Sitting down slowly, you take a deep breath and run your hooves through your mane, more than confused. “I... Well... This is a little hard to take in... I was kinda under the impression my handler wouldn’t be...well, be-”
“Be what, Colonel?” she asks rather sharply. “A mare? Is the fact that your handler is a mare put you off? Because if so, let me tell you I’m-”
“I know, I know, ‘I’m more than capable of giving orders and making the tough decisions when the time comes’, I’ve heard it enough times.” Ditzy focuses in on you and starts to stare daggers, making you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “Don’t get me wrong. At the end of the day I’m perfectly fine with taking orders from a mare. But those old gentlemanly habits my grandad hammered into me aren’t going to go away that easy. You’re not gonna bite my head off if I hold the door open for you or push in your chair, are you?”
Ditzy shakes her head slowly. “No. Not at all...” she says with a ragged sigh. “Sorry for the hostility. I’ve had to deal with a lot of chauvinistic pi-” Ditzy looks up and stops herself before coughing into her hoof. “Ponies. It’s been a hassle lately.”
“You mean what happened with Thunderbolt?” you ask curiously. “Or is there something else-”
“I was told you were quite blunt, colonel,” Ditzy interrupts, steering the conversation in another direction. “And to the point. So I’ll try and make this quick as possible. I-”
“Wait, before you start spilling all sorts of government secrets, should we really be out in the open like this?” you ask as you glance around nervously. “Couldn’t somepony be listening in on our conversation?”
A small smile creeps across Ditzy’s face as she leans back in her chair. “No, not at all...We’re perfectly fine where we are. Don’t believe me? Then listen carefully Colonel. What do you hear? And please, don’t spare the details.”
Looking around Sugarcube Corner and all the ponies bustling through the streets, you give Ditzy a small shrug. “I don’t know, birds? I think I hear a dog somewhere... And all these ponies going about their business.”
“Exactly,” she says with a small nod. “And this is your first lesson... Social stealth. Here we are, out in the open, about to talk about sensitive information and I’m more than comfortable here. Because the other ponies? They don’t care. They aren’t listening to what we have to say. They’re too concerned with what they’re gonna have for dinner or where to buy the best tea. And even if they want to hear us, they can’t hear anything over the drone of the crowd.”
Nodding slowly, you run a hoof through your mane again. I feel like the foal just thrown into the deep end of the pool... you think with a heavy sigh.
“A bit over your head, Colonel?” Ditzy asks with a cocky smile.
“No, just hard to relax. It'd make me feel a whole lot safer to be talking inside, behind closed doors. ... But old habits die hard, huh?” You give Ditzy a little smile as you cross your legs and put your hooves on the table. “Tell you what, I’m going to keep my big mouth shut and chime in when it’s appropriate. You just go and say whatever your little heart wants to.”
Ditzy looks to you with a warm smile and simply rests her chin on her hoof. “My dear Colonel, if we’re going to be working together, you’re going to have to learn to trust me, because I-’m really grateful for what you did for me back at the post office.”
You blink in confusion as Ditzy’s voice changes from the smooth operator you were just getting used to, into the almost childish voice she used not a few hours earlier after the incident with Thunderbolt.
“What? I-”
“Hi there! Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner!” a rather bubbly pink mare asks as she bounds up to you. “What can I get’chya two?”
“I’ll have the usual, thanks Pinkie Pie~” Ditzy says to her with a small smile. “What do you want Flare Chaser?”
Clearing your throat, you look to the mare and wave a hoof. “Oh no, I’m fine. I had a big breakfast.”
Pinkie stares at you for a few moments and blinks before letting out a high pitched squeal. “Ohmygosh, ohmygosh! You’re new, aren’tchya?” she asks excitedly. “You got here today, didn’tchya?”
You let out a nervous laugh, taken aback a bit by the pony’s forwardness. “Yeah, I got here this morning, actually by train. From New Colt City.”
“Ohhh wowie! You sure came a long way... Ya sure you don’t want something?” she asks with a wide smile. “What about a doughnut? The Cakes just took a fresh batch out of the oven and they’re super yummy.”
With a sigh, you shrug your shoulders. “Alright then, sure. A jelly doughnut sounds good right about now, despite what my diet says.”
