The Human Mercenaries—Earth, The Merry Robin Motel on the outskirts of Canterlot. Mid-morning of Day Two.
Two men emerged from the grungy motel office: a big broad man with a bald head and a dark complexion, and a small wiry man with spiky blond hair and a pasty complexion. Both of them wore cheap, ill-fitting suits.
“So what you’re saying, Jeremiah, is that we have no idea where this group of three is headed,” the small man said, summarizing the contents of a just-concluded phone call.
“Yeah, but I know how to find them, Thomas,” the large man countered, opening the trunk of his blue-gray 1995 Buick Century sedan. He unlocked and opened a large square box to reveal a fat black disk sitting on a foam cushion. Four small rotors were attached by arms to the sides of the disk, and eight blunt spikes were attached between them. Finally, four rods were attached to the bottom of the device, forming the landing gear. “This is a top of the line military drone quadcopter,” he said with pride, introducing the miniature vehicle like it was his son. “It operates at an altitude of 1000 feet, where it is nearly impossible to detect, and can fly at speeds up to 80 miles per hour. The camera package mounted on the bottom can see in optical, infrared and ultraviolet, and can read the print on a newspaper. And I can control everything with this tablet.”
“Ooooh!” Thomas exclaimed. “Can I play with it?” He reached for the tablet which his partner had just produced.
“Spike is not a toy!” Jeremiah said, hugging the tablet to his chest. “Now, do you have information on our targets?”
Thomas looked down at his mobile phone. “I’ve got the make and model of the bishop’s car.”
Jeremiah looked over at the phone, and entered the car’s color into the tablet. “Can you get me hair colors?”
“Hair colors?”
“Yeah.” Jeremiah put the quadcopter down on the asphalt a dozen feet away from the car, backed away, and using the tablet, started it up and directed it to fly straight up. The main display on the tablet showed the parking lot of the motel, surrounded by two freeways intersecting. “I’ve got a mode that can search for color combinations.” He entered in the hair colors of Meridiem Tempest, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. It took a few minutes, but eventually the drone found the car exiting a highway and heading for the Canterlot Zoo. “And Bingo is his name-o,” he said suavely, walking over and getting into his car’s driver’s seat.
“Hey, does that mean that I get to play with the tablet thingee while you drive?” Thomas asked eagerly as he slid into the passenger seat.
Jeremiah gave him a severe glare out of one eye.
“Err...monitor the targets with the not-a-toy?”
Jeremiah’s glare softened. “Yeah, sure. Don’t crash the thing, or I’ll build the replacement out of your skull.”
“All right!” Thomas exclaimed with a fist pump, before delicately taking the tablet and studying it for a few moments. “Drive that-a-way!” he exclaimed, pointing towards their target without looking up. He then looked up and saw that he was pointing right at the side of the motel office. “Um...maybe drive around first.”
# # #
Eventually, the pair arrived at the parking lot of the zoo, parking themselves in the employee section and a few rows away from Mother Meridiem’s convertible. Jeremiah, once again in control of the tablet, had the drone land so he could swap out the batteries. Then he sent it back up to its maximum altitude to spy on the three targets, who were standing together.
Thomas peeked around Jeremiah’s bulk to try and see what he was seeing. “Why do you have to keep it so high?” he complained. “We won’t even be able to read their lips from there.”
“They’re out in the open,” Jeremiah patiently explained. “If I got it closer, sooner or later one of them would spot it. Besides, we aren’t being paid enough for something like that. If our mystery client decides to cough up a couple more thousand dollars, then we get out the parabolic microphone dish.”
P. Fluttershy.
Mother Meridiem was absolutely certain that the three of them were the only visitors to the Canterlot Zoo. And looking at the run-down cages and miserable animals within, it was obvious why no Markist would ever want to come here. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy,” she said. “I had no idea that this place would be this bad. I knew that it was built by an Outsider for tourists, but I assumed...” She pulled out the paper map she had been issued when she had bought their admission. “They’re not even accredited. You see, there’s this organization that maintains standards for zoos and aquariums. Cages were phased out at least fifty years ago, and—”
“It’s alright,” Fluttershy said, turning away from the elephant cage to face her and Rainbow Dash. “The animals have been telling me what they’ve been seeing, and they know that the keepers do everything they can. The fault lies with the owners, who are too cowardly to actually show up and see the consequences of their actions. I’m making a list of the little things they would like changed, since they know we can’t actually do anything about the big things. Besides, the owners are going to declare bankruptcy in a few months if they don’t make any money.”
“Well, that’s good,” Meridiem said. “Because there are organizations that can move in and rescue them if that happens.”
Fluttershy nodded, then walked over to the lion cage.
“So talking to animals is Fluttershy’s mark-related talent?” Meridiem asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, probably,” Rainbow Dash replied.
