“Thank you, Mrs. Hudcolt,” said Sherclop Pones, rising. He then persuaded the landlady to disappear from our rooms. After doing so, he proceeded to lean upon the door with a clouded expression. There he remained motionless, once more, in complete and utter silence, while I, being well accustomed to his habits, dared not intercept his line of thought. It was only when our client, whom I had observed to be in a state of nervousness (in which I daresay to be bordering near a breakdown for her entire form shook in great agitation) during the interview, called my friend’s name that broke it.
“Ah, yes, Ms. Hooves!” said he, with a violent start; “Do forgive me—I've nearly forgotten of your existence...”
He then teleported himself to sit upon his armchair. “I have been daydreaming,” said he, smiling to himself; “It does indeed seem suggestive, yes; very suggestive—but I pray, Ms. Hooves, to resume your narrative which has been so rather needlessly interrupted.”
But right before she could do so, Pones raised a hoof. “I trust,” said he; “that you will, I’m sure, forgive me to ask you to start off from scratch, for I have forgotten certain points of it.”
Ms. Derpy Hooves glared at him. “Alright, then,” said she in sardonic contempt; “Mr. Detective.” She then proceeded once more to recite from the foolscap.
“Mr. Pones,” began our client; “my name is Derpy Hooves, a citizen of Ponyville. I am a big fan of muffins—I eat them at breakfast—I eat them at lunch—I eat them at dinner. I keep an entire stash of them, in fact, in my own so as to have a sufficient investment of my rations.nNot so long before, however, this stash had run out. Therefore, I had set off to Sugarcube Corner in order to refill it.
“While on my way there, I crossed paths with Rainbow Dash. She seemed to be troubled of something for she was in a hurry when she flew past me, furiously flapping those athletic wings of hers.
“‘Hey,’ I cried, calling for her attention; “hey, Rainbow Dash, hey!’ But she didn’t seem to hear me. I then decided to follow her, in hopes of being of assistance on whatever may be troubling her. But due to my strabismus, however, I was forced to walk slowly, in order to prevent myself from tripping. But I had kept my eye on her so that I may trace her movements as I did so. As I slowly trotted on to the confectionary, to my delight, I discovered that we shared a common destination: Sugarcube Corner. I even saw her enter it, despite my being a few hundred yards away.
“Upon arriving at the shop after five minutes seeing her enter it, I had expected to find an extremely agitated Rainbow Dash, but didn’t. Instead, I only found Pinkie Pie!
“Due to my condition, however, I was unable to make a proper image on what I saw, but I was able to make out a number of things—
“I saw, upon my entering, Pinkie near the green circular carpet which was folded up upon the wooden floorboards. It may be a mere trick in the eyes, Mr. Pones, but she seemed to merge into one with ground bellow in a way that gives the impression of her sinking into some plot of deadly quick sand. But as soon as I entered—in feverish speed, it was, thus leaving a mere pink swirl at her wake—she swiftly "emerged back to the ground with all hooves as quick as she was merging into it. I then heard what seemed like a slam of some sort of wooden material. She then, after doing so, unfolded the green circular carpet, and then stood upon its center.
“‘Hey, Derpy,’ said she, with a big smile on her face as she scratched her mane. ‘What brings you here?’
‘Where’s Rainbow Dash?’ I asked, looking around me.
Pinkie didn’t seem to understand the question. ‘Say what now?’
I thought to myself they must be playing a prank on me. Maybe a game of hide-and-go-seek? After all, she and Dash are quite famous in pulling off pranks, and I thought that maybe they were playing one on me. So, I searched for her, playing their little game. While doing so, I saw upon the floorboards, near the carpet, a bitten cupcake. When I pointed this out to Pinkie, she rushed towards it, and crushed it. When I asked why, she ignored the question. I then continued my search. As I did, I saw upon the counter a number of baking materials. I approached them, but Pinkie came in in front me, and stood in front of the baking materials, as if to hide them. I asked her what was she doing, but she waved me off. But as she did so, something fell on the ground with a sharp clink. It was a tiny bottle, but I didn’t have a good look at it for Pinkie had swiftly hid it in her mane. I then continued my search. I searched upstairs, but found no Rainbow Dash. I searched everywhere and found nothing. I then came to the conclusion that my eyes were playing tricks on me. Pinkie then, with a big smile, reassured me that this was the case, for she herself hadn’t seen her all day. I then left.
