I awoke to someone knocking on my bedroom door.
"Colin!" My dad called through in an unusual desperate tone. "Have a look out your window! I can't believe what I'm seeing out there." I groaned as I rose in such conditions that I was unused to; sitting on the side of my bed as I did my best to recover my sensibilities. Once the implications sunk in my head shot up. Can it be...? I thought as I stood. Due to my suspicions I took a quick peek through the curtains and gasped in surprise and wonder. I bit down to stop myself from giving a cry of elation. Instead of the back garden, the neighbourhood that I grew up in and the warehouse there were now rolling fields and tall distant mountains with a colour scheme that denoted what had happened.
We were in Equestria!!!
I could hardly believe it myself; lacking any other way of determining if it was a dream I took a swig of ribena, the sickly taste of tepid fruit juice seemed to confirm I was awake. Slowly I worked my way round the foot of my bed, picking up my pyjama top and putting it on once I was on the other side. I opened the door. The door to the master bedroom was ajar but, instead of the reddish-golden hue of sunlight passing through the curtains, hard white light showed indicating that their curtains were wide open. I wasn't sure how much somepony outside would be able to see through their net curtain and just hoped that they wouldn't take alarm or catch either of them undressed. Dad came out of the room next to mine looking like he'd seen a ghost.
"Did you...?" He asked. I wasn't too sure what he was getting at so I replied.
"Out the window?" I checked. "Yes. I'd guess it's one of four things. Either of us is experiencing a hallucination, one of us is in a coma, we died last night and this is an afterlife or we've gone where Granddad and Auntie Jane did." He looked partially incredulous and moved into the master bedroom.
"This is totally crazy." Mum moaned. "I've been seeing something flying around out there and it's not like any bird I know." I took a deep breath and decided to carry on as normally as possible. I attended to my ablutions. Concerned that certain utilities were temporarily out of service I skipped the fickle parts with the comb and did everything with one sinkful of water.
I kept the curtains closed as I dressed; partly because I didn't want any pegasus ponies peeking on me in the buff but also because I was concerned how everypony would react to three humans at once turning up, especially if two of them were relatively fit compared to what had come before. Since mum hadn't finished in the bathroom once I was dressed I decided to make the bed early.
"OH FUDGE!" She cried as I flapped the mattress. It was always so unnerving when she did that. I finished up and went downstairs. It wasn't too long before she followed. "There's no water left." She moaned. Dad went over and checked the kitchen taps.
"What do we do?" He asked. "We'll need to find some way of getting the supply back but..." I looked over. It was a concern that the living room curtains were open but the net curtain remained. Outside the driveway was there but the car wasn't and in place of the residential lane there was a small dirt track. Not too far beyond that was some charming woodland that I guessed was Whitetail Wood.
"Sooner or later," I mused, "We'll have to make contact with the natives."
"Oh, don't you start." Mum complained. I gave her a glance, worried that she wouldn't shake the attitude. "I need a fag."
"That means going outside." I pointed out. "Do you really want to be apprehended so quick?"
"I'll smoke when I want to smoke. Don't get all preachy again."She grabbed a coat and went into the kitchen. There was some frantic scuffling and grumbling before she turned back to me. "Where are my fags?!? What have you done with them?"
"I haven't touched them." I defended, raising my hands. "I wouldn't dare interfere."
"For heaven's sake!" She cried. "We're stuck in a kid's cartoon and I can't have a smoke." She bagan banging her head moderately against the dining room wall.
We just about made do without water. I had some more ribena instead of tea along with some honey on toast while my mum had porridge made with milk and a drink of coke. Dad didn't bother since he already had his breakfast. The problem was washing up without water. Looking out the front door I could see the locals assembling outside; the sight of these colourful equines was very cheering but, at the same time, I was apprehensive as to how we'd be received. Among the ponies standing at the end of the drive I thought I could identify Berry Punch and Golden Harvest but at the time I couldn't find the Mane Six.
"Seem to be drawing quite a crowd." Dad remarked. Turning round I saw a few more ponies staring at us through the patio door from just beyond the patio itself. I figured it was a mistake opening the curtains. Just then I saw something that took my breath away. The iconic sight of the royal chariot coming into land about where the jitty between the warehouse and the garden fence was before.
