This was a fairly normal night for princess Luna.
Reviewing the few papers addressed to her, banishing nightmares and attending to other small tasks. Right now, she was in the middle of that second activity, suspended in the dreamscape, not moving an inch.
Now, you may be wondering, why was the princess of the night standing still and not making any progress on her duties? Well, the answer was quite simple.
She could hear whistling.
It was a pretty cheerful tune; she could imagine it playing during the early hours of the night as some modern establishments opened to welcome patrons inside.
There however was a problem.
There were only two ways she could hear this whistling, not counting the obvious “going insane” explanation. Option A was if she took somepony out of their dream and into the dreamscape with her, which she hasn’t, so this was not the case.
The other option was a lot more concerning, as it meant that the whistling was coming from the real world.
The real world, in which Luna sat at her desk, with guards posted outside of the only door to her room, which by the way, was locked. There was another entrance to her room, that being from the balcony, but to get to it a pony would have to scale the walls of the castle for a good couple hours, during which they surely would have been noticed by the patrolling pegasi.
There must have been a reasonable explanation to this, but Luna just couldn’t find it. It could have been her sister playing a prank on her, however she knew that it wasn’t, as she saw Celestia’s dream bubble just a couple minutes ago. It was a calm blu-ish grey colour, signifying that the alicorn was in a deep sleep, which in conjunction with seeing the state she was in when heading off to bed eliminated any doubt. But if not Celestia, then who?
The simple tune made it extremely hard to think for some reason. It was half whispered, reminding Luna of how she herself would half-mindedly mimic the especially catchy songs she heard, while reading through especially long and boring documents.
Luna shook her head trying to drown out the tune as much as she could. That of course, didn’t help much, as her physical body remained still regardless of her actions in the realm of dreams.
Could it be a member of her guard? Seeing a bat pony on the way to see the princess of the night wouldn’t exactly be suspicious, and there wasn’t yet a system in place through which the royal guard could communicate with their lunar counterpart to find out who was supposed to be where, so it's not impossible to imagine that even a rookie could make an uncontested landing on her balcony. To do that however, the rookie would need a reason, and a strong one at that.
A lot of things changed over the hundreds of years Luna spent on the moon, and with no way to observe what exactly was transpiring down on the planet, she continued to hold on to the values of her time. Upon her return, it turned out that Equestria no longer had to contest its land with a dozen different kingdoms, so her battle commander attitude heavily contrasted with the general sentiment of the population. That, in combination with what she did to deserve her banishment, meant that her public image wasn’t the best, even among her guards. Actually, scratch that, we might as well call things by their name.
Ponies were terrified of her. Even the guards regularly posted at her chamber’s door sighed in relief after she passed by them. This fear was universal, so if a guard really did show up at her personal quarters, he must be motivated by quite a substantial prize. Seeing as she hasn’t really engaged with her soldiers, she might have missed them crowdfunding a reward for whoever dared to directly interact with her outside of what their duty required…
But there was a much simpler and more realistic explanation:
Not everyone was happy with the change in how the kingdom was run. The very few weeks of her taking over her nightly duties saw multiple attacks on both her and her sister. Luckily, none of them were successful.
Until now.
This was it. The only explanation that made sense. As soon as this thought registered in Luna’s mind, her years of training and combat experience wrestled control away from any other parts of her brain. Abstract ideas arranged themselves into a list, which was then analysed to try and devise a plan of action.
The attacker was not a unicorn, as the balconies were enchanted to block teleportation spells, and an earth pony would never make it up without being spotted. A changeling’s voice would not sound so smooth, and any other species would be too out of place for an infiltration like this.
That only left pegasi and bat ponies. Both species shared the same battle characteristics: lighter frame, more agile, and able to go airborne. These qualities however, would not assist much in a fight against an alicorn, which meant that something else had to be at play.
Magic suppression? That would most definitely limit her capabilities, however seeing as it worked both ways, her opponent would be left with no other option except for hoof to hoof combat, and taking in account her physique, she would win even if she only had one hundredth of her training, so this wasn’t it.
Could it be a magical weapon of some sorts? Definitely could be, but if that’s the case, why did he not use it already? Once she is conscious, there is nearly no spell that would pass her magical defences, so letting her know about an incoming attack would make the assassin's job a whole lot harder.
