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It was a Sunday. Twilight sat on the balcony of her castle, taking in the warmth of the sun as she reclined in a sun lounger wearing a totally wicked pair of shades.
Several of her “Twilighting” meltdowns ago, her friends had told her she needed to chill out a bit. Of course that’s not exactly accurate, Rainbow’s phrasing was something along the lines of: “Get that stick out of your ass before you get an ulcer ya freak,” but Twilight and her friends had an understanding, and she took the advice to heart. She had cut her research time down to 16 hours a day; 14 on weekends, and had scheduled in a 15 minute dedicated relaxation period every day at noon, which she currently availed herself of.
Unfortunately, an amateur stage magician and general nuisance by the name of Trixie currently stood below the balcony, and shouted up to her, “Twilight Sparkle! The Great and Powerful Trixie must speak with you!”
Twilight, quickly deciding she had no room in her schedule for whatever nonsense this was, tactically ignored the mare.
“Didn’t you hear Trixie! Twilight! Twiggles! Twilight-a-rooney! Big T!” Trixie continued. Twilight responded by pretending to fall asleep.
However, she forgot to account for Trixie’s general lack of geniality. She had also declined to lock her front door. Because this is Ponyville, and she was pretty sure the crime rate was currently in the negative. Due to these circumstances, Trixie soon stood in front of the princess on her balcony, blocking her sun and looking really pissed. Twilight took off her glasses and narrowed her eyes. “Sup.”
Trixie stomped a hoof, “Do not ‘sup’ me Twilight Sparkle! The Great and Powerful Trixie has come here on an important matter, and she will be taken seriously!” She shouted at her, looking ready to burst.
“Well, when she gets here, I’ll be sure to remember that.” Twilight casually set her shades on and laid her head back
“You know Trixie is right here!”
Twilight didn’t even look at her as she responded, “Where? Is she invisible? Oh Trixie? Where art thou?”
“Trixie is Trixie!” Trixie began to turn red as she yelled.
Twilight was smiling at this point. She said nothing.
“FINE! I AM TRIXIE!” She shouted. After her short outburst, she looked dejected as she breathed heavily.
Twilight stood up, folded her sunglasses and set them aside, “Was that so difficult?”
Trixie set a heavy frown as she spoke, “I don’t even care anymore. Why can’t you just let me do my shtick? I have so little. You’re the literal princess of friendship, throw me bone here!”
“Come on Trixie you know how this game is played by now; you hate me, I hate you, we do this little dance of ours, and everypony moves on with their lives. It’s not my fault you’re so bad at it.” Twilight inspected her hoof as she spoke.
“Don’t try to confuse me with your silly metaphors Sparkle! I’m here for one reason and one reason only! I challenge you to a duel!” Trixie jabbed a hoof toward Twilight as she shouted.
Twilight yawned.
“A proper duel this time! There will be no confusion, and Trixie will once and for all be declared superior!” She truck a spectacular pose, wind blowing her cape dramatically.
“Pass.”
Trixie did a double take, “Pass? What do you mean pass!?”
“I pass. Don’t wanna do it. Go bug Starlight or something.” She stepped back inside the castle. Trixie quickly gave chase.
“You can’t pass!”
Twilight walked down the hall, straightening a rather smart painting of herself as she walked past, “Yes I can, have you even studied dueling laws? I’d think that would be a priority for you before pulling this shit.”
Trixie chased after her, “I know you can, I’m saying that if you do that than Trixie wins by default! And you don’t want that, do you Sparkle?” She said smugly, assuming she had trapped the princess.
“Don’t care. I already beat you once, so nopony else will either.”
“But Trixie has grown more powerful than you could possibly imagine!”
“You were literally possessed last time, easily ten times stronger than your normal state. You stole Pinkie’s mouth. Speaking of which, I haven’t seen Pinkie in days, which is a bit concerning. The point is, you lost then, and now I’m a demigod, so I doubt your chances have improved.
“Well what about this then!?” Trixie powered up her horn for a spell, “BANG!” Naturally, Twilight had an invisible barrier spell surrounding her at all times. As the shot rang out, it pinged harmlessly off of Twilight’s force field.
Twilight frowned, “You dare use my own spells against me Lulamoon? Who taught you gun anyway?”