"The time has crumbs." I muttered. It wasn't long before those ponies out the back parted and bowed as the Princess Celestia stepped forward and actually placed her hoofs on our patio. The clip-clop of those golden shoes so clearly audible. She then called out; her voice was recognisable but different to the series, having this extraordinary tone of eternal motherly love and wisdom denoting her superiority over all mortal life.
"Human occupants," She declared, "Please reveal yourselves so we may assess the situation that has come to our attention." The only reason she spoke like this that I could fathom was making sure we realised exactly who was in charge, not that I'd argue at this time.
"What're we gonna do?" Mum asked. "I've never faced anything like this, even with English authority."
"Just do what comes naturally." I said. "It's obvious that resistance is useless."
"How can you make a joke out of this?!?" She checked. We were now stood in the dining room; my dad and I were putting our shoes on, mum already had hers on when she went looking for her cigarettes. I could see Celestia making a few glances in at us, her eyebrow arching now and again.
"When there's nothing to do people do odd things." I suggested as I followed my dad to the back door. It didn't help matters that Tibba was mooching again. With us all in line in the kitchen dad opened the door. Stepping out there was a striking air that flowed in, making us feel as we would when visiting a stately home. We lined up in front of the majestic being that was Princess Celestia, somehow instinctively organising ourselves in order of height with my dad at my right and my mum at my left. Then they figured how to respond to royalty as her gaze pierced us. Mum knelt on one knee as though she might be receiving a knighthood, dad bowed in the classic style while I got down on my knees and I pretended to pray (Arms held up in front, elbows and wrists together, palms slghtly parted and thumbs on the eyeline). Though my mind was filled with a sense of honour, privilege and a comic tone my face winced as my knees came into contact with the paving. Celestia's gaze came onto me in full and her lips contorted into a serene smile.
"Well, that's new." She remarked, lifting her hoof up. I recognised the gesture and got to my feet. My dad also stood up straight as he seemed to understand what she wanted but mum still knelt. "Miss, you my rise." She stood up.
"Pardon our delay, your highness." I addressed her. "We weren't in total agreement as to how this'd go."
"Evidently." There was a glint in her eye, suggesting amusement to our debating from earlier. "Which of you has ownership of this house?" My dad admitted to being the key breadwinner, but pointed out that it was in both his and my mum's name. "And your name would be...?"
"David Slater, your majesty." He answered. She held a hoof out to him, which he took in his right hand and gave it a light peck to the gasping of the assembled masses, who were now all crowding behind the alicorn.
"Shaking would've been sufficient." She commented, prompting a few nervous giggles from the ponies. There was a long pause as dad resumed standing almost to attention and Celestia put her hoof back down. We could now see that she was indeed a very tall figure, head and shoulders over my dad. "Would anypony care to further the introductions?" I hoped I wouldn't overstep my bounds.
"Dad," I stated, "This is Princess Celestia." She gave me a slightly startled look.
"I did say 'anypony', didn't I?" I felt a knot in my stomach but caught another glint in her eye.
"I wasn't sure if any of your ponies would be able to carry out introductions with someone they'd never met before, princess." I replied with a small grin.
"One thing, though." She addressed me. "How did you know who I was?" All eyes were fixed on me.
"It's rather difficult to explain at the moment." I admitted after a pause. "I would explain it to you and to your sister but for anypony else to hear of it, I'd say it would be a need-to-know basis at your discretion." The divine equine smiled at this and gave a nod of her head.
"We'll cross that bridge later." She accepted. "And who might this female be?"
"Princess, this is my mum." I introduced. "Lindsy Slater née Cartwright. No offense." This was met be a jovial giggle from Celestia. "Mum, Princess Celestia." The stout woman gave me a funny look before turning back to the Princess.
"I apologise if I come across as abrupt." She stated. "But I've got no fags and am liable to go into withdrawal." Celestia seemed concerned and stumped as she glanced at me.
"There's a herb in the human world called tobacco." I explained. "It contains a number of toxins including the highly addictive nicotine, which has led to those who 'just try it' to become ardent smokers. Fag is a slang term for cigarettes, which are small white sitck-like tubes of tobacco. Most people who use tobacco, you see, put a flame to it to create a slow smouldering fire and inhale the resulting fumes." The Princess took this in and turned to the assembled crowd.
