"Alright, son. I want you to take this revolver and shoot that target there pinned on the tree."
"Bullseye! And on your first try, too."
"Wow! Another three shots dead in the center! You seem to have a natural talent for this."
"Now let me go grab the target so we can-"
*BANG*
The loud bang of a shutting door startles me wide awake that I spontaneously sit up in a cold sweat, chest inflating in and out as my heart thumps at an irregular beat.
I frantically glance around the empty bedroom as it has ligneous furniture hugging its walls, solar rays stream out of the shutters down onto a few butterfly-patterned rugs that lay across the wooden floor in a triangular pattern. My rapid breathing slows to a steady and calm pace as soon as I gather my bearings. I lay back against the headboard and close my eyes with a collected sigh.
Should there be any questions as to what the deal is, I will spare the explanation.
Wiping away the beads of sweat from my forehead, I hop out of bed and make a beeline for the restroom for my bladders are screaming for relief.
Exiting Fluttershy's bedroom, I turn to my immediate left and grab the bathroom's door handle. My stomach loudly protests the minute I open the door to give me a harsh reminder that I haven't eaten anything since last night.
"There, there, buddy," I say, patting my stomach. "I know you're cranky, but remember that today's the day we can chow down until we explode, so hang in there until then." My stomach then growls its response like it has a mind of its own.
I smirk and proceed to make my bladder gladder. Some of you may be contemplating why Fluttershy has a bathroom, let alone a toilet? Well, disturbingly funnily enough, it turns out the ponies here do have bladders, which implicates they have... dare I say... genitalia.
Don't ask me how or why they do. Do you honestly think I would even have the audacity to ask some cartoon characters if they have honeypots or teabags? I'd fucking die out of embarrassment.
Sorry. Bit of a write-down-your-thoughts oopsie there.
Their toilets are what you expect to be squat toilets, and they're rather parallel to those that you can find in Japan, which would make sense given the fact they're ponies without hands. And now I can't help but visualize how'd they'd do it with their hooves... I shudder just at the mere thought...
However, for me, it's an uncomfortable position -- not to mention awkward -- let me tell you.
After squeezing the lemon (get it?), I wash my hands and leave the bathroom. My ears catch Fluttershy's voice coming from downstairs.
"Oh, I don't know, Twilight. Father is usually cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep," Fluttershy says.
'Great... Twilight's here. Given that my name was mentioned, I'm assuming Twilight wants to have a chat with me or something?' I muse.
I pray to God it's nothing like the discussion we had around last week. Was bad enough we've conversed about copulation between different species like a donkey and pony, or a zebra and dragon.
"But he needs to be up and ready! We've only got approximately three hours before the coronation!" Twilight replies, albeit slightly exclamative with a slight touch of panic in her tone. "We've already got Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack handling the party designs and pastries. Rainbow Dash is still at her home doing Celestia-knows-what. Rarity is busy finishing up the dresses she has been working on since yesterday. And I need you to gather up some doves."
"Doves?" Fluttershy asks.
"Rock doves for releasing on the sound of the bells," Twilight rephrases. "And I need to discuss things with Rick. If I want this ceremony to be perfect, it is important that I speak with him right away!"
Dead silent, I stand stock-still at the top of the stairs having a hand cupped to my ear for better hearing. I'm curious to know if Twilight will impart her reasons why she needs to talk to me.
"If I may suggest, Twilight, can you please not be so loud? I would hate it if Father doesn't get his nine hours of sleep," Fluttershy says softly.
"Fluttershy," Twilight sighs my daughter's name, "the average hours of sleep for a pony is about seven to eight hours."
"Well... Father's not a pony..." Fluttershy corrects. "And he taught me a saying: a working and tired mind needs an extra hour of beauty sleep."
Yeah... I guess I did tell her that way back. I'll admit that I made that shit up. I had a headache at the time, and the printers at my workplace were on the fritz because some artard spilled coffee on them. Broken printers are a recipe for calamity. It doesn't take a genius to know.
"That doesn't seem sound of a saying at all, Fluttershy..." Twilight says impassively. "It sounds like something a grumpy pony would say after an exhausting day at work as an excuse to sleep longer. But we're getting a little off-topic here! I seriously need to talk to him!"
