Your name is Anonymous...
And you forgot how much unbridled hate a five letter word can bring to the table. It started as a simple question, you thought it wouldn't do anything but get these pastel colored horses off your back about playing Magic...
Boy, were you fucking wrong! You remember every excruciating moment you had heard that five letter word, and still to this day it makes you want to kick a puppy at how mad it makes you. What had brought this on, you ask yourself? Oh nothing in particular, save for the fact that Purple Smart got hooked on Magic like an addict to Coke, and not the ice cold refreshing kind either. The day started out fine, you suppose, save for the incessant pestering that has become routine at this point by Twilight and her friends to play Magic for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW, but hey, it's fun and keeps the more accident-prone flamboyantly colored ones away from trouble.
All in all, it was good... Until Purple Smart asked The Question.
"What is a 'Commander', and why do you have a blueprint of this 'Golos' stashed away in your Magic cards?" Innocent sounding, but outrageously evil in execution.
You snatched the paper she was hovering over and tore it into such tiny pieces, even Thanos would be proud. "Mention that name again, and I will shove that overgrown Lite Brite so far up your ass, you'll be asking the Princesses for a goddamn do-over button to save you the trouble and just make you a normal ass pony!" Never before had so much cussing come out of your mouth at once. It was both awe inducing and terrifying.
"Is it... Important?" She sadistically beamed at you, or at least that's how you interpreted it. To be honest, everything was turning a nice blood red and you were about to go supernova.
Okay, sure! Ignore the excessive threats of violence! Whatever, it's not like she can build a commander from Golos anyways. It'd be too complicated for her skill level. You sighed, knowing there's no point in holding it back any longer. "Commander is another way to play Magic."
Immediately did her ears perk up and immediately did you regret ever telling her how to play in the first place. "There's another way to play?!" She beamed.
You simply nodded. Digging out another more well hidden box underneath your bed, you brought out the tried and true, the best of the best, the coup de gras: your collection of Commander decks.
Many tests and adjustments were made to these three decks you had painstakingly spent hundreds of dollars on, and it still gave you a sense of pride everytime you gazed upon those 100 card decks. You took out your oldest and most favorite Commander, a Pirate Tribal that always makes you feel giddy inside at playing it.
"This," you brought out the legendary card atop The brown sleeved deck. "Is called a Commander..."
Fast forward to now, when the impossible has now become possible, you are currently banging your head into the table alongside two others at the combo on the field. That five letter word became a commander ironically, and you, Fluttershy (surprisingly), and Rainbow Dash, all had to suffer the wrath of not only one extra turn on Twilight's field, but three. She paid all the Mana, scored an extra turn off the first batch, then also got lucky enough to double cast it. The third came from her second turn, which normally meant you could check on social media, but given there's no internet here, it meant you watching Purple Smart for three extra turns doing what Golos does best.
It didn't matter this far in, but at least Fluttershy and Dash were holding out rather well with the other two commanders you had built. Dash was aggressive in previous game nights and stuck with that routine, going for a mono red elder dinosaur that just free-casts everyone's top card every attack it does, while Flutters went with the long game and snagged the rather fitting Selesnya card, populating tokens and gaining life off of said tokens.
"Neither of you have board wipes?" You monotonously asked on Twilight's second turn. Given you had the pirate deck, it was a good chance you'd get one soon but hoped it didn't have to be another waiting game. Both of them shook their heads.
"This sucks!" Dash huffed, crossing her hooves.
"Well maybe if you held off like I told you..." you reminded her, taking a look at the tapped out board and one creature she had. "We'd have a chance!"
"Um, excuse me Anon-" Fluttershy mumbled.
"Not now, Fluttershy!" You spat. "Right now I get to call out Rainbow Bright here for being an idiot!"
"Idiot?!" She slammed her hooves down, jostling the cards some. "How am i-"
"You are playing literally the most aggressive color in Magic, but you got too focused on bringing out your commander that you had to discard half your board wipes!" You pointed to the decent sized graveyard she had. "half those would have worked against Golos!"
"Anonymous-" Fluttershy spoke, but was interrupted again.
"Oh yeah? What about your side?!" She pointed to the three vehicles you now couldn't use because of Golos triggering and destroying your creatures. "You don't even have creatures!"
"Enough!" Fluttershy Yelled. "I think I know what to do." Gently, with the grace of an angel, she had played the one card that saved us from having to witness any more of Purple Smart from becoming more of a threat:
She exiled Golos. Smart move, sort of, by itself. Save for the fact she exiled it from another ability one of the cards she has. One that I immediately recognize, and quickly begin to panic. It was an artifact so not too bad to get rid of, except that's not what scared you.
What did was the other ability it had, and paired with one of her other creatures, Golos became another threat. An indestructible threat. An indestructible threat that she owns...
You did the only thing any sensible person would do at a time like this:
You flipped the goddamn table.