Fluttershy stood before a tall oak tree next to a row of shops, staring up into it’s branches. She looked rather concerned as Twilight inched closer, followed by a hovering Rainbow Dash.
“Fluttershy! What’s going on?” Twilight asked.
“Oh! Hi Twilight. Hi Rainbow.” She sounded rather dejected. “Harry the Hedgehog got himself stuck in a tree.” She glanced back into the branches. Following her gaze, Twilight could make out the pathetic creature sitting on a high branch.
“Flutters.” Rainbow deadpanned. “You can fly. Just go get him.”
“Oh no, Harry is afraid of pegasi.” Fluttershy explained.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash had no immediate response to this information. Yet after a prolonged silence, Rainbow broached, “You’re a pegasus.”
“Yes.” Fluttershy’s response was curt and direct.
Rainbow facehooved at this, accidentally dropping her novel in the process. Fluttershy quickly picked it up and looked at Rainbow disapprovingly. “Rainbow, are you reading your smut in public again?”
“Drink piss Shy.” Rainbow swore.
“Only if it’s yours.” Fluttershy said with a smug grin.
Rainbow’s frown deepened as Twilight visibly recoiled, “Augh. Ew. No! Never. Never ever again! Don’t ever say those words in that order. Ever. Fucking hell Fluttershy.” Twilight said, looking as though she were about to puke.
“Look, he got himself up there. Can’t he get himself down?” Rainbow asked her.
“No, hedgehogs are notoriously useless. He’s certainly stuck.” Said Fluttershy, nodding at her own statement.
Slowly, a large smile crept across Twilight’s face, “In that case, this seems like a job for your new best friend!” Twilight said enthusiastically, striking a small pose.
Fluttershy looked down dejectedly, “Um, Twilight? I though you were my best friend. Also don’t be upset but I’m working on getting the tattoo removed.” Fluttershy rubbed her leg slightly as she said this.
Twilight looked to her in shock, “What!? But the tattoo is awesome!” As she yelled this, she pressed herself to Fluttershy’s side. Bringing their forelegs together, two half heart tattoos fit together forming a full heart spelling out ‘Bad Bitches’ across it. However, as Fluttershy had gotten some of her side removed, the phrase looked more like ‘Bad itch’ which was bad in an entirely different way.
Rainbow Dash smirked a bit, “Awesome.”
“It’s nothing personal Twilight. I just feel like ponies get the wrong impression of me when I walk around with a tattoo like that.” Fluttershy said as she hid behind her mane slightly.
“But Fluttershy! It’s a commemoration of our friendship! Don’t you remember the night we got it?”
“I could never forget. I still have nightmares about it. That horrible night, and what you did to that poor narwhal.” Fluttershy closed her eyes and shivered.
“Heh, yeah. Good times.” Twilight zoned out a bit, looking out into nowhere. “But enough of that! Fluttershy! My second best friend!”
Fluttershy sniffed a little at this.
“Have I got something for you!”
Rainbow Dash passed Fluttershy a pair of earplugs, which she graciously accepted. At the same time she shot her a look that read: Kill me and then kill yourself before it’s too late.
“Have you ever thought: Oh boy, I sure am Fluttershy and I need to get my stupid pet Henry the hedgehog out of this dumb tree!”
“Who thinks like that?” Fluttershy interrupted, “I already know I’m Fluttershy, it’s not like it’s a conscious decision. And yes I know he’s stupid but his name is Harry.
“Shut up! I’m doing a thing!” Twilight let out a sigh as she regained her composure. “So, what am I, the very yellow Fluttershy to do in such a scenario?” She said in a way that made Fluttershy suddenly very aware of her yellowness. “Let me tell you! With the power of, gun, anything is possible! Observe!” At this, Twilight turned to face the tree. Rainbow motioned for Fluttershy to put in her earplugs, and the two stood back and watched.
“Twilight, don’t shoot the damn hedgehog.” Said, Rainbow.
“Rainbow! I’m hurt! I’d never do that to such a poor defenseless creature.” Twilight said sounding completely unhurt.
“What about the narwhal?” Fluttershy asked quietly.
Turning to face her friends, Twilight responded, “Have you seen those things? They’re huge! I’d hardly call them defenseless. Besides, they’ve got that big goofy horn coming out of their head! It’s perfect for skewering ponies alive!” She flipped back around to face the tree. “Now sit back and watch the shama lama magic at work!
“BANG!”
She fired the familiar spell directly at the tree trunk, blasting a hole clean through it. The entire tree shook from the impact, and the hedgehog rattled around, dropping out of the branches into Twilight’s waiting magical grasp. “And just like that! One hedgehog!” She then noticed the creature was completely still. “Oh. Shy your pet is dead.” She said a sounding a bit disappointed as she hoofed it over.
“It’s fine, he just had another heart attack. It happens all the time.” Fluttershy took a very small defibrillator out of her bag and rubbed the paddles together. “Clear.” She said in a tiny voice right before giving the hedgehog a jump start. He regained consciousness, much to Fluttershy’s relief. Upon realizing how close he was to the pegasus he quickly began squirming violently in an attempt to escape, only for Fluttershy to hold him tighter. “Well, thank you Twilight. I guess.” It didn’t sound as though she meant it.
“Yes! Another point for science!” Twilight pumped her hoof in the air.
“Couldn’t you have just teleported him down?” Rainbow asked bitterly.
Twilight seemed unbothered by the pessimism as she went on, “Semantics Dash. You need to see the big picture. The forest for the trees if you will.” As she said this the oak began groaning, slowly chipping and splintering around the hole Twilight had made as it creaked. The three ponies watched helplessly as the tree fell over, crashing through the front display of a nearby stationary store.
Twilight opened her mouth ready to comment, but thought better of it. Surely the store owner would understand the irony.