"What exactly do you need to talk to him for? ...if you don't mind me asking? I mean, it's okay if you don't want to," Fluttershy timidly says.
"I mean no offense when I say this, Fluttershy," Twilight begins. "Rick is a nice guy when he wants to be, but, sometimes his manners can be," Twilight holds her tongue for a pondering second, "exceptionable, to bluntly put it."
My manners can be exceptionable? I'm not too familiar with the word, but the writer in me has an inkling that it's not complimentary. An even stronger guess by hearing how Twilight spoke the word in a slightly cracked voice.
"N-not that I mean it that way, really!" Twilight quickly adds. "It's just based on your stories about his habits and personality that I'm worried he'll cause a scene or attract too much attention."
Can't blame you there, Einstein.
"I'm sure he wouldn't," Fluttershy reassures. "Sure he can be a bit mischievous here and there, but, I'm one-hundred-percent certain my father will be on his best behavior. Especially on the momentous day of your life."
That's my girl. Always sticking up for her old man.
"Oh, I'm also certain of that, don't get me wrong. But I want to go over a few things with him first before we set out. That being said, would you mind bringing him down here for me, please?" Twilight pleads.
"She doesn't need to."
Twilight and Fluttershy pinpoint their sight at me as I descend the stairs. The two ponies are sitting on the green couch in front of the table. On the table, there's a tea set on a silver platter; one tiny cup full of steaming hot tea sits next to a kettle while the other is magically floating in front of Twilight Sparkle.
"Rick!" Twilight gasps in surprise. She settles the teacup atop the platter. "How long have you-"
"Long enough."
"Even-"
"Even the exceptionable bit," I interrupt again. "I've had my fair share of judgments back on Earth. It's something I've grown accustomed to. There's no need to apologize." The lavender uni- I mean, alicorn's cheeks redden upon the statement. I would engage her a question about what exceptionable means, but, given the circumstances, I put the thought on hold for now.
Eventually, I get to the bottom of the stairs and rest an arm on the newel post.
"So what is it that you want to talk about?" I ask, straight to the point. Twilight lightly shakes away her blush and regains her composure.
"Ah, right! Actually, if it's not too much trouble, do you mind if we-" Twilight pauses to clear her throat "-talk privately?"
It doesn't sound like an ordinary question, but more of a pleading one. It's clear by the imploring expression on Twilight's face. I glance at Fluttershy who nods her head and motions her eyes to the front door in silence.
I direct my sight back to Twilight quizzically. "Uh... sure," I reply.
The alicorn beams a smile. "Excellent!" She chirps. She hops off the couch and ushers me to the front door. Before we continue on, I remind myself of the door's hinges. They were fixed and not broken, oddly enough. While I am puzzled about when this happened, my ponderings are cut off when Twilight pushes me forward with a nudge.
Twilight and I keep walking out until we stop at the bridge, whereas Fluttershy closes the door behind so she doesn't eavesdrop.
I cross my arms and look down at Twilight. "Alright, we're out here. What is it you want to talk with me about?"
She takes her sweet time to gather her thoughts, and I can tell by watching her brush the back of her neck with a foreleg. Her mouth opens for one second but immediately closes after.
She kicks the dirt in another one-minute silence, creating tiny clouds of dust as she does so before she finally speaks up. "Rick..."
"Yes?" I ask.
"There are things I've wanted to ask you for such a long while. But I want to say a few things prior."
"Such as?" I say, standing before the pony, raising a brow.
Twilight doesn't reply but turns away from me momentarily, mumbling things to herself that were inaudible to hear.
Arms still crossed, I observe everything around us until Twilight gets the guts to blurt out what needs to be said. The summer morning sun is out nicely settled above the mountains at the horizon -- hot and humid. The blue majesty that is the sky is completely cloud-barren, as it should be from what Fluttershy had informed me yesterday.
I bring my attention back to Twilight who happens to be facing me again. Her cheeks are flushed in pink, but her demeanor reads that of determination which belies her sheepish gestures.
