Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive


A Bit Of Déjà Vu

Manehattan, truly a concrete jungle on Equestria. But much cleaner than the ones back on Remnant, Roman had to give some points to Manehattan for that. Other than that, the city pretty much was just like Vale. The streets were busy, and the ponies trotted in a quick pace, anyone who is too slow might easily get carried away by the wave of ponies. Pegasi at least have an advantage since they only need to hover or fly over the grounded ponies. Roman was actually impressed by Equestria's architecture, he had first expected some wooden houses with a bit of stones. But he was proven wrong when he saw how almost similar his race's and these Equestrian's technology were. It was interesting at first, how the ponies could build skyscrapers. But Roman was shocked when he discovered that dust doesn't exist in this universe.

This would lead him to find out that these ponies used primitive ways to power cities and towns as well as their boats and trains. But without dust, he won't be able to craft more bullets. He'll be forced to turn to regular bullets, which is bad because that means he'll have to schedule more maintenance for his cane. Good thing Roman found something good on this planet, he learned that not only mythical creatures exist, but magic as well. That's where Trixie comes in. From all those fantasy books Roman had read, he would wager that a duplication spell would exist.

Sadly, when he questioned Trixie if she was adept at such magic spell, she only looked away and muttered something under her voice. Trixie was embarrassed, he could tell. This also means that she doesn't know. So that's why he's in a small bookstore right now, waiting in line to pay for a book called "Magic For Dummies". He had made sure that the book featured a guide on duplication spells, and thankfully it does. After paying for the book and not stealing it, he went outside to find Trixie waiting by her wagon. The mare wore an impatient look, tapping her right fore hoof on the pavement as he walked over to her.

Roman then presented the book to Trixie, the showmare stared at quizzically. " What is this for?" She asked.

"Remember when I asked if you could do duplication spells?" He received a hesitant nod. "Well I need you to learn it, so you could help me with something."

"You demand Trixie to read a book for little foals? You offend Trixie!"

"You do know there are adults reading these too?"

Trixie only groaned before swiping the book off his hooves. "Ugh, fine! Trixie shall read the stupid book."

"Good," Roman smiled. "but learn the duplication spell first, then you can read the rest if you want. Now come on, I saw a good place where a lot of people are." He ushered her to follow before walking away and towards the direction the group of ponies he mentioned, while walking on his hind hooves.

Trixie followed the stallion, the wagon in tow. She trotted by his side with the book held in her magic and opened to the page where the spell that Roman need is located. "If Trixie may ask, why do you even need me to learn this spell?"

Roman slowed down a little and faced Trixie. "I need more dust, and I can't exactly find them around here or anywhere on Equestria, they're...very rare."

"Very rare? Are you talking about those crystals you carry around?"

"Yeah, but its really funny though, that you didn't explode when you had them." Roman chuckled. "I'm serious by the way, dust is very dangerous in the wrong hands and you could've blown yourself up."

"Wait what!? Trixie could have died!? Why in Celestia's name are you even carrying those around!?"

"You see this?" He waved his cane in the air. "This cane is also a gun, something your kind haven't really invented yet."

"Again with the different universe thing? Trixie is getting tired of your joke."

"As I was saying," Roman then took out a single red cylinder that was smaller than her hoof. "this is a bullet, a small compact projectile powered by dust. And this goes right into the cane serving as an explosive flare. You've seen what it can do on the first day we've met."

"So hold on, are you telling me, the great and powerful Trixie, that you are not possessing a magical staff disguised as a cane?"

"I can see why you actually thought that. But just for your information, I built my cane, 'Melodic Cudgel', all on my own!" He proudly told Trixie. "And just to be clear, my scroll isn't magic as well, I'm talking about that slab of glass from yesterday."

"Trixie is impressed, though I'm not really fond with weapons, seeing as Trixie is a unicorn. Trixie's kind does not use weapons at all when we have magic."

Roman smirked and shook his head. "Yeah, but seeing as we are friends, expect a weapon of your own in the future."

"Did you not listen? Magic is all an unicorn needs, so keep your barbaric tools away from Trixie."