Oh. Oh no. She needed to end this train of thought quickly, as trying to find logic in an attack on the pony responsible for holding up the moon and stars in the sky would do nothing more than return her to square one and leave her even more confused.
There was a winged pony on her balcony.
He was, by whatever means, armed to face off against her.
Those were all the details she needed to know in order to concentrate on creating a plan of action.
So, what were her options? The obvious two were to run or fight. If she chose to run, she could go for the door, which apart from getting her out of the room would also immediately provide her with support in form of the two guards, but in order for that to come to fruition she would have to open it.
Usually opening a lock wouldn’t be a problem, however the lock in question was a custom made, magic proof marvel of Equestrian engineering. One that would only unlock when presented with the horseshoe on her front right hoof. There was no way she could stand up, turn around, get to the door and unlock it without intervention from whoever was on her balcony.
Alternatively, she could try charging straight ahead, in an attempt to escape from the balcony. This option carried a lot more risk than the last, from the danger that comes with closing in to the opponent, to the fact that in aerial combat her alicorn size would be a disadvantage, the added mass meaning the lighter pony would be far superior in both speed and mobility. Still, once she was out of the room, there were hundreds of possibilities, most of which benefited her.
That seemed to be all for running.
Fighting was pretty self explanatory, though she couldn’t formulate an exact plan until she knew what exactly she was up against.
What else was there to consider? Ah, that’s right, the magic emergency signal. In order to send it out, she would have to forfeit the ability to attack or defend immediately, but having half of the guards on duty dispatched to her immediate location was definitely worth it.
Now, there was one last thing to address. The voice. She heard this voice before.
But no, it must have been just a coincidence, there was no way in the world that it could have been him.
She however didn’t get to come up with an alternative to who it was, as the first verse of the song sounded, confirming her suspicions.
“She fell asleep, paperwork unfinished,
Forgetting to close her bay access door,”
Even before her eyes opened, her horn was aflame with magic, relaying the distress signal to dozens of guard posts around the castle.
“And in her dreams she saw many a soul diminish,”
She scrambled from her sitting position, immediately assuming a low battle stance.
“But only awoke to the boy on her floor!”
The haze in her eyes finally dissipated and the world came into focus.
There, laying on the thick balcony railing was the human.
He was wearing different clothes, his hair was ruffled and he now sported an even stubble on the lower part of his face, but it was most definitely him. He was stretching out the Os in “floor”, while striking a pose: one leg up in the air, head tilted back and holding a canister of some sort as if it was a microphone. Once he ran out of air he swung around, facing her directly while pulling off his dark tinted glasses and spinning them around a finger in one practised motion.
“This, is a great song. Not gonna do the entirety of it though, cause it gets really graphic about them… well, heh… doing what young people do best.”
The princesses’ horn glowed, as a shape began to form next to her head.
For a time now he suspected that despite looking innocent they could do something like this. After all, if something can be weaponized, then given time, it will be.
He honestly expected some sort of a charge up sound to accompany the attack, which it did, but it was way quicker than what he was imagining. Now that he thought about it, it would be pretty logical that a bigger horse would have more magic, though then again, this world has taught him to disregard any and all logical reasoning as soon as magic was mentioned in any capacity, so he hasn’t given any of it much thought.
There was a second problem, which was the fact that he didn’t expect to be met with a magic missile of doom in the first place. Sure, he accounted for the possibility of the situation escalating but he was really hoping that she would at least hear him out beforehand.
These two surprises meant that currently he was completely in the open, with all weapons stowed and the glasses which housed his HUD being nowhere close to his head, while in front of him a telepathic horse princess charged up a magic barrage.
Yeah... He’s had a substantial amount of training in a whole lot of different areas, and although none covered this exact situation, a common theme was present throughout all of it: You do not want a massive, sharp looking projectile pointed at you, regardless of who you're facing off against.
With that being all the useful informaton his mind could muster, he pulled himself together and utilised the standard close quarters tactical manoeuvre commonly known as 'physically hide from your problem until you can figure out what the fuck you are supposed to do or it solves itself'.
