Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive


Dust To Dust

Roman sighed deeply while Trixie was running around the hideout with a look of fear written all over her face. She rushed to one side, then the other. Seemingly ignoring the thief as he stood there with her assistants. She had been like this all morning after he had woken up. And to be honest, Roman had no clue of why she was so much in a hurry. 

It couldn't be the current task given to them by Spice, no, this was something else. 

Roman sighed again as he walked over to a cabinet containing Dust ammunition and some cigars. He tried to tune out the random mumbling that Trixie was giving, but then she started shouting, asking about some trivial things like "Where's my blouse!? Where's my makeup kit!? Why is this place so unclean!?" and so on and so on.

This started to thin out Roman's patience, but he needed to keep a cool head so he could devise a plan to infiltrate Canterlot. After a few more seconds of the mindless shouting, Roman brought out a suitcase and started stripping his clothes. Though he was slightly uncomfortable without it, he needed to make sure that no one in Canterlot would recognize him. Luckily for him, his cutie mark was never seen, only one pony knows what it looks like but he doubts that she would ever be in Canterlot right now. Hopefully. 

He packed his clothes into his suitcase, but not before giving his hat a kiss and promising it that he would bring it back to its rightful place on his head. Once he was done, he set it aside and turned to face Trixie. He caught her just in time as she ran in front of him, his hoof stepped on her cape and she was harshly pulled back to Roman. 

"Did you pack your things yet, Trix'?"

She scrambled to her hooves with eyes wider than a plate. "Oh my gosh, the mission! I'm so sorry Roman, Trixie had almost forgotten about it! But the thing is, Trixie can't come with you, something came up and it needs Trixie's full attention!"

Roman sighed once more. "It's alright, you can go do whatever it is..."

"Y-you're not mad?"

A confused look now adorns his face. "Now why would I be mad?"

Trixie pressed the tip of her fore hooves together as she averted her eyes from Roman's gaze. "It's because you usually get really mad when something doesn't go the way you wanted... sometimes..."

"What, why would you say that?"

"Well, remember that time on our first heist, and you found out that they tripped the alarm..." She glanced at Roman to see if he was listening then she stared at the floor. "You almost hit that mare that was stalling..."

"Alright, I get your point." Roman lifted up the suitcase. "Guess I'll be heading out on my own then."

"Wait!" Trixie pulled Fuchsia over to her side. "Take Fuchsia Blush with you!"

"Wait what!?"

"Aw, I wanna go..."

"Trixie, why would you send Fuchsia?" Roman asked her as he lifted the suitcase up with his wing. 

Fuchsia took a step forward. "Um, ma'am, I am also kinda curious... why me?"

Trixie huffed loudly. "Because! Trixie trusts her the most. Sorry Lavender."

"I don't mind!" Lavender smiled. 

"Well, alright then." Roman sighed deeply before moving towards the exit. "Don't really care much. I'll be waiting outside Pinky, so hurry up!"

Fuchsia looked over to her employer. "I'm honored to help miss Trixie, but I don't think I'm the best option for the mission. I'm sure Lavender could do better than me."

Trixie rests her hoof on Fuchsia's shoulder. "No, Trixie knows that you'd do better. Because Trixie needs Lavender here, and somepony needs to watch Roman's back. And Trixie couldn't pick anyone else."

Both stared at each other, a full second had passed before Fuchsia smiled and nodded her head. Trixie grinned in return. 


"Where are we going?" Roman inquired to the pink mare who was currently wearing a saddle bag on her back. 

"I just need to do something before we go to my apartment." Fuchsia gave him her explanation. 

Roman eyed her carefully, wondering what was so important for the need to make a detour to Fuchsia's home. He tried not to think too hard, there was a chance that it was something minor and unimportant to him. Both of them trotted along the sidewalk, hundreds of ponies passed by as he moved through them with a devilish smile. Roman felt proud knowing that his simple disguise was working, not a single pony gave him a single glance seeing that he did not resemble his usual look. The hat really made his appearance, it was all he needed to remove and then he became invisible. 

After walking for so long, Fuchsia stopped just in front of an entrance to a dark and shady looking alleyway. "Stay here please, and I'll be back soon." With that said, she walked right into the alleyway leaving Roman by himself. 

And as much as he wanted to wait, curiosity had gotten the better of him. He waited for a second before entering the alleyway. He trailed after Fuchsia with light and silent steps, his rogue skills were like an instinct to him. No matter how much he moved, no sound would ever come from him. And best of all, Fuchsia had no idea that he was following her. But whenever she even looks back, he would step into the shadows and hide behind anything that was big enough to cover him. 

