The repetitive ‘cla-clack’ of the train’s wheels riding along the segmented rails of track filled the cabin space. A sigh escaped my lips as I laid my head upon a hoof. I’d been staring at the array of paperwork in front of me so long the letters were blurring together. Taking a moment to change the scenery, I twisted about to eye my superior. I say superior, but I was more of a companion and partner to the detective. It just felt right, considering her skills far outweighed even the princesses in finding details beneath the mediocre.
Evergreen locks of her mane fell over her closed eyes as her chest rose and fell on the nearby cot, though I had no idea how she could rest with the constant noise. She was a simple beige earth pony, a relatively-unknown detective who didn't get much business in Canterlot. It wasn't until she solved the case of the Mad Polisher that things started turning around. Her reputation took off as time and again, she solved mysteries other detectives thought impossible. Yes, she was a simple beige earth pony, but only in appearance.
We were on our way to Ponyville, a small hamlet just southwest of Canterlot. By all reports, it sounded like a wonderful place for a vacation: a small weather team to keep the skies nice unless rain was absolutely necessary and a nearby orchard open for anypony to pick their own apples, if they so desired. But we weren’t headed there for a relaxing weekend.
The Elements of Harmony were in danger.
Nopony knows what is happening, other than the bearers going ‘not sane’, to use the term Princess Celestia used. At first, officials just wrote off the owners snapping under stress, but what should have been just one, or maybe two, became three, then four. The princess had a personal stake in this matter after one Twilight Sparkle was instituted, so she sent us.
That was nine days ago. We were just getting our supplies ready when the princess came to our office in downtown Canterlot and demanded we head to Ponyville immediately, as the fourth bearer had succumbed to whatever was happening.
My superior shuffled on her bed and I realized I had been staring, or what some would account as staring. Though we were alone, I still felt heat rising on my cheeks at what others might think, even if I knew I had just zoned out. My gaze shifted away.
We had gotten a well-made, yet non-luxurious, cabin to ourselves. If red velvet walls and brass trimmings were not high-class, I’d love to see the richer side of the train. Our sleeping arrangements were two simple bunk beds with bronze edges on either side of the room, leaving the rest of the spacious cart open for a large oak planning table and dining nook. Near every corner, a wall-mounted candelabra shown wavering light upon the hardwood floor broken up in the middle with a black carpet trimmed in even more bronze.
The smell of clean sheets and burning wax filled the cabin and I opened a window into the late-night air, breathing deeply of the chill to spark my mind into staying awake. She didn’t tell me to, but I felt the need to memorize every detail in the reports the princess had sent along with us and I was growing weary. With a shake of my head, I plopped back into my seat and read each line again.
Date: May 24th, 3 R.H.
Name: Pinkie Pie
Sex: Mare
Race: Earth Pony
Birth: April 1st, 981 A.N.
Colors: Pink/Pink
Height: 1.34 meters
Weight: 84 kg
Narrative: Officers Bright Light and Point Range responded to a call of distress at Sugarcube Corner, the workplace and residency of the Cakes and the detained. One Mister Carrot Cake called the police, fearing for his children (Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake) after the detained had been acting erratically for the past two weeks.
The detained had been going into the store’s cellar before starting and after ending every shift, wherein the concerned parties could hear crazed laughter. Though they had written it off at first, the constant sound, combined with her change of manestyle, began to unnerve the couple. When the detained exited from the basement one day with what appeared to be blood on her coat, the husband immediately called the department.
Officers at the scene had a small scuffle in capturing the mare after inspecting the basement. Only minor bruises resulted. The mare is being incarcerated in the INSP. The Cakes were shaken, but otherwise unharmed.
INSP Report: Mare seems to be experiencing chronic depression, building into psychotic breaks when fed any glucose-, sucrose-, or fructose-rich foods. Neither mentality receptive to conversation, but recommend waiting until she is stable and avoid topics that might break her; no cues are known at this time.