Throwing himself off the railing and towards the safe spot created by the rise of a massive bed, which occupied most of the room, he hit the floor a bit too hard resulting in a near total loss of momentum. That was instantly corrected by his mobility improvement kit, the thruster burst of which yanked him to his intended destination, and away from the impact of a magic missile, which shattered the floor mere centimetres away from where his feet were.
A beep from the control unit signified a change in the status of one or more pieces of equipment. During his dive for cover the glasses went off flying further into the room, but he didn’t need a HUD to know exactly what this signal meant.
Climbing all the way up here put quite a strain on the thruster fuel reserves, and this final push left them completely dry, which meant a 5 minute time window during which he could forget about any and all strategies requiring non-human movement or speed.
Those strategies included his planned escape route of jumping off the balcony and aiming for the pond in the gardens below, whereupon the thrusters would be used to slow the fall to the point of it classifying as a daring escape and not a suicide. Following that he would sprint back to the breach in the castle perimeter, collect his robe for identity concealment and disappear into the dark twisty side streets of the city.
Now however, none of that could happen and if anything went wrong, which it already has, he would be stranded until positive that he had his gear back in play.
Giving a nervous chuckle at this development, he pulled a heavy revolver out of its holster.
Not wanting to harm any creature before he got his footing in this kingdom but having anticipated a confrontation at some point, he preloaded it with taser rounds, so at least there wasn’t going to be a need to reload in these conditions.
Still, that was far from the end of his troubles, as he didn’t want to shoot directly at the princess.
Granted, taser rounds did superficial damage, but any damage would be enough to ruin the story of “I was just standing to the side, doing nothing, seeing nothing and you won’t prove otherwise cause you don’t have evidence, fucko” he would pull in case things went south.
With direct shots being phased out the only option left was trying to chain a current between two taser charges. Letting his head drop, he straightened his hand out under the bed and took aim at the area in front of four dark blue hooves. Pulling the trigger, the first taser charge embedded itself into the floor.
Now, the second charge was going to require a lot more work, as it would need to be positioned on the wall behind the princess. Usually this wouldn’t pose a problem, he’d pop up, fire the round, drop back down and be done with it, but currently that plan would miserably fail at the first step as following the bang of the taser round being fired, his hiding position has been targeted with what can be best described as magical suppressive fire.
He was gonna have to get creative here. Spinning the revolver a couple times he lightly tossed it over to a thin manipulator arm which stretched from behind his back. With both hands now free, he pulled out the second tool at his disposal. Cycling the shotgun with a satisfying clack, he once again took aim, this time for a direct hit.
The shotgun kicked back with a deafening bang, but seemingly no other effect.
“Ah, scheisse-”
Did he really just forget what ammunition type he loaded earlier? One day, this was going to cost him more than just a reload and a curse. He was just thankful it was a concussion round and not a spitfire.
Being in the middle of a conflict scenario wasn’t a reason to forgo proper manners, so while ejecting the spent cartridge he called out over the bed:
“Sorry about that!”
The only answer he got was the bed jerking towards him, as an extra powerful spell smashed into it.
Another mechanical appendage snaked its way under his arm to pass him the round he needed. Loading it, he once again took aim and pulled the trigger.
This time instead of instantly sending sparks flying, the shotgun split down the length of the barrel, allowing additional parts to unfold from its frame. The whining noise it made as power surged through its complex system was vaguely similar to the sound with which the magic spears warped into existence, which judging by the sudden panicked stumbling of hooves was noticed by the princess of the night as well. At this point however, there was nothing she could do. The whine reached its apex and the gun discharged a wave of energy with a low bass.
Luna saw the side of the bed closest to her jump up into the air before her hooves were swiped from under her and she felt her back heartily smack into a wall, immediately followed up with gravity taking its course and roughly returning her to the floor.
Snapping her head back towards the bed, she saw the human at full height, one hand holding a smoking mess of wires and tubes which was quickly assembling itself back together, while the other reached for the handgun, suspended behind him by thin metal arms.
Thinking quickly, she ignited her horn and pushed the weapon away before he could get a solid grip on it. Slipping past his fingers it clacked to the ground behind him.
“OH COME ON!” Was the immediate half-angry, half-pleading response.
Looks like she found a winning strategy. Igniting her horn once again, she went for the device in his other hand. It looked a lot heavier, so she decided to pull instead of pushing. Seeing as this time the element of surprise was absent, the human managed to keep his grip.
