Across The Pinkieverse
Ch1/ Pilot
by: hasbrohoof
Pinkie Pie was holding court in the former throne room of Princess Celestia as the building started to shake and rumble with force. The years of having to rule Equestria in a time of war has not been easy on the pink party pony. Her coat had gone down a few hues and her hair no longer had the fluff it once had, she no longer had it in her to party and her attitude was starting to go sour. She sported a green beret signaling her new position and an eye patch, very grim compared to how she looked in her youth, she might even say that she looked scary. Just another reminder of how much of herself she’d lost.
“Well it looks like today’s the day” Pinkie said as she closed her one good eye. At that moment the doors to the throne room flew open and several ponies poured through, immediately grabbing pinkie’s attention.
She raised her hoof about to greet the new arrivals but before she could say anything the lead pony of the group stepped up and shouter at her “Colonel Pie we have to get you to the war room! The griffins have surrounded Canterlot and have begun their siege on the city!”
“Don’t worry Captain Lokey the city is heavily fortified, there’s not much they can do without invading with their, and we both know they would never risk that with all our new toys defending us."
“All the same they'll break us eventually, we have to get to the war room to plan our next move.”
“Then lets not waste any time” Pinkie said as she started to get up “but I’m afraid you’ll have to wait outside, I need some time alone to weigh my options."
Captain Lokey knew right away what Pinkie was planning and made no attempt to object, "I understand"
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Pinkie Pie was standing in the war room alone staring intensely at a table with a map of Equestria as the room around her periodically rumbled, bits of dirt falling between cracks in the ceiling. The map had small figurines of griffins surrounding Canterlot and all major cities on the map had been crossed out. All of Equestria’s cities, save Canterlot, where under griffin control and Canterlot was surrounded on all sides. All the griffins can do is wear us down until we have no choice but to surrender. Their weapons can’t do much to the city but it prevents ponies from leaving their homes and with Canterlot surrounded and all other cities in the griffin's talons Canterlot could expect no help and our supplies will eventually run out.
“I didn’t want to do this” Pinkie Pie said to herself with a grim look on her face, “but it looks like I have no choice. This calls for extreme measures, Pinkie Pie style!”
Pinkie silently counted the walls in the room until she reached number 4 and at that moment she jumped forward to face it. She stood up on her hind legs and punched her hoof through the 4th wall.
“I may not be as strong as I used to be but at least I can still do this much” she said with a smirk on her face. She then slipped in her other hoof ready to pull it apart.
“And now with a hop skip and jump!” she shouted to herself and in one fluid motion she pushed her arms out stretching out the hole she made and as soon as it was large enough she launched herself through, the hole in the 4th wall swiftly closing behind her.
There was banging on the door to the war room “Colonel Pie we heard shouting are you alright?” The pony attempted to open the door only to find it locked. After a pause the same voice said “Break it down.”
A few failed attempts later the door finally gave in and was knocked off its hinges. Captain Lokey slowly walked in the room knowing exactly what he would expect. He looked around the room with his piercing eyes taking in every detail until finally he sighed and let his head down.
“I was afraid she would do this, well not much I can do about it now. It looks like I’ll have to hold down the fort, or castle in this case, until the Colonel gets back.” The stalwart captain really wasn't surprised, in fact he knew exactly what the Colonel was planning as soon as the first shell hit. At this point he was just putting on a show for his underlings. Lokey found the wall that Pinkie had gone through, sat on his haunches and saluted the wall knowing Pinkie would soon be in a far away place fighting for them all.
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“Man what a gorgeous day.” Weather Report said to himself as he trotted through the park just outside Ponyville. “The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and not a cloud in the sky, the pegasi sure outdid themselves this time. I just wish I had more friends to share this day with" Just as he said that he noticed several ponies giving him strange looks or rolling their eyes at him. It definitely wasn't easy for poor Weather Report when the thing that made him special was pointing out the weather. He half expected his special talent to really be annoying ponies with small talk. He felt his talent was even more pointless than Pinprick's, no pun intended, and his special talent is popping things. “Heh, and talking to yourself all the time sure as hay doesn’t help make friends.”
Weather Report kept trotting through the park with a grin on his face just happy to be able to be able to point out beautiful days like today. It didn't matter to him that he had no friends because darn it he tries, even if nopony else shares his appreciation for pointing out things as obvious as the weather. He found himself thinking that maybe he could get more attention if he put piercing's all over his body when out of the blue a black hole appeared floating in the middle of the path. He raised an eyebrow throwing a confused glance at the sudden hole in the air and cautiously crept closer.
