Chapter 2
The sun wasn't quite as agonizing as I regained consciousness this time. Partly because I was already wearing my sunglasses, partly because the pony standing over me provided a bit of shade. I blinked a bit, as my understandably rattled sanity adjusted to the fact that a supposedly fictional, talking equine was actually there in front of me. I absently noted that Applejack is the best sunshade, before I realized that she was saying something.
"Are y'all alright?"
I thought about it for a moment, and came to the conclusion that if I am in fact, insane, and am actually escaping into an imaginary world out from a padded cell somewhere, then there's nothing to lose by following out this delusion through whatever course it runs. And if this is real life, then I should respond, because to do otherwise would be rude.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I picked myself slowly off the ground, brushing all the grass and whatnot off while also checking to make sure nothing had fallen out of my pockets or gotten broken. I then looked back to Applejack. She looked frazzled, which is perhaps to be expected when a presumably unknown species suddenly appears in front of you. That wasn't the most physically striking thing about her, though.
I saw something once that estimated a pony's height, Applejack's specifically, to be about 3 feet, 4 inches as indicated by some nearby apples. That being said, I was able to comfortably look right into Applejack's eyes from my own 6 feet. She was also leaner then the show usually depicts her as, built more along the proportions of an alicorn then an earth pony. That she had the build of an alicorn is only fitting, considering that a pair of wings were folded at her sides, and her customary stetson hat was tilted at an angle that was a little farther back than usual to accommodate the horn on her head. Her blond mane wasn't in it's regular ponytail either, probably because it was longer and a little wilder then it ought to have been. Her fur was still a comfortable orange, though.
All right, just because you're meeting a fictional character, doesn't mean you have to go crazy. Keep it cool, keep it cool, keep it cool-
"Well, howdy there, pardner. Can ah help you with somethang?"
Keep it cool, keep it cool, keep it cool-
"Mah name's Applejack, who're you?"
And then she held out her hoof to shake, and I promptly failed my "Keep it cool" test.
"You're Applejack- this is so amazing, you're actually Applejack, I can't believe this! I'm actually in Equestria, this is amazing, and you're an alicorn! What's with all this? Why am I here? And I don't mean in a cosmic sense, why am I here in Equestria, and why are you an alicorn, and are the other mane 5 alicorns too, is this some kind of alternate-"
If anyone ever tells you that I sounded like an excited little girl while squealing- I mean, saying all that, I will deny it. With a chainsaw. I don't actually have a chainsaw currently, but I'm expecting one for Christmas next year. In other news, Applejack's face had gone from cautious hospitality straight to creeped the buck out. Not good. I cleared my throat, held out my hand, and tried again.
"I'm sorry about that. My name is Jack Perry, and I'm a human. Can we rewind our conversation to before I started babbling like Twilight on a deadline?"
Remember, denial with a chainsaw.
Applejack chuckled for a moment, then returned the hand/hoof shake. "Jus' promise me that y'all ain't another Pinkie Pie, and ah think we can work somethin' out."
"I promise that I will try to control my more talkative urges from now on," I solemnly vowed, while doing just that with the fanboy squees triggered by shaking Applejack's hoof. Cool and composed. Just like that.
"That's nice t- how d'yall know who Twahlight is? And what's tha' about 'the other main 5?'"
Uh oh. Think fast. "Ah, well, you see, us humans, we... have this ability. See, we don't have magic, and can't walk on clouds, or anything like that, so instead we have this sort of ability where we instinctively know some general information about wherever we find ourselves." Got it. Covers up that last outburst, and any others I may end up accidentally making in the future. Just as long as she doesn't see through the mostly-white lie.
"Issat so?" Crap. I forgot that she's the Element of Honesty. Raise shields. I put on my best poker face, and hoped for the best. Apparently, she either bought it, or didn't want to push it, because she suddenly seemed to drop her suspicious look and just look... sad.
"Is everything alright?" I asked hesitatingly. Something about this whole situation seemed familiar. That last thought about Applejack being Honesty sparked some memory, something about an explanation for Applejack being an alicorn... maybe a fan fiction I once read?
"No, ah'm fine, ah just..." She looked up at the sky for a moment, then met my eyes again with her mostly calm green ones. I was reminded somewhat of newly grown grass for a moment. "Ah suppose ah just... was lookin' forward to talkin' with somepony, or somehuman, tha' wouldn' be goin' loopy over all o' this." She motioned towards herself with one hoof as she looked down at the ground, then suddenly frowned as she saw the apple I had taken a couple of bites out of. "Did y'all steal one a mah apples?"
If I could have sweat-dropped like they do in manga, that would've been the perfect moment for it. "No, well, maybe: it was on the ground, and I just picked it up. If you want we could work out some kind of payment, or we could just talk without me 'goin' loopy over all o' this.'" I smiled, and she slowly smiled back, before reaching up to adjust her hat, and then starting to walk towards the barn that we could see from our little hill.