Trixie looked rather annoyed at her failure, but responded nonetheless, “It was the white one’s sister, whatever her stupid name was. Sweaty Balls or something like that. Trixie saw her giddily shooting at the town hall and demanded she teach her the spell!”
Twilight frowned at this. She had assumed that Sweetie Belle would have used her spell more wisely. Teaching it to Trixie was absolutely deplorable.
“She initially told Trixie to eat her shorts, but obliged happily when I paid her 5 bits!” Trixie seemed rather proud of this tidbit.
“While that’s not as terrible, I’ll need to have a talk with her about proper negotiation tactics. She should’ve bled you dry for it.” The two of them came to a stop in front of one of the castle’s many doors, which Twilight rapped on twice. After a short moment, Spike answered the door.
“Yo.” He spoke casually, leaning on the door frame.
“Spike, can you get Trixie out of here? She’s interrupting my regularly scheduled me time.”
“Trixie can show herself out thank you!”
Twilight glanced at her. “Will you?”
“No! She intends to raid your kitchen, and then clog your toilet!” Trixie sounded quite happy as she yelled. “Out of spite!”
Spike and Twilight shared a look, and she said, “Do the thing.”
He nodded, and breathed his green fire on the offending mare. Trixie screamed as the flames licked at her coat. It quickly engulfed her, and not a trace of her remained.
“Well, that’s over with.” Twilight conjured a pocket watch and checked the time. “I’ve got about 8 minutes left of R&R, do you want to do anything Spike?”
Spike shrugged, “I mean, I was just watching anime. You’re free to join if you want.”
“Oh, well what’s it about?”
Twilight could make out the sound of what seemed to be a Neighponese mare screaming in pleasure coming from Spike’s room.
“It complicated.”
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Princess Celestia was currently attending a fundraiser event; a rather common use of her time. It had been going quite well, with the usual crowd of wealthy aristocrats hob-nobbling and whatnot. Although looking out, Celestia couldn't help but feel there were too many ponies from Ponyville attending. The princess currently found herself quite bored at the banality of it all. At least nothing had gone wrong yet. On cue, princess Luna walked over to her sister, holding a glass of champagne and looking extremely worn out.
“Sister, thine gathering is shite. Where art the raucous debauchery? Thy mares of the evening? There hast not been a single flogging. And dost thou expect us to get turnt on this feeble swill?” She downed her champagne in a single motion and chucked the glass over her shoulder. “Uppeth thy game sister.”
As if summoned by divine will, Trixie appeared in a wisp of green flame near Celestia; flailing her legs several feet above a guest table. She landed face first, ruining somepony’s delicious looking salad and planting her ass on the face of a wealthy looking stallion in an undignified manner. Her horn went off, blasting a gun spell into the leg of a passing waiter. Knocked off balance and wailing in pain, he tripped, spilling a bowl of steaming minestrone directly on PWF star Pondré the Giant. Pondré, a massive mountain of a stallion, grinned as he lifted the poor waiter overhead with ease and hurled him into the crowd, impacting Soarin, a member of the Wonderbolts, who had been flirting with a pretty young mare, and knocking him unconscious. The other Wonderbolts, prepared to avenge their fallen comrade, started an all out brawl, thrashing ponies as they worked their way toward the instigator.
Trixie removed her rear end from the stallion, who blushed profusely. His wife, seated next to him, socked him right in the jaw. Jumping off the table, Trixie sidled up next to a silent Celestia and her giddy sister as the ballroom they were in rapidly turned into a ballroom blitz. Trixie dusted herself off.
“Hey. Um, I’m real sorry- uh, sorry about-” Trixie broadly gestured to the chaos unfurling in the room. “All this.”
Celestia said nothing. Luna leaned in, shooting her sister a knowing smile. Celestia let out a long deep sigh, “Fine.” She said reluctantly. Luna chortled to herself as she spun around.
Wasting no time, Luna grabbed a nearby chair a bashed a random noble over the head. The stallion who had been seated in it fell to the ground, still nursing his jaw. She then dashed into the crowd, throwing a few well aimed punches as she went. She looked around, eyeing the brawlers. She could spot several familiar ponies duking it out, and grinned manically as she planned her moves. She ducked a sloppy punch and roundhouse kicked a nearby Octavia, knocking her down. She saw Fancy Pants fleeing from Minuet, and grabbed two plates in her magic. She threw, striking both at once. They fell to the ground in tandem. Luna saw Pony Joe throwing his doughnuts at random ponies and began strutting toward him. She blocked a punch from Spoiled Milk and knocked her unconscious without even glancing at her as she walked.
