Essence of Pie
Prologue
First you Take a cup of Flour
Rarity hummed to herself as she trotted over to Pinkie with her newest creation. Despite the somber attitude that permeated the room, she took the opportunity to admire her work. It was a hoof-stitched pillow covered with all of Pinkie’s favourite things, mostly balloons and baked goods. Setting her head down on it, Rarity sighed as Pinkie’s glazed look returned her to the seriousness of the situation.
It was to her relief as much as that of her friends as Luna silently opened the door, sliding inside and taking in her surroundings. A slight nod came from the immortal as she eyed the resting pony and the strange creature resting on top of her. It was much reminiscent to the ferocious leviathans of a thousand years past but smaller, and slightly adorable.
“Pray tell, the green lizard, doth it also calm the pink one?”
“It's Pinkie’s pet, your highness,” Twilight spoke, tension etched in her voice. “We had hoped that his presence would comfort her. She has a...” she paused, searching for the right word, “...A way of knowing when Gummy is around.” Twilight was unsure how to explain the Pinkie Sense to the Princess. She couldn’t even explain it to herself and even if she wanted to, other things were on her mind.
Rainbow Dash and Soarin had rushed into the library but a few hours before with Pinkie on Soarin's back. Gasping upon seeing Pinkie’s condition Twilight rushed to the pony’s aid. She was lifeless and limp, with nothing but a torn strip of Soarin’s uniform holding her to the male Wonderbolt. Pinkie’s eyes looked as if she was staring at something far away, twitching.
Rainbow grabbed her pink friend and Twilight instructed her to set her on the couch. Twilight’s horn glowed as Soarin explained the situation. Pinkie was visiting them during their flight training as she often did, when she stopped peddling her Seuss-a-copter. Her eyes rolled back and she slumped over, falling out of her seat.
As Soarin told his story Twilight was impressed how in sync the two pegasi were. Soarin being the stronger of the two had dived to snatch the copter while Rainbow grabbed Pinkie.
Setting the copter on the ground Soarin moved to Pinkie. “She doesn’t have narcolepsy, does she?” He asked, going through a quick series of first aid checks.
Dash scratched her head.“Ummm?”
“Does she fall asleep randomly?” Soarin clarified, carefully flipping Pinkie over so she was on her stomach.
“I’m pretty sure she has issues getting to sleep.” Rainbow replied, wanting to help but unsure how.
Soarin frowned. “I don’t get it. She appears to be fine.” He put his hoof along Pinkie’s sternum and started to rub. Pinkie spasmed, but became limp after that. “Dash. Run through the field injury procedure with me. Did I miss anything?”
Dash scratched her the back of her mane and inwardly cursed. “Well.... there was step 1, check for broken bones...”
Soarin looked up from Pinkie to stare directly into her eyes. “You fell asleep that day, didn’t you?” he asked accusingly.
“Hey. Maybe if the classes weren’t so boring I’d be able to pay attention.” Dash retorted defensively. Had it been a different moment, Soarin probably would have teased her a bit. Dash herself was feeling awful. Soarin ignored his partner and started to take off his suit. Dash gulped as she saw him start to make a harness out of his suit. She had slept through that day too.
Rainbow Dash, one trick pony as her stage name stated. She had been working hard to prove not only to herself but others that she wasn’t, yet here she was unable to do a thing when her friend needed her the most. Every other Wonderbolt knew what to do in these situations and she’d go to Tartarus if she couldn’t find something in that brain of hers that couldn’t help Pinkie right now.
“We should probably get her to the hospital. How long of a flight is it at half speed?” Soarin asked rhetorically. “Take the wind, extra weight” he muttered, calculating the numbers in his head.“If I increase output on my back legs. 13 minutes and 22 seconds, if the wind doesn’t shift.”
Soarin was ignored by Dash as she focused on the one egghead aspect she knew of ponies, magic. She shifted her magic flow from its natural position and extended it out to touch Pinkie’s own. “Uhh, Soarin?” she asked cautiously, “There’s something off about her magic.”
“Huh? I already checked her magic. It’s flowing right, there’s no vacuums or bubbles to speak of. There’s an unusually large amount, like you, but I imagine that’s pretty normal for her.” Soarin extended his own magic over Pinkie, prodding and probing. “You sure?”
