Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever
Chapter 13: Royal Breakfast Silliness
The events of last night will haunt my days with a demented grin for the rest of my life....
That's what happens when one overdoses on awesome after a life of boredom. They go catatonic from the awesomeness.
I woke up the following day to find myself in the PLUSHEST bed ever conceived. Soft, silken sheets, a big soft comforter, and the bounciest, most comfortable mattress you can imagine....times ten. As I turned about on the bed, I noticed a most...unexpected companion.
"G'morning, my little Knightmare."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" What? I got scared, okay! I honestly thought for a brief moment that it was all just a dream...and then I woke up to Princess Celestia...in her own bed...with me in it. "...eep..."
"Now WHAT was THAT for?" She asked, indignant at my panicked reaction. C'mon, Knightmare, don't crack any stupid jokes!
"Sorry, I thought I died there..." Oka-WHAT!?
"Why did you think you had died?" Celestia asked, looking a tad worried.
"Well, how else do you explain that I woke up next to such an angel?" Did I just say that!? The hormones are coming back. That got a bout of giggling from the lovely princess. Still...don'cha just hate it when your mouth runs out of control?
I gave Celestia a quick smooch and said. "Meet you in the dining hall before Griffin's concert?"
Celestia chuckled dryly and scuffs me playfully. "Of course, we have things to discuss regarding the Black Vault and your role in my court. For now, royal duty calls."
I bowed. "I'll meet you later on, then, milady." I moonwalked into the bathroom and began my morning routine. Five minutes later, I moonwalked past Griffin and Aoi, clad in naught but one of Celestia's frilly pink towels. "G'mornin', dudes!"
"I guess waking up normally isn't an option here in Equestria," Aoi said as he and Griffin entered the room.
"Of course it's not. You ought to know that by now," Griffin returned.
I waved at the duo. "'Sup? You should use the bathrooms, they're AWESOME! We're getting the royal treatment! Also, FUCK NORMAL THIS IS EQUESTRIA! THE SANE DON'T SURVIVE!”
Aoi chuckled. "I guess not... By the way, Griffin, who's in there with you?"
"Oh, Gilda," Griffin answered.
Aoi raised an eyebrow with a smile. "Your mate?"
"You got it."
"You better take care with this one, He's a keeper..." The molf told Gilda.
The griffin in question smirked. "Oh, I know."
I stopped. "Wait....you...and GILDA!?”
"Yes, me and Gilda,” Griffin deadpaned.
“....The world cannot handle that much HATE making love.”
"You're feeling chipper today aren't you?" Aoi asked me.
“How can I not!?” I told him. “We may not have DONE anything....but I slept with the mare of my dreams, had the best sleep I've had in years, and all after THE Party to end all parties! Plus, for the first time in too long, I'm NOT cracking the ground trying to walk around!" I still danced around, the towel not falling off of my waist, even as I pranced my way up a wall and back down. “I feel lighter than air!”
I’m still trying to figure out how you can pull that off so easily.
Don’t bother, he refuses to tell me, too.
Teeheee!
"Maybe it's because you have wings?" Aoi said with a hint of sarcasm while Griffin snickered at the comment.
I stopepd moonwalking...and began laughing. "No." I turned dead serious...albeit grinning widely. "I checked my weight, they've got electronic scales. Shocking, huh? Did you know I only weigh in at forty-two pounds now?"
Aoi tilted his head to the side and cracked the stiff joints in his neck before stretching his arms. "Beds could use some work though..."
"Had ANYONE told me I'd weigh that, say, a month ago? I'd have called them a liar. I weighed, a smidge over a year and two weeks ago, 369 pounds....and ......I see I'm not the only one with someone to cuddle up too." I bowed to Gilda, who’s wrapped on Grif’s shoulder. "Milady, pleased to finally meet you in person."
"Yeah, just quit with the sophisticated crap, alright? It pisses me off,” Gilda snaped at me.
"Wait, you were 370 pounds? Ha! Fatty!" Griffin (the asshat) mocked, a massive grin forming on his beak.
I raised my hands up defensively. "Fine...I'm gonna go get something for breakfast." I continued moonwalking towards the dining hall, keeping an eye on the two short-fused griffins.
Celestia walks past the group and glared pointedly at Griffin. "And what's wrong with being a healthy weight?"
"Healthy for a pony or a griffin maybe, but for a human? You wouldn't walk, you'd roll,” Griffin explained. “There is such a thing as 'Too healthy'."
Celestia gave Griffin one final glare before moving on.
I whispered to Celestia. "Griffin's an asshole."
"He has his charms, but yes," Celestia whispered back.
I snickered, continuing my moonwalk through the halls.
Aoi glanced at me. "What's the rush, Knightmare? The concert doesn't start for a while."
I laughed. "I can moonwalk, Aoi. But I sure as fuck can't do it all day. I'm gonna go take a first-hand look at The Day Court!"
"Day Court?"
