It was a beautiful sunny day at the beach. Three energetic young fillies ran along the edge of the water when one of them came across a big, beautiful conch shell.
“Look at this!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.
The two other members of the CMC immediately approached their friend, curious to see what she had found.
“Wow! What a big shell!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Button Mash told me they can sometimes carry messages from deep within the ocean.”
“Really? I wonder what’s in this one.” Apple Bloom replied, and pressed the shell to her ear. “Hello?”
“We’re sorry.” Came a pre-recorded message from within the shell. “In order to complete this call, please deposit five bits.”
Apple Bloom turned to look at her friends quizzically; Scootaloo sighed with annoyance, and produced a five-bit coin, which she proceeded to insert into the shell.
“Thank you.” Said the automated voice. “Connecting you now.”
The three ponies gathered close against the shell, eager to find out what it had to say. A second later, a sultry, seductive voice filled their ears, sensuously whispering…
“JKL;”
# # #
Button Mash is playing on one of the arcade cabinets. His concentration is keen when with a final slash he gains victory and defeats the final boss of the game!. An electronic voice announces: "Congratulations! You Win.. " Button Mash starts a victory dance but is interrupted when the arcade finishes with "... Pancakes!"
“Wait, what?” is all that the colt manages to utter before he is promptly buried under a mountain of pancakes.
# # #
Two pony lovers are sitting on a bench. The stallion turns to his marefriend, and holding her hoof in his, says "You take my breath away."
“I do?” The mare asked with confusion.
“Yes!” The stallion said as if gasping for air and then promptly faints.
# # #
Celestia, Luna, and Cadance are playing poker. Luna slaps down some cards exclaiming "Aha! Royal Flush!"
Celestia sighs, jumps into a nearby toilet’s bowl, and flushes herself down.
# # #
A new sit-down cabinet arrives at the arcade. Button Mash sits down to play. The game welcomes him: “Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada. Get ready. Prepare for blast-off!” “Cool! Button Mash exclaims before the cabinet suddenly blasts off into space.
# # #
Spike plants himself in front of Sweetie Belle and exclaims “Imma firin’ mah lazor!”, then Sweetie Belle yells “BLAAARGH!” and blasts him by shooting a powerful beam from her mouth.
# # #
At the Changeling cafe, two ponies sit down and order potato soup. Then another pony patron stands up, screaming in pain, and a changeling larva bursts from his chest. He says "Not again!" before collapsing.
The two ponies stand up and exclaim "check please!"
# # #
Sweetie Belle dreams she's relaxing in a lake, swimming backwards. She exclaims “Oh, this lake is so warm… “ then stops suddenly and asks herself "Wait. Am I dreaming?"
Luna pops in out of nowhere and says "Yes, you are dreaming. Also, you wet the bed."
Sweetie Belle wakes up and exclaims "Dang it!"
# # #
Shining armor is playing with dolls and gets interrupted by a guard requesting his presence.
“Sir! You are needed for your new Captain’s knighting ceremony.”
Shining scrambles to hide the figurines and asks if the guard saw anything. Guard says yes.
Shining Armor: "Well, sh-"
# # #
Button Mash and the arcade cabinet are traveling at high speed in space, Button calls out “Hello? Is Anyone there?” No answer. “I have to go to the bathroom!”
Behind him are the words: “Button Mash was not the imposter”.
# # #
Big Mac is dancing in a ballet wearing a pink tu-tu when he suddenly stops and asks. “Wait, is this a dream?”
Luna pops in out of nowhere and says, “Yes, and you also wet the bed.”
Big Mac wakes up and exclaims “Nope!”. He then pulls the covers off of him and says “I wouldn't dream of ruining this pretty pink tu-tu.”
# # #
Apple Bloom is sitting down at the orchard, eating a juicy apple after a long day of chores. King Sombra materializes in front of her and exclaims: “Did you know that apple seeds contain the compound amygdalin, which will become toxic hydrogen cyanide in your stomach if you were to ingest them?”