Dash nodded her head. “I’m telling you there's something off.” She racked her mind for what was different. The magic just didn’t feel like Pinkie, but that was crazy wasn’t it? She had only actually felt Pinkie’s magic a few times before and that had always been when they used the Elements of Harmony.
“We have to get her to Twilight’s now!” Dash growled, shoving Soarin to the side and lifting Pinkie up.
“Ummmm....” Soarin hesitated as Dash threw Pinkie on his back. “Is there something you’re not telling me? Shouldn’t we get her to hospital? They’ll know a bit more about her condition then Twilight will.”
Dash pulled hard on the knot in Soarin’s suit, strapping Pinkie on. Looking up her gaze slashed daggers into any defiance he previously held and all confidence he held in knowing how to deal with the situation withered. “That’s classified.”
“Twilight’s it is then.” He whispered before taking off.
Twilight listened to Soarin, running her own medical scan of Pinkie and confirming what he told her. Medically, Pinkie was fine. Her magic was normal (well... normal for an earth pony who was an Element of Harmony and constantly warping the universe to her liking). Her flow patterns held no irregular movements. A lack of magical residue meant that she wasn’t under the influence of a spell.
For all intents and purposes, Pinkie was just sleeping. That left only one realm untouched. Twilight she was still smarting a headache from the backlash. Dream walking was never her forte.
Having nothing more to go on then Pinkie’s lack of Elemental Magic, she sent a letter to Princess Celestia. The princess replied swiftly with a list of instructions from Princess Luna.
Twilight followed the instructions perfectly and now everyone had gathered, worried and confused. It was strange to see the most hyperactive pony they knew hardly moving with an empty expression.
At times it seemed as if the Pinkie was merely in deep thought and others it seemed like she wanted to tear herself apart. It disturbed Twilight that she wasn’t able tell if Pinkie had actually changed expression, or if she was just seeing the same one in a different light.
Now that Luna was here, hope reemerged within Twilight and her friends. The room felt safer, protected by the implied authority of the Princess.
“Sooo... you gonna help her or what?” Rainbow Dash asked Luna with a hint of agitation.
Twilight face hoofed. All that time under Spitfire hadn’t done a thing for the hot headed pesgasus’ regal courtesy. It might have just been her nerves, but Twilight still saw no excuse for such disrespect.
Dash went on. “I mean, you know all that crazy dream magic right?”
Luna smiled warmly at the spectrum maned Pegasus. “Yes... Rainbow. I am most skillful in assisting those lost in the dreaming fancy, as thou knowest.” Luna gaze shifted to the stallion sitting next to the flying pegasus. “ I am pleased that one of thine’s is hast come true.”
Rainbow furrowed her brow at the princess, trying to decide if she should be offended or not.
“Umm, Princess do you know what happened? I mean to make Pinkie like this?” Fluttershy asked, her soft voice filled with worry and frustration. “She, she’s going to wake up, right? I just can’t bare to look at her like this.”
Luna looked to the element of Kindness and instantly her heart softened. She wanted so badly to say yes, to do anything to comfort the yellow pegasus. Still, she wasn't sure what was wrong with the Element of Laughter, much less able to promise to.... what was the phrase these days? Snap her out of it?
Avoiding the question, she turned towards Soarin and Dash. “I have reviewed what Twilight sent in her letter, but tell me. How did she enterest into this state?” Luna asked, turning away from Fluttershy's pleading gaze. The yellow Pegasus looked down in worry. Luna's lack of an answer made all of the ponies shift uncomfortable.
Soarin replied quickly to Luna’s inquiry. “I was on my weekly training session with Dash, your Highness.” His tone unwavering, but Luna could still hear concern mixed in with it. “We had just finished going through a routine when Pinkie appeared .”
Luna turned to Twilight, interrupting Soarin. “Hast thou checkest the area for magical influx?”
“I checked myself.” Soarin spoke up before Twilight could reply, “And while I know Twilight could do a better job. Pinkie was on her flying machine.”
Luna stared at Soarin as if he had sprouted a horn and asked if she would marry him. “Flying Machine?” Luna face was one of pure confoundment. She knew that many things had advanced in the past millennium, but flying machines was not one that she was aware of.
“Pinkie is quite the inventor, your majesty. Her flying machine is one of her many engineering feats along with her party cannon.” Twilight explained, her face was filled with relief, a relief that came from feeling like she was being of help to her friend.