Blocking her path was Lightning Dust, wearing a wide grin as she threw silverware at ponies while flying slightly above the mob. Luna frowned and grabbed the pegasus in her magic. Lightning’s smile went away quickly as Luna slammed her into the ground. Satisfied with the act, she threw a dizzy looking Lightning Dust off in another direction. She reached her foe, and Pony Joe met her gaze. He threw an array of doughnuts; chocolate, strawberry, glazed. Luna moved with a practiced grace, dodging the onslaught as she skewered three doughnuts on her horn. You know, for later. She advanced on a fearful Joe and threw an uppercut into his chin. He crumpled to the ground.
Looking around for a new target, she spotted Lyra and Bonbon standing atop the buffet table, pelting an advancing crowd with a menagerie of horderves from their perch. Also for some reason Lyra looked to be in a mummy costume. They were the queens of the hill. Time for the princess to take her throne. Luna ran forward, shoving ponies out of the way. She saw Photo Finish knock out a pony with a karate chop, so she swerved slightly to ram her. Getting a good purchase under her barrel, Luna tossed her head back and sent Photo Finish sailing away through the air. She quickly broke through the crowd surrounding the table and glared at her opponents. They met her gaze. It was time.
Bonbon picked up an entire four layer cake with her freakish earth pony strength and hurled it at the princess. Luna brought up a single hoof to guard her face and met the impact. The cake struck her, splattering frosting across her coat and making a fine mess. Luna didn’t move an inch. She brought down her hoof and glared at Bonbon. My turn. She used her magic to remove a single doughnut from her horn, and whipped it toward Bonbon with frightening speed. The mare had no time to react as it hit her square in the face. Pink frosting wormed into her eyes, and she stumbled backward, tumbling off the table. Only one to go.
Lyra was furious that her ally had been taken out. She used her magic to summon an array of two dozen cannolis floating around her and began pelting them in Luna’s direction. Luna dodged left. A cannoli flew past her and downed Hoity Toity. She dodged right. Tempest Shadow was struck. She hopped onto the table, dodging one last cannoli that sailed past her head and splattered across Vinyl Scratch’s face.
The two ponies stared each other down. Well, Luna stared down, Lyra had to crane her neck to meet the gaze of the towering princess. “Thou fought bravely, my little pony. Now yield if ye wish to live.” Luna said with a grave undertone.
“I don’t fear death, princess. I fear only failure.” Lyra floated an empty pie tin to her side, holding it like a shield.
“Then be afraid.” Luna charged at Lyra, throwing a haymaker. Lyra blocked it with her tin, sliding back a good foot from the impact. She didn’t waver, she quickly grabbed a baguette and swung it at the princess. Luna stepped back to dodge, and tossed a doughnut toward the mare. Lyra dodged to the side, but it still glazed her, stinging her side. She winced and covered the impact with a hoof.
“Yield.” Luna commanded, advancing on the mare.
Panting, Lyra shouted out, “Never!” She shocked Luna as she hurled the tin like a frisbee. Unable to dodge in time, it struck her in the leg, bringing her to a knee. Lyra saw her chance and rushed the princess. Luna grinned, making Lyra’s heart stop. She was instantly frozen in Luna’s magic field.
Luna brought her in closer, glaring into her eyes, “Tisn't personal foal.” Bringing her within reach, Luna belted her in the gut. The wind was knocked out of her, she was done. Her foe now vanquished, Luna reverently placed her on the floor beside the table. She gazed out, the crowd had quieted down to watch the spectacle, and Luna addressed them, “Behold! Your Princess of the Night!” The crowd cheered at her declaration, hurling food and cutlery into the air with reckless abandon as they reveled. Luna celebrated by eating her last doughnut, but she quickly spat it back out. It was a plain doughnut.
Trixie walked back to Celestia’s side. She had wandered off during the bedlam and now held a plate of tiny cubed cheeses. She popped one in her mouth, and held the plate over the Celestia in offering. The princess shook her head. Trixie shrugged and ate another. “You know princess-” Trixie stopped to chew for a moment, “You throw a bitchin’ party.”