Rainbow led Pvt. Ramirez down the street to Twilight's library, the towns residents watched, murmuring to themselves.
"Ramirez, be warned, ponies tend to flee in terror from new creatures, give 'em a proper greeting!" Sgt. Foley shouted over the radio. Ramirez raised his hand and gave the townsfolk a friendly wave, they just looked at him, confused.
"What are you doing?" Asked Rainbow, Ramirez didn't answer back. Rainbow just gave the crowd a nervous "I dunno" shrug, and continued on her way.
Finally, they made it to Twilight's library. The 2 of them stepped inside.
"Ramirez, be on guard, ponies are well known for supris-" Ramirez was greeted by an overly excited Pinkie pie.
"Hello there, My names Pinkie, you must be Private Ramirez, right!? Oh, my pinkie senses told me all about you! Let me guess... You're here to try and make friends with us?"
"Eh, close! Enough he's here to teach y'all some good ol' common sense!" Replied Sgt. Foley.
"Oh, who's that? I can't see you!" Foley groaned in annoyance.
"Anyway, where's your leader? Twilight?"
"Right here, what do you want?" Twilight and the rest of the six walked in from the other side of the library, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash joined them.
"Ramirez, put your radio on speaker phone!" He reached into his vest.
"Greeting's ponies! This is Pvt. Ramirez, I'm Sargent Foley, his commanding officer! We're from the United States! The reason he is standing before you is simple, I ordered him to teach you all the magic of common sense!" They looked at the towering form of Pvt. Ramirez in confusion.
"Magic of...common sense?" Asked Applejack.
"Yes! Unlike your bull#### 'Magic of Friendship' The magic of common sense is actually useful! It's the reason Ramirez is here before you now!"
"How does it work?" Questioned Twilight.
"Simple, you act with, well... Common Sense! Logic, if ya catch my drift!?" Foley's statement did absolutely nothing to lessen their confusion.
"Ramirez, give 'em an example!" Ramirez walked over to a table, picked up a potted plant, moved it to the very edge of the table.
"Now, that's not that safe is it? Someone could knock it over!" Foley said, booming with laughter. Pvt. Ramirez moved it back.
"Simple as that, put thought into everything you do, and you won't fail! Nothing can stop the magic of common sense!" One of the Army Ranger's crowded around the comm set back at Langley and looked at Sgt. Foley with a look of disapproval on their faces.
"Magic of 'Common Sense' sir? That's really the best you could come up with?" A few of them snickered.
"Yes." Foley responded back.
"I'm afraid you'll have to try a little harder to convince us." Said Twilight.
"Yeah, we've got these things called 'The elements of harmony' with them, we're unstoppable!" Shouted Rainbow.
The six of them pulled each other together for a group hug.
"Ramirez, stop their nonsense!" Ramirez walked over to them, and pried them apart.
"Hey, what's the deal with you!?" Asked Rainbow, flying back up to Ramirez's face, he stared back at her, sternly and unmoving.
"Ramirez, don't let them push you around!" Ramirez stood there, unmoving.
"If you all still ain't convinced, that there's something else Ramirez has got to show you!" Ramirez once again pulled out his Ranger's creed, and passed it to Twilight.
"These are just the elements of harmony! There's no such thing as the magic of common sense!"
"There is if I say so!"
"How are we supposed to know if you're telling the truth?"
"Ramirez, try again!" He ran outside, looking for a way to prove it to them. He spotted the fountain in the center of town, he got an idea. He ran past Twilight, grabbed a pair of metal buckets, punctured the bottom of one with his knife, and left the other whole. He scooped up some water with both of them.
"So, tell me, which one should you use?" Foley asked.
"Well, isn't it obvious? The one that doesn't have a hole in the bottom!" Replied Applejack, the others nodded in agreement.
"That's only half of the answer, if you had common sense, you wouldn't have picked up the broken one at all!" Ramirez grabbed some duck tape from his belt, and slapped it over the hole.
"Good as new! Ramirez, give them back their bucket!" He tossed it back to Twilight, who caught it in a levitation field.
"But I still don't see what this has to do with magic!" At this point, the Rangers back at Langley were busting with laughter, meanwhile, Sgt. Foley sat at his desk, radio in hand, smacking his head in frustration.
"Ramirez, back hand her across the snout!" He walked up to Twilight and smacked her.
"Oww! What was that for!?"
"Have you seen yourselves!? Talkin' all high and mighty about your magic of friendship! Besides, how can an emotion even be considered magic?" They looked at Ramirez, confused.
"Alright you want proof? Here ya go." Applejack walked over to one of the ponies watching the scene unfold and gave them an apple, they thanked her, and walked away, clearly satisfied.
"So? How does that prove anything, that pony was just being courteous, like any other sentient being with half a brain would!" They looked at him in frustration.
"Since we clearly aren't getting anywhere like this, perhaps we should try something else to convince this 'Private Ramirez' a competition perhaps?" Asked Rarity.
"Good idea, us, versus you. You'll try to solve problems you way, we'll try to solve them our way, deal?" Asked Rainbow Dash. Sgt. Foley though about it for a moment.
"What problem's exactly?"
"I believe I can help with that!" Discord stepped out of a town.
"Discord? When did you get here?" A few of the ponies cried. Ramirez quietly began to raise his rifle.
"Ramirez, calm down, that's Discord, the lord of chaos, he's actually one of the few beings in this world with a drop of sense!"
"Glad to know you think so highly of me!"
"Can it abomination, I said drop of sense, you're still mentally retarded by my standards!"
"Whatever, anyway, about those 'problems' I actually just got back from talking with the royal sisters, and they've authorized me to do this!" He snapped one of his claws, and they appeared on a glacier, a mountain sat before them.
"At the top of that mountain is a crashed airship, rescue it's passengers!" He disappeared.
"Wait, how are we- and he's already gone."
"Ramirez, you heard him! Rescue the colorful horses!" Completely unfazed by the cold, Pvt. Ramirez grabbed an ice pick from his rucksack, and began to scale the ice crusted cliff face.