“There is more to this little one then I imagined,” Luna spoke.
“Whoa Nelly... you haven't even started picking through the barrel yet.” Applejack’s voice was comforting to Luna as it didn't hold such worry like all the others had up to this point. “Why I just learned the other day that she has one of those fancy shmancy degrees. Psychology if I remember correctly.”
Rarity nodded her head in agreement. “Yes it was most entertaining to hear about it. She achieved it when she was 17. Can you imagine having been through the horrors of college schooling at that age? Being all cooped up having time for only eating, sleeping and studying. What poor teenager would ever force themselves to do such a horrible thing?” Rarity swooned dramatically and plopped upon the couch elegantly. “Oh the horror!”
Rarity's antics cut through the tension of the room most of the ponies laughed. Twilight just rolled her eyes. “Yes, it must have been horrifying to have not been doing that since she was eight,” Twilight remarked casually.
“Really, Twilight?” Soarin asked curiously. “I know you acceled in your studies. I was unaware you received it so early. I thought I was doing well when I got it when I was fifteen, then again Spitfire always complained how I never wanted to go out and do anything, so I suppose that Rarity might have an ounce of truth to her statement, tell me Twilight would you say that getting your degree so early was detrimental to your social health or actually improved your ability to meet ponies later in life?”
“Well...” Twilight pushed her hoof around in a circle on the floor
Luna, catching her sister’s students uncomfortableness with situation intervened. “As much as I enjoy learning of Twilight’s private life.” Soarin eyes widened in his inquiry. He cursed his curiosity as Luna continued. “We must get back to the matter at hand. Soarin High, do continue thine’s story and do include the part about how thou checked for magic.”
Soarin cleared his throat and took a quick a glance around the room. The room seemed lighter than it did before. Twilight now sat up with poise and Rarity levitated a pillow over to herself before plopping her flank on it. Fluttershy sat up and her tears were drying, hope glimmering.
Luna kept her regal stance in front of the doorway. She nodded politely and motioned for Soarin to continue his account. Soarin took a deep breath, steadied by the cool air from Rainbow’s wingbeats next to him. He smiled as he recounted the tale.
Luna listened with interest but her face fell the more Soarin told. Her eyes furrowed and she walked cautiously to Pinkie’s body, placing her horn to the top of Pinkie's head. It glowed the dark blue before she lifted it. “Hath Pinkie acted differently at all lately?”
The mares and colt took a moment to ponder. Rarity was the speak. “She has been throwing more parties lately, even for her. She's had a positively dreadful amount of energy. I don't know how she's been able to sleep at night.”
Pinkie hardly ever slept, this Luna knew. She got normally four hours of sleep, using the nighttime to work on her inventions. Dash was the next to speak up. “She has been pretty needy for attention. She's been at every one of my flight sessions with Soarin. Then she tends to want to hang afterwards.”
“That's right.” Twilight spoke reflectively. “Not only has she been looking for more attention from her friends but she also has been throwing 2.3 times the number of parties. Comparatively to the six months previous that is. It’s been hectic to try and plan around them. I've had to rewrite my schedule twelve different times this month.”
“Don't remind me.” Spike bemoaned, holding his claw as if ached from hours and hours of writing.
Luna shook her head. “I do not know how this connects with the Element of Laughter but she is not sleeping. She is as awake and alert as thou or I.”
Most of the group looked around in confusion. Soarin racked his brain for something that could be of use, trying to remember the classes he took on psychology. Pinkie Pie, that name seemed to ring a bell that he couldn’t quite hear. Something about confirming theories or something like that. “Her thesis.” He realized
Twilight’s face light up like a sonic rainboom. “Of course. Soarin you're brilliant. Pinkie Pie's psychology thesis.” All eyes turned to Twilight, expecting more of an explanation. “I only read it once but she said found a way to prove what actually went on in the mind. Whether or not there actually existed an Id, Ego and SuperEgo, how emotions were manifest or even how to recall any memory you’ve ever had. The paper was interesting but was rejected because she was the only pony who could perform the technique. Without any other pony being able to back her up most ponies thought she just made it all up.
“I never read past the intro.” Twilight hung her head in shame. “I didn’t think anything so logically flawed would be worth my time. Pinkie starts her thesis explaining how she learned the technique from a book about Zebra magic. Zebra’s are said to hone their magic by controlling their inner self. Using this technique she was able to explore her own mind and meet her ego and id among other identities of herself. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure if she met those identities she thought she would.”
