PonyFall: Mile High Apple Pie
Flavors to Ask
April 13th, 2012
Some people can't handle the truth, some people can, and I strive to speak the truth at all times regardless of how it may affect somebody. This time was no exception. I think it's a safe assumption that 'Applejack' wasn't exactly a fan of motorcycles, and there's good reason for this assumption might I add.
I had just pulled into the garage and killed the engine when I noticed something odd. The girl I was with wasn't moving at all. Her arms were still clamped tightly around my midsection and her breathing was quick and unsteady. After much effort I got off and turned to look at her. I had to stifle a laugh as I saw her with the way she sat unmoving. The best way to describe it would be she resembled a paralyzed crab.
“Come on now, rides over,” I said. “Let's get you inside.”
“O-okay... Wha-what in tarnation was all that?” she asked.
“Which part? The ride, the running, or the bang?”
“All of it.” She slowly got off the bike and collapsed onto the ground.
“To put it simply?” I shrugged my jacket off and hung it on the wall. “Mister Doctor Farmer-Dude done got pissed that we were in his cornfield. So he pulled out his trusty ‘Double Barreled Back Scratcher’ an’ went to bustin’ caps. So we booked it on back here to keep our asses free of hot lead. Any more questions?”
“Ah think that's it... Wait, what's your name? Ah never did ask.”
“Garrett,” I told her. “Son of Eric, lover of bikes. So on and so forth.”
“Well, uh, nice to meet'cha Ah s'pose.” She was still visibly shaken, but did her best to keep her composure.
“Ditto. Anyway, you hungry or thirsty or somethin'?” I opened the door and led her wobbling through the door into the kitchen. She nearly slipped on the tile a few times, but I was there to catch her each time. “Got water, milk, tea, Coke...” I opened the refrigerator and peered inside for a second, “Beer.”
“Ah could go for some water.” I nodded and grabbed a Coors from the fridge and a cup from the cupboard. I filled the cup with some water from the faucet and offered it to her. She stared blankly at the cup before asking the oddest question yet. “How uh... how do Ah hold it?”
I sighed and grabbed her hand. “Like this.” Opening her fingers, I placed the cup in her hand and closed her digits around it. She nodded and I watched as she drained the cup. “If you want any more just come on over here and use the sink.” I lifted the handle on the faucet, showing her how it worked, then shut it off.
She said nothing, so I led her into the main room and motioned for her to sit down on one of the couches. “Just sit tight for a bit, I'm gonna check in on some stuff and try to find you some clothes. If you want, you can kick back for a bit an’ get some rest.” She nodded once again and sat back in silence.
“Also, don’t be scared of Dozer. He’ll just lick you to death.” As if on cue, Dozer, our German Rottweiler, came stumbling out of my grandparents bedroom. I smiled and made my way downstairs, disregarding the ever-friendly hound and his antics.
Throwing open my curtain doorway, I walked over to my desk and sat down. I retrieved my phone from my pocket and went through my contact list till I found Chris. I pressed the call button and waited, all the while his ringtone ‘Kick It In the Sticks’ by Brantley Gilbert played. I was just about to hang up when he finally answered.
‘Hey there pretty lady.’ He sounded from over the phone.
“What are you wearing?” I questioned him nonchalantly.
‘Oh you know, jeans, boots, shirt, stuff like that.’
“Yeah I kinda figured.” I sighed and rubbed my temple a bit. “Chris, I got a favor to ask. Think you can put Sam on the phone?”
‘Uh... Why?’
“I just gotta ask her if she can help me out with something.”
‘Okalie dokalie...” I heard him put the phone down and commence to yelling for his sister. A short moment later, she picked up.
‘Garrett?’ she queried.
“Yep. Listen, Sam, I got a flavor to ask you.”
‘Sure, what is it?’
“You think I might be able to borrow some of your clothes?”
‘Finally coming out of the closet?’ I could hear her stifling a laugh at her witty comment.
“No,” I deadpanned. “I’ve got a bit of a problem over here and let’s just say it needs clothing.”
‘Do I wanna know?’
“Probably not, but just as a precaution, think you can set aside some stuff you don’t wear... including underwear?”
‘I suppose. I’d better get them back though, or I’ll tell everybody about your crossdressing fetish.’ She retorted menacingly.
“Dammit Samantha! I do not have a crossdressing fetish.”
‘Yeah, yeah, whatever.’ I could tell she was amused by the amount of giggling on the other end.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” I told her before I hung up.
I loped up the stairs and watched as my pretty blonde guest sat on the floor playing with Dozer. It was a welcome sight when people, or rather ‘ponies’ in this case, got along with him. A lot of folks, including the police in my town, have been irrationally afraid of him. Hell, even the specially trained K-9 unit dogs pissed themselves when he’d run up to the fence to say ‘hello’.
I smiled slightly and headed into the kitchen to grab the keys to the truck. I took another cigarette for my little trip and went out the door, not bothering to wave goodbye. I got in the truck, keyed the ignition, put her into drive, and went off down the road.