I shook my head at Aoi. "Not a brony, are ya? The Day Court is when Celestia's in charge. Likely in the rebuilt Throne Room."
Aoi raised an eyebrow in interest. "Hmm, I take it you're going to be briefed then?"
I shrugged. "Possibly. I mostly just wanna watch."
"Well, have fun,” Griffin said. “What am I saying? I know you won't. You are WILLINGLY going to a place where they wage politics. Now, I already know you are, but still, I have to ask... are you an IDIOT?"
Aoi grinned and looked back. "Come on, Knightmare, a guy who basically screams classics without batting an eyelash, watching poli-" Aoi stopped mid-sentence. "Nevermind."
I rolled my eyes. "Nope. I'm just going to watch. If things get too political, I'll leave and wait for Celestia, but then again..." I looked to my left at the guard, who nodded in the direction of the throne room. "I'm kinda expected anyway."
I chuckled at Aoi. "But you're right in that I hate politics, but the mare of my dreams demands my presence. Thus, I bid you both adieu. Fair thee well, fellow warriors."
"There goes a fool and a hopeless lover," Griffin said.
“As far as a hopeless lover goes,” Aoi shrugged. "Might actually happen, most likely not, but remember, we're in Equestria, stranger things have happened."
*****
"Welcome to the proverbial hell that is my daily life," Celestia murmured in a quiet voice to me as I took my place beside her.
I suppressed a snicker, standing tall and strong, as an honorable Royal Guard ought to. "So, what's the situation with this guy?" It looked like none other than Filthy Rich droning along about...something.
"He hopes to open a new chain of bargain stores and has spent the last half-hour convincing me why it's in my best interests. If he'd just sent a letter I could have signed it in a heartbeat, instead I get...this."
I whispered. "Why not just tell him that? You know, letting ponies know that would probably make things a lot easier on you."
"Because an audience with the Princess is how the nobles rank themselves. If I denied them that, I'd be stuck dealing with the next hundred ways they came up with to annoy me and play their little games. Better the enemy you know, as the old saying goes."
I sighed. "Yeah, I know. Temptation to rant....rising...." I shuddered, afraid to fly off the handle in front of Celestia.
"I know the feeling well, but court does have its moments. Remind me to tell you sometime about the 'expert' who was convinced hospital guards needed training to ward off ninja and zombie attacks."
I chuckled under my breath. "Musta been an interesting read...then again...as strange as things are getting with us humans arriving, I wouldn't be shocked at the arrival of Ninja Zombies whom may or may not be robotic pirates as well. Things are getting stranger and stranger every day."
"Quite, now shush, I think they're starting to realize we're not paying attention to them..."
“Eep!” I chomped down on my lips, keeping myself silent.
Filthy Rich was watching the princess expectantly and several of the nobles were shooting me angry looks. Discreetly, of course.
"Thank you, Filthy-"
"Uh, I prefer Rich."
"Of course, Mr. Rich. That sounds like an excellent idea, please send the appropriate forms to my secretary when you have the chance."
I shot a less-than-discreet glare at the irate nobles before standing tall again. One royal guard grumbled about needing to be more strict about that next session.
I joined the princess in a smile, my own far more broad...and toothy than hers.
"That's one down, two-hundred-sixteen to go,” she told me aside.
I sputtered and nearly blurted out, 'You gotta be shitting me!' before whispering it to her. Albeit not as discreetly as I'd hoped.
"And that's just before lunch."
I twitched. "I'm assuming you summoned me to show me this?" I crossed my fingers, hoping she's not intending for me to sit still this WHOLE TIME....
Celestia laughed. "Not entirely, my young friend, though I had hoped this would give you a better appreciation of royal duty, should you ever aspire to enter politics."
I twitched again. "Princess, I love you. You know that, right?" I waited for her nod. "Then know this. I HATE politics! I'm way too hyper and short-tempered for it. I tend to rant and rave and shout and scream and throw things when shit gets political. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I pity you having to sit hear and listen to nobles drone on and on and on and on and ON over something...TRIVIAL! Everything I've heard since I walked in the door could have been sent in a letter, no complaints, no problems, and a crap-ton faster and easier for all involved!"
Celestia smiled and chuckled. "And that, my dear Knightmare, is why so many of the gods are ill-tempered. You could barely stand one, how do you think we feel with millions of prayers pressing upon our ears at all hours of the day? And that's JUST for the gods who DO NOT get directly involved, like my sister and I...." She then looked down.
I twitched once more and sighed. "Yeah, I am WAY too impatient." I looked around the courtroom...to see that EVERYPONY heard my outburst. "...Oops."
"Don't pay much attention to it, I've made my fair share of slip-ups over the years. If you'd like, you are free to wander the castle and city as you please. I'll send somepony to fetch you at lunch and we can discuss more of what your role in this Game will be." She was still looking down.