“The placebo effect.” Soarin muttered. “You see, hear, taste or feel what you want too.”
Dash gave a puzzled look. “What?”
Twilight levitated a book off a shelf flipping through the pages. “It why Berry gets drunk when she’s drinking normal punch. She assumes its alcoholic and her mind responds in kind. It’s partly why encouragement and discouragement affect us.”
“So Pinkie saw her Id because that’s what she expected to find?” Rarity asked.
“Yeah.” Twilight huffed as she put the book away. “Princess Celestia kept a copy of Pinkie’s thesis in this book. Looks like it fell out on the way over.”
“Soooo... Pinkie’s meditating?” Spike asked trying to put understand the situation.
“That depends on what you mean by meditating.” Soarin spoke zoning out. “It would make sense as to why she is sleeping, yet awake.”
Soarin was startled out of the beginnings of a rant when Applejack stomped her right forhoof on the ground and let out an angry huff. “I just can’t believe y’all. Pinkie may be a prankster but she's about as dependable as Rainbow here. No way no how would she have let us go through all this worry if she wasn't in some form of danger. Even with this here Zebra whooie, Pinkie Pie just ain't one to do that.”
Fluttershy's small voice was barely heard but everyone turned towards the shy Pegasus. “Um... what if Pinkie is doing this to protect us?”
“Is... Is that true, Princess?” Twilight asked hesitantly.
“It.” Luna pawed the ground and her wings drooped. “I have only seen such a thing occur once in all my years.”
The silence held as the Princess stared at the ground. Rainbow Dash was the first one to break it, not being able to stand the unasked question. “So are you gonna tell us what happened or what?
Luna glanced through all of them. “It was when I became Nightmare Moon.”
The mares and Spike let in a small gasp and Fluttershy even let out a whimper.
“Whoa Nelly.” Applejack's thoughts came out as she pictured a Nightmare Pinkie.
Soarin looked from one Element to the other. “Wait. What does a holiday have anything to do with Pinkie?”
/)^3^(\
Philomena flew circles around the princess as she walked through the Royal Garden to an area that had become known as the Untrimmed Hedge. In reality it was quite well taken care of but it definitely had its own unique flare. Celestia had appointed a somewhat quirky earth pony by the name of Rat's Nest to take care of the garden, and she had done a marvelous job. Flowers of different varieties were spread around in a random fashion. Odd looking ornaments set out in what appeared to be the strangest of spots to place them, and while hardly any pony could call her work organized, neither could they say that it didn't somehow seem to flow together. In the middle of this floral masterpiece stood none other than Discord.
Philomena took off from the princess's back and sat on top of the Dracqonous, giving out a squawk. Rat’s Nest happened to be transplanting a set of blue flowers into the dandelions by the statue and noticed the bird tickling the Avatar of Chaos’s nose. “Philomena, you know how much Discord gets annoyed when you do that.” Philomena merely let out what could only be called a snicker before squawking once more as the Princess arrived.
Rat’s Nest dipped her head. “Oh. Princess. I was unaware you'd be visiting. Forgive me for the poison Joke, but Discord’s birthday is in but a few days and he asked if I would let it grow.”
Princess Celestia looked Rat's Nest over. She was a very well groomed pony. The grey mare had a light green mane that shone in the moonlight and on her flank was an assortment of rocks intermixed in the most peculiar way. Still, the cutie mark was quite pleasant to look at.
“Worry not my little pony. Even in his failures, Discord has always had a certain amount of pride in his creations.” Celestia’s regal voice was soft and calming. “He has always been a most foalish creature.”
“Oh, of course your highness, but he is quite the entertainer, even if he's worse than the most incorrigible colt.” Rat's nest looked at the princess. “Do you mean to talk with him?”
Celestia smiled. “I do. There has been something that has come up that I must speak with him about.”
Rat's Nest laughed. “Well then, I'll be going. Dealing with one immortal can be quite the hooffull. Two would be just disastrous.” Celestia watched as the green maned pony left, before turning back to Discord. Philomena was doing a little dance on his nose. Celestia's horn glowed as she closed her eyes.