"Rick," Twilight says, pronouncing my first name confidently. "I want you to know that Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Apple Jack and I have been extremely grateful for what you did for Fluttershy on Earth. It means so much to every one of us to have our friend back. Being coronated a princess wouldn't have been possible without her."
"No sweat," I reply. "Though I don't think I should be given credit. Raising Fluttershy was the most eventful thing I've ever had the pleasure of doing." I try on a wistful smile.
"I'm sure it was. But I do hope you're still not mad at me and Celestia for all the heartbreak."
"I was," I reply, scratching the back of my head. "If you have a kid-"
"Don't have one and never had," Twilight interrupts.
"Then imagine you did. Having raised a single child on your own, taught them everything they needed to know, fed and bathed them with every ounce of love, can you imagine the pain and sorrow a parent would have to endure if their kid had to be taken away?"
"Much as I wanted to hate you and Celestia for taking her away, I couldn't," I continue. "I understood the situation. She had to go home. There's no reason to hold a grudge against you and Celestia for doing what had to be done." I crane my neck to stare up at the clear sky. "You must have been torn from all of it especially since it wasn't your first time, as you mentioned before."
"I know," Twilight confirms sadly, both her pointy ears folding against her head. "Believe me, Rick, when I say that it's never easy doing the right things. Even Celestia had to banish her one and only sister to the moon because she thought it was the only viable option."
I flick my gaze back to Twilight with a nod. "Ah, yes. I remember reading up on that when I came over to your place two weeks ago."
"Anyway, we're deviating the main subject here. I want to go over a few things before we move on to other matters."
"Ask away," I prompt her with a wave of a hand.
"Alright," Twilight nods. "So first things first is your attire. You're not going to go to Canterlot dressed in that, are you?"
I self-inspect myself and see that I am actually clad in my flannel pajamas still.
"I've got a pair of suit and pants in my suitcase. They should do just fine," I say.
"Good!" Twilight chimes. "And make sure you clean up because, no offense, you're giving off a repulsive odor..." Twilight says, holding a hoof over her muzzle for emphasis.
Cocking a brow, I raise an arm and sniff at my armpit. Wowee! With an odor such as this, I might very well be Pepe Le Pew. Hey, it isn't that I'm skipping baths! When one lives inside a cottage filled with filthy wild animals, one wouldn't be able to smell his own damn fart. That's how repugnant it is.
"Yeah... Bathing will be my number one priority after this," I say, grimacing from taking another whiff.
Twilight suppresses a giggle. "Finally, and most importantly, I'd like to ask you if you could-" she then clops her hooves together "-behave yourself?"
"Behave?" I parrot quizzically. "Could you maybe enlighten me on what I should do at Canterlot?"
"Certainly." Twilight nods enthusiastically. "Perhaps what you could do is tell a little about yourself. Like you could say what your hobbies are. For example, my hobbies are reading books. Simple as that."
"Ah, I see. So basically, I explain what I do for a living or what my favorite food is. I could probably talk about my world's music and stuff. Maybe even throw a few jokes here and there."
"Right. But please keep it genteel and mannerly."
"I'm not sure I quite follow."
"Fluttershy told me that you have a "wicked sense of humor". She commented on some of them as... "mean"."
"So what point are you trying to make here?"
"The point I'm trying to make is: can you hold back on saying things that are deemed inappropriate or explicit?"
I stare at her for a blank second before my brain registers the idea. "Oh! Well... I'll use the best of my ability to stop myself from swearing and stuff."
"Perfect!" Twilight cheers with a grin. "Now all there is to do is... well." The lavender alicorn trails off, the pinkness on her cheeks coming back furiously pinker than before. "You see, well, um. The thing is, Rick, I..." She gently bit her lower lip anxiously, brushing her right foreleg with her left.
I peer down at her, confused as to why she's acting unusual so suddenly. "If it has to do with that tour, I-"
Out of nowhere, the alicorn protests, "Oh, no, no! That's not it at all! How can I put this? Rick, did your heart ever want to ask something, but your head is too afraid of what the answer might be?"
"What?" I reply dumbly. "Enough questions, why not you just tell me upfront?"
No verbal reply yet as the blush on her cheeks glow pinker. With a collected sigh, Twilight finally speaks up again.
