Oh, the Humanity 3
When Princess Celestia first engineered the method of using dragon fire as a form of correspondence, it was to develop a faster, more direct way of delivering mail. The possible downsides of this method were never fully discussed or investigated and it was only after Twilight's report summarizing all her other report was lost to the soapy waters of Celestia's bath did the Princess discover that in her search for speed she had sacrificed much on the recipient's part.
Because of its instability and tendency to create inconveniences, dragon flame was used exclusively between Celestia and her student, Twilight. The lack of draconic resources may have also stemmed the method's popularity.
And it was because of these flaws that the Princess of the Sun now returned to the castle from a morning flying session with her normally ethereal mane dripping wet and a soggy scroll between her teeth.
The scroll was written in what was one of the worst hoofwritings Celestia had ever seen, though this may have been caused by water damage. With the scroll was photograph, which had survived. The picture was of a Human, not Ash. This Human had long purple hair, with streaks of light red and eyes of a similar pigment. A beautiful purple dress was worn, giving the Human both a mystic vibe and a sensual air. She, for this Human certainly felt more feminine than Ash, seemed familiar to Celestia, somehow.
As the Princess tried to figure out why the photographed Human had such an air of familiarity, another burst of green flame ignited. The fire died away, leaving behind another letter.
Der Pines Seltia,/ it read. /Ef yer reedin tis, thn u mistav got Twlite's...
At this point, Celestia gave up trying to interpret the letter. The hoofwriting was barely more legible than in the letter before it and the spelling was horrid. Had Celestia made an effort to continue, she would have notice a lack in periods and any grammatical consistence.
Princess Celestia set the parchment down and got up to prepare a bath, only to be stopped by another flare of greenish fire that dropped yet another roll of paper. Fighting the urge to sigh, she opened the letter and began reading.
Dear Princess Celestia,
If you are reading this then you probably already got Twilight and Ash's letters, which means I've got some explaining to do. Ash's already done all the explaining in his letter but I don't think it's very readable.
The second letter was Ash's attempt to explain the situation but he's still learning how to read and write. I don't think I was suppose to send that one cuz he threw it in the waste basket after writing it.
The first letter was written by Twilight. She insisted on telling you herself but she's still getting used to her hands and her handwriting kinda sucks.
Twilight wants to tell you that everything is fine and that there is no need for you to inter--interv--for you to jump in and to help. Personally I think she's just excited about all this and just wants more time to study herself. Anyways, I'll be sure to tell you if Twilight goes crazy and if you do need to jump in and help.
Ash says he thinks he know what went wrong and how to fix it. He told me that if it's not permanent, he'll take his time cuz he'd hate to disappoint Twilight and fix everything before she got anything done. He also told me, and he said to keep this a secret, that he'd hate to see those robes go to waste. He's been blushing a lot these days. Don't know what that's about.
Anyways, I'll be sure to let you know if this gets out of hands but honestly, what could go wrong?
Sincerely, Spike
P.S.
Oh, and Twilight turned herself into a Human after she did some spell that lets her see dreams or something. Not to sure about the details but Ash is pretty sure he can fix it. The picture is of Twilight, by the way.
*****
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER HUE-MAN RESEARCHERS YAY!"
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Spike asked, wringing his tail nervously. The young phoenix chick Peewee stood perched on the dragon's shoulder, tilting his head curiously.
"Well, no," Ash admitted. He reached out and stroked the magical bird as gently as he could. The phoenix had hidden himself until very recently, giving the Human some distrustful glances from his makeshift nest. "But it'll keep her from doing anything too extreme. I doubt Twilight would do anything that would endanger those kids, especially since two of them are related to her friends." He took a sip of tea and grimaced.
"Something wrong?"
The stallion shook his head. "Too much sugar, that's all."
"Too much sugar?" Pinkie gasped. She snatched the cup out of Ash's hooves and downed it in a second. "Never!"
The only sign Ash gave that the pink Earth pony had surprised him were two short blinks. "Hello Pinkie," he managed to say with a straight face. "If you're looking for a book, the librarian's out. Guess that means the library's closed too."
"Hey, I can run this place myself!" Spike said, stomping his foot indignantly.
"So you don't want a day off?"
"Oh, uh..."
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Silly billy, if I wanted a book, I'd go to a library. Oh wait, this /is/ a library!" She giggled again. "Anyway, I don't want a book, at least not right now but if I did want a book I'd definitely come here because, well, it /is/ a library and since I know the librarian, I get all my books for free, just like at Sugar Cube Corner until the Cakes said all those samples were for customers only but I could still have just one but I could have just one, because-"
"The point, Pinkie," Ash jumped in, his irritation barely kept in check. "What's your point?"
