̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\ 
/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿
It was a new day in Ponyville. Birds were singing as the early morning sunshine crept through Twilight’s blinds, waking the mare. She tossed in her covers, burying her face in an attempt to block out the offending rays. This proved futile, as after a few scant minutes her alarm clock went off furiously, destroying any hope of returning to a peaceful sleep. Twilight lit her horn.
“BANG!”
Satisfied that her alarm clock had been vanquished, she started her day.
“Morning!” Spike cheerfully greeted Twilight as she made her way into the kitchen. He was reading the paper while wearing a lovely monogrammed bathrobe and drinking a cup of coffee. He helpfully slid an extra cup over to Twilight, which she accepted.
“Mmm.” She hummed as she took a long sip. “Spike, you’re a saint.”
“Don’t I know it.” He responded. The two of them shared an uneventful breakfast. Making idle conversation.
“So, any news today?” Twilight asked.
“Not much. Although apparently there’s been a streak of mysterious vandalism throughout town. Strangely enough ponies are reporting loud booming noises nearby whenever the damage is discovered.” Spike relayed between bites.
“That is odd.” Twilight sipped her coffee.
After eating Twilight quickly jumped up and made her way to the castle entrance. It was the beginning of a new day! And that meant another day to show everypony the glorious power of gun! She threw open her front door only to see her good friend Applejack, standing poised to knock on the door. Caught rather off guard by Twilight’s timing, she slowly lowered her hoof. “Uh, mornin’ Twi.”
“Applejack! How kind of you to drop by on this fine day! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Spoke Twilight, sounding quite pleased to see her friend.
Applejack took off her hat and looked to her friend with concern, “Well sugercube, I hate to ask for your help like this, but I reckon you’re the best pony to ask.”
Twilight let out a dramatic gasp, “Could it be!? Is this a-” She paused for dramatic effect. “Friendship problem?”
Applejack frowned, “Not really. Those damn Flim Flam brothers are all set up near my farm again. I was wondering if you could come on down and drive em off.” She explained.
“Why? What are they doing this time? Selling babies? No, eating babies?”
Applejack seemed concerned, “What the hell girl? No this is far worse.”
“Both?”
“Twilight, they’re selling mineral water.” Applejack sounded dead serious.
Twilight cocked her head, “Uh, okay? I’ve never heard of that. What is it?”
“It’s some tomfoolery is what it is. They had some big ol’ sales pitch about it, how it’s good for your skin and what not. I tried it. Tastes just like regular water only worse. Anyhow, they’re set up right down the road from my farm, and I need somepony to get rid of em.”
“You want me shoot them?” Asked Twilight helpfully.
“What?” Applejack didn’t quite understand.
“With my new gun spell. It fires a smalll ballistic projectile at supersonic speeds. It should be more than capable of eliminating your undesirable extended family.”
“Holy- no! Don’t do that!” Applejack waved her hooves defensively.
“Well what do you want then?”
“You’re a princess! Just tell em to hightail it on out or something!”
“That sounds like the opposite of a solution that involves the use of gun.”
At that moment, Spike walked into the entryway, and overheard the last bit of conversation. “What does?”
“The Flim Flam brothers. AJ wants them gone.” Twilight supplied.
“Oh." Spike rubbed his chin, "Want me to get my nunchucks?”
“Maybe later. Applejack seems to want this resolved nonviolently, for some pathetic reason.” Twilight said condescendingly.
“I’m right here ya know!”
“Hi AJ!” Spike gave her a little wave.
Applejack sighed, “Hi Spike.”
“I can’t ignore a friend asking for help! But I also must demonstrate the multifaceted utility of my creation! What to do?" Twilight dramatically put a hoof to her forehead as she lamented.
After pondering for a bit, Spike raised a hand, “Okay, I have an idea.” he said resolutely.
Twilight quickly bounced back, beaming at her companion, “Hit me with it!”
“So, I watched this movie last night.”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “Here we go.”
̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\ /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿
Flim and Flam stood by the side of the dirt road with a large cart and a small popup stand they had set up. A large number of crates were loaded on the stationary cart, and a few were unloaded beside the stand. Sitting on display at the stand itself were several clear bottles of water labeled: “Flim Flam Brother’s Famous Appleachia Springs Mineral Water” complete with a serene picture of a mountain range. There were no other ponies around at the moment, so Flim idly counted a pile of bits as his brother unloaded a few extra crates.
But here comes trouble. Twilight Sparkle teleported in out of nowhere; standing proud and smiling, shocking both of the brothers. She quickly turned to them and spoke, “Greetings! I, princess Twilight Sparkle, have a business proposition for you!” Her grin unsettled the two.