“Righty right right! I’ll be back in a bit!” she says before galloping off. As soon as she ducks back into Sugar Cube Corner, you turn back to Ditzy, who was smiling from ear to ear.
“What?” you ask bluntly. “What’s got you all smiley?
“Oh, just a couple things... Pinkie Pie for one. Oh boy, are you in for it... And the fact that you’re a natural liar... I mean it, I’m actually impressed,” she says with a bit of a laugh. “I had honestly expected you to bungle over your cover and look like a fool, but no... You’ve pleasantly surprised me, Colonel.”
“You surprise me, too...” you say, smiling back. “You don’t have to be covert ops to know that you’re leading a sort of double life. Is there a reason you act like you do or is it all just for fun?”
Ditzy’s smile falters a bit as she shifts in her seat. “Later, Colonel... For now, lets get your first assignment out of the way. I want you to go to the old barn near Sweet Apple Acres after you’re done with your shift this evening. It’s located approximately one mile away from Sweet Apple Acres itself, but it’s out of the way and overlooked by most ponies. You’re to meet me there, where we’ll begin training in earnest. Make sure-”
Holding up your hooves, you stop her from going any further. “Whoa, whoa, whoa... Hold on there cowgirl. I thought you were just gonna be my handler. What’s this about training?”
“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to help train you track down a creature that’s born to be the perfect spy?” Ditzy asks flatly. “Colonel, like I was going to say earlier, you’re going to have to learn to trust my judgement and do what I tell you. I expect all of my agents to listen to my instructions, because it’s always in their best interests. You’re trained in unarmed combat, correct?”
“Well, it should say it in my file. Unless the file clerks got coffee on it again, but yeah. I know how to handle myself in a fight. Why?”
Ditzy smiles slyly as she gets to her hooves. “Alright... I’ll see you tonight Colonel. I expect you to arrive at around 8:00 PM, so don’t dawdle or you will regret it,” she says with a snicker.
“Okay then... Is that everything?” you ask with a shrug. “Because if so, I need to go iron my tux if we’re gonna really get into all this.”
“I’m just starting to like you, Colonel...” Ditzy says with a scoff. “Don’t ruin it with your romantic ideas about the world of espionage.”
“Who said anything about that that?” you ask as you see Pinkie trot towards you from the corner of your eye. “A stallion’s got to look good for his date.”
“Date?” Pinkie asks as she sets down a jelly doughnut for you and muffin for Ditzy. “Who’s got a date?”
Casting a glance over at Ditzy, you see her blush a bit as she picks up her muffin. “N-No one...” she says as she starts to take off.
“See ya later!” you call out before biting into your doughnut. You can’t help but snicker under your breath as Ditzy’s pace picks up. What’s gotten into her? you muse as you swallow a mouthful of doughnut.
“Sooooooo~” Pinke Pie says aloud, leaning in almost too close. “How do you feel about the pony pokey?”
Turning to her slowly, you take a deep breath and let out a ragged. “I’m gonna regret asking this... But what are you planning?”
“Oh and whatever do you mean by that?” Pinkie asks innocently.
“Ohh, you know exactly what I mean... Now come on, tell what’s going on.”
“Buuuuut it’ll ruin the surprise~” Pinkie says with a wide grin.
“Oh, so that’s what you’re planning...” you say with a little nod. “Listen, as much as I’d love a surprise party right about now, I’ve actually got a lot on my plate right now, sorry.”
“Who said anything about surprise parties?” Pinkie said defensively. She blinks a few times before smiling sheepishly. “I mean, I sorta...”
“You asked me how I felt about a party dance, sweetie,” you say as you get to your hooves. “Like I said, I’m busy and need to get back to the Post Office. Maybe some other time.”
“Okay...” she says with a heavy sigh. “Some other time then...”
“Well, I’m off,” you say as you set a few bits down on the table. “Give my compliments to the... Cakes you said? That was a good doughnut.”
“Will do!” Pinkie says as you take off. “See ya later!”
With a little nod, you pick up the pace and sail back towards the post office.
*********************************************
“Honey, I’m home!” you call out as you walk through the post office door. Raindrops gives you a sheepish smile as you walk up to the frontdesk. “Anything happen while I was grabbing a lunch?”