"Eh, your lost." Just as their current conversation ended, the two ponies arrived in what looks to be a regular park.

There were hundreds of trees around, and a wide grassy field that stretched quite far. Roman breaths in the air, the smell of nature just right at your doorstep. If you live in the city that is. That's why these parks are made, for those who wanted to have an outdoor experience with mother nature. And as mentioned, there were many ponies around spending their time with their friends or families. A perfect target for Roman.

"See those ponies Trix'? That's our ticket for lunch." Roman said as faced the mare who was reading the book he bought.

"Huh? Oh yeah..." She said with disinterest, eyes glued on the open book. "Lunch and all... What are we having?"

Roman groaned loudly. "How about you go learn duplication spell while I earn us some bits?." The thief didn't wait for an answer, he just trotted off to do some tricks for strangers leaving Trixie by herself.

The showmare lowered the book to watch him approach a small group of friends. She rolled her eyes before she unlatched herself off the wagon, right after she parked it in a good spot. She would then look for a suitable spot to read the book that Roman gave her. Soon she would find a nice comfy place right under the shade of a tree. Trixie sat down and leaned her back against the tree. Having enough comfort, she returned to reading.

She read the single page that Roman advised her to over and over. Trixie tried to wrap her mind around the idea of the spell to help her understand. After a few second of going over the same page, she sets down the book on the grass covered ground and focused her mind. Her horn began glowing, and so does the book. She smiled upon seeing progress and focused much harder on the spell. The book floated an inch away from the ground and glowed even brighter, Trixie quickly became extremely delighted so she concentrated harder. Just as she thought she was actually successful, Trixie had instead accidentally ripped the book in two with her magic.

Trixie let out a shocked yelp and jumped back, causing her head to hit the surface of the tree she was leaning on. She recoiled forward and clutched the top of her head as a reaction, but something was off. She felt no pain at all, the mare was absolutely confused, especially when she looked behind herself. Her eyes widened as she discovered a damage she somehow caused. A small part of the tree bent inwards and around the edges were splintered, with wooden shards jutting out of the tree itself. Her confusion grew, she couldn't think up an answer as to why this happened. She would be left with a question that she cannot find an answer to. Trixie would then stare at her attempt, the book split right from the middle. She felt something in her chest hurt a little.

Another failure, and she destroyed the book. "THE BOOK!" She exclaimed. "Oh no, no, no! Roman is going to be mad! Wait, why does Trixie care? He's gonna go rob or buy another one anyways, like the thief he is. But...he did go out of his way just to help Trixie with her magic... Trixie can't just fail him now, I have to fix this!"

Before she could even think up a plan to solve her problem, a voice suddenly spoke. "Well, well, well." Trixie looked up to see one of the last few mares she rather not see again, Rainbow Dash the Element of Loyalty. "If it isn't the lame and boring Trixie." The pegasus scoffed.

"RD! Can't we just just go on with our own business and leave her?" Applejack said as she walked up to Dash's side. "Even if it is Trixie, it doesn't look like she's plannin' somethin' bad."

"What are you two doing here?" Trixie scoffed in return to Dash.

"None of your business!" Said Dash.

"Mah sister and Ah' are visitin' mah aunt and uncle Orange, nothin' much." Applejack answered honestly.

"Applejack, hush! She doesn't need to know what we're doing!"

"If Trixie remembers right, you two are not family. So why is feather brain here?" She asked the rainbow maned mare.

"She's here to get herself the latest Darling Doe books." Applejack once again answered.

"You do know she doesn't really care? All she cares about is herself! So stop telling her stuff, especially about the book! Also, its Daring Do!"

"She is right, Trixie does not care, but Trixie was simply curious as to why some mud pony and feather brain from some country side are here in this lovely park of Manehattan."

"Okay, I let the first one slide, but now you've done it by calling me feather brain a second time!"

Before Dash could pounce on the unicorn, Applejack quickly held her off. "Easy there sugarcube, she's just tryna rile you up."

"Yes, listen to your friend Rainbow Dash. It would really paint a bad picture if you attacked an innocent mare such as Trrrixie!"