The Institute for Not Sane Ponies. I don’t know how Ponyville’s citizens allowed such a facility to be built near their small town, nor do I know why they called it ‘not sane’ instead of just ‘insane’. The Institute was created within walking distance of the village’s hospital and yet far enough away to give the residents in the asylum a feeling of calm. The psychologists kept saying that a rural area would do the insane ponies well.
Reaching beside me, I pulled out a pocket watch from my vest and popped it open. Twelve, forty. With a sigh, I closed the watch, replaced it, and grabbed the next report.
Date: June 9nd, 3 R.H.
Name: Fluttershy
Sex: Mare
Race: Pegasus
Birth: May 25th, 980 A.N.
Colors: Yellow/Pink
Height: 1.35 meters
Weight: 79 kg
Narrative: One Ditzy Doo entered the precinct to report a disturbance on the outskirts of town. Officers Bright Light and Point Range responded. Upon arrival, a white rabbit approached the officers, tugging on Bright’s leg and leading the two to the residence of the local veterinary specialist, the detained.
The home appeared to be ransacked. Debris from animal homes littered the floor. At the sound of a scream, the officers rounded the building, finding the detained pinning a fox. The mare was assaulting the animal with a frenzied look.
Officer Point Range charged the mare. A short scuffle arose wherein the detained was wounded and the officer suffered three bite wounds.
The mare is incarcerated at the INSP. The fox and other injured animals was sent to the in-town veterinary clinic. Remaining animals released or being cared for by one Applejack.
INSP Report: Vicious tendencies induced by even the smallest offense. Recommend careful communication.
“Recommend careful communication”? That’s it? What’s going on at the INSP if they won’t give a better report than that?
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing tears to form, and wiped the tiredness from them. The candlelight flickered across the pages as I struggled to keep awake and read the next report.
Date: June 29th, 3 R.H.
Name: Twilight Sparkle
Sex: Mare
Race: Unicorn
Birth: September 15th, 979 A.N.
Colors: Lavender/Dark purple w/ Purple and Pink Stripe
Height: 1.34354725 meters (as reported on identification)
Weight: 82 kg
Narration: None
INSP Report: Twilight Sparkle entered the facility willingly, giving detailed accounts of what she believed to be erratic changes in behaviour. She was the first to point out a possible pattern emerging, though we wrote it off until now. Under her own orders, she wishes not to be released if she asks.
Two hours later, her assistant Spike entered the facility, only to be rushed to the hospital in mortal pain, whispering about elements and shadows.
Immediately, two orderlies detained her and fitted her with a magic-restraining ring. Her behaviour continuously changes by the minute, varying widely from calm and snide to furious. Recommend waiting until she’s in an easier mood before interrogation.
Twilight Sparkle. She not only saw what is happening, but also predicted her own insanity. We’ll have to be extremely careful around her. It would be different if she was just the princess’s personal student, but to be that intelligent means she can deflect and use anything we say against us.
My eyes burned for sleep as I set the file down and picked up the last in the pile.
Date: July 8th, 3 R.H.
Name: Rainbow Dash
Sex: Mare
Race: Pegasus
Birth: January 3rd, 981 A.N.
Colors: Sky Blue/Rainbow
Height: 1.36 meters
Weight: 81 kg
Narration: Strange weather patterns appeared over Ponyville for a week, ranging from tornados to gale force hurricanes. The weather team was dispatched every time, ending the building storms before major damage would be dealt. The detained was never present, until one pegasus sighted the mare in the core of the last storm.
Officers Quick Flight and Phantom Wind were dispatched to detain the mare. They were unsuccessful. One Applejack arrived on the scene as the officers were chasing the incarcerated and helped with capture with a rope. Officer Wind fired a shot, tranquilizing the mare for transport to the INSP.
INSP Report: Patient is extremely aggressive and explosive. The confined spaces increases her wariness. Possibly claustrophobic and pistanthrophobic. Recommend short sentences with calming elements during conversation.
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash. Earth, pegasus, unicorn, pegasus. All of them are near the same age. Every one of them devolved into insanity quickly.
