We left Saint Easel’s earlier than I think Sunset normally would. Certainly before dinner was over, but Sister Willful was pretty insistent. Unfortunately, my clothes were still in the laundry, so I didn’t have anything to wear.
Which meant the bins.
A pair of old jeans, a sweater, and that green canvas jacket later, I’m waiting in the lobby of Saint Easel’s with Sunset for a cab that Sister Willful called. I’d heard her and Sunset arguing about who would pay for it, with Sunset naturally wanting to take care of it herself, but it was an argument that, for once, Sunset lost.
It’s not often Sunset loses like that but I guess Sister Willful was named that for a reason.
My fingers curl around the jacket’s edges and I grimace. I hate that I’m wearing it knowing that someone else could be needing this. I have clothes, and if mine end up in the bins they’ll be much poorer substitutes than what I took.
I don’t have the energy to argue though. I barely have the energy to stand and shuffle forward. The soup and roll I had just served to make me sleepy. Now I’m barely managing to keep my eyes open, and despite myself I’m absurdly grateful when the cab finally shows up and we can both get inside.
The ride is silent and tense. Sunset keeps wringing her hands, and her eyes are fixed on the backside of the driver’s seat. I can see the gears turning in that genius brain of hers. She’s trying to figure how to deal with me, and that more than anything makes me certain this is the wrong decision.
But Sunset is smarter, faster, and just… just better than me.
Maybe tonight, after she’s asleep…
It’s late when the cab finally reaches Sunset’s apartment building. It’s nice, as apartments go, but I wouldn’t really know since I’ve never lived in one. The building itself is old, and not so much refurbished as it is spray-painted over with three coats of primer and then dutifully ignored even as it starts to chip and peel.
“The elevator is slow,” Sunset says quietly as we get into the small lobby through the double-locked entrance. "So we'll have to wait a bit."
I try not to wince at her tone as she goes to call the elevator. Sunset’s voice is almost always warm and lively, but now there’s a cold, hard edge to it that reminds me of when she was a bully. She even looks different.
Not physically, but… something in the manner of her is different. The way she’s holding herself isn’t quite angry, and I’d know. I know what anger looks like. She looks more like she’s getting ready for a fight. Her shoulders are squared and her head is raised, her chin cuts a belligerent angle on her profile, and all I can think is that the last thing I want to do is be in her way.
The elevator is a loud, ugly-sounding thing, and it descends through the floors less like a smooth-cabled cabin, and more like a corpse bouncing down a rocky escarpment.
As soon as the doors grind open, Sunset nods at me to go in. I hesitate, staring at it for a long moment, if-
“You first, you’re not bolting on me,” Sunset says, and I freeze.
My legs lock up, and my mouth goes dry at her tone, and I watch as her hard expression loses some of its steel and softens as she presses her lips to a flat, bitter line.
“Sorry,” Sunset says quietly. “But for real, I’m friends with Rainbow Dash, I know what it looks like when someone is about to do something stubborn and dumb, and I’m not letting you get hurt… you’re probably in bad enough shape as it is.”
I step inside the elevator with Sunset on my heels. She punches the sixth-floor button and the elevator sullenly rolls its doors shut and starts trudging upwards.
“And I’m sorry if I’m coming off mean,” Sunset says as we pass the second floor. “I’m… you scared me, Wallie… and I kinda react to being afraid by getting mean. It’s not my best personality trait.”
“It’s okay,” I mutter.
Sunset shakes her head as she raises a hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose.
“No, it’s not,” Sunset says. “It’s not okay for me to be mean just because I’m scared, especially not to you.”
The ride is silent but for the grinding of the elevator for two more agonising floors before Sunset speaks again.
“That was the old me.”
The words come out more than a little ragged as Sunset takes several deep breaths before turning to me.
“Look, Wallie, from here on, I promise I won’t ask any questions about why you were homeless, okay?” Sunset continues. “For now, let’s just move forward.”