“Nothing, really. We had a few letter drop offs, but that’s about it. But, uh, Mr. Flare Chaser?” she says timidly. “Sir? There’s a bit of a problem... Thunderbolt was our letter and package sorter and you kinda suspended him. What are we gonna do until he comes back?”
Scratching your head, you motion Raindrops to her hooves. “Come on, show me where he worked.”
“Yes sir,” she says with a nervous smile. “Right over here.”
“Geez, what’s wrong with you?” you ask with a chuckle. “You’re just a bundle of nerves, aren’t ya?”
Raindrops scratches the back of her head bashfully. “Well... Our old boss was kinda-”
“Stop right there,” you say holding up a hoof. “Think about what you just said. Your ‘old boss’. I don’t care what he did or said, because I’m your new boss. So don’t go treating me like your old boss, calm yourself down, and stop calling me ‘sir’ and ‘mister’. It makes me feel old.”
With a sigh of relief Raindrops manages an actual smile this time. “Okay... Okay. Little less nervous now. I just get all anxious sometimes and it’s hard time to calm down, you know?”
“Ohh, I know exactly what you’re going through, trust me...” you say with a little chuckle. “I bet that little fit I had earlier with Thunderbolt didn’t help, did it?”
Raindrops shakes her head slowly. “Yeah... I seriously thought it was gonna be Mr. Brown all over again there for a second...”
“Well, trust me when I say I don’t raise my voice unless I have to. And, well...” you trail off for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “It... just struck a raw nerve when I saw him attacking Ditzy like that...”
“Oh... Well, uh, here we are,” she says as she opens the door for you. In the middle of the room sat a large plastic box about halfway full of letters and a few brown packages. “Basically, all the letters and packages need to be sorted into their prospective P.O. Box. Thunderbolt got about half of what he was supposed to do today, so someone still has to go through the rest.”
“Alright then... Who’s the one who normally does the mail route?” you ask as you idly sift through the box.
“Ditzy’s our mailmare and she’s already delivered what needed to go out.”
“Well then Raindrops, I suggest you watch the front desk while I take care of this,” you say as you reach in and look over a random letter. “I got this.”
“Ohh! Okay... Wow, thanks...” Raindrops says with a wide smile. “I mean, Mr. Brown would normally make me-”
“Ah, ah! What did I say earlier? Now go and watch the front desk. If I need anything, I’ll call for you. And if you don’t have anything to do, try and keep everything tidy, okay?”
“Will do Mi-... Flare Chaser.” With that, Raindrops bounds off, leaving you all alone.
You wait a few more moments until you’re completely sure that you’re alone.
“Well then...” you say to yourself as you reach into your saddlebag, producing the flashlight that Doctor Dala gave you. “Let’s find out if you’re writing home or not...”
Shining the neon blue light onto the letter, you look it over for anything out of the ordinary. “Nope, clean...” you say before pushing it into its P.O. Box. Turning back to the box of letters and packages, you sigh aloud. “Oh yeah, I can see this getting exciting real fast...”
*********************************************
With the final letter tucked in place, you let out a satisfied sigh as you push the ‘Wand of Detection’, as you had taken to calling it, back into your saddlebag. “Over a hundred letters and ten packages... And I come up with nada. Zip. Zero.” Glancing over at the clock, you feel your stomach rumble. “Six o’clock... Quitting time. And time for this pony to get something in his stomach.”
Opening the door to reception, you’re immediately assaulted by bright lights, screaming, and loud explosions. A wave of panic passes through you as your wings flare and you take into the air and get ready to give the order. “Scra-” You breath catches in your throat as you look down at the confused faces of many ponies who stood their wearing party hats underneath a “Welcome to Ponyville!” banner hanging through the post office.
“W...What the...”
The sound of party noisemaker grabs your attention and you soon find yourself staring at Pinkie Pie, who was grinning wildly. “We totally got you good! You were soooo surprised!”
Touching down slowly in front of her, you let out a little laugh as you scratch the back of your head nervously. “Y-Yeah, you totally got me...”
If my heart doesn’t calm down, I might just need an ambulance... you think with a heavy sigh.
“What were you yelling?” a yellow stallion asked as he walked up with a glass of punch. “You sort of freaked out there for a second and it was like you were gonna scream something.”