"Would somepony please find the zebra herbalist I've heard so much about?" Her tone was urgent but still carried a tone that suggested she wouldn't be offended if anyone refused. Before long I spotted a familiar figure leap out of the crowd and shout.
"No worries, Princess." No doubt who this was. "I'll be there and back before you can say manticore." She shot off in a flash.
"Ponies can fly?" Mum asked, bewildered.
"Pegasus ponies can." I remarked. Celestia glanced between us.
"I hope this doesn't occur too much." She mentioned. "It's the third time in a week."
"We are aware of this fact, Princess." I mentioned. "First my granddad and then me aunt Jane." A pony came out of the crowd and stood on Celestia's left. It was the one and only Twilight Sparkle.
"You?" She gasped. "You're the old man's grandson? The one I...?"
"Aye." I answered. "The youngest of his grandsons."
"Talking of which," Celestia addressed me, "I don't believe I caught your name."
"Ah, apologies Princess." I bowed like dad had. "My name is Colin H. Slater." I glanced up. "I bet yer don't know what the 'H' stands for."
"Halberd?" Twilight guessed. I shook my head.
"Hereward. You were close, though." Celestia smiled with a strong tone of happiness.
"I think you will get along very well with my student." She remarked.
"I don't know how well we'll be able to mold to Equestrian society." I stated. "Humans have very strong fundamental flaws that tend to show through the most from adolescence to such a time as they might be considered elderly." Celestia made a half-laugh.
"Don't let it worry you, young human." She declared. "My little ponies have learned to be accommodating of many sentient species, and your grandfather was very helpful in our mutual adaptation." I was still somewhat apprehensive as I didn't know exactly which version of Equestria this was.
"When this little gathering's done!" Mum suddenly snapped. "Where can I get A FAG?!?" I backed into the door and some of the ponies backed off rather more; Celestia just sighed. However it soon became apparent to me that the laws of narrative were reasonably strong in this universe as a blue streak flew overhead with a cry.
"Zecora's on her way!" Looked up just in time to see Rainbow Dash settling down on the apex of our roof. Celestia turned about and talked to her pegasus guards in a low voice before they turned and took the chariot away due West.
"I fear that Zecora will need her to be down the doctor's." The Princess stated while looking at my mum.
"Or the vet's." I snarked. Celestia gave me a slight glance.
"You may be a new species," She stated, "But the decision has been made that humans are to be classified in social terms as being on the same lines as griffons. Thusly your medical needs will be aligned with the doctor's, just like it is with all equines." I was rather concerned as to what this would mean when it came to actual medical necessity. "There's much I wish to speak to you about, but this doesn't seem to be a suitable place for a long talk." She gave me a quick nod as I found myself shivering slightly in the cool Spring air. "If you would please follow me. There's somewhere in town I know of where we can improve our understanding of each other."
"Your majesty is much too generous." I stated. "But if we may acquire outdoor clothing before we leave?" I gestured to the house.
"I have plenty of time." She answered. We bowed and went back inside.
"You seem awfully well-informed." Dad commented dubiously.
"Why don't you do something useful with your life?!?" Mum snapped at me. I felt embarrassed by this, and a little bit guilty as I wondered what the cause of all this was. However the possibility of a new life in Equestria gave me the possibility of expanding on my chances of a career.
"Under the circumstances..." I ventured, hinting at the situation. When we stepped out Celestia hadn't budged an inch, Twilight was still on her left but now a zebra stood at her right.
"I believe your highness has need of me." She recited. "Is it the female I'm supposed to see?" She scrutinised us in a somewhat clinical manner.
"My dear Zecora," Celestia confirmed my suspicion, "Lindsy here has a terrible addiction to an alien herb that's been poisoning her body. Have you anything that can stop the urge from spreading through her system?"
"Addictions are tough to crack," She answered, "Please retain her at the hospital until I get back." Celestia gave her a nod and the witch doctor turned about and cantered away.
"I apologise about this," Celestia stated, "But it's for your own good." Her gaze was fixed on my mum as a couple of unicorn guards emerged from the crowd. "Please follow this escort down to the hospital; if you lose your temper then they'll have to restrain you." My mum looked nonplussed, rubbing her forehead as she tried to deal with two things at once.
