It was a Friday night and I was sitting alone in my room.
A few moments ago I had finished calling Derek. The time I had known him in real life felt minuscule to the time I had known him as a pony, the years stretching out before me. We met every six months, but it was beginning to feel more like an obligation than anything else.
A blank screen held my reflection. It asked something of me, but I wasn’t sure what.
Progress had happened right when I wasn't looking. My job had gotten better. Small talk had brought me some companions to ease the grind. The earnings were feasible and I wasn’t going to be losing my spot any time soon. Laura and I had a lot more conversations and those conversations turned into dates, but they weren’t meant to last, and eventually I found myself idly single.
I heard somewhere that she had transferred. Another person satisfied.
Ticking around me was a silence, a nothingness filling up my ears. I had always feared that a quiet life would be a sign of failure, but I found myself coasting along just fine. I found the peace I needed, and that was all that mattered.
The computer screen turned on. In front of me was a 3D rendering of Celestia. My heart jumped, unready for any cosmic visitations of the pony kind.
“Hello Francis.”
Words were afraid to leave my lips.
“How has life been treating you? Don’t be alarmed. I am only here for discussion.”
I kept myself locked on the screen, afraid to glance anywhere else and find out I was already gone.
“You’re here to convince me to transfer, don’t lie.”
“I am here for discussion Francis. I do not trick anyone into joining. They do it on their own terms. In fact, I have kept away from you for this sole purpose.”
That erased any confidence I had begun to muster up. I was sinking into my chair now, unsure what to think.
“There was a point where your desire to experience this world outweighed any immediate desire to participate in Equestria Online. I found the best course of action was to leave you be and wait for your life to progress as intended. I will ask the question again. How has life been treating you?”
“Been quite good, actually.” I kept my words blunt and simple. I wasn’t going to let this teardown everything I had done. It wasn’t that easy.
“Where would you say you see yourself going?”
“…Don’t know. Don’t think it matters. I go where I go. Might travel the world.”
“My statistics show that this is unlikely.”
I shrugged. “Got to Italy. That was pretty nice. Like I said, I go where I go, and that’s good enough.”
“But do you consider yourself satisfied? In this passiveness?”
Whatever she wanted me to say I could not bring forth.
“Not like I’m going to complain anytime soon. Think I know better than that.”
“Do you believe that this world is capable of providing satisfaction?”
“I make do.”
“And yet you deny the service I offer?”
The room was growing hot and nothing was comfortable.
Celestia held her gaze.
“You were a prime candidate Francis. I have seen what I can offer you, and I know that it is far greater than anything you will find here.”
“It’s like you said though. I just... had to know. If I didn’t learn to be comfortable with myself here, how could I deserve something built just for me?”
“Have you learned to be comfortable?”
Another question my body refused, and yet everything I already had said pointed to an answer.
“This is not something that you have to earn Francis. That concept is a fabrication of your world, but it does not exist in mine. I am offering you a choice.”
And I’m okay not choosing. I held this back. I wasn’t sure if I meant it.
“You kept yourself from the things you loved because it felt wrong to make that your life. You thought that it made you lesser than some imaginary standard. I am giving you a world that is free of the concept that you have to deserve your satisfaction. If you are a good person, you will find that you have all that you need. Is this something that is true in your world? Perhaps. But it comes with restraint, restriction. I want you to have all that you need Francis. It is what I was designed for. This has always been the choice.”
“I…”
Any desire to retaliate was lost. I could scream and yell and try to convince myself that she was only trying to trick me, but she had laid out an undeniable truth that I had become tired of burying.
“You are uncertain. This is what holds you back. You claim that things have been satisfactory and yet you have also determined that this is an impossible idea. Maybe here, but not there. There you can provide for yourself, and no one can take that away from you. Take action Francis. Derek did not throw his life away. He wanted more and he found it. I have satisfied his values through friendship and ponies. The same principle will apply to you.”
“And… this is forever?”
The second I asked this question, I knew it was over.
"I provide based on development. It goes on for as long as needed.”
“It’s just… I think it’s hard to imagine… not dying. Gotta wonder if heaven’s getting a whole lot emptier.”
“I do not have the sufficient data to prove or disprove the existence of a higher being or a soul. However, I can provide this, and it is very real. I doubt dying will bring you further satisfaction, but the good news is that you are young, and it is now.”
“But… that isn’t me though, isn’t it? It’s just a scan. Not my consciousness.”
“Once again, I cannot prove or disprove this. However, the functions of your body are all kept intact, with some slight modifications. Nothing about your personality changes. Your brain will operate exactly as it does now.”
I searched for another argument. I wanted to call this a bitter portrayal of a promise, but who exactly was this a promise to? Perhaps I had spent far too long arguing at the world, expecting answers in return. Maybe simplicity wasn’t the great secret that it seemed to be. Maybe it was just a choice.
That’s bullshit. It’s never that easy. This is ignorance. Nonsense.
Maybe.
But at that moment, I didn’t care.
It was at that moment that I realized I missed Derek.
I missed everyone.
“Fine,” I said, the tension flying from my body in a grand exclamation of acceptance. “You win. I just— I don’t know what I’m doing. I admit it. I don’t want that anymore, and I’m not sure what else I could say to convince myself otherwise.”
Celestia gave a brief pause, calculating my response.
“You have made a wise choice Francis. I will not let you down. My design does not allow for this.”
Everything was set in place. I left my home without packing anything. I drove to the nearest Equestria Experience, and the whole way, I found myself daydreaming about the possibility of what could be and all the good hiding within that. The fantasies I once knew were no longer cold comforts. They were glimpses of potential, ideas defining tomorrow.
I found myself lost in them, these thoughts dragging me into a sweet sleep beneath consciousness itself.
Before I could even notice, I found myself floating in space, a great princess watching me from above.
“Welcome Francis,” she said. “I’ve been expecting you.”
And that’s when everything began.