"Easy RD, easy girl." Applejack gave her attempt to calm her friend down. "What about you Trixie, why are you in Manehattan?"

"Trixie is simply just here to bring my amazing and spectacular self to Manehattan! Ponies shall be in awe, and they shall be amazed by the captivating magic that I shall perform soon!"

Dash snorted a laugh. "Your magic, amazing? Not in a million years!"

"Oh? Still a little mad about my victory from our duel?"

"Trixie," Applejack spoke. "Ah know we don't see eye to eye, but can ya' not start a fight with RD? Same goes for you Dash."

"Ugh, fine." Said Dash.

"Trixie shall refrain from telling the truth."

"Why I-" Dash couldn't finish her threat when another voice a cuts in.

"Making friends are we? Keep this up Trix' and I might end up being jealous!" All three mares turned to face the new addition to the conversation. "Well hello there." He greeted the two with a very honest smile.

"Howdy." Applejack tipped her hat as she greeted back.

"And you are?" Asked Rainbow Dash, earning an elbow to the ribs from Applejack.

"Roman Torchwick, its a pleasure to meet you both. Tell me, are you two Trixie's friends?"

"Uh, no." Dash and Trixie answered at the same time.

"Oh, its a shame then. Because the two of you aren't friends with a great mare such as Trixie."

"What makes her so great? She isn't as cool and awesome as me."

"Well that's because she had saved my life."

"She did?" Applejack calmy asked.

"Yo, what!?" Exclaimed Dash.

"I did?" When she caught the two mares staring at her as well as Roman's wink, she immediately changed the confused look on her face into a face of pride and bravado. "I-I mean, yes! Trixie had saved Roman's life from the jaws of death!"

"Amazing," Roman wiped a fake tear off his eye. "I am forever in her debt. I tried to repay Trixie with bits, but she generously declined. She even declined the offer of giving her my hat! No matter how much I offer, she wouldn't take it. But then I offered my friendship, a priceless thing to give, and she accepted. And after having a drink in her honor, right on top of the manticore she rescued me from, we had vowed to stick to each other's side. Traveling Equestria together, side by side, rain or shine!"

"Y-yes! Trixie saw Roman weak and battered from the manticore's vicious claws. So Trixie went in selflessly and saved him from his utter demise!"

Applejack whistled with impress. "Wow Trixie, you've really changed since we last saw you in Ponyville."

"I call bu-" Roman planted down his cane right in front of Dash's hooves and leaned over it, with his face just an inch away from her own.

After a minute of staring at her, Roman spoke. "Have we met? Because I have this raging déjà vu. Seriously, I think I've seen you before... I haven't picked up a newspaper for awhile now and I've never seen you on it even then."

"Uh, no, we haven't met. This is the first time we did." Said Dash.

"Sorry, I've felt like we've talked before, maybe on a train or something. Anyhow!" He changed his attention over to the farm pony, he leaned his hoof on the cane to keep himself standing tall on two hooves. "I'm so glad you appreciate Trixie's deed."

"Well no problem at all Torchwick. Glad to hear that mare did some good, that doesn't cancel out what she did to me and mah friends though. But I'm willing to let go for now." She smiled. "The name's Applejack, in case you wonderin', its nice to meet you. That there Rainbow Dash."

"My, such a sweet name for such a pretty mare like yourself."

"Pretty mare?" Muttered Trixie.

"Pretty mare?" Applejack said aloud. "Well aren't you such flirt, Rarity would've love to meet you."

"Well I'm not talking to Rarity, aren't I?"

"Well, you really aren't."

"You look like a regular farmer. Just a little fun fact about myself, I was actually raised in a farm, back before my travels."

"Ain't that interesting, didn't expect mister fancy here to be an earthy. Say, you look like you got experience, wanna have a chat over some coffee?"

"How about I buy us lunch instead, I heard there's this cafe that serves the best cakes in Manehattan, then we can talk a little about you. So, you down?"

"Okay!" Dash interrupted them both before Applejack could give him an answer. "AJ, don't we got somewhere else to be?"

"Oh, right!" The farmer said as she just remembered something. "Sorry about this mister Torchwick, but can we catch up next time? Maybe when y'all are at Ponyville, just look for the apple orchard when you do visit."