"Point? I don't have a point. I'm not a Unicorn like you, silly. You guys are the ones with the pointy horns on your heads, not me."
This time Ash couldn't hold back his groan.
"But enough about points. I've still got a purpose to fulfill." Pinkie picked up one of the discarded books on the ground and pulled out two pink envelops. She took a deep breath...
"I'm excited, you're invited!
Yes you are! Yes you are!
Twilight's now a Human!
Got find some balloons then!
Party time! Party time!
Party time! Party time!
What's the time? Twelve thirty-five!"
And with that, Pinkie Pie leaped into the air and bounced off into town.
"Okay, didn't expect that," Ash finally said after getting over his shock.
"Somehow, I did," stated Spike, examining his invitation. "Huh, no confetti today. That's odd."
With the tip of his claw, Spike began to open his envelop. "Anyways, you hang around Pinkie Pie long enough, you get real used to her. Nothing fazes me anymore."
The envelop exploded, covering the dragon in a sticky, melty batter from head to toe.
"How about that?" Ash challenged as Peewee took off, squawking in annoyance and begrudged amusement, dripping sticky batter on the floor and shelves. "That faze you?"
"Maybe a little." Spike licked some batter off with his tongue. "Mmm, strawberry. I hope she bakes one of these at the party."
As the young dragon began to clean himself, much like a cat, Ash cautiously opened his own invitation, using magic and standing as far as his range would permit.
The envelop exploded and showered the library with bits of colored paper. Pieces of confetti landed on his nose.
"Why aren't I surprise?"
*****
"A 'Twilight's a Human' party?" Rainbow Dash reread the invitation. "Are we being serious here?"
"Well, I don't know about you," Pinkie Pie said, "But I'm dead serious. Partying is very serious business after all. Can't you see how serious I am.
The light blue Pegasus stared at the whirling helmet on Pinkie's head. It was similar to the contraption her tortoise, Tank, used to hover around. Several balloons were also tied to the pink Earth pony's waist and tail. "Oh yeah, I can totally see how serious you are," Rainbow said dryly.
As usual, Rainbow Dash's sarcasm flew over Pinkie's head. "I'm glad you understand," she said, oblivious to the rolling of the Pegasus' eyes. "You have no idea how much time I wasted explaining to Rarity why this party is so necessary."
"Uh, why is this necessary again."
Pinkie groaned. "Quota."
*****
"Is this really a good idea?"
"What? The party or this experiment?"
"Both," answered Rarity. "But let's begin with this...experiment, you called it?"
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS HUE-MAN RESEARCHERS SLASH CLIFF DIVERS YAY!"
"Oh my, that sounds so dangerous." Fluttershy looked up and gulped. "That cliff is so...high."
"Really, I'm surprise you're letting Sweetie Belle take part in this," Ash said.
"As long as she isn't actually doing any of the diving." The two Unicorns looked up. "What does Twilight hope to accomplish?" the white one asked.
"Ever since she made that connection between Human facial expressions and pony facial expressions, she's been a bit obsessed with the similarities between the two species and been trying to find more." Ash pointed up toward the edge of the hill above them. "This is the adrenaline test."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh........!"
"As fascinating as the similarities are, I'm not sure why she's making such a big fuss, really."
"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh........!"
"I mean, yeah, it's interesting and all but there's a lot more she could be researching..."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhh..........!"
"...hands, fingers, bipedal locomotion. I mean, if I had never been a Human and had the chance to become one, that's what I'd do..."
"OHSWEETCELESTIASTOPTHISCRAZYTHINGIWANNAGETOFFNOWNOMORENOMORE.........!"
"I guess she's had enough," Ash observed wisely. "I have to say, I never thought silk could be so durable."
"Just because it is beautiful does not mean it is weak," Rarity said with a sniff. "I like to think I know Twilight pretty well. I even took the liberty of fireproofing the silk."
"WHYWON'TITSTOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPpppppppp........?"
"Um, Ash?" Scootaloo called from the edge of the cliff.
"Yeah?" the grey Unicorn called back from the base.
"We forgot how to stop this."
"Oh, I know! I know! We should cut the cord like last time!" Sweetie Belle suggested excitedly.
"Ah'll go get the tramboline," Apple Bloom said, rolling her eyes.
"And about the party?" Rarity asked, tearing her attention from Twilight's fluctuating screams.