"Um...what's so inter...es....ting..." I finally look down...only to see I had still been wearing nothing save for a towel...which just dropped. One of the nobles, Fleur de Lis, judging by her wide grin, had just let out a Tex avery whistle. Then again, maybe it was Chrysalis, standing just behind her. They noticed each other and locked eyes. I could feel the contest from where I stood!
"Oh yeah...He's a keeper!" pink unicorn shouted, causing the courtroom to erupt in screams and shouts, many of anger, and a few of jealousy. Chrysalis seemed to be winning her fight but Fleur was putting up a good fight.
"Uh....oopsie..." I then let out a girly shriek as someone's telekinetic grip latched onto a certain extremity and began pulling me along. "OOOOOWWWWW! What was THAT for!"
You shrieked.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. You’d do the same if someone telekinetically grabbed your womanhood.
That’s one experiment I’ll gladly NOT do.
"You, young man, need to be properly DRESSED if you're so adamant about being bipedal!" I looked down to see Rarity, more angry and embarrassed than anything, literally dragging me along like a misbehaved dog... Looking back, I saw Celestia stifling her giggles as she attempted to calm down the irate nobles. Chrysalis had won the contest but couldn’t find where I’d been dragged off to.
"....better in your parlor than that courtroom right now..." Oh don't gimme that look, dammit! You wouldn't wanna deal with them prats, either!
I realized later why she ACTUALLY gave me that look, considering what she was holding onto.
A half an hour later, and I was fitted with brand new duds! Suffice to say, I'm beginning to think Rarity can read minds, because I was dressed in a black and red Ringleader's jacket, altered to reach to my ankles, with little black feathers lining the bottom edge. The back was, obviously, slit open at just the right spots to let my wings be exposed, whilst still remaining comfortable and not fucking with their buzzing. The thing was mostly black, with red, gold, and purple accents. Four of my five favorite colors! Apparently, Rarity really REALLY hates green. A gold chain ran from the underside of one lapel, across my back, and to the opposite side, forming an X pattern in front. Fairly stylish. Beneath, I was given, oddly enough, a pair of pants, these ones in deep charcoal grey, same color as my mane, to which she added extensions to that and my tail, and styled to be slightly spiked, but controlled.
I swear to you I felt like a major badass....then came the knee-high boots, just like a Ringleader's. And the awesome just kept coming. It was finally topped off by a charcoal grey top hat with a red ribbon, simple yet badass.
"...I dig it!" I said, looking into the massive mirror at my new outfit. Fifty bits says neither Griffin nor Aoi notice it.
"I'm glad you like it, it's certainly more stylish than that ragged old outfit you wore, and less likely to fall off than one of the Princess' towels...."
"I love it, Rarity, but I have you know that that 'ragged old outfit' was worn by one of the greatest musicians of my world, and the only one mastering the genre of 'Pop' that I genuinely enjoyed..."
"And who, pray tell, was that?"
"Why, none other than the King of Pop, the Prince of Thrills, Michael Jackson." Yup, you know what that means! Sing along!
It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life
They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see
That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!
(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
"Oh my!" Rarity giggles, bopping me on the nose. "Well, it seems Miss De Lis was right, you ARE a keeper. At least as a jester, if not a lover." I chuckled in response, but a ruckus in the courtroom caught my attention. Rarity and I didn't need to speak, both thinking the same thing, and bolted for the courtroom immediately.
Introducing:Fudge of Equestria: Knight of The Realm [For the next bit, the story temporarily take the third person POV]
The doors to the throne room burst open, a guard pony entered panting as if he has just run a marathon.
“Princess!” He shouted.
“What is the meaning of this interruption?” Celestia demanded crossly. “I'm very busy. This had better be important.”
“Your majesty... there's an army at the gates!”
Predictably, the nobles panicked. There was tons of shouting and pushing and shoving as they attempted to flee.
“BE STILL MY SUBJECTS!” The solar diarch commanded.
The princess very rarely used the Canterlot Voice. The nobles prostrated themselves in fear.
Wish they did that more often...
Don’t we all?
“I will deal with this myself.”
Her horn began to glow, and with a flash of light she had vanished. She reappeared at the bridge to Canterlot, pleased that Shining Armor had already erected a forcefield.
“Your majesty,” He bowed.
“Details,” She replied.
“See for yourself,” The Captain of The Unicorn Guard said, pointing his hoof.
Beyond the forcefield, across the bridge, were diamond dogs. They stood in two perfectly straight lines stretching as far as the eye could see. There must have been at least a thousand of them. At the head of this mass of canines was a majestic looking creature, taller than the others. He had a coat of grey, black and white. His face had the appearance of a Malamute.
The dog held a spear casually with a stoic expression. Strangely enough, behind the dog were four others holding what looked like a palanquin, but instead of a sedan chair there was a bed on top. The carry poles each had two sets of legs to rest it on. Lying in the bed was a massive figure wrapped in a dark blue cloak. Between the sheets and the cloak she couldn't make out what it was. A large cloth of black silk covered the head. What she could see was the large axe by its side. It glittered in the sunlight, its silvery surface betraying that it was of no ordinary metal. Several jewels, each of a different type, were set across its face.