Flim, the closer of the two, eyed her suspiciously, “What kind of proposition?”
“I’m personally very interested in your mineral water! For a small fee, I’ll endorse your product to all of Equestria! Think of it, with the word of a princess, your strange little water selling business will explode!” Twilight spoke with a certain flair to her voice.
Still a bit wary, but obviously interested, Flam jumped off of the cart. “This does sound… interesting. What’s your price exactly?”
“Just 10 bits upfront! Think of it, Twilight Sparkle, that’s me, selling your wares across the globe! You can’t lose!”
The brothers shared a glance, and then Flim asked, “That’s rather cheap for the endorsement of a princess. Why so little?”
“Um, because I’m crazy?”
Flam spoke next, “I’m not sure that’s a great reason, but this sounds splendid! You’re hired!”
Twilight smiled broadly, “Fantastic! With me on your side, you’ll sell more water than should be legal! Why, here comes a customer now!”
Coming down the road, the three ponies could see what was obviously Spike wearing a tuxedo and a long, curly mustache, walking with a swanky whalebone cane. He had a strange swagger to his step as he walked, stopping a few feet away from them. “Why hello there young ponies! My name is Duke S. Pike, and I’m interested in buying your stupid water shit.”
Looking confused, Flim asked, “Hey, aren’t you Twilight’s little dragon pal she’s always with?”
“No. That’s not me.” Duke S. Pike twirled his mustache with a claw, bearing a cheesy gin.
“Good enough! How much water do you want?” Flim took out a notepad.
“Why, I’m so fabulously rich, that I would like to buy all of it of course!” The duke said dramatically.
The brothers shared a smug look, Flim then said, “Perfect! Let me just tally up the price for you real quick-”
“No need my illustrious business partners, I shall make this sale!” Twilight interjected as she shoved the two to the side, “Duke, one as wealthy as you can certainly understand supply and demand. Your demand right now is all of the supply. Which means there’s no more supply to meet the demand! As such, it would seem something close to, say, one million bits is a fair price?”
“One- one million!?” Both the brothers sputtered at her price.
The duke chuckled, “Why, that’s a bit high for this water! I didn’t become so fabulously rich by rolling over and accepting bad business deals! I would say this is worth no more than five bits!” He didn’t waver a bit.
Twilight looked deeply offended, “You bastard!” She lit her horn, and quickly fired three gunshots toward him. He immediately went down face-first like a sack of potatoes, pooling red around his body. Twilight cheered up almost instantly, “Well, that’s taken care of. You two! Help me dispose of the body would you?” She asked innocently.
Watching the display, the two brothers found themselves at a loss for words. They glanced at each other, daring the other to speak first.
“Brother?” Asked Flim at last.
“Yes Brother?” Responded Flam.
“I’m scared!”
“Me too!”
“Let’s scram!” With that the two of them bolted, leaving behind their supplies. A moment later Flam returned briefly to collect the bits they had left behind before darting off.
Twilight watched them go, smiling to herself. “Another victory for gun! And just like AJ asked, nopony was hurt!” She looked down at the duke, and kicked his body slightly. “Hey Spike, they’re gone. Get it together.”
Groaning, Spike pushed himself to his feet, wiping a bit of red off his face. He stuck a finger in his mouth, licking off what to any close observer was clearly ketchup. “I told you this would work! Careful where you shoot next time though, I swear those shots went right by my head!”
“I had to, it wouldn’t look convincing if I was aiming off into space. Besides, don’t you trust my aim?” She smiled at her friend. He glared at her for a second, before softening up, and the two of them shared a good laugh. Eventually, Spike had to ask:
“Now what do we do with all these stupid water bottles?”
̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\ /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿
Lyra lay in a hospital bed, wrapped head to tail in gauze. She was slowly eating a sandwich held to her mouth by her friend Bonbon when a knock came at the door. Trotting over, Bonbon was confused as a delivery stallion stood there with a hoofcart stacked with two large crates. “Is this Lyra’s room?” He asked in a bored tone.
Bonbon looked at him skeptically, “Yes? What’s all this?” He handed her a small hoofwritten note in response. She glanced down at it, and read it aloud. “Lyra, sorry about the electrical burns. Here’s 1,000 gallons of mineral water to make up for it. Twilight.” She looked up at the stallion, expecting some sort of joke.
“So where can I set this? I got 48 more crates outside to bring in.”
Bonbon shut the door in his face. “Princess of Friendship my ass.”