"Huh, oh right, Pinkie's party." Ash took a minute to think before answering. "Well, there's the risk of exposing my own identity but it's a pretty small one. And it'd be a good distraction for Twilight. It'd be a nice distraction for all of us, really."
"You don't sound convinced yourself, however," Rarity noted.
"It's still a distraction," Ash answered after a moment of reflection. "In that time I could be preparing."
"I thought you knew how to reverse the spell. Not to imply that you were lying or wrong or anything," Fluttershy quickly added.
"I do. At least, I think I do." The grey stallion shook his head. "And it's a painfully difficult solution. In all honest, I'd like to simply get this over with. I'm trying my patience just by letting Twilight do her research." He sighed and lowered his head onto the ground.
Besides the screams of Twilight and the Crusaders, Ash, Fluttershy, and Rarity sat in silence.
"Also, I'm not looking forward to being a piñata again."
*****
"Please?"
"No,"
"Pleease?"
"No,"
"Pleeease?"
"Y-no! Don't look at me like that!"
Pinkie Pie's ears drooped. She let the blindfold and the stick fall from her hooves. The sight almost crushed Ash's heart and he struggled against the urge to pick up the stick and beat himself until candy magically fell out of his wounds. Rainbow Dash had the same idea apparently, as she smacked the grey Unicorn in the head from behind, her face betraying her fear. Her anxiety grew as Pinkie Pie's hair slowly straightened out.
Almost immediately, however, Pinkie jumped right back up, grinning. "I know, we can play pin the tail on the pony!"
"I don't like the look your giving me."
"Oh, play along would you?" Rarity picked up the purple cloth imitation of a horse's tail. "White is such a dull color when it comes to tails and manes. Why not a lovely shade of violet."
"Or pink!"
"Eep!"
"What are you all doing!"
Everypony turned around. Twilight stood at the entrance of the library, with bits of grass and dirt in her hair.
The scene before her left Twilight speechless and her eyes all twitchy. Her library was a chaotic storm of party decorations thrown around haphazardly. The "Twilight's a Human" sign was hung crookedly upside down. Pinkie Pie held Fluttershy's tail between her teeth. Cake batter was splattered over all the walls and shelves. In a corner was a smoking pile of ash and twisted debris.
"What. Happened. Here?"
How unfortunate that Spike chose this moment to walk into the room, holding a cup while wearing a lampshade on his head. "Hey Pinkie, we're outta punch again."
"THRPRIZ!" Pinkie screamed, her mouth still full of tail. She gestured to the rest, who half-heartedly said "surprise" with little synchronization or organization.
Silence rolled through like tumble weed through the desert. Like a convict waiting for his punishment, Ash felt his mouth go dry, his mind go blank.
"Here they are!" Applejack made her way into the library, pulling a cart of treats. "Best bite-sized apple fritters yah've evar tasted here," the farmpony announced, grabbing Twilight by the neck..
Ash watched in horror as the blonde pony pulled Twilight down to her height and stuff one of the treats into her mouth.
Slowly, she began to chew. And chew. And chew. With her tongue, Twilight shifted the food from one cheek to the other.
An metaphorical eternity later, Twilight swallowed. Everypony watched anxiously as the treat traveled down her throat.
Twilight grinned. The library exploded with cheering.
*****
Laughter filled the library as the party began in full swing after some cleaning and reorganizing.
While most of Ponyville was still a little uneasy with their local librarian's new form, the Golden Oak library was packed. It was a Pinkie Pie party, after all, and Pinkie had made no effort to keep it private. Even the mayor of Ponyville and Mrs. Cheerilee found time in their busy schedule to visit.
These two had been chatting with Ash at the punch table, both curious as to when Twilight would be restored. The stallion simply assured them that he was doing his best but he wasn't sure when he'd be able to reverse the spell.
Twilight, meanwhile, sat with her friends and talked about her discoveries on Humans. At first, everypony had been listening intently but after a few minutes, only Fluttershy was truly paying attention.
"...and so then I thought, well, I'd might as well take an urine sample while I'm at it but..."
"I'm so sorry about your party cannon, Pinkie," Rarity said quickly, hoping the change the subject. The Unicorn gestured to the waste basket that held the heap of ash and pieces of debris.
"Don't worry your head 'bout it," Pinkie said, waving away Rarity's concern. "I've been meaning to get another one anyway. Still..." The pink party pony, leaned her chin on her hoof. "Who woulda thought stuffing cake mix in there would have cause it to explode?"
"Ah told yah that was a bad idea when Ah left," Applejack complained. "But yah just had tah listen tah Rainbow Dash."
