Meet Private Ramirez, a proud member of the United States army rangers, unlike other army rangers, he's widely known across all military branches for his ability to accomplish any task he is ordered to do. He once killed 4 Russian paratroopers with one bullet, he once dug a mile deep hole into granite with a spork, he once punched the Galactic empire's death star. He once challenged the flash to a foot race, and won. He also has an unexplainably high tolerance to pain.
Since the third world war, scientists have tried to, and failed to explain this. If you ask Sgt. Foley, his commanding officer, he'll tell you it's that "good o'll Ranger mentality" .If you ask Cpl. Dunn. He'll tell you he's the best bullet repellent you'll ever meet. If you ask Task force 141, they'll probably look at you weird, and then ask you how the hell you found them. When the third world war ended, society went mostly back to normal. And most of the members of his assigned unit picked up non military hobbies. Foley has some complaints.
2017, Langley air force base, Virginia, United States of America
Pvt. Rameriz, Cpl.Dunn, and the other Rangers, sat around the mess, all doing their own things, suddenly, Sgt Foley came barging in, laptop in hand.
"Guys! Recently, I've discovered this show, its called "My Little Pony: Friendship is magic." Cpl. Dunn looked at Sgt. Foley, confused.
"Oh no, please don't tell you're a-"
"Hell no, I'm not a brony! Those people are straight up weird!" One of the Rangers hid a coloring page behind his back. "There's these characters in the show, referred to as the 'main six' I don't like them, they're utterly infuriating!"
"How so?" Asked Corporal Dunn.
"Well, for one, they're names are... well, they're weird. There's Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie pie." The platoon burst into laughter.
"Compose yourselves!" They quieted down.
"Next point, they're a bunch of walking stereotypes! They're supposed to represent Magic, Loyalty, honesty, kindness, generosity, and laughter."
"Well, I don't see what's wrong with that. Heck, we've got a few of those morals in our creed!"
"It's not they're values that are the problem! It's the way they represent them. As the show name suggests, they're ponies, pastel colored ones at that, there's unicorns and pegasi and... sort of normal one's! They have this thing called 'The magic of friendship", and the way they go on using it, bragging about it, the way they treat it, its... Gahhh, annoying!"
"So, it's just a cartoon. What do you want us to do about it?" Asked Cpl. Dunn.
"Ummm... Ramirez, I want you to find these ponies, and teach them to not be hipsters!"
"Uh, Sargent, I think you need permission from the pentagon before you authorize something like that." One of the Rangers responded.
"Well, to hell with that! It's just a cartoon after all, right?" The other Rangers began cheering Ramirez on.
"Go! Go! Go!" Ramirez got off the couch, and ran out the doorway, down the hallway, to the base's armory.
"Hey there Ramirez, whatca up to-" The Air force officer saw the crazed look behind Pvt. Ramirez's sunglasses, and opened the armory for him without question.
"Who sent you, let me guess, Sgt. Foley?" Ramirez nodded. He grabbed his helmet, an M16A4 Rifle, with an M203 40mm grenade launcher, a half dozen frag grenades, a bowie knife, his vest, and his helmet. He slammed a fresh magazine into his rifle, and ran back out the armory door.
"Should we stop him?" Asked one of the security guards.
"Nah, that's Pvt. Ramirez, only reason he's in full kit is because Foley ordered him to do something stupidly absurd again."
"Eh, fair point."
Ramirez charged back down the hallway and barged back into the mess hall. He looked around for a moment.
"Uh, what's Ramirez doin-" Ramirez switched on the TV, pressed play on an episode of MLP, and kicked a hole in the TV, a bright purple light shone though it. Without hesitation, he jumped into it. The light faded behind him.
"What the #### did I just see?" Asked one of the Rangers, with an expression of disbelief and confusion on his face.
"Well, what Ramirez does best, following orders!"
Meanwhile...
"My Little Pony, My Little Pon-"The show's intro was interrupted when the desert camouflaged form of Pvt. Ramirez flew though the sky, crashing just outside Ponyville.
"What was that?" Rainbow Dash flew down to examine the long skid mark which Ramirez had made.
"Owwww..." Ramirez pushed himself to his feet, and looked up, to see the face of Rainbow Dash, staring him bac in face.
"What are you?" She wondered, the being held a strange black stick in it's... paws?
"Ramirez, do you copy!?" Yelled Sgt. Foley over the radio. Ramirez grunted back in affirmation.
"That's Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty!" Pvt. Ramirez raised his M16 into the air and fired off a three round burst above her head. She dropped to the ground in terror.
"Ramirez, asked you to teach them a lesson, not kill them, go help her up!" Ramirez shrugged at the sky, and walked over to Rainbow Dash. He held out a gloved hand.
"You piece of-" Rainbow stopped, and looked up at the strange bipedal creature standing in front of her. He grabbed her by the forehoof, and pulled her to full Height.
"Ummm, what?" She watched as Ramirez walked away from her, into town.
"Oh, no, where do you think you're going!?" She flew up to Ramirez, staring into his black sunglasses.
"Ramirez, don't let her stop you!" He pushed her aside, and continued walking.
"Why yo-" She flew towards him, intending to kick him square in the face. He grabbed her out of the air, and dragged her along behind him.
"Ummm, how are you so strong!?" He didn't answer back, continuing to drag her along. He stepped into town, and looked around. Sure enough, it was just as weird as Foley had told him, every building in sight seemed to be painted with a grotesque pink outline. He walked down the street, dragging Rainbow though the air in one hand, and holding his M16 in the other. As he approached the town square, he noticed the Rainbow had begun to shout for help.
"Ramirez, calm the pegasus down!" He whipped himself around, reaching into his belt, he pulled out a piece of ducktape, slapping it over Rainbow's mouth. He gave her a single scratch on the head, only serving to anger her more. Before continuing to pull her towards the...where was he supposed to go again?
"Ramirez, find the rest of the six!" Foley shouted over his radio. This, Rainbow heard. She had to find a way to get this creatures attention. So, she stopped hovering for a moment, and dropped to the ground. Ramirez turned to look back at her. She moved her hoof across her mouth. Understanding exactly what the pony wanted, Ramirez pulled the piece of tape away.
"What do you want with my friends?" Ramirez remained silent. He pulled out a copy of the Rangers creed from one his vest pockets. He pointed to a section, Rainbow looked closer.
"leadership, stability, and continuity during war and peace." It read. He gestured to another section.
"loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage."
"Huh, loyalty eh? You might not be so bad after all. Follow me." She began trotting towards Twilights library. He stood there, motionless.
"Ramirez, what are you waiting for, go knock some common sense into 'em!" He turned, and walked off towards Rainbow dash.
Meanwhile at Langley...
The army rangers crowded around Sgt. Foley, listening to the situation unfolding.
"Hey, Sargent, could you ask Ramirez to get an autograph for me?" Asked Cpl. Dunn. The rest of them looked back at Dunn with confusion.
"What, I'm interested in this whole 'Magic thing' so what?"
"Corporal, 20 pushups, now!"
"Alright sir." Dunn muttered begrudgingly.