Not getting the desired result, Luna decided to just pull harder.
Hm. This was surprisingly difficult.
All she needed to do however, was just pull harder until she got what she wanted.
At this point the human was leaning back considerably, his feet scraping along the floor as he was pulled forward.
No, something was definitely not right here. Just how much did that thing weigh?
With a final increase in power, Luna managed to finally twist the weapon out of his arms, but as it flew up, she spotted the reason for its unproportional weight.
Stretching from the human’s belt, there was a sturdy looking chain. A chain which was supporting his entire weight as he was lifted into the air and flung forward, following the trajectory of the gun.
A spark went off in her mind.
She was pulling the gun with all her strength, intending to let it fly over her head.
The human was suspended just below the gun.
She just put him on a direct collision course with her head.
Once this realisation struck home, Luna did the first thing that came to mind: letting the telepathic field drop.
Now, here’s the thing about snap decisions: they often overlook obvious problems that will arise from going through with whatever your mind suggests. At first glance letting go was the logical choice, but right now, Luna’s decision resulted in an unguided, screaming human projectile hurtling towards her, with its speed no longer limited by magic.
As the human’s legs connected with Luna’s chest, she found herself gasping for breath. Fractions of a second later, the hefty mass of the gun connected with the top of her head, but did so at an angle that resulted in it bouncing off, and coming to a stop a couple centimetres later, as it reached its final destination at the human’s forehead.
Luna’s hind legs gave way and the human fell backwards, both of them fighting their bodies for the right to stay conscious. About half a minute worth of panting and head shaking later, they were once again looking at each other, though now neither party looked sure of its success.
Luna was the first one to make a move, going for a punch with a front hoof.
Well, punch might have been a bit of an exaggeration. With how much energy was behind it, the description of an “aggressive caress” would be a lot more fitting.
The human on his part, responded with an equally damaging left hook, which did little more than brush Luna’s mane out of her eyes.
Losing her balance she stumbled forward, and he went for a grab counter attack, wrapping his arms around her neck and wrenching to the side as hard as he could.
Seeing as the night princess was a horse that stood on four legs and outclassed him by weight heavily, it's safe to say this approach wasn’t exactly effective.
After a moment of them standing there, him still trying to tackle Luna to the ground, while she tried to pry him off without falling over, he seemingly gave up.
“Just… Fall… Already…”
He managed to get out between sucking in air, as he leaned on the princess for balance.
“We… Shall not… Yield…”
Came an equally winded reply as she lowered her head, causing his hands to slip off. The sudden change in weight distribution caused her to lose balance, and not being able to move her hooves fast enough, she ended up on the floor as well.
Looking up, she saw that he was already on the move, crawling towards the bed.
“Fight with dignity, fiend!” she called out.
“Fuck off psycho, if you just gave me a minute we wouldn’t have to fight at all!” was the reply from the human who was half way through the process of standing up.
Having hoisted himself up with the help of a bedside table, he turned around to see the princess closing in, horn aimed directly at his neck.
With no real options, he fell onto the bed and rolled a couple times, ending up in the centre of the massive mattress.
Luna clambered up, throwing herself forward, and before he had the chance to move there were two thick equine legs on each side of him, cutting off any further movement possibilities. He felt his torso being lifted from the bed, and moving his eyes upwards saw his tie in the princesses mouth.
After a couple of seconds Luna felt him go limp as he accepted his defeat.
“ALRIGHT, alright, you got me. Now can we pleAAAUGHASE MOTHERFU- AAAGH!”
Huh. That was weird. However, as Luna’s brain turned the details of the last second or two, reasoning for it became incredibly clear. Once he stopped struggling, she decided to drop her flank, which apart from allowing her to rest, would keep him pinned to the bed without her having to put in much work.
As she plopped down, she felt an uncomfortably cold and blocky object press against her body.
The gun. It was perfectly centred between her and the human’s hips.
Given his voice and appearance, it was quite logical to assume that he was a stallion, and if his basic biology wasn’t too different from a pony’s, it would mean that the area on which the gun was currently applying her entire weight was…
The door smashed open and with a war cry, guards began pouring in. The enthusiasm however, quickly faded as those who made it into the room first took in the scene in front of them:
On the bed, a ruffled looking princess of the night, with her wings stiff and no crown on her head, was straddling a human, whose hands were grasping her flanks. His eyes were wide as he was partially suspended in the air by his tie, which Luna held in her mouth.