In the silence that followed, Meridiem noticed how much louder the zoo had become since Fluttershy had started talking to the animals. She turned back down the path that the trio had taken from the entrance, and it seemed to her that all sorts of complex conversations were going on between all of the animals that Fluttershy had spoken to. “Rainbow Dash, how smart are animals in Equestria?” she asked nervously.
“Well I only know birds, but they’re pretty smart, the same as your average filly or colt. If we had more talkers like Fluttershy, we’d probably be using them as scouts or something.”
“I...see,” said Meridiem, pulling out her phone. “Could...could you two stay here for a little bit? I have to make some calls—you can’t just drive up to an airport and look at the planes without making some arrangements first.”
When the trio eventually left the zoo, they received a chorus of “Goodbye, Fluttershy!” from all of the parrots and other talking birds.
The Human Mercenaries
Using the drone, the two hired men were able to follow Meridiem Tempest’s car to the Canterlot Mall.
(“The airport won’t be ready for us for a few hours, so I thought I’d take you here next,” she told her charges as she parked.)
Jeremiah sent the drone up to land on the edge of the giant skylight that looked over the two-story building. In this way he could track every business his targets entered and left, but not what they did in each business—he wasn’t being paid enough to do that.
The trio of marks walked into a youth clothing store named after gum, or candy, or something like that. They came out with no purchases.
“Well that’s the craziest thing I’ve seen so far,” Thomas remarked. “Do you think maybe they’re space aliens?”
Jeremiah let off a low chuckle. “I might think that if we didn’t already know that they were living in this town for years,” he said, humoring his more gullible partner.
The group of three went to the movie theater attached to the mall. When they didn’t emerge after a few minutes, it was obvious that they were now watching a movie.
Thomas rolled over so his back was to the skylight. He put his hands behind his head as he looked up at the clouds. “Do you remember when the cops broke up the Hanna Gang a decade ago?” he asked.
Jeremiah turned to look at him curiously. “How could I not? We thought we had to go straight for a few months, until it became clear that the law had nothing to pin us to the gang.”
“Yeah,” Thomas said with a smile. “I was going to adopt a couple of girls, remember?”
Jeremiah scowled. “You never would have passed the background check,” he grumbled.
Thomas frowned for a moment before shaking it off. “Yeah but if I had been able to adopt, those two girls I had picked out would now be the same age as these two.”
“Yeah?” Jeremiah asked, settling himself down in a posture similar to his partner’s.
“Yeah,” said Thomas wistfully. “I could have been taking them to the mall today, in a different world.”
Jeremiah said nothing for nearly a minute. “You would have spoiled them rotten,” he said finally.
“You got that right!” Thomas exclaimed joyfully. “It’s a lot better than how we were raised. Besides, if either of them got really out of line, I’d take them over to their ‘Uncle Jeremiah’ to straighten them out.”
Jeremiah chuckled, then settled back into silence for a bit before resuming the conversation. “I suppose I don’t have a problem with spoiling a child in principle,” he said. “At least when it comes to material possessions. What’s important is whether they can face the world, if they can survive without their parents’ protection and money.”
“Oh absolutely,” Thomas said. “That’s why I’d raise them on a steady diet of Grimm’s Fairy Tales.”
Jeremiah turned to face Thomas, a doubting look on his face. “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” he repeated.
“You know, the originals! A lot grimmer than the Disney versions.”
“I know what they are,” Jeremiah said flatly. “What gets me is how you of all people got a hold of a copy.”
“I nicked it from one of my fosters’ bookshelf on the day they were arrested,” Thomas replied. “Anyway, my point is, parents used to tell those versions of the stories to their kids in the Middle Ages, and they survived to become, well, fricken’ grownups in the godawful Middle Ages.” Turning over to his stomach, Thomas pointed at the entrance of the movie theater. “I can bet you dollars to donuts that the movie they’re watching won’t end with the evil stepmother being thrown into a barrel studded with pointy nails and rolled down a hill to her death.”
This finally earned a full laugh out of Jeremiah. “I like you, Thomas,” he said. “You’re weird.”
“Does that mean I get to pilot the drone next?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Yes!”
P. Rainbow Dash.
After the movie double feature—Stormy with a Side of Pudding, and Inception—Meridiem took the ponies to one of her favorite restaurants, the Lotus Blossom. Rainbow Dash was quite fond of some of the spicier dishes, and she surprised Meridiem by eating some fish.
Meridiem asked her guests what they thought of the two films. Stormy got Rainbow Dash interested in voice acting. Inception went over both of the ponies’ heads.
By this time the airport was finally ready for their visit.
After leaving the mall, Thomas was able to just follow Mother Meridiem’s car the conventional way, without having to use the drone. When her car turned down the road that led to the airport, Thomas took the next road, which ended with their car on a hill overlooking the airport.