“Ohh, that?” you ask as you wander over to the punchbowl, your throat going dry. "Sorry. You can take the stallion out of the fire department, but you can't take the fire department out of the stallion, I guess. I was gonna yell to scramble the search and rescue teams."
“Ohh wow, you’re firepony?” a blue mare asks with wide smile. “That’s sooo cool!”
“Yeah. Well, I mean I was. I retired a few months ago,” you say before taking a sip of punch.
“Wait, you retired?” the inquisitive mare asked. “What are you doing here working at the post office then? Should you be like, chilling on some beach?”
Story of my life, lady... Story of my life... you think as you throw your head back and finish off your punch.
“Cause it’s something I always wanted to do,” you say with a chuckle. “Call me crazy, but I always wanted to work at a post office. So I figure with all this free time, I can do all the things I’ve always wanted to.”
“Ohhh...” she says with a small nod. “That’s pretty cool, actually.”
“Hey, you got any good stories from being on the fire department?” a stallion asks with a bright smile. “I’ve always thought about getting into the fire fighting business.”
Ohhh boy... Think fast, loud mouth... Wait... The cover stories...
Taking a deep breath, you do your best to remember what Shining Armor said to you before leaving for the station.
“Alright Colonel... You’re sure to run into some inquisitive ponies while undercover. Other than what’s already established, you served at Station 7 and were part of three key structure fires and they are...”
With a small smile, you set your empty punch glass down and take a breath.
“Well... There was this one time my buddy and I... Drapper is his name. We got a call about a possible structure fire on fifth and main. Well, we got suited up and took off with the rest of the team with Drapper and I on point. Turns out the building that was on fire was an office building. Well, there were all these ponies standing around open windows just looking at the ground...”
Looking around the room, you can’t help but smile a bit as you realize that you had everyone’s attention.
Smooth as silk....
“Well this one stallion, couldn’t be more than twenty years old, decided to try and make a jump for it. The minute he stepped off, Drapper didn’t waste a second and sped off, catching him before he even had time to scream.” Picking up a doughnut on a nearby table, you take a bite out of it. “It went on like that for the next five minute as ponies jumped out of the building and into our waiting hooves.”
The crowd lets out a collective “Ohhhh” as you finish your doughnut.
“You got any more stories?” a purple unicorn asks from the crowd.
Taking a glance at the clock and shrug. 6:30...
“Oh, I got some time. Sure.”
*********************************************
The whole crowd roared in laughter as you did your best to keep a straight face as you regaled them with stories that weren’t entirely false.
“And... And so Drapper looks around, sniffing the air and asking ‘Do you smell smoke?’ as his tail burned. I mean, hell, I would have said something to the guy but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise! Everytime I opened my mouth to tell him, he’d just get more frustrated and ask louder. I-”
Your heart skips a beat as your eyes drift towards the window. No, it can’t be that late... you think nervously as you glance at the clock. Ohhh crap... Yes, it can be that late...
“Listen everyone, I gotta here... I was supposed to meet somepony like five minutes ago,” you say as you make your way to the door. “I’m really sorry, but I gotta-”
“All you gotta do is party!” Pinkie cries out as she grabs a hold of you. “Come on, we still gotta do the pony pokey!”
You panic for a moment as you try to find some sort of excuse to get out of this, but instead something else comes to mind. “Wait, wait, wait...” you say as you pry yourself from Pinkie’s grip. “The pony pokey is fun and all, but why not do something even more fun?” you say with a huge smile. “Anyone here ever play ponyhunt?”
The crowd of ponies murmur amongst themselves before Pinkie speaks up. “Oh! Oh! I think I’ve heard of it! Isn’t like tag?”
“Sort of,” you say as you lean against the wall next to the door. “It’s like tag, but in reverse. You’ve got a whole bunch of ponies looking for just one pony.”
“Ooooh, sounds like fun!” Pinkie says with a huge smile. “Can I be the one everypony is supposed to find? I’m really really good at hiding!”
Ohhh, this is too good... you think with an equally big smile. “Sure you can Pinkie! Everypony here will count to fifty and then come looking for you. If you can stay hidden for an hour, then you win.”