“Well, shall we?” Celestia asked.
Shining Armor said nothing and created an opening in the forcefield. He stepped out first, followed by the princess.
As they slowly approached, she was surprised when the diamond dog with the spear got down on one knee, bowing low.
“Oh Bringer of Light, Mistress of The Heavens,” he began. “I am Silverfang, beta of the Deep Rock Warren.”
Her eyes narrowed, and Shining Armor took up a fighting stance. They had heard horrible stories about that place and its cruel master, the one they called Boxer. To their eternal shame they were unable to prevent ponies from being snatched up in his clutches. They had laid ambushes, set countless traps to try and catch him, and every time he slipped away with more slaves in tow. Foals treated him as a kind of bogeyman. Parents told their children that they had better be good or Boxer would get them.
“We come before you at the command of our new Alpha.”
The pair were stunned. They knew that could mean only one thing. Boxer was dead.
Silverfang gestured at the palanquin and the bearers set it down. He went over to the bed and spoke in whispering tones. He looked up and nodded at the princess and stood at attention, hands folded with his spear behind his back.
Celestia strode forward and gazed down at the figure. She was slightly startled when a large green hand emerged from the sheets and lifted the black cloth ever so slightly.
“Princess?” came a deep, very tired voice that sounded nothing at all like a diamond dog.
“I am she.”
“It's really you,” The voice wheezed in pain.
“You are injured?” She inquired.
“I am dying.”
Her eyes widened. They widened even further when a young red dragon peered out from the ranks at his words. It appeared to be listening very intently. Silverfang glared at it, causing it to step back in line.
“Shining, alert the hospital staff at once. A priority one patient is on his way.” Celestia commanded.
“But your highness!”
“My dogs will not bite,” The figure stated. “They will remain outside the city.”
“As my Alpha commands,” Silverfang replied, thumping his spear against his chest.
Shining Armor looked conflicted, but turned away and raced towards the hospital.
“Follow me,” Celestia said to the palanquin bearers.
Soon they reached the hospital and the staff rushed him into surgery. It would be several long hours before she heard anything. The princess paced outside in the waiting room. From the update she had been received, the minotaur's name was Fudge, and he was in terrible shape. Several of his ribs were broken, he had internal bleeding and several spear wounds that showed the beginnings of infection. His left horn was snapped off in the middle.
Frankly, it was a testament to his strength that he had made it this far.
Finally, after hours of waiting, the doctor came out, covered in sweat.
“Prognosis?” She demanded.
“He lost a lot of blood, but he'll live. What's more, I expect a full recovery. In my professional opinion? He's one tough son of a bitch, if you'll pardon my language majesty.”
“Can I see him?”
“Now, if necessary, but he really needs to get some rest.”
“Very well.”
* * *
She was surprised to find him already awake. The minotaur sat in his bed, looking at his reflection in his axe. He had refused to be separated from it, even in surgery. Before the anesthesia kicked in he had gripped the handle tightly and they were unable to remove it from his hand. Fudge gingerly touched the three gashes over his right eye. The old stitches had been removed, the wound cleansed and re-sewn.
“Your majesty,” He said, looking up as she came in. He tried bend forward and bow, but found it too painful.
“Please, don't injure yourself for the sake of formality.”
“Very well. I suppose you'd like to know why I'm here.”
Celestia nodded.
“You might like to take a seat. It's a long and unpleasant tale.”
She made herself comfortable on a cushioned bench.
“It all started when I went to the public library...” He began.
He wasn't joking about it being unpleasant. In fact, she was fairly certain that he would never be able to joke again as long as he lived. He told her everything, from being shunted out of reality to his last day in the arena. And what happened to Lily.
“I'm so sorry,” Celestia said sadly.
“Something... happened to me then,” He said quietly.
He closed his eyes, his muscles all rippling as he shuddered.
“When I came to, Boxer was dead and I was in charge. In Deep Rock Warren, who kills the Alpha becomes the Alpha.”
He opened his eyes and looked at her.
“Everyone. Every. Single. Dog, that remained loyal to him is dead. They would not accept my judgment. And so the others tore them apart. They were finished with tyranny. They wanted their honor back.”
“And what was your judgment?” Celestia asked.
“Justice.”
He said it as if it were a magic word, a kind of talisman. As he said it, the jewels in his axe gleamed.
“They came to throw themselves at your mercy. They sold their honor to save their own skins. None of them ever wanted to become slavers, but the fear of Boxer was enough to make them do things they despised, if only for the sake of their families.”
“And mercy is what they will receive,” The princess stated. “As it stands, I can make use of every hand that can hold a spear.”
“They will serve you well,” Fudge said.
“... And what of you?” Celestia asked. “What will you do now that you are free?”
He stared off into space.
“I don't know.”
“There is a growing battle against slavery. You're strong. You should join it.”
