Ya know…when I was told to ‘lose my morals’, I thought I would know…I really thought I knew what the ‘bottom of the barrel’ was…but no…”Are….are you serious?” I asked slowly.
“Yep.” Cript said.
“You always knew it was this bad." Lord said in his same smarmy tone.
"Ya get used to it." Vincent shrugged
"Eh." Gray shrugged.
"I'm not even gonna ask how you did that." Cript said.
I…I don’t really know what I expected…I…I knew it could be this bad…but it somehow felt worse…”This…this can’t be right…” I muttered, feeling just…pure fatigue after seeing this as I wasn’t sure what to actually feel at the moment.
"Well, Fuck." Lord said. "Guess I have more shit to build then… that also explains how you kept your numbers in Nexus so high."
Gray shrugged. "Nature takes too long. A factory style approach was faster and the end products were more customizable."
I…actually felt numb at how they were just…so casually talking about this. “Are…are you for fucking real right now?” I asked slowly looking at Gray and Lord.
"When I joke, you'll know." Lord said.
"I'm just telling it how it is. Not like I'm the only one to mass produce an army. I just made it an efficient process."
“I…I don’t know what I truly expected…” I muttered. “I mean…when the fuck do I? It’s not like I’ve been trying to figure thing’s out for the better part of my entire life only to, yet again, be told ‘go fuck yourself’.” I said, as a growing chuckle formed at it.
"If you don't want any part of this King, you're more than free to wash your hands of it." Cript said. "Not just anyone can live with what we're doing here."
That…I…I barked with laughter. “That’s fucking funny that you just openly tell me I can ‘walk away’ like what I’ve seen and heard, you think I can just ‘walk away’ after being told ‘you’re gonna have to let your petty feelings and morals go burn in a hole to actually fight this war’...”
"Can't play with the big kids then get off the playground." Gray shrugged.
"Zip it." Cript spat. "Look King… I know you haven't been well with everything lately. And Heart's choice in… I know how badly it's destroyed you. You aren't well King."
“No…I’m not fine…” I admitted, staring at the four. “I’ve never been fine…and this?” I motioned ot everything. “And boy…is it not going to help you four.”
“I know where this is going.” Vincent was quick to say. “King, don’t.” Vincent said bluntly, as if sensing how close to ‘done’ I was.
“And why shouldn’t I? I’ve had to help peddle all your bullshit for decades…” I clenched my fists in some vain attempt to keep myself together here.
"Because I thought you said you could handle this." Cript spoke up. "There's no shame in turning back King. Everyone in this room is here because we can and will do the unthinkable. The unspeakable, cross lines no one who claims to be fighting for a good cause should ever need to cross… there's no shame in leaving this behind for your own happiness. You don't have to force yourself to do any of this just to prove yourself of anything."
“My own happiness?” I asked, the four hearing something snap as I just stared at him, tears in my eyes even as I gave him a smile. “I think you forgot something Cript…this is me we’re talking about, my happiness never mattered, it’s just some fucking plaything that everyone can use and abuse.”
“Oh no…” Vincent muttered.
“Oh yeah…I forgot…” Gray muttered.
“I’m not fine, that’s why I’m here.” I said as I weakly raised my arms. “So come on, three of you don’t give a shit yet everyone of you seems to have seemed to take a step back.” I said, having noticed even a small amount that everyone but Cript took a step back from me like I was about to do something horrible.
"King… calm down." Cript said.
“Calm down? But I am calm.” I said with a smile, not knowing if it was deranged from how I felt or a genuine one. “You know me, it’s not like I’m so done with everything that I just want to rip reality asunder because of how little anything ever mattered to begin with.”
"King." Cript said, taking a few steps towards me. "Take a breath."
“Nothing matters…nothing ever mattered…” I laughed. “It’s all just some petty game for petty people, life is nothing but toy’s for people in power to fuck with, and I should know, these two made my life that way!” I laughed harder and pointed at Gray and Vincent.
"King, Vincent was being controlled by Gray, but he did make him. Both are at fault for the shit all of us have gone through." Cript said as he got closer to me. "Believe me, if I could I'd kill Gray and Vincent but having them as ally's right now is our best bet to win this against the Gray that is our enemy right now."