“Quite honestly Celestia, I thought that you enjoyed my poison joke. If I must say it was the perfect engagement gift. The wedding would have been disorganized, the best mare missing, the best stallion a chicken or maybe a dictionary. You, me, chaos all around. Just think of the kids....” Discord relayed an image of him thinking. “Actually, scratch the kids that's a bad idea. They'd just grow up and overthrow us like I did to my parents. You'd be a terrible mother anyways.”
Celestia didn't feel like Discord’s games today and her voice showed it. “What did you do to Pinkie Pie.” It wasn’t a question.
“Oh? You know, just the usual.” Discord sent an image of him scratching his nails looking disinterested. “Corrupted her, brainwashed her to be the opposite of her element, quite a shame though I so do love the Element of Laughter.”
Celestia was unsure of what to make of Discord’s comment. She had been expecting him to gloat. She held back a moment before projecting her thoughts. “Enlighten me as to how you did that while you've been turned to stone.”
Discord grinned mentally. “Rule number one when dealing with an Alicorn Princess. Celestia lies, and she's also pretty dishonest as well, but I digress. You know as well as I do that I've been locked up here without any ability to cause chaos outside. Other than what I can convince my adorable little caretaker to create. So tell me Princess, what is this all about?”
“You really didn't do anything then?” Celestia asked.
“My dear dear Celestia. I'll take credit for any chaos caused out there of course. Not only do I get to stroke my ego, but you'll stop looking for the problem, letting even more Chaos happen. So please, blame me with anything you like.” Discord heard nothing from the mental wavelength being projected at him and frowned for a second. Wasn't she going to at least tell him the delectable details of the incident he was being blamed for?
He started to send random images through the wavelength. One of him cuddling Twilight. One of Princess Celestia fighting Nightmare Moon as well as several others. Another of the Elements of Harmony as long, thin, hairless apes trying to use their bizarrely shaped hooves to pick up forks. It took several minutes before she replied. He laughed to himself noting that the picture she landed on was him being sexy on the beach with a pair of shades.
Celestia had ignored most of the images Discord sent her while getting together her thoughts. What Twilight described definitely sounded like it had to deal with Chaotic magic, and Discord made up 93% of all of the loose chaos in Equestria. “You really know nothing then, Discord. I'm not sure if I'm glad or worried, but thank you for your cooperation.”
Discord rolled his mental eyes. Although he couldn't see, the farmer, Rat's Nest, had sent him more than a few images of the garden he was in and he imagined Celestia standing in all her Oh so much better than thee regalness trying to decide what to say. He had a smug smile, which was quickly removed when he felt her annoying bird poop on his left arm. “Is this about the Pink one? I really thought that you would have expected this Celestia. Are you so high minded that you forget the dangers of your own ingeniousness?”
Discord could practically hear Celestia turn around. “Expect what?”
Discord laughed, not that Celestia could hear that, but it felt good. “Oh... this is too rich. Really, you blamed this on me? Tsk Tsk princess. This monster is yours Celestia.”
“What do you mean!” Celestia shouted into his mind.
Discord sent back an image of him picking through his ear. “What do I mean? I mean my caretaker Princess. I thought it was rather nice of you to send me a previous Rock farmer. So laden with Chaos that she's actually been able to grow me Poison Joke! You truly are the best princess ever.” Discord laughed heartily.
“What are you getting at?” Celestia demanded.
“You still don't get it? Come now Celestia, even if you lack the brains of a colt, this can't be that hard to figure out. I knew this day was coming the moment I manipulated her poor little mind. It’s just so dreadful that she'd have to be an Element of Harmony, don't you think? Having all that chaos in her conflicting with the Element of Laughter.
“She must be quite the pony to have lasted so long. I dare say that you should bring her by and let her farm my rock. I'd enjoy it quite a lot. We could party all day and go all night. It would truly be a magical wedding, something far more special than our little fling. I should create a new flower and call it the Pinkie Pie. It will give people an undeniable urge for laughter and chaos! Just think of all the fun we could have.”
His laugh struck a chord in Celestia, an old wound that ran deep through her.
Discord’s voice rolled with mirth. “Funny how this has finally come back to haunt you, Princess. Your infallible plan has just backfired. You broke an element of Harmony! Oh this is too rich! I should have just let you be and you would have destroyed an Element all on your own. ”
Discord continued to ramble, but Celestia had already cut off her communication with the immortal and was moving swiftly away from the garden, a firm determination in her face.