He sighed as if she had just placed crushing weights on his shoulders.
“I am tired of killing. I'm so tired. But you're right. I suppose it comes with the job.”
A kind of light kicked on in his eyes. He ran his thumb down the blade of the axe.
“Besides... I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
“Do you mind if I ask what?”
“I have to hunt down a certain monster.”
“A monster?”
“I told you how we freed the pony Octavia, how Boxer found out and sentenced us to the arena. She said she had been sent to the mines by a 'flying wolf'. She was very insistent that she wasn't crazy. She said he let her friend go.”
“Why would he release one and enslave the other?” The princess asked, puzzled.
“...That's what I intend to drag screaming from his hide.”
He considered the matter thoughtfully.
“Hmm... speaking of which, I'll need something to shoot at him. I can't bring Justice to him if he flies away.”
“Don't you mean bring him to justice?”
“No,” He said, resting his chin on the axe.
She seemed to catch his rather grim meaning.
“When you're well, I'll send you to the armory. They'll give you whatever you need.”
“You're helping me?” He asked, surprised.
The princess blinked in disbelief. She stood up and walked over to his bed.
“You've brought an end to one of the cruelest of slavers and reunited countless families. For your service, I dub you Sir Fudge of Equestria, Knight of The Realm.”
She tapped his shoulders with her horn.
“...Thank you your majesty,” He said, unsure how to respond. “There's one more thing. The dragon that I killed, the one that made Boxer... do what he did. He had a son, Char. He's the one who nearly clawed my eye out. Can you take care of him?”
“I'll see what I can do. Try to get some rest. And Fudge? I'm sorry for everything that happened.”
He shook his head.
“You weren't the one that brought me.”
As she left the room, he resumed looking at his reflection once more. Celestia was not at all surprised to see Knightmare standing outside the door. After all, it was his job. As they walked down the corridor together she asked:
“How much did you hear?”
He gazed at the floor glumly. The changeling began to play a mournful tune, quite different from the usual blaring sounds he normally emitted. Then he sang:
His heart underneath, cries quietly:
“This part of me, I choose not to see.
What lives must I take, for fealty's sake?
How much blood must stain, this warrior's blade?
War leaves its trail, in moonlight so pale.
Its shadows they flow, in rivers. In rivers.
So put on my mask, I'll go where they ask,
So I might once again see the Roses of May.
Staining my soul and stinging my eyes.
The red on my hands,
Won't wash away, wash away.
No where to run, from what I have done.
I'm no longer, no longer a Rose of May.
Fate holds the blade before you, mirrored in maiden's eyes.
Far from myself I fly, into the perilous skies.
And they said:
“Follow the blade before you.
Fear fall and courage rise.
Leave all your tears behind you, far from where innocence lies.
Cage of the kings, no need for wings.
So turn them to stone, from roses to bone.
When you look at me, what do you see?
This costume I weave, disfiguring me...
War leaves its trail in moonlight so pale.
Its shadows they flow, in rivers. In rivers.
So put on my mask, I'll go where they ask,
So I might once again see the Roses of May.
Staining my soul and stinging my eyes.
The red on my hands,
Won't wash away, wash away.
No where to run from what I have done.
I'm no longer, no longer a Rose of May.
Storm clouds are creeping closer. Danger is drawing near.
Why am I not protecting all that I once held dear?
And you said:
“Break free from all that holds you, kings hand and maiden's tear.
Run now into my arms, together we'll conquer our fears.
Led here by fate, no longer afraid.
So here now lay... my Roses of May.
“...It needs to end quickly.” Celestia said.
“Oh yes. Most definitely.” Knightmare agreed.
[Introduction: Over.]
My mind sobered by that event, I begun to finally comprehend just how BAD the situation was... But, even now, as time drags on, I feel the need to gain sustenance, then I'll confront the horrors arising in this peaceful world... I can tell, however, that we humans didn't cause these horrors, we only brought them to light.... And we have to snuff them out.
As the princess and I approached the main dining hall, I spun on my heel and opened the dining hall doors for Princess Celestia. "Ladies first!" Within the room are Griffin, Aoi, Gilda, those two D-dogs with Aoi, Chrysalis and the Mane Six...and the biggest spread of food I'd ever seen.
I blinked multiple times when I looked at the MASSIVE spread for breakfast, including, shockingly enough, some HUMAN classics! "....How...in the world...did you convince your chefs to cook BACON!?"
I began buzzing around, repeatedly mumbling bacon, gawking at a small hill of crisply-fried juicy BACON!
Celestia laughed. "It's not bacon, it's a high-grade copy made of vegetarian materials. The esteemed head chef managed to create a spice which replicates the flavor through magically transmuted memories I- *ahem*-borrowed."
"I'm impressed, even down to kaiseki cuisine...” Aoi began, “But, how did the chefs know how to make all this?"