"Hey, it was a great idea on paper," Rainbow argued. "Make the cake and decorate at the same time. We could have saved so much time if it worked."
Rarity shook her head. "If it worked."
Twilight laughed. Then she took out a notepad and with a slow and unsteady hand, began to write.
"Whatcha got there, sugarcube?" Applejack asked.
"Oh, just some notes."
"Lemme see."
"Rainbow Dash!"
"Wow, Twilight, your grip is weak." The Pegasus squinted at the notepad. "Hue-man...reactions...to a...party? Really, Twilight? It's a party, not some research trip. Have some fun."
"This is fun."
The rainbow maned Pegasus simply rolled her eyes and tossed the notes back. "Whatever."
"Now, now, Rainbow does have a point."
"Huh? I do?"
It was Rarity's turn now to roll her eyes. "Yes, you do. There is a time for work and a time for play. This is a time for play. You need to relax, Twilight. It'll do wonders to your complexion."
"But-"
"No buts." Gentle, but firmly, Rarity took Twilight's notepad away. "You've done enough research for one day. It's a wonder why you haven't lost your voice yet."
Twilight sighed but gave in. "Alright, no more studying for today," she said.
"Uh uh, that's not enough." Pinkie presented a wooden stick and a cloth blindfold seemingly out of nowhere. "You've got to have some f-u-n!"
The line that had been Twilight's mouth curved into a smile. "Alright, I'll have some fun."
Twilight got to her feet and took the stick. At first she considered holding it in her jaws, like she normally did, but holding the stick in her hands felt, well, natural, innate.
A crowd soon gathered around the purple headed Human as she took her place. The grey, pony-shaped piñata was repositioned to account for Twilight's height.
"Come on, Twilight!" Pinkie cheered along with the rest of her friends. "You can do it."
"Yeah! Show that piñata what an egghead can do!"
"Yah can do it, sugarcube."
"Yay."
"Do your best, dear."
"Yeah Twilight! You can-"
The rest of Spike's cheer had been cut off as a burst of green fire flew out of his mouth.
"Be careful," Ash hissed. "We're still in a library."
"Sorry." The scaly assistant picked up the scroll that had fallen on the floor. "Hey, Twilight? It's from the princess. Twilight?"
Spike turned and faced his friend and sister-figure. "T-Twilight?"
The importance of Twilight's research on Human-pony similarities suddenly became clear. Everypony could see how her very Human face reflected familiar, pony-like feelings.
Fear. Pain. Horror. Regret.
Twilight watched in fear, in pain, in horror, in regret, as the piñata above burned, the flames licking away its paper skin. Then, everything went dark.
*****
"Look out!" the short, stout earth stallion with a thick beard yelled in a thick accent. He grabbed the taller, clean-shaved stallion out of the way. Out of the burning house stumbled out a figure. It screamed as it the flames licked away its skin and flesh so that it was unclear whether it was a mare or a stallion, colt or filly.
A white Unicorn mare with blonde mane approached the burning figure, her horn lit and glowing silver.
"Do not touch him!" Another mare, a dark green Pegasus with a mane as black as the night and a quiver between her wings, grabbed the other, pulling her away.
"What are you doing?" the white one protested. "I can still save him!"
"No, you can't."
Twilight turned. Behind her was a yellow Unicorn, with a mane and tail as white as snow, with streaks of pink that blended in perfectly. For a split second, she had mistaken this new mare as Fluttershy but one glance at those hard, unrelenting eyes quickly convinced Twilight otherwise.
"Can't? Are you heartless?" The white Unicorn seemed to be at the verge of tears. "This is what I was trained for, what I was called for!"
"This is no ordinary fire. Those are no ordinary burns," the newcomer said coldly. "Infrit burns constantly, until either the one who summoned the flames is dead or else there is no fuel left to be consumed."
"Then all we've got to do is take out the caster," the taller stallion said. "Easy enough,"
"Ack, boy." The shorter pony made a sign in the air. "You'll be jinxin' us wit that kinda attitude."
"Hold on," Twilight heard herself say. Was it really her speaking? Was that really her voice? "Infrit...infrit..." She felt the color drain from her face. "You mean...Hellfire?"
The yellow Unicorn nodded. "And the only possible casters of Hellfire are-"
A sudden roar filled the air. No, not a roar. It was a mixture of agonized screaming and lamenting of a thousand tortured damned and the chill laughter of a child having discovered the delicate balance between life and death by shredding the wings off a butterfly.
Fear could be seen in the Unicorn mare's dark eyes as she continued.
"-the lesser Demons, servants and slaves of the Dark One, Cerfuli."