“Well that's something yo-” he was interrupted when a pink blur flew out of the hole and crashed into the friendless earth pony knocking him on his back and nearly knocking him out. He opened his eyes to see a pink pony in a green beret and eye patch siting on top of him and breathing heavily and scowling at him. He thought that she looked like Pinkie Pie but she looked much too grisly and weathered to really be her.
“Pinkie Pie Is that you!? How did you do that?” the shocked earth pony said as he was trying to compose himself.
In response the Pinkie look-alike pressed down on his shoulder with one hoof and raised the other one ready to strike him. “You know Pinkie Pie, where is she!? I need to find her right now, there’s no time to explain!”
“I-I-I...” Weather stuttered not able to make sense of the situation. The Pinkie look-alike growled at him and slapped him across the face. Grabbing both his shoulders and shaking him violently she yelled “I’m not going to ask again!”
“Sugarcube Corner!” the scared pony whimpered trying to hold back tears.
“Of course, where else would I be” the pink pony said in an annoyed sarcastic tone, rolling her eyes at the frightened Weather Report.
She hopped off Weather and bolted to where she remembered her hold shop was. Knowing her old self she would probably be having a party in there right now. Pinkie stopped for a moment looking on dead ahead. She promised herself she would never party again except for on the day she would end it all. She looked sick at the thought that she might end up having to cash her own party, not sure of what it would do to either versions of her. 'That’s a risk I’ll just have to take' she thought to herself. Pinkie gained a second wind as she galloped as fast as she could to her old bakery.
Still a bit shaken up Weather Report got up off the ground dumbstruck by what just happened. “Man Pinkie Pie is so random” he said after shaking his head off, “and she sure can slap a pony, that’s going to leave a mark.” He rubbed his face where Pinkie had struck him and then continued through the park as if nothing happened. “At least the weather’s still nice”
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Twilight was in Sugarcube corner buying some cupcakes she and Spike could enjoy later. The bakery was filled with the scent of various cakes and sweets being made in the back and Twilight enjoyed every second of it.
Twilight saw pinkie pie walk out of the back of the bakery with a small light blue box on her back “Awwwwe are you sure you don’t want more? Who can eat just one cupcake? You should get at least a dozen for both of you!” Pinkie said to Twilight excited to see her close friend and even more excited that she was buying some of her cupcakes.
Twilight put a hoof to her chin and thought about it a moment before smiling at her friend with her answer. “Thanks Pinkie but two is plenty, besides we wouldn’t want Spike getting a tummy ache from eating too many sweets would we?”
“What!?" Pinkie quickly got closer to Twilight until their foreheads where touching, "There's no such thing as too many sweets! But if you say so Twilight.” Pinkie said as she backed off of Twilight and started to calm down.
“Well then I’d best be off. See you later Pinkie.” Twilight told her friend as she wrapped the small box that contained her cupcakes in a purple glow and levitated them on her back.
“Okie dokie! By Twilight.” Pinkie waved to her friend, her head following her as she started to leave the shop.
Twilight was walking toward the door about to open it with her magic when it was suddenly blown open nearly knocked off its hinges, two pink hind legs in the air where the door was standing. Both Twilight and Pinkie jumped up a foot in the air and shouted in surprise at their invader at a loss for words. Staring at the entrance they saw the culprit turn around and stare back at them. Twilight looked confused at the pony in the doorway as she realized that the pony looked like Pinkie in some crazy getup that looked like she was pretending to be soldier from a zombie apocalypse during Nightmare Night
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Future Pinkie Pie was standing right outside Sugarcube corner just staring at the door thinking about whether she could go through with this. She wondered if her past self should see her like this, foreknowledge is a dangerous thing after all. She quickly dismissed the thought as she realized it wouldn't matter since she would have to explain everything to Pinkie anyways.
Pinkie sat on her haunches thinking to herself 'How did it all come to this?. She then looked up to the sky as if expecting to find answers, 'Wow today really is a nice day" Pinkie thought to herself as she realized she wasn't even there yet when that pony was talking to himself about the weather. 'O well i guess it's time I introduced myself'Wasting no time, she jumped back up on all four hooves and ran towards the entrance to Sucarcube corner and without stopping she turned around and used her momentum to buck open the door harder than she expected.