I felt, and looking down, SAW my jaw drop RIGHT to the floor. "So...you're saying, it's, literally speaking, HAY bacon...? Time to test it!" I grabbed a slice of hay bacon and stuffed it into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully.....cautiously....patiently.....annoyingly, agonizingly SLOWLY......
I looked to Aoi and Griffin....and gave two thumbs up! "Tastes like REAL, Apple-smoked bacon!"
Griffin took his seat and looked around. "I don't get what the big deal is. It's just bacon. Have any smoked salmon?"
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, the, more for me!” and promptly heaped a massive pile of it onto my plate, alongside some buttered garlic toast and peppered white gravy, determined to get a PROPER breakfast going.
"Well, no use wondering about it, most of the things in this world don't make much sense anyway..." Aoi says as he slowly takes a seat with a pair chopsticks in paw.
I turned back to the plate of bacon, only to see the six foot tall stack dwindles to only two pieces....and both Pinkie and Celestia whistling innocently, drips of grease on their lips telling the tale of their horrid crime. "You...why? WHY must you torment me so!?"
"Did you get these from my memory as well?" Aoi asked Celestia as he picked up a piece of Japanese cuisine with his chopsticks.
Celestia did an epic troll face and ignored the question. Aoi flinched at Celestia's trollface and looked back at the chopsticks.
“Seriously though, no fish, not even shellfish? This sucks," Griffin pouted.
Celestia smiled innocently at Griffin. "Perhaps next time you will put a little more thought into your letters?"
"Hey, you said you LIKED my letters,” Griffin countered, “Is it because I haven't been writing any, since we can talk face to face now?"
I shifted to a scrawnier and less muscled version of my human form...and begin grabbing donuts and other pastries and hay-sausage patties, hay-sausage links, a hay-canadian bacon croissants, and a multitude of other false-meat products of a breakfast-like design.
"Just like my dream..." Aoi muttered.
Celot prepared to dig in...but stopped. "....should we say a prayer, or something?"
Celestia shrugged. "If you wish."
Aoi folded his hands together around the chopsticks. "Itadakimasu."
"Dear lord, thank you for sending me to Equestria, where everything is wonderful except the lack of meat." Thus spake Griffin, whom apparently likes to irritate Celestia.
Celestia gave Griffin a pitying glance. "Not all good things must come at the cost of another's life."
I clasped my hands together. "I'm hungry, Celestia's a babe, let's chow down!" And promptly began stuffing my face. I repeatedly gobbled on donuts, eventually chomping them down so fast I wound up in a race with Celestia and Pinkie.
"You've CLEARLY never had deep fried fish then,” Griffin retorted.
"Hey Griffin, feel free to have some of the seabream..." Aoi pointed his chopsticks at the strips of meat.
Griffin took some of the aforementioned dish and bit into it cautiously. "Well, it tastes kind of like it, but, it's just not the same."
Celestia took a sip from her glass, pausing briefly in her donut race. "You fight a war to liberate the griffons, because you think it is wrong for the dragons to use them as a food source despite their lack of other sources. Yet you feast on the bodies of countless innocent creatures for no reason other than that it's fun?"
"Yeah, but FISH and CLAMS aren't SENTIENT."
"I'm quite sure most dragons feel the same way about griffins and diamond dogs."
I stopped in the race, officially giving up at the colossal pace Pinkie and Celestia set, there's no way I could keep up with someone eating as fast as Pinkie WHILE GIVING A LECTURE! "The thing is, when you're an omnivore, your body NEEDS things that you simply cannot GET from a purely plant diet. And leave us not get started on CARNIVORES."
"Kind of hard to think that when your meal is screaming at you, 'Please! No! I have a wife and family!'"
"Perhaps they scream and you simply think yourself too far above them to hear it?" Celestia spat.
"If that's the case, then you're just as bad with plants. How do you know THEY don't have emotions? In fact, a scientific study has shown that many plants react to stimulus in a conscious way. See that apple? You're eating it ALIVE. You monster."
“Actually, the apple is technically the ovaries of an apple tree...” I slunk down into my seat after making that announcement....
“Enough!” Aoi slammed his bowl onto the table, silencing us entirely. He sighed in frustration. "Breakfast isn't a good time to discuss the consciousness of our food now is it? It's disrespectful to both the food and others.”
I perked up. "Agreed! I do NOT wish to discuss if this hay bacon is screaming at me!" I shuddered. "I'm gonna have nightmares because of this discussion, I swear it...”
"Once, a person asked me how I could stand to eat meat, knowing I was eating the life of another..." Aoi began. "Do you know what I said to him?"
"No....?"
"I kept on eating. At the end, I folded my hands and said 'Gochisousama'. I asked him what it means... What do you two think it means?"
"...Good meal?"
"Thank you,” Griffin says nonchalantly.
"Thank you for your sacrifice, young soul,” Celestia answers.
Aoi nodded.
Celestia then said. "Forgive me, I did not mean to imply that one should live to a standard not their own. I merely wished to convey upon Griffin the seriousness with which he should treat a life, even one as small as that of an ant."