His existence was like the wind, undetectable to the common pony. Only one with skills would be able to feel Roman's presence. And luckily for him, Fuchsia was just an ordinary mare. 

After following her through the maze-like alleyway, Roman stopped just a few feet away from Fuchsia. He hid behind a dumpster and peered around it to spy on her. Seconds passed until something different had come. A very large stallion had arrived, his eyes landed on Fuchsia who was staring at the ground. 

"Did you bring the boss' money?" The stallion questioned. 

Fuchsia only nodded and then she placed her saddle bags down. She took a step back after to allow the stallion to examine the bags. He checked its contents for a moment, Roman couldn't really see what was inside but he knew it was bits from what he had heard just now. 

Then Roman frowned. 

"Alright..." The nameless stallion muttered. "Seems like you got the money, better be back with the rest or else you'll be in big trouble."

"I'll get it in time, I promise." Fuchsia said, eyes still glued on the ground. 

"You better, and don't be late."

Fuchsia only nodded as the stallion turned and left. She waited for a minute until he was gone, then she started making her way back to Roman with her head hung low. She prepared herself to face Roman with her usual nature, yet her mind still lingered on the memory she had just made. One that is just like those from before, where she enters this shady alleyway meeting the debt collector.

It's dangerous, sure, but she was absolutely sure she was safe as long as she paid her debts. Not many ponies really go through this alley, not even the homeless would consider going through here. And just as she entered the streets, she saw no sign of Roman anywhere. Not a single trace of him. Before she could even start looking for the thief, a random pony approached her. 

Fuchsia cocked a brow as the pony cleared their throat. "Are you Fuchsia Blush?" They asked, and she simply nodded. The pony produced a folded piece of paper and gave it to Fuchsia. With that done, the pony left with no more words, leaving Fuchsia to herself with the piece of paper. 

Not questioning it at all, Fuchsia quickly unfolded the paper and began reading it out loud to herself. "Dear Pinky, I have left for something important and will be gone for awhile. Meet me back at your apartment and then we can depart for Canterlot after. So pack your things when you get home."

Fuchsia could only wonder what Roman needed to do, but then something else came to mind. One that made her feel both confusion and dread. 

"He knows where I live!?"


All was silent in Twilight's basement, there was no natural light in the room and the only source was from the candle on her desk. Notes, books, and Dust crystals were littered across the table. Twilight herself examined the crystal and compared it to an ordinary gem. With her was Pinkie Pie, a daughter of a rock farmer, her skills proved useful for Twilight's project. Though she was not so keen with looking at rocks, Pinkie could never say no to Twilight. 

Hours had passed ever since they started, Twilight was busy testing the crystals while Pinkie was just sorting the crystals by color. As for Spike who was also there, he was trying hard not to consume a single crystal, no matter how tasty it looked to the young drake.  

He was in the shadows with a blue Dust crystal, Spike stared at it intently. His eyes were glued on it so much that the world ceased to exist for Spike. It whispered, calling for him, the voices beckoned him to take a bite. But Spike steeled his will and resisted the blue siren. Sadly his hunger got the better of him and the crystal was no longer in his hand. Sent to an adventure that should not be told. 

Then he belched out his usual green flames, but with a twist. The fire once it was turned into a frozen art piece that really surprised Spike. 

"Spike, I told you not to eat my samples!" Twilight scolded the young drake.

"Sorry!"

With a nod, Twilight went back to her experiment. 

"So Twilight," Pinkie began. "where did you get all these crystals?"

"Well, a few of these are from Candlewick, and most of them are from Roman. The one Dash gave me." Twilight explained.

"So why did you need me?"

"Well, you have experience as a rock farmer, and thus have some talent with rocks and gems. So I just wanted to confirm something." Twilight motioned a hoof calling Pinkie over and led her to a comparison microscope. 

Pinkie leaned over and looked through the scopes. It was there where the party pony learned something truly odd. "They're the same!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"That's right, and I asked the Flim Flam brothers about the origins of these crystals. But none of them gave me the answers I wanted. I have been looking for traces of these 'Dust', and not a single one of my books ever mention any of them." Twilight groaned loudly, bringing a hoof to massage her head. "These things are a total mystery, just like the Grimm and aura! And from the results of my experiments, they are quite dangerous, unstable, and very destructive."

"And they sure are tasty!" Spike added. 