Pinkie stared through the entrance as a fire literally ignited in her eye. She wasn’t expecting to find Twilight here, it’ll take a lot more to get through to her than Pinkie but even if she couldn't she was sure Twilight wouldn't get in the way. Pinkie desperately scanned the room to try to find her younger self, learning that it's not easy when your only good eye is on fire but eventually their eyes met. Pinkie braced herself as her legs where charging up for a super jump, the other two ponies still just staring at her. Pinkie jumped through the air, curled up into a ball and did several cartwheels mid air before landing in front of her past self. Past Pinkie just raised an eyebrow at her other self as if asking 'Well? I'm waiting.' Twilight was still staring at the door where future pinkie once stood, still obviously dumbstruck.
Future Pinkie finally broke the silence, “Pinkie Pie. I am you” and she stood up on her hind legs and waved her arms menacingly at past Pinkie like she was trying very poorly to scare her, “from the fuuuuuutuuuuuure”
“Oh ok that makes sense” Past pinkie replied closing her eyes and nodding without a trace of sarcasm
Snapping out of her stupor Twilight finally turned around to where the two Pinkies stood “What? W-w-what!?” Twilight stammered, eyes wide as she was looking back and forth between the two desperately trying to make sense of the predicament. “First of all who in Celestia's name are you,” Twilight pointed a hoof at future pinkie, “and secondly how is that supposed to make any sense!?”
“Well duh, I mean look at her Twilight, who else could she be?”
“I-I don’t even...”
“Listen, both of you” Future Pinkie said as she glaring at past Pinkie then at Twilight, “It’s a long story and I’ll explain it to you both soon enough but for now just know that I’m Pinkie from the future and our future depends on her help. Oh and you can call me Pinkamina or CP, or really whatever you want as long as its not the same as Pinkie here.”
“Ooh I know, lets call you Pink snooty!” Pinkie declared
“Explain!? How can anyone explain all of this!?.” Twilight said as she spread out her arms arms in the air.
Pink snooty’s eye darted back and forth between the two ponies and closed before answering. “Fine.”
Pink snooty jumped behind the counter of the bakery and produced random sound effects as she constructed something out of candy under the cover of a thick cloud of spontaneous dust. Pinkie and Twilight coughed as the dust settled to reveal a pony made out of candy.
Pink snooty leaned up against this candy pony and casually said while looking at her hoof “This is exposition bot-3000 you may address all questions to it while I find something better to do.”
Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Not ready to accept that Pinkie, future or not, could made a working robot out of candy she flared her horn as she wrapped the candy horse in her magic and flung it aside. “No no no! No robots! Your going to explain everything yourself. You said you came here to ask Pinkie to save the future but you can’t be bothered to explain everything yourself?”
“I see your point, okie dokie then, ask away.”
“Finally, ok then you say your from the future, and I still find that hard to believe. Just how farm from the future are you?”
“The distant future.”
“Care to be more specific?”
“Six months”
“What? You mean to tell me Pinkie’s going to look like you in six months?”
“Yup”
“But wait a second,” Pinkie Pie interjected, “how do you know how far in the past you are? Have you ever seen a calendar anywhere in Ponyville? I haven’t so how do you know?”
“Well I remembered telling myself six month when I was standing where you are now, that’s how”
“B-but that makes no sense! There’s no logical place where that information could have come from.” Twilight stammered.
“Wibbly wobbly timey wimey my dear Twilight”
“Ugh forget it this is never going to make any sense”
“Well I’ll try to just give you two the short version” Pink snooty continued “Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria... everypony had the freedom of parties. Everypony had the right to party whenever they wanted, but then the griffins came. You remember when Guilda got pranked by Rainbow Dash at one of my parties right? Well she came back with a gang of her griffin friends and started crashing parties all over Ponyville. That made me really sad so I went around town with my party cannon to help out the poor party deprived ponies. Guilda and her gang couldn’t crash my parties fast enough so they they gave up and went home, or so we thought. It turns out that Guilda and her friends weren't the only griffins that didn’t like parties, somehow she rallied every griffin out there to her cause, and well one thing led to another. Not even my party canon was a match for all those party crashing meanies and so I went to Princess Celestia for help, but when I got there she had vanished and so had Luna. The two of them where just gone without a trace, we had been abandoned.” Pink snooty finished off lowering her head in sadness at having to repeat the cold truth.