"It never left my mind that to feed another, a living thing has to die. The best we can do is show our respect, appreciate what sustenance it gives us." Aoi picked up a grain of rice with his chopsticks to emphasize the next sentence, “No matter how small it is."
I nodded. "Unlike most humans I knew, I never hunted, neither for sport not for enjoyment. I don't want to ever have to kill another living being unless I absolutely have too..."
Oh the irony of that comment...
Spoilers, Miss Sparkle.
"Don't you think I know that?!" Griffin shouted, standing up and slamming his hands on the table.
Celestia stared directly into his eyes. "Do you?"
"I thought you might, but seeing as how you two were fighting about that,” Aoi said. “I wanted to give a small reminder..."
"Don't you think the faces of those I kill don't haunt me in my dreams? Don't you think I regret EVERY SINGLE ONE! Everyone has a family, friends. Do you know how many lives I've ripped apart, and I'm not talking about the dead. Even yesterday, Ember, the dragon who attacked your sister, came and vowed revenge on me because I killed her father! He was trying to EAT ME!”
Celestia sighed. "The weight of our sins will follow us until the end of times, if we do not acknowledge them we will find ourselves crushed beneath their weight."
Aoi slowly picked up his bowl again,"No one blames you...I'm not judging you. That's not what I do."
“The point is, for every life I have taken, for every drop of blood spilled, there are those who will curse my name till they day they die, and continue to do so long after,” Griffin said.
"So what now? Will you let your past haunt you?" Aoi asked. “Or will you meet it with sword brandished, ready to cut it down and move on..."
"Heh..... both,” Griffin answered, “I can't leave it behind, because I can never escape it. Even if I free the griffins and make a new nation, I'll never be able to sleep at night, if not by guilt, then by fear of an assassin, come to take vengeance." Celestia said nothing the whole entire time and continued to sip tea, letting Pinkie Pie claim victory in the eating contest. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let it stop me."
Aoi slowly grinned. "That's the spirit. Take it one step further... What will you do if Ember faces you head on?"
"Well, seeing as how she beat the stuffing out of Luna...... if I face her head on...... I'm gonna die."
I took Griffin's form and made a kissy face. "Give her a kiss and ask for forgiveness!"
And what does Griffin the asshat do? He throws a fucking plate at my face.
Aoi snickered at my ass getting handed to me by a ceramic dish. "There's no way in hell that would ever happen..."
I chuckled, changing back to normal. "Yeah, but still, one can dream, eh?"
Griffin dropped his head on the table.
"Knightmare, remember, this is still Griffin we're talking about..." Aoi continued.
I nodded. "True..."
Aoi turned his head back to Griffin. "If you do die... Die knowing you died fighting, and that you died doing what's right by you..."
I sipped some of the 'tea' from Celestia's teapot ....."Wait a minute....this... this is COFFEE!!!!"
Oh shit... when I’m given coffee, all of you need to hit the fucking dirt, because I become an unstoppable machine. I twitched uncontrollably, the power of Espresso compelling me to jump right THROUGH the ceiling....I was back two minutes later, still twitching at an uncomfortable rate.
No, I REFUSE to make an 'Espressoman' joke. I'm a hero, but I'm no superhero, nor are my powers coffee-related. Unfortunately.
Urge to make comic book jokes...rising.
I’m rubbing off on you...and I don’t like it.
Celestia watched me with interest. "I need to remember that he does that..."
“Hey, Cap’n!” A voice called. We all turned around to see Griffin’s crew walk in the kitchen, with one of the griffins pushing a covered cart the captain’s way.
"Hey guys......" Griffin replied in a depressed tone.
The griffin pushing the cart stopped. "Cheer up grumpy, everyone is fine, Freud fixed Trixie up, and you can't stay upset when I brought your faaaavorite food."
Celestia smiled and welcomed the new arrivals with a nod and a few words of friendly greeting.
I looked around, then looked to Celestia nervously. "So...about last night...." The princess put a hoof to her lips and mimed 'shush', giving me a sly wink. ....Oh mai.
Griffin turned hopeful,. "You mean...."
“Yep! Battered perch, drenched in strained mango juice!” The griffin uncovered the tray, and a three foot wide side of fish is revealed.
'Hmm... looks like someone has a taste for gourmet..." Aoi commented.
Griffin and Gilda quickly grabbed a plate for themselves, the former’s mouth watering like motherfucking Niagara Falls.
Celestia eyed the plate warily. "Please tell me you did not catch that in the Canterlot Gardens."
"It's not koi, so I'm guessing not..." Aoi said.
"There is more than koi in Canterlot."
"Of course not!” The griffin chef told the Princess. “We caught it in Kowabunga Lake on Signal Island. We kept it on ice for a special occasion."
"Oh, good. I was worried there might be...never mind. Please, enjoy your meal."
Aoi laughed. "Trashing the castle definitely isn't a special occasion...well, at least not for me...but for the best night of our lives, I think it counts."