Pinkie scoffs aloud. “Oh come on, let’s make this interesting! I bet if you guys count to ten and have three hours, you still won’t find me!”
“I’ll take that bet,” you say with a cocky smile. “If I find you, you owe me a dozen doughnuts.”
“And if you don’t?” a blue pegasus asks aloud.
“Let’s just say you owe me one,” Pinkie says as she tensed her body up. “Start counting.”
And with that, Pinkie bolted off into sleepy Ponyville, leaving you and the rest of the party goers to count aloud.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN!”
Galloping out into the streets and flapping your wings, you take off into the night sky. “Go, go, go ponies! Spread out in a grid pattern and don’t leave a single stone unturned.”
Glancing at the town clocktower, you grit your teeth and curse under your breath. “Oh great, ten minutes late...” you mutter aloud as you speed towards Sweet Apple Acres. “She better not bite my head off over this...”
*********************************************
“There it is...” you mutter under your breath as you catch a glimpse of the barn roof, peaking through the treeline. Touching down outside of the grove of apple trees belonging to Sweet Apple Acres, you scan the area around you.
Okay, haven’t been followed and no one around... you think with a satisfied smile.
Galloping into the forest, you dodge and weave in-between trees in the general direction of the barn. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your goal. Trotting out of the treeline and entering the clearing, you look up to it and whistle aloud. “How the hell is this thing still standing?” you ask aloud.
Out of nowhere, something hits you from above and pins you to the ground. Struggling and throwing your weight to the side, you grab your attacker and attempt to throw them off, but not before feeling what must have been teeth gripping at your neck.
“Son of A... Get... OFF!” you scream before digging your back hooves into the stomach of your attack and bucking hard, shoving them off and onto the ground. Scrambling to your hooves, you flare your wings and take a defensive stance.
“That was a fatal bite to the neck,” a familiar voice says. “If you don’t bleed out first, the poison will hit your heart and kill right about... Now. Sorry to say colonel, but you’re dead. What did you do wrong?”
You stare dumbly at Ditzy for a moment, confused more about what she was wearing then what she was doing. You do your best to keep yourself from staring, but the skin tight black suit she was wearing made it hard not to.
“I...Uh... I... I forgot how important is to eat a healthy breakfast this morning?” you ask with a shrug. “Ditzy, I wasn’t-”
“That’s right,” she says sharply. “You weren’t prepared. And you’re late.”
“Well sorry,” you grumble under your breath. “I was-”
“Colonel, unless it relates to the mission, I don’t rightly care why you were late. Just follow me, we have to make up for lost time,” she says as she turns her back on you. “We still have to go over your first assignment before we even get into sparring.”
You blush deeply after one look and point your eyes towards the ground. Sweet sisters above, it leaves little to the imagination...
“So, uhh... What’s with the suit?” you ask idly. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it...”
“It’s a stealth and reconnaissance suit meant for night operations. It offers protection along the spine, barrel, and chest in the form of very resilient fiber-compound not unlike kevlar, yet supplemented with small enchantments,” she says matter-of-factly. “It’s standard issue to most agents.”
Ditzy stops in the middle of the barn and turns to you. “I’ve had a change of heart. I’m in the mood for some sparring now and then we’ll go over your assignment.” Flaring her wings, she visibly tenses. “Defend yourself.”
“Listen, Ditzy, what’s going on?” you ask in frustration. “Can you let me explain myself without biting off my-”
“Colonel, I told you don’t care why you were late, the simple fact is that I told you to do something and you did not,” she says with a growl. “Now defend yourself.”
“Okay, now I know you’re mad at me,” you groan out. “You’re acting just like my ex-wife. You won’t let me explain why I screwed up and why I’m-”
In a quick, fluid motion, Ditzy dives towards you, her teeth bared and snapping at you, close enough to feel it graze your neck. Ducking out of the way, you roll and take a defensive posture.
“I suggest you focus on the fight rather than-”
Something snaps in your head as Ditzy drills into you and before you know, you find yourself diving towards Ditzy as she did to you, instead using your whole body to blindside her and send both you and her sprawling on the ground. Reaching out, your wrap your forehooves around her midsection as she tries to stand up.
“Ohhh no you’re not...” you say through grit teeth as you throw your weight to the side, bringing Ditzy back to the ground, underneath you this time. Straddling her chest, you place your forehooves on her wrists and press down, pinning her.