From the moment she lay eyes on it, Rainbow Dash could see nothing else but the lone airplane on the tarmac: eight meters long, balanced on three rubber wheels, with a three-bladed propeller mounted in front, a tall tail in the back, and what seemed to a pegasus to be an absurdly wide wingspan of over eleven meters. The fuselage was painted white, with blue and gold stripes interrupted by the vehicle’s ID number. The engine was running, telling the world of the aircraft’s power.
The human woman standing next to the open pilot’s door, dressed in a sky blue jumpsuit, had a head of bright orange upswept hair. From that distinctive hairstyle, this could only be—
“Spitfire!”
“Hello, Rainbow Dash,” Spitfire said in a slightly exasperated tone. “Again.”
“Oh,” said Meridiem. “You already know each other. Well, did you know that Spitfire is a member of the Thunderbirds?”
Spitfire rolled her eyes.
“What’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Spitfire’s eyebrow shot up.
“They’re one of this world’s most elite stunt flying teams,” Meridiem explained.
“Wow!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Spitfire’s eyebrow went back down. She looked between her two visitors—Fluttershy was waiting in the terminal building—wondering what kind of joke they were playing on her. After all, Rainbow Dash was one of her biggest (and most-obnoxious) fans. Unless...a wicked smile spread across her face.
Meridiem noticed it. “Oops,” she said.
“I told you!” Spitfire exclaimed. “I told you that one day one of them would figure out how to come over here, but you never believed me.”
Meridiem groaned. “OK, I was wrong,” she admitted. She turned to her guest. “Rainbow, Spitfire here accidentally took over her pony counterpart’s body six years ago.”
“Best screw-up I ever made,” Spitfire added, before looking over at Rainbow herself. “So, wanna see how we humans fly at a third of the speed of sound? I usually fly a jet, which is much faster than that, but today I’m getting my civilian prop license renewed.”
“Sure!” chirped Rainbow Dash. She then put a hand over her mouth, embarrassed at how high her voice had squeaked in her enthusiasm.
Spitfire laughed. “The human you does the same thing.” She opened up the passenger door. “Come on, get in and put on your seat belt. But don’t touch anything.” She then looked over at Meridiem and asked, “Are you coming?”
“No, I trust you with Rainbow’s safety. Come see us in the lounge when you’re done.”
# # #
“This here is a Rocket 305, converted in 1990 from a Mooney M20K 231. It’s got a turbocharged 305 horsepower Continental TSIO-520-NB engine, to replace the 210 horsepower TSIO-360. That pushes the top speed from 201 to 228 knots, and the rate of climb from 1080 feet per minute to 1600...and you have no idea what I’m talking about.” Spitfire scowled, returning to her pre-flight checklist.
“I got most of it,” Rainbow said. She looked around her with a bit of trepidation. “Does it have to be this cramped?”
Spitfire laughed. “Believe me, I’ve been in a lot smaller planes than this. Alright hold on, we’re going up.”
“O—waugh!” Rainbow’s fingers dug into her arm rests as it felt like the plane leapt straight up into the sky.
“What did I tell you—1600!” Spitfire crowed. “Now let me show you a few stunts!”
Rainbow didn’t have a chance to say or do anything, before the plane started a couple of fast barrel rolls. Then a reverse barrel roll. Followed by a loop-de-loop.
“Are you going to be sick?” Spitfire asked with a smirk, looking in the rearview mirror.
Rainbow Dash wasn’t sick, but she was curled up in a little ball.
“Shit, are you claustrophobic?” she asked.
“Aren’t all pegasi?!” Rainbow retorted.
“Well I was on the run from the Princess the whole time, so I didn’t really have a chance to find that out,” Spitfire said, feeling a little guilty. She flipped on the autopilot. “Hey, I don’t know if this will work, but try touching the metal wall of the plane.”
Rainbow did as she was told, and instantly she felt the entire plane, as if it was an extension of herself. As a pegasus, she experienced something like this every time she was hitched to a cart, but this was much more intense. She uncurled out of her ball. “Wow,” she said. “Thanks, I feel a lot better now.”
“That thing you’re doing right now is the one part of the pegasus powerset that I gained with my mark that no other pegasus counterpart has,” Spitfire told her. “It’s the reason why my week piloting a pegasus body was so valuable to me.” She then frowned. “It’s a bit too much with the jets, though. I have to wear gloves when I fly those.”
Rainbow Dash leaned forward to look at the controls. The yoke had strips of metal attached to them with rubber bands, presumably to allow Spitfire to have direct contact with the outer surface of the plane.
“The FAA would have a fit if they saw these. I can’t exactly explain to them that as a pegasus counterpart, I’m lightning-proof.”