Twilight only frowned at Spike, while Pinkie went on with trying the crystal out for herself. Before Twilight could even protest, Pinkie had already brought a blue Dust crystal to her face and ran her tongue over it. 

"Hey, that tastes like it's from Snow!"

"Yeah, the blue ones are very minty." Spike commented. 

"So you're saying that these Dust are from areas with lower temperature?" Twilight tried her best to understand what her friend was trying to say. 

"No silly," Pinkie smiled. "Snow! She was a neighbor of mine back home!"

"Wait, how did you get that from licking an explosive crystal?"

"Because! It got that taste, that taste of taste, the taste that you would know, the one that really reminds you of the taste. It tastes like home, but it also doesn't!"

Twilight was silent, her mind was still absorbing what she had just heard. It sounded so absurd, yet coming from Pinkie, Twilight could only accept it. 

"Guess we're leaving." Was all Twilight could say before she started walking away, and then she ascended the steps to the ground floor. 

"Hey wait!" Pinkie followed her friend. 

Now the basement was vacant of ponies, leaving a small young drake alone with a number of Dust crystals. Colorful, tasty, tempting crystals. 

"One gem... wouldn't hurt..."


Ironwood sighed deeply, his back was bare and his uniform was spread out on his desk. A large clean cut ran across his right sleeve. Recently made after a confusing moment from earlier this day. Ironwood tried not to be upset over it, but the uniform on his desk was his favorite one. And now it was damaged after all these years. 

"Don't worry old friend, I know somepony that will help us both..."

"Are you speaking to your jacket, sir?"

Ironwood scrambled to his seat and straightened himself. His eyes landed at the pony on the other side of the table. Ironwood cleared his throat and gestured a hoof towards the pony. "Is there something that you need, Feather Storm?"

Storm cleared his throat as well and avoided eye contact. "Yes sir, I have many things to report to you, General Iron Hoof."

"Continue."

"Our spy is on route to his mission. No complaints from the freak at all if I may add."

Ironwood scowled. "Feather Storm, what do we say about our recruits?"

The pegasus stammered back a bit. "T-that as long as they prove useful, they have a place in the Iron Legion..."

"And...?"

"And all have use to the Iron Legion." Storm completed.

"Good, Perry may not be a pony at heart, but as long as he doesn't step over the line, we don't have any problems." Ironwood paused for a second. "Continue."

"Rainbow Dash's new instructor is... harsh on her. Constantly sending her straight into danger, and teaching her how to properly use her new weapon. But to be honest, I don't think he's fit to be her trainer at all, sir." Storm submitted a folder to Ironwood. "Here's his reports for today."

Ironwood flipped it open and scanned the contents, then scoffed. "This pony is really getting on my nerves."

"Quite a wild card, isn't he?"

"He's more of a rabid dog than a wild card." The General corrected. "But it was my decision to put Rainbow Dash into his care, I'm just hoping I won't regret it." Ironwood nodded for Storm to continue. 

"Lastly sir, it's about Captain Butcher of the Rockville outpost."

The mention of the name brought a smile to Ironwood's face. "Ah, Butcher! How is that war dog? It has been a long time since I've heard from him! That guy, that guy is always the guy that really brings a smile to everyone's faces! Let me tell you Feather Storm, that guy can really take a hit! Bandit axe straight into his shoulder, but he was still standing and pulled the axe out like it was nothing! Truly a model soldier that the Legion needs. So, what is good old Butcher up to now?"

"He's dead sir."

"Come again?"

"Dead, sir, Private Cobalt confirmed it."

"Oh..." Ironwood sighed. "I-it was bound to happen someday, guess that day is today... His old crew were always facing danger like it was a part of their daily lives. Though they were a bit too competitive with each other, Butcher was not interested in their game. He only cared about the team, especially about his last one... So, I'm guessing he went down fighting a Shadow Wolf? Maybe a Shadow Bear? Wait, the only thing that would really be a fair fight for Butcher is with a Shadow Manticore!"

"He died of a heart attack, sir."

A vein nearly pops on Ironwood's head. "But Butcher was as healthy as an ox! How in Equestria did he get a heart attack!?"

Storm winced from the sudden rise of volume from the General. "The d-doctors said it was an allergic reaction to... aspirins..."

"Aspirins?" Ironwood tried not to collapse into his chair, still absorbing this new information. "Aspirins..." He muttered to himself. "You're free to go, Feather Storm... I'll just... pass the time here in my office..."

With no more words, Storm scurried off to the exit, leaving the General to himself.

"Oh I almost forgot, sir! He's been dead for three months!"

"Why am I getting the report just now!?"