"I... like you, Rick."
"Is that what you were anxious to say?" I laugh. "I mean, I like you, too."
"No, no-I mean, Rick. It's... It's so embarrassing that I can't really say it out loud."
"Well, what are you trying to say?"
Twilight mumbles something, to which I cannot hear. Her lips are moving, but no words are coming out. I was almost fed up with having to wait, that is until Twilight beckons me to lend her my ear, so I comply. I tilt myself forward and listen as she whispers in my ear. I blink. Twice, actually.
I pull myself away to look down at Twilight. "Err... I'm sorry, Twilight. But could you maybe run that by me again?" I ask, to ensure I haven't misheard. I lean forward and allow her to whisper into my ear again. I then retreat a few steps back as the words sink into my head.
"Y-y-you what?" I stammer, gawking.
The bashful mare fidgets with her hooves sheepishly, staring down at the ground with cheeks flushing like a ripe tomato.
"I said I have a crush on you," Twilight confesses. "I wanted to talk about this for a long time but I didn't have the courage to. Not until now."
Twilight coming out like this definitely has caught me off-guard. I wasn't exactly certain how else I'd react other than be perplexed by this revelation.
"I- I- I-," I stammer again. "I mean, when did this happen? How long have you been keeping this a secret for?"
"About three weeks ago; the first week of the first month since your arrival here in Equestria," Twilight clarifies. She perks her head up, staring at me straight with those violet eyes of hers.
"Okay. But when when and where? Like, what did I do to invoke these feelings?"
"The seventh day, precisely one week, when you came over to borrow a book to read - the one book you returned two days ago. It was your very first visit to my home. There you met Spike, and I'm not quite sure you remember Owlowiscious, but you met him too."
While Twilight is babbling onward, I ponder, 'Oh, Owlowiscious is how it's pronounced. That'll be noted. Wait... It's a he?! Crap, that faults the 'females with eyelashes' hypothesis... But given Twilight's explanation, I still don't know how I made this happen, nor can I recount the moment.'
"Sounds like you got yourself in a bind," my brain says, observingly.
Oh good, you're here! Maybe you can help me with this.
"Now you need my help?" My brain scoffs. "No way. Not after you neglected me."
I need you for real this time. I'm sorry about before. Please, man.
"Well, alright. Only because you said please. So, you want to know, hm? First let me ask you: are you positive that you can't remember anything you have done or said that entailed this?"
"Mmm... Not really."
My brain groans exasperatedly. "Goodness gracious. You can't be this freakin' dense. Fine. I'll help you step by step. You know back when you borrowed a book from her? Did you notice anything slightly different about her appearance? Maybe her tresses?"
Now that you mention it. Yeah, I think I do remember. She had her hair all tied up into a bun, like one of the female secretaries or psychologists I've seen on Earth.
"And?"
I deeply ponder it for a split-second. I suppose I called her cute because of it. Why? What's that got to do with this?
"I now see how you've gotten into this mess. Rick, Twilight is -- how I would state it -- a nerd. She tends to stay indoors most of the day reading books. Have you ever wondered why she doesn't have a, bleh, coltfriend?"
Can't say that I do, I reply innocently.
"She's. A. Nerd. Think, Rick, think. Do you often see nerds in a relationship?"
Not many.
"Precisely. The fact she's a nerd clearly means she doesn't get out much, and that also means she doesn't see boys too often. All her friends are bleedin' mares, for Pete's sake. Do you see any stallions or know ones she knows besides her brother and father?"
No. But I always thought she's a... I hesitate to finish the sentence.
"Of course not! I mean, I don't know that, but neither do you. Yet her signs perfectly state otherwise."
What signs?
"For the love of all that is holy—" my brain grumbles "—you really need to start using me regularly. Here's the list: allowing you to borrow a book for over two weeks. She normally wouldn't let it go for that very long. Offering tea and inviting you inside her home late at night — in a seductive way that you were too clueless to notice, might I firmly add. And she gladly, and enthusiastically, agreed to be your tour guide."
And? I query.
"And the fact that she's been a lonely nerd for who-knows-how-long. Those of her type are probably the desperate kind. Telling a woman such as her 'she's cute' can potentially lead to misunderstandings."