My head began pounding, keeping me from thinking any further, and I held it in my hooves. After setting the last report aside, I checked my watch again. Two, fourteen. Another sigh escaped my lips.
Standing, I left the rest of the information to be pulled on an ‘as needed’ basis. Sharp needles of pain through shot through my hind legs, staggering me for a moment as I bumped into the wall. Fighting through the sleeping limbs, I trudged over to my bed, eyelids heavy. With a flop, I fell into the lower bunk opposite my superior’s and let darkness overtake me.
A piercing whistle forced itself into my dreams, jerking me awake in a start. Consequently, this caused my head to slam into the bottom of the upper bunk, eliciting a gasp of pain as I fell back into my covers and squeezed my eyes shut. As I brought a hoof to my throbbing cranium, giggling could be heard from the other set of beds.
Peeking one eye open and rubbing the soreness away, I spotted my superior sitting upon her mattress with a hoof over her mouth. Sunlight poured in from the unshuttered windows as a breeze blew in from the one I had left open. In the brighter light, I saw her mane already combed smooth. It seemed she had been awake for some time. I wanted to say something, but drowsiness and pain weren’t conducive to such an action.
“We are now arriving at Ponyville station,” the conductor called through the train’s intercom. “All passengers, please check that you have all your belongings and be ready to disembark.”
My superior stopped laughing at my expense and hopped off her bed, only to leave the cabin towards the exit to the train. No doubt, she expects me to gather and carry all the information we had been given. I didn’t mind, though, as she had hired me to do just that. With one last rub on my sore, I rolled out of bed and began gathering the materials, just as the train whistle blew once more.
The train began to slow, forcing me to lean against the change of speed to avoid stumbling as I grabbed the last report and stuffed it into my saddlebags. After throwing the flaps closed, I ducked my head under the strap connecting the two bags and lifted them. They slid down my neck and settled nicely on either side of my back. Spinning in place, my eyes surveyed the room for any items I may have missed. With a satisfied nod, I turned toward the door and left the cabin, allowing my mind to wander as I strolled past ponies gathering their own items or making their way toward the exit as well.
I was originally hired three years ago as a secretary and information handler for the detective. The interview process was unlike anything I had been through at the time. Instead of asking questions about my work history and desire for employment, she hoofed a stack of paper to me without saying a word...
My gaze shifted between the pile and the mare before me. She hadn’t said a word, not even a ‘hello’. Before I could open my mouth, her hoof tapped against the desk between us, though no emotion showed upon her face. Her green eyes bored into my own for a moment, causing me to turn away and look once more to the papers.
I had to blink rapidly. There were no spaces between the letters on the first page, leaving me with a nearly black sheet of ink. No matter how I tried to decipher what was written, my attention would keep moving to a different section.
Setting it to the side, I scanned the next page, this one with only nine dots spaced evenly on the page. No words were on the paper, nothing to tell me what I was to do. I shook my head and looked back to the mare. She only smirked, giving me no ideas.
Flipping the page on top of the last one, I saw a third one filled with symbols set a centimeter apart from each other. The fourth had numbers with letters placed beneath them. On the fifth page was nothing, until I flipped it over and found a red side. Page six had squares with more squares made from lines within it.
The last page finally gave me some clues. Six words were typed, spaced apart for responses: think, code, plan, translate, count, solve. At the bottom of the page were the words ‘shuffle set match’.
I looked up again, only to see her wave me on with her hoof with a bored expression. Sensing that I was beginning to fail her expectations, I hurriedly tried to shuffle through the previous pages. A beige hoof slapped down on my own and I glanced up to see her shake her head. Apparently, I wasn’t allowed to look through the pages again.
Panic gripped me. Sure that I would fail, but unwilling to go without trying, I picked up a pen on the desk. The last six pages ran through my mind as I tried to figure out what to do. I was certain that the words on the seventh page did not match the order I saw the papers, but every second I spent matching a word to a page, I lost some of the details.