“What?” Twilight interrupted with a disgusted look on her face, “The princess would never do that! She cares about all her subjects, she would never allow something like this to happen.”
“Well think about it Twilight,” Pinkie said, her head tilted to one side, “remember when Nightmare Moon appeared? Celestia completely vanished and we had to deal with it ourselves.”
“Ok but that still doesn’t exp-”
“And don’t forget about Discord! When she found out that the elements where gone Celestia just had us take care of the problem and she just disappeared, she didn’t lend a hoof to help, then after we beat Discord for her she just came back and handed out awards for us. Face it Twilight whenever something big happens she just has us deal with it while both she and Luna go on vacation.”
“By Celestia I think your right Pinkie, I never noticed that before”
“And that’s just what happened.” Pink snooty nodded at Pinkie “With both Princesses gone there was chaos in Canterlot, I had no choice but to declare martial law and thus the great party war had begun. It was at that moment that I made a pinkie pie swear, the most important pinkie pie swear I would ever make that I would see this through to the end, sadly my eye wasn’t able to take it.” Pink snooty pointed at her eye-patch, “With the party war officially declared I drafted party ponies all across Equestria and devoted all resources into party supplies, party research, and party weapons development. I converted the Princesses royal guard into the Homeparty security, it was their job to ensure that every home in Equestria would have months worth of party supplies. Every major city was reinforced with long range party artillery but even with all our progress the griffins where relentless. One by one all the cities fell under their control and not a single pony could party until eventually only Canterlot was left. I was left with no choice but to go back in time so I could ask myself for help”
Twilight was at a loss for words, Pink snooty was describing a future where all of Equestria is ruled by Pinkie's crazy logic, it sounded almost as bad as Discord plunging Equestria into chaos. In fact that's practically what Pinkie did, Twilight just couldn't believe Pinkie could take parties to such an extreme.
“Oh no that’s so terrible, I’ll help in any way I can CP!” said Pinkie as she saluted Pink snooty
Twilight shook her head and said “Well there are still a few things I quite don’t understand, like why is it so important for every pony across Equestria to be able to party, and for that matter why do the griffins even care?”
“You just don’t understand twilight” answered Pink snooty.
“Your right, I don’t”
“Twilight you have to understand that life is a party, without parties there is no life. If the ponies of Equestria can’t party then they can’t live freely, and if all of Equestria is partyless, well you get the idea.”
“You have no idea how ridiculous this all sounds”
“And you still have no idea how serious this all is!” Pink snooty lashed out at Twilight. “I don’t need to convince you I just need Pinkie Pie and she already said she’s helping so forget you.”
“I still have more question though, if you could go back in time then how come you don’t try to stop all this from happening?”
“Twilight you’re a bright girl, you of all ponies should realize that would be a paradox, if I tried to stop all this from happening I’d have no reason to go back in the first place. Unless that time horse guy with the hourglass cutie mark has a paradox machine, and I really doubt he would volunteer his TARDIS to be cannibalized like that, there’s just no way I can stop any of this from happening.”
“Well why did you need to go back in the first place? If your Pinkie Pie then why do you need a younger version of yourself? Can’t you do everything she can do? And while I’m on the subject if you really are Pinkie Pie how come you’re so different? Not just your looks but how come your personality is so different? How come you talk so differently?”
“War changes ponies Twilight. Having to run Equestria and party against the griffins has taken too much out of me, I’m afraid I’m not the same party pony I once was. That’s why I have to ask Pinkie here for help, she’s still in her prime, compared to her I’m just a filly”
“You know what I don’t even care anymore you two are completely crazy, you two can go do whatever you want with my blessing as long as it doesn’t involve me. You two have been nothing but a headache.” Twilight had had enough and she turned around and walked out the the door, out of sight and out of mind. She could barely handle one Pinkie, how she managed to stay in a room for that long with two of them is beyond her.
"Woohoo!" Pinkie Pie cheered as she jumped up and down. "Twilight's blessing gives a 5% bonus to intellect while active. Score!"
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The two pink earth ponies were finally alone together in the sweet shop planning on what they would do next. Pinkie was far more accepting of the situation than Pink snooty had ever hoped. But then again being the pure act of randomness that they both are Pinkie probably expected something like this to happen eventually. Pink snooty had been gathering her thoughts on what to say next. “Pinkie Pie come closer and witness something incredible, what your about to hear will change your life forever.”