What in Tartarus did they just walk into?
Luna let go of the tie, allowing the human to drop down, which elicited a whine from him.
“This… Isn’t what it looks like.”
She had a feeling that this wasn’t a good thing to say in this situation, but it was the only option her mind presented her with.
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET OFF PLEASE!!” Came a shriek from under her. “I GIVE UP, I PROMISE TO DO ANYTHING YOU TELL ME TO, JUST GET OFF!!”
The moment she lifted off the bed the human was gone. She swore she never saw anything move that fast, as her eyes simply failed to register how he made his way over to the side of the bed, instead only catching a glimpse of him rolling off.
Shuffling off the matress and making her way around the corner she found him rolled up on the floor, breathing deeply and whispering something to himself.
Looking over to the guards, she saw that a couple managed to retain their composure, but most were either facing away while blushing deeply, or looked at the display with their mouths wide open.
Making eye contact with a guard who seemed to be keeping himself together, she flicked her eyes over to the shape on the floor and then back to him. Although looking unsure, he lowered his spear and approached the human, but before he was able to do anything else his target called out to him.
“Hey, hey, hey listen, can we just speak for a second? No ranks, no affiliation, just dude to dude conversation.” Not giving the guard a chance to reply, he continued “I just had the entirety of THAT” he vaguely gestured in Luna's direction “sit on me, and I don't mean it in a good way. Take a second, and imagine what I am going through right now, alright?”
It was subtle, but she definitely saw the guard wince and adjust his posture, bringing his hind legs closer together.
“I am in no shape to resist, so just please, be huma… horsane? ponane? Ah forget it, just don’t be a dick.”
The guard turned to Luna, a questioning look on his face. She honestly didn't know what to say. On one hand an intruder should be detained as soon as possible, but on the other he did sound like he was in a great deal of pain.
Sensing that a decision was being weighed up, the human spoke once again.
“Alright, I understand what you’re thinking, I really do, so let’s cut a deal. You give me a second to compose myself, and I will follow you into the dungeon torture chamber or whatever it is you prepared for me, and answer any and all questions you have. Sound good?”
Luna didn’t really see a way for this to get out of hoof, so she gave a curt nod to the guard, who raised his spear and stood at attention.
"Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you..."
His voice trailed off as he sat up, leaning against the side of the bed; which allowed her to take a proper look at him.
He was wearing a suit, which was accented with strips of crimson heavy duty material that would look a lot more fitting on a repair pony's tool belt. The bottom parts of his legs and arms were covered in some sort of armour, the worn paint and a few deep scratches suggesting that it has seen action in the past. Despite this, he somehow regained a formal look. Maybe it was the white gloves? Or maybe the attitude?
Luna felt herself tense up as he reached behind his back. The guards must have noticed it, as there suddenly were a dozen spears pointed at him.
"Hey, relax! It's just something for the pain." He quipped, throwing his six hands into the air. Well, if the thin, metal, claw-like appendages could be considered as hands then it would be six, otherwise it was the normal two.
"Say human, what are these... arms you have coming from your back?"
"At-ta-ta princess, remember our agreement: A minute of peace, then tourture chamber, then all questions answered."
Luna opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. Something told her it was pointless to argue on this.
With the guards back to their original position, he once again reached behind his back, producing a small tube of some sort. Positioning it over his leg, he winced as he pushed down and held it there for a couple seconds.
"Ah, now that's the stuff"
Whatever he did must have been really effective, as any and all strain was gone from his voice.
"I'm nearly ready, just wanna have one final stretch" he announced, flipping onto his knees and leaning forward until his forehead was touching the floor.
Something is wrong.
Luna's eyes were wide open as her fur stood on end.
She knew this feeling. Every soldier who has been out in the battlefield knew it. Distant, muted, but oh so persistent, it was as if your instincts talked to you directly, highlighting a small patch of colour out of place, or an unfamiliar scent on the wind.
Right now, that tiny voice was dragging her attention towards a sound. It was so quiet that her own breathing nearly drowned it out, but it was most definitely there.