I didn’t ask for this kind of job. I didn’t think being a secretary to a detective would result in such an interview. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what she wanted from me. But I recalled something I grew up hearing all the time in my home: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Throwing caution, fear, and doubt away, I scrambled for the first idea I could come up with and ran with it.
Page one was translation. Piecing the bits of letters I could remember together, word after word was written down. By the time I had used up what I remembered, I had a sentence: ‘Can solving a riddle solve a crime?’ It didn’t seem to make sense to me, but I wrote down ‘yes’ without thinking about transcribing the question.
The second page had to be a thought puzzle. Did I need to connect the dots or did I need to create a shape? What was I supposed to do?! Tilting my head one way and the next did nothing to help me think and irritation set in, only for me to release it in a zig-zagged scribble beneath the word ‘think’.
Code, plan, count, solve. Which one matches the third paper? Can I count random symbols? Maybe. Plan them? Code them? Solve them? No. No, I can’t do any of those things. It has to be counting. How many of each symbol was there? I- I can’t remember! Uh... three. Just put down three!
Page four. Halfway there. Numbers with letters must be a code of some sort, but what does she want? “Tap.” If four is ‘S’, and two is ‘B’... but that doesn’t make any sense! “Tap, tap.” What was seven? “Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.” What is that tapping noise?! I glared towards the mare, seeing her knock her hoof against the desk. “Tap.” Is she trying to distract me? “Tap, tap.” Why would she... “Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.” Of course! She’s giving me the code! One, two, five? Something, ‘B’, something... One was... was... ‘T’! What was five? I can’t remember! I wrote down ‘TB’ and continued to the next page.
The fifth page was just white and red. I have two words left. Do I solve it or plan it? Can’t be plan; you can’t plan two colors. Solve what? What puzzle is white and red? If it was black, there is that old riddle about newspapers. Wasn’t black just the color of the text? Red was just the pretense of the thing, right? What is it, then? Ugh, next page.
All I have left is planning and squares. No... no, no, no! I messed up! This one was obviously counting! Where did I mess up? What do I ne-
“Ding!”
I looked up to see the detective grinning at me with a hoof on set on a small bell, one normally used for calling for service. “Wait! I’m not done. I messed up and need more time,” I said in panic. “Please!”
With the smile still on her face, she waved me off and picked up the sheet I was working on. Her eyes scanned the page, but her expression never wavered. As she set it down, she looked back at me and worked her mouth, as if she was having trouble forming words. “Hired,” she said at length, holding onto the ‘h’ sound for a moment.
“W-what?” I was honestly confused. Did I not just fail her test?
“You may have gotten it wrong, dear Regard, but you did not give up, no matter how nervous or angry. I do not have need for someone in precision, though you do show an aptitude for it; I need someone who can recognize mistakes and thinks in an orderly fashion. I did not put those pages together correctly. The last page was necessary for any understanding. Though you failed in solving some of the puzzles, you showed a remarkable ability to find clues. Other candidates thought too linearly, while you saw things differently. That is what I need and that is why you are hired,” she explained with a smile, excitement lacing every word.
I sat there, slouched and dumbfounded, as I attempted to process her speech. A moment ago, her voice lacked life; not flat, but unconcerned. Now, her essence spilled out from her words, giving a sense of exuberance at just being alive. Unfortunately, that did nothing to help me understand what she meant. She wanted someone who thought outside of the box, and yet thought within it?
Her lips started to move, though no sound came out. Slowly, breath came out, starting a whisper that grew into the word ‘tomorrow’. I furrowed my brow, confusion and concern mixing as I watched her attempt speech again.
“Start... tomorrow,” she said, once again holding onto the start of the words and speaking lifelessly, though the smile never left her.
I smiled at the memory as I excused my way past a few more ponies and met up with my superior. She stood still, staring out the exit of the train with a smirk. It took a week for me to understand why she spoke the way she did, and it took even longer for her to finally get my name right. Though she continued to use the name of the assistant from a long passed detective.