Ditzy struggles for a few moments, but soon stops and looks up to you. “Alright Colonel... You have my full attention.”
“Listen here,” you pant aloud. “Am I sorry for being late? Yeah... But choosing between making face with the ponies here and getting on their good side and on time? I’d rather get on all these ponies good sides... Now that I got that out of the way, I’m gonna get up. You gonna try to take another chomp at me?”
Ditzy’s expression softens. “I’d really like it if you got off of me now,” she says with a small blush. “So no, I’m not going to attack you.”
“Great, now why don’t we-” Looking down, you start to stumble over your words as it finally hits you just how awkward this position must have been for Ditzy. Getting to your hooves quickly, you help her up and dust her off. “Why...Why don’t we find a place to talk about this-this assignment thing you were talking about?”
“Y-Yes... That would be for the best,” Ditzy says as she coughs into her hoof. “We’ll talk more in the cellar.”
You watch as Ditzy pulls out a key from a side pocket in her outfit and walks towards the barn. Keeping at her side this time, you follow her to the hatchway of the cellar.
“I rent the barn out for my older daughter. She’s a gemcutter, you know. She doesn’t need the cellar. And as far as she knows, there isn’t a key for it,” she says as she sets the lock aside. “Come on, we’ve got some work to do.”
“Ah... Let me go first,” you say as you hold a hoof out. “You know, cause it’s dark and I’d hate to see you fall down those stairs.”
Ditzy laughs under her breath as she pushes your hoof aside. “Oh come now, Colonel. Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? Besides you don’t know where the light switch is.”
You put your hoof back right where it was and stop her from going any further. “Then just tell me where it is and I’ll find it.”
“Colonel, why don’t you-”
“I don’t want to keep staring at your ass,” you finally say with a deep blush. “So just let me go first.”
Ditzy’s jaw drops slightly before she scowls. “And what exactly is wrong with my ass?”
“Nothing, nothing at all!” you cry out defensively. “It’s a nice ass, I just-”
You practically shove your hoof into your mouth as the words leave you and look to Ditzy in horror. “I didn’t say anything, that never happened,” you groan out in embarrassment as you turn your back on Ditzy. “Let’s just put this all behind us.”
“Yes, you can put it behind you and show me along with everything else,” she says with a tease.
Pivoting on your hooves, you turn back to Ditzy, your face turning a scarlet red. “A-A-Are you-”
“Colonel, I think we’ve spent enough time staring at each other...” she says with a flick of her tail. “I think it’s time we got to work.”
“J...Join you in a second...” you say as you lean against the barn. Running a hoof through mane, you let out a ragged sigh as Ditzy makes her way down the steps.
Sweet sisters above, I need a cold shower... you think with a deep blush.
“Are you coming or not, Colonel?” Ditzy calls out.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hold yourself girl, I’m coming!” you yell as you make your way down the stairs after her.
*********************************************
Ditzy’s tail twitches back and forth as she looks through a nearby file cabinet against the stone wall as she grumbles under her breath. “I really need to sort this thing out... Ah! Here they are,” she says as she holds up a plain looking manilla folder.
“Field reports,” she says as she sets the folder on the table in front of you. “I expect you to write down all the going ons that you experience while you are an operative here in Ponyville. I expect you to write your report, put it in a plain envelope and mail it to 157 Acorn Street from the address 221 Lilly Lane.”
Pulling one of the field reports out of the folder, you glance over it as you lean back in your chair. “Where is it actually going?” you ask out of curiosity. “Are you picking it out of the mail during your delivery?”
Ditzy smiles as she closes the filing cabinet and leans against it. “Sort of... It’s going to my house, in my mailbox. Since I’m the one delivering it, there’s little risk of it being intercepted.”
Nodding slowly, you tuck the folder away. “Okay, and I can’t just give it to you because somepony might get suspicious if they see a number of transactions between you and me.”
“Bingo,” she says as she places a new folder in front of you. “And now, let us move on to the task at hoof... Newest arrivals in Ponyville and reconnaissance said arrivals.”
“I take it I get to do some actual spy work soon?” you ask with a little chuckle as you pick up the folder. Opening it up, you glance over the papers as Ditzy continues.