“Oh my god a giant rock!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“What did you...?”
“O nothing,” Pinkie smiled.
“Pinkie you’re no ordinary earth pony, you are able to sense things outside our universe, and you always have, but this ability is still untrained, unfocused.”
“Whatcha talkin bout snooty?”
“There! Right there! You just made an obscure reference to something outside our world again, but you can do so much more than that.”
“Your right! I could throw a party for all the obscure internet references. It’ll be so much fun!
“Yes it would indeed be much fun but that will have to wait for another time. Pinkie what you need to do is much more important than throwing a party for obscure references."
“What? What could be more important than a good party? Earlier you said that parties are the most important thing in the world.”
“And they still are, but there’s a much more important party waiting for you Pinkie, the party of the millennium, and its waiting for you.”
“That sounds fantastic!”
“Pinkie it’s time to meet your destiny. I am going to train you to break the 4th wall”
“But I can already do that silly”
“Yes but what I can teach you is more than simply breaking it, very soon you will be able to make a hole large enough for you to fit through and you will be able to traverse the multiverse! What I’m asking you do, Pinkie, is to gather an army, you and I alone are not enough to beat back the griffins, we need an army of Pinkie Pies.”
Pinkie Pie’s eyes lit up with stars and she just exploded with energy as she practically ricocheted off the walls of Sugarcube corner. “Do you mean it! I can’t even imagine how great it’ll be, a whole party of Pinkie Pies! You can count on me CP!”
“It’s settled then. Your training starts now. Look at the room around you, what do you see?”
“Cake and candy and goodies for everyone in Ponyville.”
“No Pinkie look past all that, count the walls...”
“Well, 1, 2, 3...” As Pinkie Pie was counting the walls as she reached number four she jumped in the air and hovered there with a gasp. “You mean!?”
“Yes Pinkie Pie, its so simple its impossible to see. Look at a wall and as soon as you recognize it to be the 4th wall it’s no longer a part of this world, it becomes a mirror between the world and the rest of the multiverse. It’s easiest to just count the walls of a room and the fourth wall that you count transcends simply being the 4th wall of the room and becomes the 4th wall of the universe”
“But how do I get through?”
“Well you break it. I didn’t compare it to a mirror for no reason, it really is quite fragile. All you have to do is punch a hole in it with your hoof then use your other hoof to stretch the hole until it’s large enough for you to fit through. But I’m warning you right now only you and your copies will be able to through, I’m sorry to say anything else you try to bring through will be lost forever. Bring every Pinkie you find here and I’ll make sure they’ll find their way back with me when the time is right”
“Well what about you? What are you going to do while you wait for me?”
“Well I’m going to be your guide of course! The multiverse is a very dangerous place, I can’t just let you jump in blindly now can I?”
“But how will I be able to talk to you if you’re not coming with me?”
“Why with this my dear Pinkie,” Pink snooty pulled out a bat from her tail seemingly out of nowhere, “This is a mcguffin bat, it psychically links me to whoever I smack on the head with it, so we’ll be able to talk to each other in our heads wherever we are.”
“O neat-o!”, Pinkie Pie was barely able to say before Pink snooty smacked her on the head with the bat.
“Ouch!” 'A little warning would be nice.' Pinkie thought to herself ash she rubbed the spot the bat hit and suddenly she heard a voice in her head in response to her whining, 'Sorry but it hurts less when you’re expecting it'
'Wow that is so cool!'
'I know right!'
“Well Miss Pie lets not waste any time, we have a long road ahead of us not as much time as I’d like so if you don’t mind, count the walls.”
“Okie dokie lokey! One, two the....four! Gotchya!” Pinkie Pie punch her hoof into wall of Sugarcube corner.
“Hey Pink snooty I just thought of something, if I’m going to travel across the multiverse just to gather a bunch of the same pony we should give it a different name.”
“Ok then what do you have in mind?”
“Well I think I should start with a one-liner. It time to to travel,” Pinkie pulled down a pair of sunglasses over her eyes with her free hoof, “across the Pinkieverse!”
Pinkie Pie punched her other hoof through the 4th wall and started stretching out a hole. As soon as she made one large enough for her to fit through she slipped through and was gone in a flash. As she tumbled through the void between worlds she thought to herself "Wow a whole multiverse just filled with Pinkie Pies, this is going to be so much fun!'
'Those really where the best days of my life...'