Apple Bloom says “Uh… no, Ah didn’t know… “
Sombra replies: “Well, now you do! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!” and slowly ascends into the sky.
# # #
Fluttershy is hiding in some bushes, looking up into the sky with her binoculars. She exclaims with great joy: “Finally! The great flying whale migration is about to start!”
The words, “ I wonder if it will be friends with me, Hello Ground!” are heard just seconds before a giant whale crashes down on top of her.
# # #
Granny Smith is at the hospital, refusing to be seen by the doctors, yelling at them: “Leave me alone! I ain’t a spring chicken anymore, but I have plenty of fight left in me! Stay back; I have an apple!”
Doctor Stable says: “That’s a potato you’re holding.”
Granny looks at her hoof and simply mutters “Dangnabbit... “
# # #
Applejack is cornered by a vampire doctor, so she pulls out a crucifix and exclaims “Take this!”
The would-be bloodsucker chuckles and says: “Joke’s on you. I’m an atheist!”
Applejack tosses the crucifix away and replies “That’s why I came prepared!”, then pulls out an apple and shoves it towards the vampiric medical professional, who hisses and runs away.
# # #
Mrs. Harshwinny turns off the TV after seeing the events at the Changeling cafe and addresses the audience: “It’s clear now that the writers have resorted to simply ripping off the works of Mel Br- “ just before a 16-ton weight falls unceremoniously on top of her.
# # #
Immediately after this, Twilight Sparkle and Discord are sitting at a news desk. Twilight neatly arranges a stack of papers and says “And now for something completely different... “ as a grand piano falls unceremoniously on top of her. Discord just smirks.
# # #
King Sombra is banished into the Dark Dimension by the Crystal Heart. He sits down, sighs in defeat, and mutters: “Hello, darkness, my old friend.. “
The changeling larva that erupted from the pony patron at the cafe passes by while wearing a hat and cane, happily singing a song about a ragtime gal.
Sombra promptly stands up and exclaims “Check Please!”
# # #
Rarity is having lunch with Maud Pie and Boulder. Maud gently pets her mineral-based companion and says: “Boulder and I have always had a rock-solid friendship.”
Rarity laughs gracefully at the pun, then pulls out a firehose and blasts Maud with pure water pressure.
# # #
Sweetie Belle is again swimming in a very warm lake. She suddenly stops and says, “Wait. This is the same dream from the other time.” Luna pops in out of nowhere and confirms so: “Indeed, it is.” Celestia then surfaces from under the lake and says “This isn’t water we’re swimming in, is it?”
# # #
A whale is hiding in the bushes, looking into the sky with a pair of binoculars, then exclaims: “Oh, finally! The great Fluttershy migration is about to start!”
Then, nothing happens because whales cannot survive for long outside of water and there wasn’t enough money in the budget to animate this sequence.
# # #
The Cakes are getting ready to attend the Grand Galloping Gala. Mrs. Cake turns around and asks her husband: “Does this dress make my butt look fat?”
Mr. Cake replies: “No. Your butt looks fat no matter what you’re wearing.”
Mrs. Cake’s execution for equicide has been scheduled for Friday.
# # #
Lyra starts singing while doing the house chores: “Mama… I just killed a man… “
Bon-Bon rolls her eyes and gives Lyra a medicine bottle. “Lyra, you’re talking nonsense again. Time for your pill.”
“Okay.” Lyra takes the pill and Bon-Bon vanishes.
# # #
Spike walks up to a table with a pickle on it. “Turned yourself into a pickle this time, Twilight?”
“Not this time.” Said the random toilet in the middle of Twilight’s laboratory.
# # #
Lyra is singing again while doing chores: “Is it either real, or it’s a dream… there’s nothing that it’s in between… twilight… I only meant to stay a while...”
Bon-Bon approaches with the medicine bottle and gently chides her. “Lyra, you’re back to singing the crazy songs you think the ‘humans’ wrote. Please, take your pill.”