Oh? After some seconds, the gears in my head start to rotate. Oohhhh...
"So you finally got it?"
Yup. So what can I do about it?
"You want me to suggest for you or decide for you?"
Suggest, duh. Do you think I'm going to let you take control?
"Rick, I know this is probably stressful for you, but if you don't know what to do on your own and expect me to solve your problems for you then you can kiss our ass."
Then there's a series of stomps and the slamming of a door.
Fine.
"Um, Rick?" Twilight lightly pokes at my stomach. "You okay?"
I blink out of my stupor. "Wha?"
Twilight looks at me concernedly. "You were sort of standing there like a plain statue. Have you been listening to every word I said?" she asks.
"Oh yes, yes. Most certainly!" I lie, inclining my head to an affirming nod.
"So...? What's your answer?" Twilight asks in an anxious tone. Her eyes are gleaming hopefully with eagerness.
"My a-answer? Well, I-" I freeze in mid-sentence, sweating due to pressure-building nervousness. How am I going to answer when I didn't hear the rest of her dialogue...
The sound of a door creaks open.
"Hey, dumbass, she wants to know if you feel the same away about her," my brain insults before going silent again.
Well, at least my brain is kind enough for that, though the insult was unnecessary. I open my mouth to respond.
"Twilight," I begin with a soft tone, "earlier when you asked that question: 'did your heart ever want to ask something, but your head is too afraid of what the answer might be?'. I have an answer for that."
Twilight slightly stretches her neck out.
"You see... Sometimes it's best not to ask those questions." Twilight's ears slowly droop. Man, I am terrible for doing this. "Sometimes we should cherish what we already have. Like our friendship. That's more than enough, right?"
Utter silence then hangs in the air, except for the chirping of birds in the sky and croaking of frogs in the pond. I tried acting calmly and carefully when I gave my response. Well, I suppose I wasn't as careful as I wanted it to be.
I've never been the romantic type, which is evident based on my reactions and answer.
"So... that day when you said I was-"
"P-please don't take it the wrong way!" I say, raising my hands defensively. "When I said you were cute, I meant it as a compliment. I didn't know you mistook it as me flirting you."
Ah shit. Probably shouldn't have said it that way.
"Then what about that other time when you came over to visit and said you liked hanging out?"
"I did say that. I did. But I meant it that I liked hanging out at your place because of how quiet it was," I explain. "Look, I'm not one that chooses the best words, let alone come up with good excuses. It's just that this is all too sudden. I've only been here for a month. I have plans here and there, and getting into a relationship would be the last thing I'd be concerned about." I kneel and rest a right hand on her left shoulder. We both make direct eye contact. Deep in her eyes, I see that she is hurt - as to be expected. "Even if I have done everything, I just don't know how I would feel dating a pony. Back in my world, that..." I pause, trying to find the appropriate words, "would be tantamount to jail time in a sense. Human prejudice, you could call it. So, I'm sorry to say this, Twilight, but I can't requite your feelings."
Twilight wipes away a bubbly tear that threatens to break out from the corner of her eye.
"I... understand, Rick," Twilight says with a despondent nod as she hangs her head.
I lift my hand off her shoulder and stand back up. I know what I said may have been blunt. Maybe insensitive, even. However, I won't leave it like this. I may be a jerkwad, but I'm not a douchebag like somebody I've known my whole life.
"Fuck you," my brain growls.
"But, things can change," I begin. Twilight then snaps her gaze up to me, newfound hope twinkling in her eye. "If we get to know each other a little better; perhaps if we hang out at some places like that cafe two weeks ago, or read together, or whatever else friends do, I might have second thoughts. I'm still comfortable enough to stay as friends, Twilight. I want you to know that. I'm willing to get to know you better."
My consolation seems to affect Twilight, for she brushes her hair away to reveal a warm smile curling up on her lips.
"I... would like that," Twilight says. "I would like to get to know you better, too, Rick."
I return her warm smile with my own, happy that everything has turned out fine. I drop down to one knee and open my arms. Twilight slowly trots toward me as I wrap my arms around her for a friendly, soft embrace.