"Ah was jus' about done this field anyways. Come on pardner, ah'll take you to the farmhouse." As we walked off, I chanced a quick look towards her flank. Yep, that confirms it, and told me where where I was, mostly. Her cutie mark wasn't the traditional three apples, it was a blue circle with a cross in it and a leaf underneath, probably an apple leaf.
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Merry May stared at the creature from her hiding spot in an apple tree. The salad she had put together with Applejack's favorite dressings and toppings, which had actually been somewhat difficult to discover, sat on a branch next to her. She'd meant to leave it as a gift for the new princess, but now she realized that she had a much more important mission: protecting her from whatever this... thing was.
The green and pink pegasus stared at the weird thing. It was somewhat similar to the minotaur that had given that course on assertiveness a while ago, in that it stood on two legs, and had two arms that ended in hands, but that was where the similarities ended. Instead of being huge and muscular, it reminded her more of Spike midway through his transformation that one crazy day, with it's long and skinny proportions. Lanky was the word that came to mind. Also unlike Iron Will, this thing didn't have normal hooves, instead there was what looked like a single horribly elongated black hoof made of cloth or rubber protruding from the end of the blue pants the thing was wearing. She couldn't even understand how anything that tall stood up straight on only two legs with no tail to balance it. It wore what looked like a green jacket and a green and brown scarf over some sort of deep blue shirt on it's upper body, but it's face was probably the strangest thing about it. It had no snout or muzzle, just a weird bump with two nostrils on it's underside protruding from the middle of it's face, independent of the mouth below. She couldn't see it's eyes under the sunglasses it wore, but if the size of the sunglasses was any indication, it had small, beady eyes. Beneath the untidy mop of brown hair, it had two small, round ears that were just stuck onto the side of it's head.
All in all, it was the single strangest thing she had ever seen, equal parts disconcerting and hilarious, and if she had just run into it, she might have just laughed. But it was walking with Princess Applejack, and she remembered Lyra telling her about a strange, bipedal creature that had haunted her family for thousands of years, appearing and disappearing quickly enough that it could never be fully seen except for quick glimpses, although that may have been a good thing: Heartstring family legend held that this awful creature was the cause for the family's fall from nobility and grace.
And now it was here, threatening Princess Applejack. Sure, she couldn't hear what it was saying to her, but she could see the misery on the Princess's face, so clearly this thing was here to ruin Equestria's newest goddess, and thus it fell to her, Merry May, to think of a way to stop it somehow.
I need help, she thought as she stealthily crept out of her tree and flew in the direction of Ponyville, all the help I can get. If this thing can torture a goddess with mere words, I can't take it on on my own.
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"An' on top of ahll that, now thangs are just appearing around me! Ah keep findin' glasses ah cider an' tools aroun' the place, like somepony's jus leavin' them out for me. Ah appreciate that whoever it is is bein' hospitable, but it's still a little creepy, ya know?" Applejack sighed. "Ah jus' don' see why everypony else is makin' such a huge fuss over this."
I nodded, listening as best I could while turning over everything I remembered about this story in my mind to try to remember what happened next in the course of the story. I remembered that somehow, Applejack and Luna ended up fighting in the desert, but what happened between then and now that would cause that? I kept trying to remember while I responded to Applejack.
"Applejack, I can't really say that I've been in your exact situation, but I do sort of know about what it's like having people expect things from you." Every reading-of-the-report-card by the parents ever. "But I'm going to share some wisdom from my homeland with you. 'With great power, comes great responsibility.'"
"Ah know, just because ah can do some things, doesn't mean ah should. Ah'm well aware of that."
"There's more to it then that. It means that if you can help someone, you have a moral obligation to do so. If you have an ability that could be used to help people, you have to use it to help people."
"Ah am usin' it! Mah family would'n be able to keep the farm if ah jus' up an left, so ah'm helpin' them by stayin' here."
"I know, I know. I don't expect you to just leave your family, but you can't just stay here for all eternity, either." I paused, thinking about what I'd just said. "Well, you could, but that doesn't mean you should. Maybe you should actually talk to Luna and Celestia, instead of just arguing with them. I think you sort of owe it to them, and everyone else, to consider taking up the responsibilities you've unfortunately inherited. Maybe you all could come to some sort of agreement about what you do with your, uh, new self."
Applejack seemed to think about it for a minute. We were coming up on the farmhouse, and I was getting this major itchy feeling in the back of my mind, like I was missing something obvious. Something about how this fic was supposed to go...
"Well, ah guess maybe..." Applejack smiled wryly. "Ah suppose ah could've actually talked to them, but ah'm no princess. Ah never even dreamed ah'd have to make a decision like this. Ah'm just Applejack. Ah farm apples, run Sweet Apple Acres, and represen' Honesty sometimes. Tha's all. Ah'm not a goddess, and ah never asked t' be one, either."
I nodded solemnly, and was just trying to think about what I was going to say next when suddenly a panicked bass voice interrupted my thought stream.
"AJ! We got a problem!"
I looked up towards the shout to see Big Mac standing at the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres, looking out over the rapidly approaching angry mob. They were holding the obligatory torches, pitchforks, and effigies of the person who's blood they were out for: a vaguely bipedal looking thing wearing green and blue. I looked down over myself. There wasn't much doubt over who they had come for, even if I hadn't been the only biped around I knew of. I gulped.