“But what if you disappear again?”
Bon-Bon chuckles and comforts Lyra, offering a pill. “I promise I won’t disappear. Trust me.”
Lyra nods and exhales to reassure herself. “All right. Down the hatch it goes.” After swallowing the pill, she exclaims “Hey, I think I’m starting to feel better!” and vanishes before Bon-Bon’s eyes.
# # #
Lyra is cleaning the kitchen, singing another song she claims was written by humans: “I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name… it felt good to be out of the rain… “
Bon-Bon bursts in, upset: “Lyra, you’ve been skipping on your pills again, haven’t you?”
Lyra replies in defiance: “Yes! And what if I have? I’m tired of ponies vanishing before me when I take one, and having to go make an offering at the altar in the Plains of Despair to have them returned!”
“We’ve been over this before! The fountain in the plaza is not an altar, and you do NOT need to drop a number two on the edge and then set it on fire! Now, take your pill before the ‘nice’ ponies in the clean white coats come to take you away to the ‘funny’ farm!”
Lyra slaps the bottle away from Bon-Bon’s hoof, making it land on the kitchen counter and refuses loudly: “That doesn’t scare me! They moved the funny farm away to the land down under two weeks ago, and you can’t make me take one more of those damned pills!”
The pill bottle props up and yells: “Ah, enough of this! I’ve had it with you and your bickering! Shut up, you crazy pony bitches!”, and grabbing one of the pills that had spilled on the counter, swallows it.
Lyra and Bon-Bon turn to look and shrug at each other, vanishing afterwards from existence.
“Ah, sweet silence.” says the bottle, and happily heads back to the cabinet to sleep in peace.
# # #
Spike sits down at the table ready to eat a fresh, hot pizza he just pulled out of the oven. He bites hungrily into a slice, then a voice booms out of nowhere: “SPIKE WINS. FATALITY! FLAWLESS VICTORY!”
# # #
Spike and Twilight are doing the dishes in the kitchen. Spike hands Twilight a pizza cutter for her to dry, and suddenly asks: “Hey, Twilight. Have you ever wondered if there are beings from other planets living among us?”
Twilight snorts and chuckles at the idea: “Oh, Spike. That is infinitesimally unlikely. Almost impossible. Come on; we’re done here, so let’s go fly a kite at the park.”
“All right!” Spike exclaims and follows Twilight out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, one of the kitchen drawers opens by itself, as the pizza cutter jumps out of it and yells: “They’re onto us! Abort the mission! Run, comrades!”
An army of silverware and kitchen utensils then runs out of the kitchen, screaming in panic.
# # #
Fluttershy walks by in a suit.
“That is the joke.” Discord says while looking at you as she passes.
# # #
Twilight looks up from the book she was reading, and over at Discord who’s leaning against the wall.
“That is the joke.” Discord responds nonchalantly.
# # #
Diamond Tiara walks up to Silver Spoon, and points at the frozen flavored treat she’s currently holding: “Guess what? I have a popsicle!”
Silver Spoon replies flatly: “That’s a churro you’re holding.”
“You’re mistaken! This is clearly a- what the heck?” Diamond Tiara responds, before looking at the churro now in her grip
# # #.
Discord and Twilight are again sitting at a news desk; Discord arranges the papers and looks at the camera, saying “And now, In other news… “
“Oh, hay no!” Twilight exclaims and jumps to the side, “Ha! You thought you’d be able to pull that trick of dropping a piano on me again, didn’t you? You have to get up pretty early in the morning to outsmart me, bucko!”
“Twilight, please.” Discord rolls his eyes. “Everyone knows that the best comedy comes in threes, and we’ve done that joke since chapter one. ”
“All right, if you say so... “ Twilight sighs in relief, “I guess it would be a little redundant to repeat-“ and the alicorn is then unceremoniously crushed by a cow falling from above.
“Moooo!” said the cow.
“So we decided to steal from Earthworm Jim.” Discord cackles. “Goodnight everybody!”