I nod, grateful for that at least. I guess of all the people who could have found out about my situation, Sunset was probably the best. If any of her other friends found out they’d probably lose it, but Sunset… she’s never been that kind of person. She’s the type of person who sees a problem, makes a plan, executes the plan, and solves the problem.
This basically makes her the opposite of me since my ‘plan’, which is an extremely generous definition, is to run away from anything that seems even the slightest bit difficult.
Voice cracks when I say hello? Erase it. Trip and fall in front of the school? Erase it! Give the wrong answer in Algebra. ERASE IT!
I can’t even remember how many petty, stupid, selfish things I erased, which I suppose is appropriate given the subject matter.
The elevator creaks and rattles as it stops at the sixth floor, and the doors crawl open with the same distinctive lack of grace as the rest of it, and Sunset steps out. As she does her hand swings down towards mine, and an electric jolt of instinctive panic goes up my arm.
Before I can flinch out of the way, though, her hand stops, almost as though Sunset felt my reaction.
Then she turns, looks down at our hands which are inches from each other, and frowns.
“Sorry… again,” Sunset says as she pulls her hand back. “I know you’re not big on being touched.”
Sunset nods for me to follow as she fishes through her pockets before drawing out a keyring. We go down the hall and take a right before stopping at a peeling door, and she fits the key, turns the lock, and opens the door.
I’ve never been to Sunset’s apartment before, but it’s surprisingly… nice. It’s not big, consisting as it did of a single room, a half-kitchen, a bathroom in the back, and what looks like a loft upstairs that serves as her 'room', with a bed and dresser. It's small but plenty comfortable for one person.
It’s a little drab, though. The little den window could use some flowers, and my eyes linger on it for a moment before I look away.
“So uh… the couch is yours,” Sunset says awkwardly, gesturing at the beat-up blue sofa. “There’s a bunch of extra pillows and blankets under the coffee table for when the girls come over, so just, y’know, bogart whatever you need.”
I nod silently as I cross the room and put a hand on the couch. It’s soft and definitely more comfortable than where I’ve been living lately. As I run my hand over the back of the sofa, a thought occurs to me, and I look back at Sunset with a frown.
“I’m… I’m a little surprised you’re not telling me to take your bed,” I say cautiously.
Sunset just laughs and shakes her head, sending her scarlet and gold locks tumbling in a way that makes my heart do funny things.
Then she looks up at me with those deep, sparkling eyes of hers and smiles.
“If I did, would you take it?” She asks.
I shake my head.
“Bingo.” Sunset chuckles as she hangs up her coat on the small rack by the door and drops the rest of her stuff on the counter. “If I thought you’d actually accept, I’d swap in an instant, but you won’t, so I’ll take the bed and you can take the couch, and we’ll go from there, alright?”
Shivering, I nod sullenly as I pull the unfamiliar but comfortable jacket off. Sunset takes it from my hands and puts it beside hers, and I grab a few pillows and a warm-looking blanket from the stash under the table and toss them haphazardly onto the couch.
I won’t be here that long, but I guess I might as well get comfortable.
“Get some sleep, Wallie,” Sunset says as she starts to ascend the short steps to the loft. “If you need anything, I’m right up here, okay?”
“Okay,” I mumble, not looking up as I flatten out the blankets, then settle into them.
I can’t look her in the eye.
“Hey, Wallie?”
Sunset is looking down at me from the loft, and I glance up. Her hair is hanging around her face like the rays of light around her namesake setting sun, and she’s smiling.
“We’ll make this work, okay?” She says softly. “Things will get better because I’ll make them.”
I nod again, then turn and settle my head against the pillow.
I don’t even have time to yawn before I black out completely.
-stupid little… …get back here and-!
I jolt awake and panic floods my veins as my still-sleeping brain scrambles to remind me where I am.
Parking garage-? No. Too warm.
Shelter? No. The bed is wrong.
I’m-?!
I sit up, shaking, my gut clenching and roiling as I look around the room. Sunset’s apartment is dark, and the gentle ticking of the analog clock up in the loft is the only sound I can hear. Her DVD player has a little digital clock on it though, and it reads as forty minutes past three in the morning.