“Yes, but not before I teach you the basics of special o.p.s and wet work... If you manage to sail through the training, we’ll-”
“I know these two ponies...” you say as you lean forward in your seat, pulling out two of the papers. “Sorry to cut you off, it’s just... I saw them. They were both at Pinkie Pie’s party. The stallion... Starburst. He asked me what I was going to yell when they surprised me. And the mare, Rosewing? She wanted me to tell stories about my time as a member of the New Colt City Fire Department.”
“You’ve already had contact with these two?” Ditzy asks in shock. “This can be either really good are really bad depending on how we approach this... How did they react to your presence? Did they ask you any personal questions or get overly friendly?”
“The mare was the only one who really friendly,” you say as you hold up her picture. “She kept asking me about the whole fire department thing because she said she wanted to be a firepony herself.”
“Okay... So, if the stallion, Starburst, wasn’t getting close or friendly, then it’s a good chance that he isn’t the changeling. However, I don’t think we should cross him off the list,” she says as she paces across the room. “Rosewing exhibits classic changeling motive; they get close and friendly to those around them, learning everything they can before taking them out and taking over. Not only that, but it would make sense for a changeling spy in the area to target somepony they know is new here. Other ponies won’t notice them disappear or suddenly act differently.”
You bite at your lip as you exam the third and final pony. “I don’t know this one, though,” you say as you hold up a picture of a yellow unicorn. “It says here that his name is Comet Tail. What should we do about him?”
“Right now, I feel like we should be looking at Rosewing,” Ditzy says as she grabs the paper on Rosewing. “We’re not going to count out the other ponies until we’re absolutely sure, but right now, she’s fitting the profile best out of the three.”
“Alright, then let’s get into this training business,” you say as you get to your hooves. “Let’s not waste anymore time. What do I need to know about approaching Rosewing?”
Ditzy taps a hoof on the table as she looks over the paper. “Our best bet is for you to work undercover and get into her good graces. You know, get her trust you and allow you to get close. You’re going to want to watch for any signs that might indicate that she’s trying to milk you for information. Something as innocuous as asking when your birthday is can mean the world.”
“And then what?”
“And then, Colonel?” Ditzy asks as she reaches underneath the table. “Then we move in and find the concrete evidence we need through any means necessary.”
Ditzy pulls a box out and places it on the table, sliding it towards you with a little smile. “Put this on. I’m going to teach you everything you need to know about o.p.s.”
Opening up the box, you feel your cheeks grow warm as you pull out the black, skin tight suit. “Ummm... This is nice and all, but it’s really not my size.”
“One size fits all, Colonel.”
Looking back down at the stealth suit, you look back to Ditzy with a coy smile. “It’s not my color?”
“Colonel...”
“Fine! Fine! I’ll wear the damned bondage suit...” you say as you grab it. “I swear though if you tell me this thing comes with a ball gag or whip, I’m quitting right now.”
“Oh come now, Colonel,” she says as you duck around a corner to change. “I wouldn’t be so crass as to include a ball gag or even a whip... I keep those things safe at home.”
“What?!?” you yell, tripping yourself up in the process as you pulled your back legs through the suit.
“Are you alright?” Ditzy calls out as you pick yourself up off the floor.
“I hope you’re joking,” you say as you slip your forehooves through the right holes. “Cause I don’t think my fragile heart can take any more surprises today.”
“I was just trying to lighten the mood.”
Zipping up the front of the suit, you take a deep breath and walk up to her. “You have a funny way of doing it...” you grumble as you shift uneasily. “Is this thing supposed to be this tight?”
“Yes, they’re designed streamline the agent’s body and allow them to move unhindered,” Ditzy says as she makes her way towards the cellar exit.
“Wait, who designed these things?” you ask curiously.
“Princess Celestia herself, actually.”
“Oh, well that explains it...” you groan as you tug at the suit incessantly.
Ditzy turns to you in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll tell you when I’m retired again,” you say with a sigh as you make your way up the stairs. “Now come on, let’s get onto training and you better not stare at my ass!”
“Too late for that...” Ditzy mumbles under her breath.
“What was that?” you call down.
“Nothing, let’s start with some basic exercises and go from there, shall we?”