Someone else who was having a fit was Thomas, who was trying in vain to pilot the drone to keep up with the wild antics of Spitfire’s Rocket 305.
“Hey, you’re the one who begged me to have a turn,” Jeremiah said. He was sitting on the hill with his cell phone, checking out the specifications and prices for the even better drone he was planning on having Thomas buy just as soon as his partner inevitably crashed their current drone.
“So tell me, Rainbow Dash, who are you in the pony world?” asked Spitfire. She had turned off the autopilot, and was now piloting the airplane towards an abandoned tower in preparation for one last stunt.
“Oh, nopony important,” Rainbow answered. “At least, not yet. I got sent here by accident.”
“You too, huh? What’s my counterpart up to nowadays? You seemed to recognize her in me.”
“She’s going to be the next Wonderbolt. That’s—”
“You don’t need to tell me what the Wonderbolts are, Rainbow. They’re the ones who finally caught me. If you happen to bump into her after you get back to Equestria, could you apologize for me being such a jerk to her? I made her miss her little sister’s last birthday.”
That drained all the fun out of the cabin.
“Sure,” Rainbow Dash said finally.
“And congratulate her. I like to think anything awesome she did after I left was done just to spite me. But what do I know? I’m a raging narcissist.” She turned her head to look back at Rainbow. “In fact, I remember this one time—”
“Spitfire, look out!” Rainbow Dash suddenly exclaimed.
Spitfire rolled her eyes as she turned back. “We’re at least twenty meters away from the—SHIT!”
And that’s when the drone quadcopter crashed through the windshield of the airplane, knocking Spitfire out instantly.
Thomas quietly handed the drone’s tablet interface back to Jeremiah.
“Spitfire!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Spitfire!” Detaching her seatbelt, she leaned forward and shook the unconscious pilot, to no avail. She tried to reach around her to get at the controls, but she’d never be able to do it before they crashed into the tower.
Taking a quick breath to steel herself, Rainbow put her hands against the metal walls of the cabin, and concentrated. Grunting with the effort, she began practicing the little stunt she developed with Gilda, with the addition of channeling it through something other than herself. Slowly, the plane began to rise into the air, but despite the fact that this was a lot easier than last time, it was still not lifting fast enough.
And then Rainbow used her extended senses to feel around, and discovered the elevator flaps on the tail. She pushed them down, and the plane shot up, easily clearing the top of the tower. Rainbow let out a huge breath, and then, after finding the rest of the control surfaces, she began to edge the plane down and towards the landing strip, taking her time because she knew she would not be able to manage a safe landing on her own.
Eventually, Spitfire opened her eyes. She spent all of a half-second being confused and groggy before springing to full consciousness. She grabbed the yoke, made sure she had control of the plane, glanced down at the broken drone in her lap, and then checked to make sure Rainbow Dash was still in the back seat, and that the rest of the plane was still intact. She looked for and found the abandoned tower, far over her left shoulder. “Did you save us?” she asked, awestruck.
“Uh-huh,” Rainbow Dash said, slumping down in sudden exhaustion. “I have this little trick. Never thought I’d ever get anything useful out of it.”
(You might think that this conversation would be impossible with a broken windshield. But then you’d be forgetting that both Spitfire and Rainbow Dash possess a number of pegasi-derived traits, including the ability to speak and understand one another when flying a hundred knots at an altitude of a hundred meters.)
Spitfire shook her head incredulously. “You are meant for great things, little Rainbow,” she said. And then she focused her attention on landing the airplane in one piece.
There were a whole lot of people waiting for them at the strip when they landed, including Meridiem and Fluttershy, the latter of whom had nearly had a heart attack when she saw the condition of the plane.
Spitfire handed the drone over to Meridiem, over the protests of the airport investigators. “Do you know if your ‘guests’ have any enemies?” she asked. “Because mine would only be interested in beating me in a race. Sabotage my jet before takeoff? Sure. But this is completely beneath them.”
Meridiem looked over the wrecked quadcopter for a few seconds before turning it over to the investigators with a shrug. “I have no idea,” she said, before addressing Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. “I’m taking you both back to the church immediately.”
The pair meekly nodded in response, Rainbow Dash only then contemplating the possibility that the accident might not have been an accident.
One of the investigators put the drone on a cart, tied it down, and then filled out a form in triplicate, handing the forms over to two of his co-workers, who set out in two different directions to get them filed. He walked ten feet before being confronted by another pair of investigators, who traded the cart for an eyewitness form for him to fill out. And then those two investigators, who were actually Jeremiah and Thomas in disguise, walked the cart back to their car.
“This is another fine mess I had to bail you out of,” Jeremiah reprimanded Thomas.
“This isn’t going into the report we file with the client, is it?” Thomas asked.
“Of course it isn’t!” Jeremiah bellowed.