"Please, call me Roman. And I'll definitely do come visit, I bet your siblings are as great as you."

"How did you-"

"As a fellow farmer like you, I myself have a few siblings, its pretty common to have big family like us." He smiled. "Before you go, you should fix your hat, its misplaced on your head."

Applejack moved her hoof up to hat to find that it was slightly off to the side, strange that she didn't notice that. Her face flushed red, which confuses the three other ponies with her. "Well t-thank you for your time Roman, Ah hope you come visit soon. Let's go Dash." She said as she quickly pulled the pegasus away.

"W-why didn't you tell me that mah hat was slightly off?" She questioned the mare in her hooves as they kept walking.

"I didn't notice, and besides, does it matter?" When Dash saw the flustered look on her friend's face, she grinned. "No way! No bucking way!"

"Say another word about it and Ah'll beat you with em'!" She threatened the pegasus.

"Hah, sure you would. But I can't believe you like the fancy type, I mean, did you see him? The guy screams ri-... He's rich..." She placed a hoof on her chin. "That's actually a good idea!"

"RD, being rich isn't the case, besides, after what we did we could just ask princess Celestia a bit or two and she wouldn't mind at all. But he was actually nice, Ah sure do hope he does come visit."

"Gee, never really thought you liked the fancy pants type, I mean, that guy probably have a golden toilet at his house."

"He's fancy, but Ah feel that deep down he's a hard workin' feller that would never give up even on the hardest of work! Also, that hat of his is kinda nice."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey look, popcorn!" She said, tired of the subject already and attempted to divert their attention. Also, Dash wanted some popcorn.

"No."

"Don't make me beg!"

"Ugh, alright Dash, but just this once!" She said as she reached into her hat only to find nothing. "Oh, uh..." She smiled awkwardly. "Well this is strange, Ah think Ah misplace mah bits."

Dash sighed. "Dang it, well lucky for us I actually have my-" Dash stopped after realizing that she did not in fact have her bits. "I think I'm not hungry."

"You lost it too didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, guess we'll have to ask Applebloom or Aunt Orange to pay for the train tickets."


"So," Trixie began. "Trixie didn't take you for the country mare type."

"Nah, that's too close to home, and I didn't like my home."

"So then what was that about?"

Her answer were two pouches of bits being placed right in front of her. "Our lunch." He said with a wide grin.

"Oh, so you were playing with that country bumpkin's heart just to steal her money? Oh why is Trixie not even surprised? Though, I didn't actually see you do it..."

"Because I'm the best at what I do, and one of them is steal."

"Also...why did you lie about how we met?"

"Trix', I saw how you and skittles interacted, I could see that tension between you two. And I know she doesn't like you at all. So I used my other skill which I am talented in, lie. I just wanted to make you seem more likeable, she didn't bite. But on the other hand, that farmer seems to change her opinion of you."

"T-Trixie... I don't know what to say... Ahem! Trixie needs to tell you something!" She was reluctant, but she still raised the two pieces of the book she ripped apart. "Trixie have accidentally destroyed the book. Could you forgive Trixie for her simple mistake?"

Roman stared at the floating pieces, he tapped his hoof on his chin before taking them out of Trixie's magic. He took one page out of the spineless one and ripped its matching page out of the other. Roman would then hand the two halves over to Trixie.

"Trial and error Trix', you'll get it someday." He assured her.

When she read what was on the page, she discovered that it was the duplication spell. She looked back at Roman, a small smile only her face and gave him a nod.

"Now then, how about some cake! We can also get some ice cream, neapolitan sounds great!" He said before walking away from her, intending to lead Trixie to the cafe he mentioned.

"Sure, it does sounds great..." Trixie whispered as she followed him.

And thus, the heroes and villains have met. Though they were oblivious of Roman's deeds, Equestria itself shall soon learn who he is. Manehattan is where he shall make himself known, and spread his name. It was a new opportunity for Roman, and he would be a fool to ignore it. And as for Trixie, there is something more to her that has great potential, something that shall aid Roman with his new conquest to be Equestria's greatest thief.