Was it a beep?
And then something else occurred to her:
She couldn't see his hands.
Clack-clack
The world slipped into slow motion as the adrenaline in her blood finally kicked in, but as she moved forwards it became obvious it was too late.
She could see his body unfolding from its original position as an orange glow emanated from the armour on his forearms, the metal heating up in a fraction of a second.
No, no, no, there must be something she can do, however little time there is.
With a burst of flames he is pulled from the kneeling position, and further up into the air. All Luna can do is look on as the human gracefully twists around, aligning the barrel of the gun with her head.
But what disturbs her most is the expression on his face. A smile. A smile of genuine happiness and bliss. She saw that smile before, and she knows what it precedes.
Shouts. The sound of clashing metal. Violent crackle of electricity. It all sounds so distant, but so close. Luna’s head is pounding as she blinks away the bright spots in her vision.
Everything is blurry. She can see flashes, but they don’t look like magic. A dark cloud is quickly rolling in from the side of her vision. Smoke? But where from?
What is going on? She was sitting at her desk, concerned about something… No, someone.
A force pushes her forward, and she can feel clean air entering her lungs.
Someone bad. She remembers seeing them before. He was dangerous. So dangerous that if she saw him she’d have to strike before asking questions.
The smoke clears and she can see dark blue, dotted with little shiny lights. Outside. That’s where she is. It’s beautiful.
Wait… She already did it. She fought him. Fought him and won.
Another push topples her over something, and she suddenly feels very light. All sounds are washed away by the whistling of the wind.
But if she won, what was happening to her now? Something, no, everything went wrong.
That smile…
Suddenly it all came rushing back, the world snapping into focus as her mind finally processed the ground rushing up towards her at a terrifying speed. Throwing open her wings she became aware of a substantial pressure on her back, as her sudden change in aerodynamics amplified the perceived weight ten fold.
Something grabbed her left wing and forced it closed, sending everything back into a spin.
Ground,
Sky,
Ground,
Sky,
Ground-
Splash.
She was dragged through the slimy layer of algae at the bottom of the pond as water poured into her mouth, threatening to choke her.
Finally catching her footing she pushed up towards the surface glistening with moonlight above. Her body was failing, movements sloppy and weak as the muscles fought to keep working without an oxygen supply.
Just… need… to go up… a little further…
With a gasp she broke free of the cold water’s hold, scrambling to get to shore as quickly as possible. As soon as her front hooves touched the ground, she collapsed, not even bothering to get out of the water fully.
“Dumb ass COW!”
The human forcefully flipped her over, grabbing her head and bringing it uncomfortably close to his, so that she had no choice but to look into his eyes.
“You have wings, so why don’t you use them properly when it’s fucking needed?!”
Luna could hear every word, but none of them compared to the dressing down she was receiving in her own head.
You failed Luna. Not for the first time either; remember Nightmare Moon? That’s right Luna, this is the exact same situation.
“hey”
You knew a great evil was coming, and what did you do? Lock it away in your head like a bad memory. Perhaps the thousand years on the moon didn’t teach you anything after all. But don't worry, this time you won’t get to hide away from the consequences.
“Hey!”
You will stand and watch what this monster does to your subjects, your friends. Even your enemies do not deserve what is coming for them, and all of it will be on you and your ignora-
“HEY!”
The shout snaps Luna out of her internal rant, suddenly making her aware of the tears building in her eyes.
“Don’t zone out on me, ok? Listen, I may have gone a bit too far, I admit. You haven’t done that badly, I’m just a bit pissed about nearly dying, that’s all”
She… doesn’t know what to say. All the emotions, scratches and bruises become so much more pronounced as the adrenaline fades, leaving her confused, hurt and freezing. The first tear makes it down her cheek.
“Tch, fucking hell. Come here.”
With a small scowl, the human leans forward and wraps his hands around her neck in a hug. She wants to fight, to run, to scream, but she knows it will all be in vain, so she leans forward and rests her head on his shoulder.
After a couple moments he shifts, turning his mouth towards her ear.
“Right then, I actually keep my word so here’s the synopsis: We’re gonna stay like this for a bit, then you’ll call off the guards and then I’m gonna have a nice, long talk with you and we'll get all questions answered”