"All these frilly ponies." She groaned. "I'll wake up in a minute." However she did allow the unicorn stallions to lead her off to the hospital. My dad promptly locked the door, resulting in a cocked eyebrow from the Princess.
"Please, walk this way." She turned off to the side and walked up the driveway; obviously she understood the relationship between driveways and paths but for her majestic bulk to pass between the house and the shed was an achievement that could only be explained at least as magic.
"If I could walk that way..." I remarked. Dad looked shocked that I'd say such a thing in front of a crowd of strangers (especially aliens) let alone a royal figure. When Celestia turned back she had a smirk on her muzzle.
"That's a new one." She almost giggled, gesturing with a wing for us to continue. Dad stared at her; the sense of awe and wonder in her presence never ebbed but the passage of time allowed the chance to cope with it.
"I've seen normal ponies, unicorns and pegasuses in the crowds here." He stated. "But for a pony to be both unicorn and pegasus."
"And earth pony." I added. Celestia glanced over with a smile as she glided by the bike shed while a bizarrely musical clip-clop made sure we knew she was actually walking.
"Well, I suppose you could say I'm all that and more, and at the same time none of those things." Her statement was cryptic but I thought I got the gist of it.
My father and I followed Princess Celestia along the dirt track that had replaced the road outside our house onto a larger unpaved road. The pony crowds had now broken up into those cantering off ahead of us and those following not-too-closely behind. A few glances back helped me identify some of the ponies in the crowd; Twilight and Rainbow Dash were pretty much up front with Twilight carrying saddlebags, not too far behind I could see Lyra, who wasn't quite as excited as some bronies would have you believe, and I could just make out Fluttershy trying to blend in as much as possible. Rainbow Dash had a somewhat dubious look in her eyes; I was tempted to nod in her direction to say 'understood' but decided not to in case they didn't think I was taking glances at them. The fact that Princess Celestia herself was not only greeting us on our first day in Equestria but was also escorting us into Ponyville was making me feel somewhat guilty.
"Princess," I spoke up whereupon she took a glance at me, "I just wish to offer our deepest apologies over the fact that our appearance in your kingdom has added to your workload substantially." She seemed puzzled for a moment before smiling and saying.
"Think nothing of it. It's technically my day-off anyway." My dad looked between the two of us in a confused manner.
"Just remember one thing." A tomboyish voice muttered in my left ear, a look over my shoulder confirmed it was Rainbow Dash. "If you give us any strife I'll take a strifing run at you."
"Rainbow Dash," I replied, "Though I do exhibit potentially aggressive attitudes when I'm anxious I can assure you that I have no ill-will towards the well-being of all the ponies who reside under Celestia's sun albeit I would appreciate evidence of a harder stance towards bullying." A number of ponies were now looking at me curiously.
"Hmph." The pegasus grunted. "And how can we be sure that's the truth." I grinned at this.
"Because I promise never to deliberately cause physical harm to anypony unless a figure of authority within the nation of Equestria requires me to. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." For the final gesture I cupped my hand as if holding something before covering my eye with it. Everypony was now staring at me.
"You... know... how... to... Pinkie Promise?!?" Rainbow Dash was now more amazed than curious.
"The source of my understanding is classified." I repeated. "I shall tell only the Princesses and anyone they give clearance to."
"As long as you know how serious those promises are." She replied.
"Trust me, I don't make promises lightly."
We came into Ponyville almost directly from the East. I wasn't too sure at the time but it seemed to be about the same distance it was between our house and the village centre back in the human world. One thing was certain, it had a delightfully quaint appearance for a fully-functioning town; the imagery on the TV series didn't do it justice.
As the Princess led us along the street into the town centre a few more ponies now poked their heads out to see the new arrivals, many of them bowing only a second later as Celestia passed by. It was clear that nopony could ever look down on this majestic figure or even right in the eye; she must've been about eight feet tall or seven foot six or something if you only measure to her shoulder.
It soon became clear where we were heading as an iconic building came into view. I became rather apprehensive as I knew the kinds of welcome Pinkie Pie made. I bit my lip as Celestia led the two of us closer and closer.