“Then, after walking for a couple yards, I remembered the original object of my visit. Therefore, I returned. But when I did, there was not a mare in sight—no Pinkie Pie, no Rainbow Dash, no nothing! What I only saw was that the green circular carpet which I had previously remarked, was, once more, folded. I then left, thinking that Pinkie’s just in a break. I had an intention of coming back for I have not got my muffins yet.
“An hour later, I did, but without another peculiar experience. What happened was this:
“When I returned, I had caught Pinkie so off guard that she actually dropped the silver tray she held and spilled its contents. I then, naturally, helped her retrieve them. The contents in which she spilled were small, metallic objects. I could not, due to my condition, make out what were those, but I assure you, Mr. Pones, they are extremely sharp. I even received a wound from them. Once having helped her, I noticed that the carpet was once again folded. When I had pointed this out, Pinkie simply swiftly unfolded it. As she did so, I heard the same sound of a some kind of wooden material slamming from earlier: a door slamming shut. I asked why she’s acting so weird, to which, instead of answering me, gave me an entire basket of muffins almost frantically.
"'Here you go! Just take this!' said she as quite shoved it into my face.
"Pinkie then begged me to leave, pushing me towards the door. As she did, I asked if she had seen Rainbow Dash, to which she said she had not.
"'Hey, have you seen Rainbow around here yet?" I said.
"'Nope! Nuh-uh! Please, just leave; I'm really busy right now!' This Pinkie said as she thrusted me onto the doormat.
With this response, I then went home, with my brand-new supply of muffins, but with a feeling of uneasiness for Rainbow Dash hadn’t been seen by anyone yet, which utterly baffles me. I then, that night went to bed, with the question ‘where’s Rainbow Dash’ playing in a constant loop in my head. I even had a nightmare that she was taken by some monster from the Everfree Forest! The following morning, I went to Rainbow Dash’s house, thinking that perhaps she'd be there. But she wasn’t there, Mr. Pones, she wasn’t! Her house was empty! I tried calling out for her name, but was only replied by silence. This had me most worried, Mr. Pones, it really did. Until now, even, I confess, but not as much as the events that occurred right after my visit to her condominium.
“I had intended to set off inquiries about the whereabouts of Dash by paying visits to her friends, I had first went to Fluttershy. But to my surprise, she wasn’t at home. I then visited Twilight at the Library, but she wasn’t at home either! Nor was either Applejack, Rarity—nor even Pinkie Pie herself! I calmed myself somewhat by convincing myself that they were all at some kind of picnic and that Rainbow Dash was with them. But I couldn’t be sure of it, therefore I went to the police station in order to continue my inquiries on her whereabouts. But when I had arrived there, I was surprised to see all of them—all of Rainbow’s friends, though with exception of Pinkie for some reason—there, all crammed up as they jostle for the attention of the receptionist and local constable. They were all talking frantically at the same time, so I was unable to pick up a single word from them. I then tapped Twilight at the back, and asked her what were they all doing there. She looked at me with some slight confusion.
“‘Haven’t you heard?’” said she. ‘She’s missing!’
“‘Who is?’ said I, fearing the worst.
“‘Rainbow Dash!”
“She then showed me an advertisement with a picture of a mare with a sky-blue coat and rainbow mane—it was Rainbow Dash.
“I nearly fainted, Mr. Pones when I laid my eyes upon that poster. I then snatched it from her and came straight to you, for I know of your extraordinary powers in which you use to help troubled individuals such as I. Please, I implore you, Mr. Pones to use them now, in finding out whatever in Equestria happened to Rainbow Dash and come with me to Ponyville as you do so.