still had a doodie 2 do in da past. I sat down n finkled about how 2 get bak 2 da past. "Da only way iz 2 use da magic wordz n jump in2 da portal. But 4 sum raisin da wordz rnt working nevermore."
Sooty Bowl locked up from da do it I was having wif her. "Ebony, it isn't very romantic to muse on temporal dynamics in the middle of lovemaking."
"U WIL SPAKE WEN SPOCKEN 2 BITKA" I sed n I hammered her wif mah cutie mark (a seven-pointed ninja star wif da hedz of ashlee simpsin, billy ray jepsen, da jonses bruthas, Millie Serious n Hans Blix on it) until she shopped talking bcuz she wuz 2 buzy crying n we had do it some mor lol but datz ok bcuz we r goffik n if der r no tearz of blod during do it den itz da rong preppy kind of do it.
Suddenly....................Spock broke in2 da room. "Ebony I know dat u r havin truble gettin back 2 da past. I have cum up wif a cuntrapeshin dat kan carry u der!!!"
"OMFG" I shopped having do it immediately n left Sweetie Bell bleedin n sobbin on da flore. "Wut do I half 2 do.
Spock nodded logically. Spock wuz a alien called a Volkswagen but his planet got blowed up by da guy frum Black Hunks Down. Ever sinse dat happened he haz becum goffik n he duznt wear blue shits no more hiz shits r al blak now 2 reflex da sufferin in his heart and bowels.
"Fellate me n I will asplain everyfing" he sed. We trotted sexily down da hal n passed a room were Painbow Slash and Loona wer tutoring Crystalis. I kurd hear her scremming n scraying "NOOOO PLZZ" n I herd da soundz of a buzz saw n sum laughter. I smelled happilie.
Spock stopped in da hal n turned arund. "Ebony I wil need a sample of ur blod." He opened hiz mouth n bit me in da nick. I scremmed smexily becuz I had a originalism. "OMFG I didnt no u were a vampire 2~!!"
"Most illogical" sed Spock. He spitted my blood in2 a glans bottle. "Now 2 uzi mah incapacitation 2 turn dis blood in2 warp drive!"
War pdrive wuz a ting dat dey had in Canterlot. If u took da blood of a goff n shook it really super duper hard u cud use it 2 open a portal back in2to da past. Cock invented it. He finished shaking it in threw it on da ground. Suddenly...............der wuz a portal. "Go Ebony!" shouted Spock. "Live lung and perspire!" He did deths tuch sin.
"Dangz" I sed. Den.....in2 da portal I jumped!!!!!!!!
And in those brief moments within the portal, I lived a thousand and ten lives and deaths, for in the space between realities, time held no meaning, and reality itself was a tangible thing. I perceived the world we live in from the perspective of an observer, as though I were rifling through a book, skimming the words on its pages, tasting its content. All the possibilities of creation, every choice made, every word uttered, every fiber of reality, lay bare for my perusal. With the truth of the universe exposed before my eyes, I, at long last, understood.
den I waz bak in da past. "OMFG". I smelled happilie. I locked at da calender on da wal. It had a picture of Prezident Nixon on it, n he wuz doing deths tuch sin wif Charman Mal on top of da gr9 wall of vagina.
Suddenly Psycho Mantis apparated!!! "Ebony!!!! Itz so gud 2 c u agent! How waz da present???"
"O it wuz goin pretty good." I showed him deths tuch sin.
"Lol wutz dat?" sed Psycho Mantis in a gothic way. "Is dis how u do it?" He did deths tuch sin back. "Wow we dont have that back here. Itz so cool! Everypony is gong 2 want 2 lorax diz!"
And datz da story of were deths tuch sin came from.
6666666666
Der wuz a kwanza at Pornyvill dat knight accept it wuznt called Pingasvill yet it wuz called Hogsmead. Da consert waz beating held at Sweat Apple Akers in honor of da deth of Appling Jacks parentz, Pink Giggle n Valley Girl. Nopony licked dem bcuz back den Ponyvill wuz a much more goffik place. PSycho Mantis telled me dat he wuz da wone who moidered dem, n dat made me laugh so hard dat I shot milk out of my noise.
Be4 da consert we went 2 a movie. It wuz da ateies so da only movez day had were Star Wars, Citizen King Goes 2 Washingtown n Shipless in Seattle. Al of dem were prep moviez! "Izing der any good moviez 2 watch around here!!!"
"Well" sed Psycho Mantis. he smelled secretively. "Der iz won movie we could watch." He reached behind hiz back. I gasped. It wuz.................Withering Huts!!!
"Datz muh favorite movie!!!!" I screamed. "But how did u get it! IT wont be mad 4 another six hundred and sixty six hours!!!
"I know a pony who travelz through tim n he bringz me al da best moves n drugs from da future" sed Discord. I waz so happy I gave him a blowdrier.
We went sexily back 2 Disckword's place in put in da movie. In it a mare n a stallion were doing it and den a cereal killer came n stabed dem 2 deaf. Dey screamed n screamed butt I laughed becuz im a statonist.
"Ecuz me" sed a pony who walked in. It wuz........Discowrd's mom! She had long bright shiny red hare n a pink coat n her cutie mark wuz a picture of a lovingly committed couple gazing into each other's eyes with compassion and serenity. "Mantis who is this? Why do you keep bringint strange mares back to the house?"
"STFU" I scrambled n I jumped on her n bit her head between my jaws n ripped off her hed n kicked it out da window right into DPV111's stupid lying face WOULDN'T KILL THE TIMBEWOLVES MY BUTT. "Noooooo" she sed as she flew through the air. Her body fell down n died. Blood came out everywhere. I rolled around in it lol.
"OMFG How did uyeah do dat?" askecd Dinglehopper.
"Im a campire" I sed. "We can do prety jmuch anyfing we want."
Psycho Discord looked down al sad n depressed. "I wis I were a vampire." He started to cry so I gave him another blowdrier to shit him up n we went 2 Sweet Apple Ogres. Al da ponies were dere. And Applejack was there!
"Ladiez n gentelcolts" sed Grandma Smith from onstag. "We r gathered here 2day 2 bare witness 2 da dethz of Applejacks mom and dad, who were big prepz dat nopony licked."
Dere waz a lot of clopping.
"Now 2 celibate dis joyous oxident, here r Flem n Flan!" Flem n Flan came on2o da stage 2. "Fangz Grandma smith 4 da barn!" Suddenly................. Flem grabbed Grandma Smith n broke her neck! Den.........Flan grabbed da barn. "Cum on brother, letz get out of her!11'
I gasped. "Npo! Wifout dat barn Applejack will turn in2 a prep! I must stop diz!" I jumped sexily in fornt of dem. "Flem and Flan leave this place! Go 2 da countrysides n remain frendz of Ebony!"
Flem n Flan laughed. Dey armed demselves wif preppy pink Lucille Ball blunderbusses (since dis was da eighties n Lucy Bell wuz popular back den instead of Hannah Montana n also shitguns werent invented until 1999) . And den...............dey shot me at da same tim!
I gasped!