~
Getting to Christopher’s house was easy. Getting his dog Jasmine to shut up, however, wasn’t. I had decided I’d rather not deal with her, and called Chris again. His phone rang for about a minute until he answered.
“Yeah?” Chris asked as he answered the phone.
“I’m outside the house right now, can you get Jazzie to shut up?”
“Sure. I’ll see you in a second.”
“Later,” I said, then hung up the phone.
I crawled out of the truck and began making my way around the house and into the back where Chris would soon be to keep Jazz quiet. I could hear him open the door and set to keeping her occupied while I rounded the corner.
“Why does she hate me?”
“Hell if I know, dude. How ya been?” He stood up and offered his hand, which I shook. As always, I made sure to squeeze extra hard just to mess with him.
“I been good mate.” Stifling a laugh at his pained expression, I soon let go. “Trimac still screwing you over?”
“Yep.” He shook his head and went to open the door.
“Is Abbie in there?” Abigail is Christopher’s little sister. Putting it bluntly, she’s a witch; the kind that likes to show off her My Little Pony coloring book. And not the good ponies either, I’m talking Generation 3 spawns of Satan.
“Nah, she went into town with Mom an’ Jessie.” I know he felt my pain as he thought about his younger sister and shuddered.
“Ah I splee.” ‘Splee’ is just a word my friend made up to use instead of ‘see’, “What about Sam an’ Alex?”
“Sam’s downstairs an Alex’s at work,” Chris replied.
“Right on,” I said “Well I’m gonna head down an’ talk to punkass.”
I went down the stairs and straight to Samantha’s room, and just like he had said she was in her room. A series of clothing and random accessories had been strewn across her bed, and that god-awful hip hop music also happened to be blaring from her stereo.
“How many times do I have to tell you that that crap’ll ruin your brain?”
“Garrett!” She exclaimed and rushed up to me arms wide for a hug, to which I obliged. “How’ve you been? I missed you!”
“Been good. So I take it this is what you decided to lend out?” I gestured to the clothes and everything on her bed. She had set aside about five t-shirts, skirts, flannel shirts and blue jeans along with an older pair of boots and ‘the essentials’.
“Yep. So can you tell me what’s really going on ‘Ferret’?” She grinned maliciously after using one of my many nicknames.
“To put it simply,” I sighed, “I found some weird chick bare-beamin’-butt-naked in a cornfield with no idea who or where she was, or who she screwed last Tuesday. So I decided to help her out. First things first, she needs clothes. That’s about it.”
“You’re joking right? Are you stupid or somethin’?” She cocked her head and frowned.
“Yep. Pretty much.” I grinned “Thought you knew this by now.”
“Well yeah I did, but still...” She remained quiet for a moment. “Can we see her?”
Now what good could possibly come out of that situation? Two rednecks and a confused girl poking and prodding a chick who believes to be from a different world? I didn’t have a clue, but it sounded fun. “I don’t see why not. Think you can pack all this up while I go an’ get Chris?”
“No problem, I’ll be up there in a bit.”
With that, I ran back upstairs to find my gopher-toothed buddy. “Oi! Punkass!”
“Yeah?” he called from the kitchen.
I peeked my head around the corner and spotted him rifling through the refrigerator. “You wanna come over to my place for a bit?”
“Sure. You want a Coke or somethin’?”
“Sounds good to me,” I barely finished my sentence when a red can of liquid death came flying at me, which I somehow managed to catch.
We sat and talked for a few minutes before Sam came upstairs. I motioned for the two to come with me and we made our way outside to my truck and got in.
After driving for a short while and just before we came into the city limits of La Salle, I turned down the radio and addressed the two. “By the way, this girl is calling herself ‘Applejack.’ So don’t be surprised when she says her name.”
“Wait, Applejack? As in that ‘My Little Pony’ stuff you watch?” Chris inquired.
“Yep. I’m still skeptical though. Hell, for all I know she could be a whacked out fangirl or somethin’.” I continued down the road and turned onto my street and parked in front of the house.
“You left her here alone?” Sam asked me.
“Nah, she’s got Dozer watchin’ her,” I said as I got out of the truck and walked up to the front door.
I waited for them both to enter before I made my announcement to Applejack. “Got some people for you to meet AJ!”
“Subtle,” Chris commented.
I shrugged it off and noticed ‘AJ’ passed out cold on the floor with Dozer.
“Should we wake her up?” Sam asked me.
“Nah, I’ll just take you two back home. She probably won’t be able to deal with more than one person just yet.”
“Awwww,” Chris whined. “Fine, but we better meet her soon.”
“You will, don’t worry,” I reassured him before ushering them back out the door.
~
After I had dropped Sam and Chris off back at their house, I came right back home. The second I walked through the door I noticed Applejack was still conked out on the floor, so doing what any decent guy would do, I picked her up and laid her down on the couch. I got her a blanket and covered her up just in case somebody decided to stop by.
Once I had that situation figured out, I immediately went downstairs and kicked off my boots. I then sat down my desk and opened up my computer. With nothing better to do, I went to the FimFiction IRC chat, just to see what people were talking about these days...