Dear Princess Celestia,
I would like to thank you for your interest in our organisation and as per your request I will attempt to describe the arrival of MGP-001.
While I wasn't present for the following events, Miss Pie assures me that her memory is very comprehensive and she has taken time out of her busy schedule to 'supervise' me while I recover. I have made sure to check Miss Pie's account with accounts given by other witnesses but in some cases this was impossible.
By all accounts it was a sunny day in Ponyville the day the first subject arrived. My mistake, "It was a very sunny day in Ponyville. It was so hot that [Miss Pie's] ice cream was all melty before [she] could finish it." I have been assured that while the ponies of Ponyville were quite lethargic that day, the bees were buzzing, the crickets were chirping and the birds were singing. Pinkie Pie was seemingly untouched by the heat and felt the need to join in with the most annoying noise I have ever heard. She was merrily bouncing to Sweet Apple Acres, on her way to see Applejack.
Suddenly Pinkie's tail began to twitch. This was a surprisingly common occurrence for Pinkie that warned her of a worryingly common situation: something was about to fall. She whipped her head up and searched the empty sky, seeing only the sun lazily making its way west. The orchard was similarly empty of falling objects. At least that's what she thought until she remembered where she was. “Apples! Of course!” thought Pinkie, “Apples tend to fall from trees when you buck them.” Naturally, she completely forgot about the incident and continued to bounce her merry way through the trees. Her thoughts dominated by important issues like 'What games could we play while working?' I Spy, Twenty Questions and Who Can Get The Most Apples were the obvious choices.
Pinkies train of thought was derailed when a loud crack echoed through the surrounding hills. “Applejack must really be working hard if she's making this much noise” thought the pink mare. A brief cry of fear echoed through the hills and Pinkie rose to a gallop. It was the right thing to do. Applejack might have hurt herself.
Pinkie didn't have time to react when an orange blur came out from behind a tree. They collided head-on. Pinkie and Applejack tumbled onto the soft grass, AJ's hat knocked clear off her head. While neither pony was hurt they were both startled by what they say when they looked up.
Standing over them was a huge, two-legged thing that seemed to stare down at them. It didn't move, it just reached out with its two arms. It was mostly a tan coloured stone except on what was unmistakably supposed to be a face. It's staring eyes were just green rings. Its nose, mouth, cheeks and chin were painted on in black. All of this was emphasised by the crude red lines that ran between its features and continued on past the eyes and nose in a broad, off-putting smear.
Pinkie could only stare back at it until Applejack finally spoke.
"Come on Pinkie. Just back away and don't blink. If you blink, it... well, it moves."
Pinkie stared up at the big statue-thing, "Don't be silly Applejack. Statues can't move." Applejack just watched, frozen, as pinkie walked up to the thing and sniffed it. "Is this some kind of prank AJ? 'Cause you're doing it all wrong."
The orange mare took Pinkie's tail in her mouth and forcibly pulled her away from the statue. "Ahm sherious Pinhih! We neeh do geh awah!"
Boring things like teeth could do nothing to sate the pink mare's curiosity and she was soon free. "Where do you think it came from AJ? The Everfree?"
"I was applebucking when I heard this loud noise and then a crash." said Applejack hurriedly, now backing away without Pinkie, "It hit the tree behind me. Pinkie we-"
"What kind of a loud noise? Did it sound like a bang or a thump? Kapow? Ptaang? Was it the same loud noise I heard?"
"Pinkie! If you're going to stay I need you to keep staring at it! I'm going to get help." said Applejack, as she reluctantly turned her back on the statue and galloped off towards home.
Pinkie was now quite alone with the statue. She wasn't scared. There was no reason to be scared. She just closed one eye at a time. "Simple!" thought the pink pony, "AJ is so silly." It took a few trips around the statue to convince Pinkie that there was nothing particularly special about it. Except it's weird shape. Oh, and the fact that it could apparently move. Having never learned the meaning of 'self-preservation', it wasn't long before Pinkie decided to see what happened when she blinked. She walked backwards, keeping an eye on the thing the entire time and when she was almost over the hill, she blinked and something scraped across the ground.
It was right there. Its arms only inches from her face.
"That's. So. Cool!" beamed Pinkie as she practically shook with excitement. "I barely heard you move! And you're so fast! You could probably beat Dashie in a race." She pulled herself into a conspiratorial huddle with the tan statue, whispering a quick: "Don't tell her I said that." before she pulled away again. "Are you an alien? Like in one of Twilight's stories? Oh ooh! Why are you here? Do you want to plunder our natural resources? Do you want to speak to Mayor Mare, or Celestia, to discuss the terms of our surrender? Are you here to find the secret of friendship? Is this about that message in a bottle that I threw into the sky?"