"What... tha..." Applejack was slackjawed. Perhaps not surprising, given that this had come out of nowhere. I mean, an angry mobs worth of pitchforks does not, and should not, be able to simply show up out of nowhere. Except now, when apparently they do. What's up with that? And did they seriously just have effigies of humans laying around just in case, or did they somehow make them in the ten minutes or so I've been here?
I was distracted by my musings into the workings of hammerspace when I heard a war cry coming from above. I looked up, and quickly threw myself to the side to avoid the double pegasi hooves coming right for my face.
Applejack still stood there stock still, stunned.
I ran for the farmhouse, an angry pink maned, mint green pegasus right on my heels. I saw something that looked to be some sort of plank, or at least had those right proportions to be a makeshift weapon leaning against the door, and grabbed it, swinging it back behind me as I planted my foot and spun around and-
BLANG!
"That was oddly... musical." I mused, looking at the dazed pegasus pony. "What did I even..." My voice trailed off as I looked at the now ruined banjo I had apparently hit Merry May in the face with. "Oops."
I don't know if that's the straw that broke the camel's back, or if the situation had finally gotten through to Applejack's thinking processes because she suddenly screamed. It sounded like a scream of rage in the same way a lion's roar sounds like a kitten's mewl. I was actually picked up and hurled out of Sweet Apple Acres by the sheer decibel force, thankfully just before a massive wall of thorns, thistles, and brambles grew up out of nowhere around the entire farm and orchard. It still wasn't a pleasant experience.
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Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash were running along the road to Sweet Apple Acres as fast as they could when suddenly a massive wall of brambles and thorns grew up from the ground, forming a huge dome around the whole of Sweet Apple Acres. They skidded to a halt just outside where the gate used to be, staring at both the dome and the frenzied mob trying to get inside.
"Do you think it was that monster everypony was talking about that did this?" Rarity finally asked, as the mob hammered away at the barrier with pitchforks, saws, axes, and a kitchen sink.
"That thing had better not have hurt her," Rainbow growled, knocking her front hooves together in anger. "If it did, I'll kick it all the way to-"
Pinkie Pie interupted. "Dashie, I don't think we should all just leap to conclusions, especially when-"
"Now Pinkie, you must admit, it is all a rather hefty coincidence, a strange being appearing in Sweet Apple Acres, and then a massive dome of overgrown weeds appears around it. It is perfectly natural to be worried about Applejack's safety." Rarity interjected.
"But the dome was probably put up by AJ, don't you see? And we really shouldn't just condemn the new guy, especially since-"
Rainbow interrupted angrily. "Maybe she put this thing up to try to get rid of that thing! Come on girls, we've go to help them!" And with that she flew off to join the mob trying to get through the wall.
"Oh, I hope Applejack's okay." Fluttershy whispered. A shadow of something terrible passed over her face momentarily as she added "I don't know what I'd do if something had happened to her."
"Girls, I'm trying to tell you that the blame is on the wrong hoof, and that the new guy is right..." Pinkie Pie trailed off as the thumping of two booted feet heralded a shadow falling over her, Rarity, and Fluttershy. She looked up to see a tall, broken-banjo wielding biped looming over her and the girls. "...Behind us." She finished.
Jack Perry cracked his neck bones with a sharp twist of his head, rested the banjo against his shoulder, and studied the wall. He pursed his lips, checking the horizons for... yep, there they were. Two large winged silhouettes accompanied by many smaller ones flying towards Sweet Apple Acres from Canterlot, right on schedule. He turned towards the wall, scratching his chin and frowning.
Pinkie Pie bounced up in front of him. "Hey there! I'm Pinkie Pie, but you probably already know that. What's your name, and do you like parties? Cause I love parties! Oh, but you probably already know that too, silly me!"
The human cut her off before she could continue, planting a firm hand on her head to stop her bouncing. "Pinkie, it's an honor to meet you and all, but we have slightly bigger problems right now then when we have a party." He sighed. "Now what do we do about all of this? I tried to fix things for the better, but now things are even worse." He paused for a moment. "If this is what being a deity is like, I may have to give religion another chance. This is hard work."
Rarity finally spoke up cautiously. "You mean you aren't responsible for all of this?" She gestured towards all the bedlam currently around and over the resident apple orchard.
"Only partly. A similar scenario would have unfolded had I not been present..." his voice trailed off as his mind tripped over a possible solution to this crazy tale. Something crazy enough to get through to a stubborn farm pony and a millenias-old lunar princess, and maybe make them listen to reason. He whipped his head around to look at the approaching royals and their entourage as they flapped closer and closer, then whipped his head back. "Fluttershy!"
The named butter yellow pegasus flinched as the biped shouted her name. "Um, yes?" She stuttered, trying to hide behind her mane.
Jack knelt down to her level, and pulled off his sunglasses. His green eyes shone with a repressed manic glee as he spoke (relatively) reassuringly and calmly. "I need to borrow an eagle, please. Preferably a bald one."