The train applied its last round of braking with the squealing of metal sliding against metal as it inched its way to a stop. A moment later, the accordion doors opened, allowing us to disembark and step into Ponyville Station.
Just as any other train station, the platform we stood on had a roof held up by wooden beams and a ticket booth on one side. All other sides were open to air and I noted a quiet breeze rustle my mane. The air felt clean, refreshing, a stark contrast to Canterlot. Ponies of all colors milled about, either preparing to board or saying farewells. Some were sitting on benches that sat between the support pillars, while others stood aside for the ponies exiting the train.
A dark blue hoof waving about above the throng caught my attention just as my superior started toward it. I quickly followed after her, assuming the owner of the hoof to be our greeter. She pushed through the crowd without a word and I trailed behind, exchanging apologies along the way. After a minute, we broke through and came up on the pony.
He was a large stallion, though being an earth pony tends to cause that. His dark coat contrasted well with his grey mane. The standard officer’s vest covered his back and chest as the steel badge of Ponyville’s precinct was pinned on it. His countenance was one of gruff confidence, one I had seen many times during previous investigations.
“Detective Keen Eye?” he asked in a rugged voice, ignoring my presence entirely. His eyes roamed across my superior’s features as she nodded. “I’m Officer Point Range. I don’t see why the princess sent someone like you; there’s nothing wrong with this town. Those mares simply cracked from pressure. Even if that wasn’t true, you don’t look like much.”
Stepping forward, I opened my mouth to respond when a beige hoof pressed against my side. I followed the hoof to my employer. The detective studied the officer before us for a moment, her lips moving quickly yet silently. I picked up on what she wanted to say and, with a small nod, I looked back to the stallion. “You’re afraid of us.”
Point Range stepped back into an aggressive stance, his hind legs positioned for a charge. His eyes narrowed into a glare as he rounded on me. “What did you say?” he asked with a snarl.
“Point!” a feminine voice called from above. The flapping of wings drew our attention to the sky as a green pegasus was descending. She settled down next to the officer, scowling at him all the while. “What is wrong with you? You were supposed to greet them and return to the precinct.”
The dark blue stallion’s eyes switched between us and the mare beside him a few times before he huffed and turned away, strutting his way off the platform and down the dirt road into town. We watched him turn the corner and looked towards the new arrival.
“Sorry about that,” she said, her voice losing its sternness in favor of a soft, relaxed tone. “I’m Officer Quick Flight. Welcome to Ponyville, Detective Keen Eye and... assistant.” Flight smiled innocently towards me. “Sorry, the report we received about your arrival didn’t mention your name.”
“Regard,” my superior responded happily, halting my own response. I set a hoof upon my muzzle with a sigh. Once again, it looks like I’m stuck under that pseudonym. Quick Flight quirked an eyebrow as she studied us, a smirk slowly growing on her face.
“Regard? Like the-”
“Yes, yes, like the assistant of the late, great Detective Sighted Light. Keen likes to call me that,” I interjected with a shake of my head.
The smirk grew larger. “Then, what is your name?”
“Regard!” my superior cut in, again.
“Just, go along with it. Everypony else does.”
“Right. Well, Detective Keen, Regard, I’m sorry, but I have more reports to fill out. There’s a map available at the ticket booth just over there-” She tossed her head to the side towards the train station’s ticket counter. “-so I’m sure you two will be fine. Come by the precinct whenever you need us; we’ll be there all day.” With that, she nodded toward us and took off, flying through the skies in the same direction Officer Point Range was headed.
Looking back at the bored-looking attendant in the train station, I spoke to the detective at my side. “Shall we get a map?” She shook her head. “So we’re just going to wander the town? Where are we headed, anyway?” She only smiled and turned away, stepping off the station’s platform and taking a deep breath.
My superior looked up at the cloudless sky, then swept her gaze from Ponyville’s thatched roof buildings on the left to the road leading to an open plain on the right. A nod later, she headed down the dirt road, leaving the buildings behind. With a shrug, I chased after her.