I slept for almost six hours. That’s pretty good for me.
It’ll have to be good enough.
I stand up as quietly as possible, fold the comforter, tuck it back under the coffee table with the pillow, and creep around the couch towards the door where my shoes and jacket are.
“I’m mean, not stupid.”
It’s all I can do not to scream as I start and whip around. My socks find no purchase on the cheap tile floor though and scrabble for a heartbeat before going out from under me and dropping me on my butt.
Sunset is glowering at me through tired eyes from where she’s sitting up against the back of the couch. Her arms are wrapped around her legs which are tucked up against her chest, and there’s a blanket around her shoulders for warmth, and she looks exhausted.
“We sleeping outside tonight?” She asks simply, not getting up and just staring at me as I work my jaw like an idiot.
“W-What-?” Is all I manage to get out, and Sunset just raises an eyebrow.
We stare silently across the room at each other for a long moment before I sit up, rubbing my tailbone which is aching from where I landed. After a moment, I shuffle awkwardly to my knees, wrap my arms around myself, and shiver.
Sunset sighs then stands, crosses the room, and drops down beside me before throwing the blanket over my shoulders. It’s still warm and it smells faintly of cherries, just like she does. On the rare occasions where I feel okay enough to let her hug me, it’s probably one of the better things I get to experience.
“Floor, couch, bed, concrete… it’s all the same to me,” Sunset says tonelessly, side-eyeing as she speaks. “So what’s the call?”
I hang my head, and a tremor sets up in my shoulders as I stare at my feet. My chest hurts, my stomach hurts… everything hurts, and I’m so tired, but…
“I don’t get it,” I say finally.
Sunset doesn’t answer, and when I look up she’s just resting her head on arms that are propped up on her knees as she watches me with tired blue eyes.
“Get what?”
“Why you’re here,” I reply. “I don’t get why you’re trying so hard.”
“I told you,” Sunset says flatly. “It’s because you’re important to me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!” I snap, and my vision swims for a moment before steadying. “I’m not worth it!”
Rather than reply right away, Sunset sighs and turns to stare out over her apartment. Her eyes are fixed on something far away, far past the walls towards the edge of the horizon, and they stay there for several long minutes before she finally just shakes her head and turns back to me.
“You’re worth it to me,” she says quietly. “You always will be, Wallie.”
“Why?!” I hiss the word out, but Sunset just chuckles.
“Is it bad that I don’t really have a good answer for that?” She replies with a faint, weary smile. It’s barely an upward tug of her lips. “You just are.”
“That’s not good enough!” I say, and I hate how petulant I sound.
“It’s good enough for me,” Sunset replies without hesitation. “And that’s all I need.”
I hang my head and let out a weak, broken laugh. I’m not winning this fight. I don’t know why I even argued. Arguing with Sunset, at least when I do it, is like arguing with a brick wall that has your best interests at heart. It’s just trying to stop you from beating your head against it, really.
“Let’s go back to bed,” Sunset says, shuffling to her feet and holding out a hand to me. “Because I’m exhausted and so are you… so if you’re going to run from me, save it for when you’ve got the energy to make it past the door, okay?”
I snort, then nod, and reach out to take her hand.
Her grip is tight and her palm is warm and soft, and she’s gentle with me as she pulls me to my feet. I stumble a little as I stand, and I have to brace myself against her. My balance is pretty crap lately. I figure it’s because I haven’t been eating much.
Hopefully, Sunset just assumes it’s because I need more sleep, and honestly that’s probably not wrong.
Slowly, we make our way over to the sofa, and I drop back down onto it, grab the pillow I’d discarded, and the blanket I’d just recently folded up to shake out and wrap around myself and lay down.
And Sunset pulls a spare pillow under her head, wraps her own blanket around her, and settles in on the floor beside me.
“What… What are you doing?” I ask, looking down at her.
She turns onto her side, looks up at me, and grins. “Where you sleep, I sleep, remember? I’m that kind of stupid.”
I flop back onto the couch and drape my arms over my face.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.