Eternal Sunshine of the Spikeless Mind

by UtterlyLudicrous

Chapter 6

"No! She wouldn't do that!"
"Yes, I'm telling you, it was her! And that's what she did!"
"Well, Spike, I'm so sorry."
"But, you know, Hearts and Hooves Day is today, and I want it resolved, and I'm willing to do the resolving!"

Spike and Twilight debated heatedly over the events of the day. It had been a few weeks since he and Dash had split up, and suffice it to say that he was aching and wanted her back. He paced back and forth among the endless shelves of books on astronomy and magic spells and tried to think of a way to comprehend what he had just been through.
Meanwhile, Twilight's husband Masquerade sat and listened to Spike and Twilight talk, trying to get words in but getting lost in the confusion of the conversation. Masquerade was a science pony if there ever was one. He had no chiseled face, or long, flowing mane, or ridiculous features. He was a science unicorn, and his cutie mark said so, being that of a test tube boiling over with some strange untold concoction. Aside from that, he had no incredibly distinguishing features, aside from a deep crimson skin color. He and Twilight had met at a science convention before Spike met Rainbow Dash, and the two had eloped that same weekend. They were married within a few months, and suffice it to say things were... a bit tough on the new couple. Spike had to be happy for them, but he was never good at acting out sympathy.

"So I call her to try to get together with her... And she's changed her number. Go figure. So I went over to Aloe and Lotus' jewelry store yesterday night, to buy her something and bring it to Racing Accessories... And I see her there.. With this really young unicorn, with a cutie mark of a brain! And she looks at me like she's never seen me before in her life. It went something like this..."

"Excuse me? Can I help you find something?" Rainbow Dash was sitting at the front desk of her Racing Accessories store, looking up at Spike with a blank stare. Spike returned her gaze with inward surprise and quietly laughed, as if saying, "Is this some sort of joke?"

"Heey, Miss Rainboom Red." A high-pitched voice cut through the awkward silence and Dash looked to her left. "Patrick, baby! You're here, I'm so glad!" Dash and Patrick shared a kiss in front of a now utterly startled Spike as Dash looked over at him and said, "I'll be right with you, sir."

"So what're you doing here, baby?" Dash asked Patrick.
"Just came to surprise you. I know how your work can get pretty boring."
"Oh, yeah? You look good. In that nice suit of yours. I think I might want whatever's in there."

A dejected Spike could be seen walking out of the store and into the rainy night, stepping into his cart, putting a beat-up old Beck tape into the cassette player and driving away into the darkness.

"So after that I got in my car and drove back to the library after going and getting your mail."

Twilight and Masquerade looked at each other without saying anything for awhile.

"Why... Why would she do that to me..."

Masquerade broke the silence.

"Hey.. Does anypony want a shot of Everfree?"
Spike cringed.
"Sweet Celestia, Masquerade, give it a rest," Twilight said as she walked upstairs.
"Maybe I should just go to her house.. Say sorry in person.." Spike thought out loud.
"No way, man, you don't wanna go there, no way. No, man, that'd just be.."
"..Yeah.. Desperate."

Twilight came back down the stairs, carrying some laundry down with her magic. "Spike, maybe this should just be a sign. Move on. Make a clean break. Maybe go back to Rarity? She still has your fire ruby, you know," she said while giving Masquerade a sharp glare. Masquerade returned the expression and looked over at Joel. No one said anything for awhile, aside from Spike's incessant groaning. Masquerade decided enough was enough.

"Alright, look, Spike. Seriously, you have to read this," he said as he pulled out an opened envelope from the drawer to his side.
"Masquerade, no! We can't!" Twilight pleaded.
"Here's the deal," Masquerade continued, taking a card out of the envelope.
"Masquerade, don't do that. Masque, what in Celestia's name are you doing?? No, no, no, no," Twilight stopped folding the laundry and rushed over to Masquerade to try to take the envelope away from him. The crimson science pony pulled away from Twilight and began to raise his voice. "Well, what's your Discorded suggestion, Twilight?? Sit there and let him suffer?? Is that your brilliant scientific solution??"
"Oh, I see, so now this is about our problems. This isn't about us, this is about--"
"I agree, this is about Spike, and Spike is an adult dragon now, not Twilight's little baby!"

Twilight suddenly began to fling laundry onto Masquerade angrily. Masquerade covered himself with his hooves and stuttered. "That's your laundry, and not my responsibility!" Twilight said sternly as she threw the rest of the clothes on Masquerade and marched back up the stairs in a huff.

Masquerade sat stunned for a few seconds, a considerable pile of unfolded laundry sitting on top of him in his chair, envelope in hand, before coming back to reality. He took a deep breath and gestured for Spike to take the envelope.

Spike's shaky claws took the envelope and pulled out its contents, a professional-looking card with a simple message on it. He read it, rubbed his eyes, read it again, rubbed his eyes again. A look of disgust took over his features as he threw the card down and picked it up again in disbelief:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle,
RAINBOW W. DASH has had SPIKE BARISH removed from her memory. Please never mention their relationship to her again.

Thank you,
Laluna, Inc.
210 East Gala St, Ponyville, Equestria