After traversing the confusing and croissant-scented corridors of the ship, Twilight and her odd acquaintances made their way towards what she hoped was the control room. At the centre, she saw all of her friends in a circle, their eyes glowing the same orange-yellow as all of the bread monsters’ other mind-controlled slaves.
“You and your acquaintances have become an annoyance,” the mind-controlled Rarity stated.
“We aim to please, ex-dee,” Miss Tick said.
“You fight against inevitability,” the mind-controlled Rainbow Dash stated, “Like fecal matter in the bowels of the universe.”
“Ew!” Random childishly exclaimed.
“Your civilization is doomed,” the mind-controlled Pinkie Pie stated, “And you will serve us. Or else.”
“You know, I was wondering when you were going to say we’re doomed,” Lion deadpanned, “It’s Evil Gloating 101.”
“Princess, could you tell your allies to shut up?” the mind-controlled Applejack requested, “I am trying to have a serious conversation with you.”
“Actually, I won’t,” Twilight replied, “Like Pinkie Pie, they laugh in the face of danger.”
“A faulty defence mechanism that shall end in their destruction,” the mind-controlled Spike stated, “You and your acquaintances shall lose regardless.”
“So what if we do?” Lion retorted, “We’ll take you down anyway, just like we did with Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy Glow.”
“Know this as you die in vain,” the mind-controlled Rarity said threateningly, “Your species will fall. Prepare for your imminent destruction.”
“Could you say that again?” Lion asked, “I felt really turned on when you said that and I want to record it so I could-”
“Lion!” Twilight shouted.
“Okay, okay,” Lion said with his hooves in the air, “No touching myself to your mind-controlled friends. Got it.”
“I AM ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!” everypony heard a deep voice bellow.
“I just hope we don’t have to fight another gorilla,” Random said, “My horn is still sore from the last one.”
Out of nowhere, a fiery blast of magic shot its way towards the group. Everypony looked towards where the blast came from and saw a mind-controlled Celestia, who had red sparks emitting all around her.
“Oh, good, it’s an alicorn that gets her flank whooped by whatever villain of the year is threatening us,” Random said casually, “We should be-”
The mind-controlled Celestia blasted fire magic at Random, burning his mane and coat into ash.
“Did you order original recipe or extra crispy?” Random asked disorientedly before collapsing.
“Before we turn into sun-baked potatoes, I have a plan,” Ruby said, “We distract Celestia while Lion pries the bread monster off of her head.”
“Do I have to?” Lion whined, “I really want to see what an unrestrained Celestia could do.”
Everypony glared at Lion the same way one would to a friend who picked an unwise choice of pumpkin to carve up on Nightmare Night.
“What?” Lion said defensively.
Another blast of magic was aimed directly at them, to which everypony swiftly dodged.
“Afraid to hurt your mentor, princess?” the mind-controlled Celestia asked, “I have no such reserva-”
The mind-controlled Celestia’s monologuing was cut short by the Soldier inexplicably descending from the ceiling and whacking the bread monster attached to her head with a shovel.
“Ow,” the mind-controlled Celestia said monotonously.
The bread monster fell off of Celestia’s head, with Celestia fainting afterwards.
“HOW DISAPPOINTING,” the deep voice echoed across the room, “IT APPEARS I WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU MYSELF.”
The Soldier looked up and was in awe at the size of the bread monster above, “Dear God!”
“There’s more?!” Miss Tick asked in disbelief.
“No…” Soldier said shakily.
The giant bread monster crawled down from the ceiling and faced the terrified group.
“I AM HARBREADER!” the giant bread monster announced.
“Welp, this is gonna suck,” Lion said matter-of-factly.
Harbreader opened up his gaping maw, ready to swallow his adversaries whole. Then, out of nowhere, a portal opened up and a metal box flew into his mouth followed by a nuclear bomb.
“The cavalry has arrived, boys!” Dog Like announced.
Out of the portal walked Dog Like, Doctor Advocatus, Dr. Saurus, Black Biceps, and an assortment of other agents.
“Doctor Advocatus, I’m CIA,” Lion said.
Twilight just stared at Advocatus.
“It’s an in-joke we have,” Lion explained, “By the way, I like your new jacket. Also, is it me or do you look older?”
“Yes, I do look older,” Advocatus replied, “And now would be a good time to run because I just activated the Moment.”
“WHAT?!” Harbreader exclaimed.
“Wait, weren’t you supposed to activate the Moment on Gallopray?” Dog Like asked.
“Don’t worry, I have an idea,” Advocatus replied.
Amidst all the fighting and the carnage on the deserts of Gallopray, the two warring races put down their weapons and looked up at the evening sky. Despite the brightness of the sun, they could clearly see a bipedal cat riding a giant mutated loaf of bread as if it was a bull.
“MOMMY!” Harbreader screamed as he descended to his inevitable demise.