“I’m not going to kill them, that would be stupid.” I answered Cript, putting a hand on their shoulder. “I’m not stupid, we still need their help, and I got the best help I could get…learning that nothing matters…”
"Ben!" Cript shouted, making me pause… how did he call me that…? Cript then wrapped their arms in a tight hug around me. "You've always mattered Ben… to say otherwise that you or nothing mattered… that's not you…"
“First…how did you call my original name?” I asked in confusion, still feeling…numb even as he hugged me. “And two…you showed me what ‘no morals’ meant, the four of you did…as Lord said, I already knew…I just needed to witness it…”
"Yet you're losing yourself in it. Lord, Vincent, Gray and I, we're beyond help or saving. You don't deserve to live like we do. As for your name, just another bullshit thing I can do…" Cript sighed. "You don't want this life Ben… trust me…"
“Whether I want this life or not doesn’t matter…Heart was a good start in proving that what needs to be done is more important than what people feel…”
"Heart did that because they couldn't live with participating in this war. They might be a Cript, but in the end, Heart wasn't strong enough. They trusted and hoped you'd take the weight of it and that was selfish of them."
“I…I just hate all of this…” I muttered, just wanting to stop all this. “I’m…just tired…”
"Then rest, Ben. You've pushed yourself to your breaking point… please, you don't have to push any further."
“I have to though…Gray’s not going to wait for me to have some fucking spa day and get my bearings…” I said weakly.
“I’m doing this war because I was made to and to stop my boredom, you looking more like a deranged lunatic is something I’ve already seen and it’s not entertaining.” Gray decided to chime in.
"Heh… even the enemy says you need to stop Ben… You can rest, take a break. Gray won't be going anywhere. They're waiting for you to fight them after all." Cript said.
“This still sucks…” I sighed. “There’s…too much at stake here…”
"Take a fucking vacation…" Gray huffed. "If I know me then they won't wanna fight you at anything other than your best and you right now are so not at your best."
"Heh, you heard them." Cript chuckled. "I'll help you get Heart back to normal."
“Asshole there said no.” I pointed to Lord. “Cause it was Heart’s decision and nothing can change that…”
"Lord. Orb." Cript said, Lord tossing him the orb. "There. Now let's go."
“Oh, when I ask I get told to piss off…” I grumbled. “Whatever…don’t know what to do with all this now that I’m just…done.”
"Just let us worry about this crap. When you're ready to help or when you can finally set foot on the battlefield, we'll let you know. Until then… enjoy the peace." Cript said.
“I’ll…try.” I sighed. “Just…hope me relaxing isn’t too late for my mental health…”
"It's never too late, it will just take time."
"I pulled out my own teeth and scales?" Heart asked. After their personality and memories and well, them, was brought back they didn't have any memories of their time as a… Breeder. "That's… huh…" They said, tapping a finger across their teeth.
“Yes…I literally left for five minutes to talk to an old friend of mine, Anna who is now an Admin of Shapeshifters, and see Vincent and Gray who were from her timeline which are helping us…when I got back after being told what was wrong…you weren’t happy to say the least…” I said, cuddling the shit out of my floof noodle lover.
"I don't remember any of that… I remember laying back on that chair then… waking up here in the room… but I can see I was definitely… used as intended." Heart said, looking at their enlarged swollen lower half near bursting with eggs. "How long was I like that?"
“Any amount of time as you being a Breeder was too long.” I said. “And…yes…you constantly wanted me to use you like you were nothing but a toy and…I…I hate it so fucking much…”
"Seriously? Wow, though that also explains why down there is so sore… didn't even know I could get sore down there as an Admin…"
“Yeah…things happen.” I sighed. “But…I have my Heart back, and I’m feeling so much better now.”
"I'm sorry… I didn't think it would be that bad I… just didn't want to…" Heart sighed. "I'm a coward…"
I wanted to tell them they weren’t…I really did. “We both are…” I sighed. “You wanted to give up and just throw yourself into being nothing but a sex toy…and I was going to give up and just…not care anymore…I would have been on a single minded warpath…reality being rent asunder under my power and mind that didn’t care anymore…I…I still hate how I can still see how I envisioned it all going…”
Heart turned around, wrapping their arms around my head. "Well… I guess that makes us cowards together. Better than being alone…"
“Yeah…I…I couldn’t be alone again…” I said weakly. “And Eclipsa is making damn well sure I know that I shouldn’t keep people at arms length…again…”
"Where are they anyway?"
“With me somewhe-” I was about to say before a certain Naga burst open the door with a clone of me over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
“Sup chuckle fucks, time for cuddles!” Eclipsa said happily.
“Way ahead of you.” I chuckled.
To be continued...