There was half an hour of blissful, yet eerie, silence as the cotton candy pony waited for the answers. Half an hour. This event would later be demonstrated to an inquisitive fool, who was tricked into playing the statue, and would probably have nightmares about that silent, winking, stare for days afterwards.
It finally dawned on Pinkie that the statue wasn't going to answer her many questions and it wasn't long before she came to her own conclusion. The outstretched arms. Those big, green eyes. It was so obvious! Against all common sense, Pinkie wrapped her forelegs around the big tan statue and closed her eyes.
It's an unusual feeling. The rough concrete begins to move as if it were some kind of organic tissue and when it does move, it moves fast. Pinkie felt the things arms wrap around her but quickly pulled herself out of the embrace when they began to tighten.
“You have to be careful you silly filly. Somepony could get hurt if you squeezed them like that. Not everyone's as flexible as me.” Animals may learn but Pinkie Pie doesn't have to. She wormed her way back into its embrace and closed her eyes once more.
I only have Miss Pie's account to verify how she was able to pacify 'The Statue'. I still find it difficult to believe tthat this dangerous and undeniably lethal anomaly was almost completely pacified following a brief tutorial on hugging from a hyperactive, irri- funny and super-fun pink pony named Pinkie Pie.
I have spared you the full account of what happened during that time but I will say that Miss Pie was very thorough with her instructions and I have to admire anything that can face a potentially deadly creature/object and come to the conclusion that it wants “hugs”.
That is to say, I'm impressed she got it right.
She is yet to provide a logical explanation for what followed.
Pinkie sighed as she flew through the air. The trip hadn't gone for as long as she thought it would and it had ended so suddenly. The wind in her hair, the roar in her ears. The darkness flying by. Well it wasn't really darkness; she had just had her eyes closed.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she landed on all four hooves, her face pressed against something soft and yellow.
“Pinkie?” said Applejack's voice.
“Yes, Applejack's voice?” replied Pinkie.
Applejack sighed, “Would you kindly take a step back.”
Thankfully, Applejack's mane didn't follow Pinkie as she stepped back and she could finally see where she was. She was back at Sweet Apple Acres tough there was no sign of Applebloom, Big Mac or Granny Smith. In front of her stood three surprised, confused and scared mares. Applejack, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. Applejack froze and Pinkie watched as her pupils quickly shrank to pinpricks.
“Pinkie.” Applejack said softly.
“What is it AJ?” Pinkie said, concerned by how serious her friend was acting.
Applejack shifted herself to the right and kept staring at something behind Pinkie, “Don't panic but the... thing is right behind you.”
“Oh. Is that all?” Pinkie brushed a hoof across her forehead. “I thought I still had apple on my face.” She ran to Rainbow Dash and shook her, “Quick Dashie! I need you to go find a blindfold.”
Rainbow put a hoof to her head before she replied to the Pinkie on the left, “Why do we need a blindfold?”
Pinkie just shook her again, “There's no time to explain. It's urgent.”
As Dash flew into the barn Twilight turned to look at Applejack, who nodded reluctantly. Then she turned to speak to Pinkie who was now behind the group. “Why do we need a blindfold Pinkie? Applejack told us that it can't move if we can see it. Does it need to see us?”
“Don't be silly Twilight,” said Pinkie, stating what she felt was obvious, “the blindfold isn't for the statue. Why would we want to blindfold it anyway? It's so cool! It carried me all the way here and-”
Twilight cut her off, “It carried you here? Applejack said it attacked her!”
“It didn't want to hurt her, Twilight. It was trying to give her a hug. Though now that I think of it, Applejack isn't very flexible so one of those hugs might have really hurt her but don't worry, I fixed that. Anyway, being carried is so fun. It's all 'whoosh' and 'swish'. It feels just like the time Dashie gave me a ride.”
“Pinkie!” shouted Dash as she came gliding down from the hayloft with a bandanna wrapped around her forehoof, “You said you'd never tell anypony about that!”
“Are you sure it's not dangerous?” asked Applejack, risking a look back.
Pinkie Pie put on a smile that split her face, “Of course I'm sure. Nopony is looking at it now and it hasn't done anything.”
Applejack and Twilight whipped around to see that the big, tan statue was still where they had last seen it. Standing in the grass by the side of the road. Arms at its sides.
Well, it wasn't exactly the same. Now it was wearing Applejack's hat.
“Pinkie.” said Applejack as reluctantly turned away from the statue once more, “Why do we need a blindfold?”
Pinkie's smile somehow managed to grow bigger, “For the race of course.”
Needless to say, there was no race that afternoon. While Miss Pie did manage to calm them down eventually, they faced some difficult questions. Where did it come from? Why was it here? What do you do with a moving statue that had only just learned how to hug something without killing it? The answers to these questions aren't going to be answered in this letter as it is already far too late.
Sincerely, Blue Shift
Co-Director of the MGP Foundation.