"Maria, how did you know?" Griffin asked the chef.
Celestia had another trollface. "How indeed."
Aoi went wide-eyed. "I know that face...."
Maria said. "Well, I heard about how you got hurt and had to stay in the castle overnight, and I know what pony food is like, at least for us.... so, I figured I'd make you a special dish as a 'get well' gift, although by the looks of it you already did."
"Thanks sport. This will just about make my day." I thought I saw Griffin literally CRYING as he and his crew began to eat.
Once everyone had finished eating, we all patted our stomachs, satisfied. "Well, we best be headed back to the ship for some shuteye. We rescheduled the concert to tonight, and I don't want to pass out halfway through.,” Griffin explained.
I twitched. "But...you just woke up! How the hell did you not get any rest last night!?" JUST as those words left my mouth, I realized just what likely happened.
"NEVERMIND, I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!!"
"I thought you had a good night's rest... or was there something that kept you up?" Aoi asked the captain.
WHY DID YOU ASK THAT, AOI?! I’m having none of that! "YOUR SEX LIFE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS, THANKYOUVERYMUCHIMUSTBEGOINGNOW!!!!"
Gilda gave a sultry smile. "Well, I'm sure we can find SOMETHING to burn off the energy." I looked at her, and she winked.
I twitched. ".....I know what you two did last night..I don't want any details..."
I got up and began walking away, my wings buzzing out a familiar dubstep beat as I twitchily danced my way out of the dining room, slowly gathering a platoon of back up dancers. Chrysalis following behind. I realized she had said NOTHING the entire time.
Celestia raised an eyebrow at Griffin and smiled knowingly behind her cup.
I led a small ARMY of ponies and even a few changelings down in the courtyard, all of them dancing robotically to the beat of 'Hyperactivity' whilst the concert was being set up for tonight.
I continued my twitching dance through the courtyard, STILL unaware of the fifty-plus ponies tagging along on my twitching dancing spree.
Celestia was dressed in sweats and a headband, her usual jewelry conspicuously absent. The three captains of the Royal Guard arrayed before me, each of them looked nervous.
I blinked at the sight, calming down, and FINALLY noticing the nearly fifty ponies following me, Lyra and a previously unseen changeling among them. "....Who ARE you ponies!?"
Celestia laughed. "Just some fillies and stallions who enjoy a good beat."
I blinked again and pulled out my guitar to make a test. I played a classic 'Rebel song', targeting the Guard Captains with it, for some humor. I laughed happily and turn to Celestia....letting out a classic 'Tex Avery Whistle' "Dang, someone's looking sexy! You rock the leg warmers, Princess!"
Celestia sniffed and raised her nose in the air saying, "I assure you I can 'rock' quite a bit more than mere leg warmers." She looked down and gives me a playful look, batting her eyelashes and smiling coyly.
I began buzzing a foot off of the ground, little hearts visibly floating around my head. "...Definitely....Ever considered black leather?"
Celestia laughed. "Perhaps some other time we can go through my wardrobe. For now, let me introduce you to my personal trainer and my..." She then smiled maliciously at the three captains. "...sparring partners."
I blinked, looking to the trio of captains, none of which are looking as badass as earlier... ".....Is this what I think it is?”
"Probably not."
I twitched and turned to Celestia with a scowl. "I MEAN is this, literally speaking, you planning to fight ALL THREE of them?"
Celestia trollfaced. "Did I say it was just going to be me?"
I blinked, shuddering. "....I already faced those three...I kinda LIKE being alive!!!"
“As do I, let's try to keep it that way, shall we?" Oh, this won’t be fun.
I shuddered, wondering just WHY she needs those three ubers to be her sparring partners, and why they're SCARED to fight her!
"Well the last training golem Luna built me kind of...broke."
"Broke?!” Shining Armor exclaimed. “It was melted and embedded in the side of a mountain! And that was only the half we could FIND!"
"Like I said, it broke,” Celestia said simply.
"Training golem...???? Built by Luna!?! EMBEDDED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!?!" WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO!?
Don’t...say..it..
....aworldofhurt.
DAMMIT SPARKLE!
Celestia smiled reassuringly at me and scowled at Shining Armor simultaneously. "Let's move on, shall we?"
I gulpped. "So...am I on your team, or am I a dead man walking?"
"You're a little something I like to call..." She dropped down in a crouch, her horn starting to glow."...catch-and-release."
“Eep!” I started leaping skyward.
"IDONTWANNAPLAYTODAY!...I WANNA ROCK!"
Celestia took a deep breath and raised her wings. "I love it when they run. It's exciting."
I’m SO dead!
I shifted to my speed LAHIRE form, quick-boosting out of the way of Celestia, tripping over a confused Harbinger, and shifting to the ‘9-ball’ form, jetting across the courtyard and through the startled ponies like a wild animal.
Celestia smirked. "And the chase is on.”
I leaped up over Celestia's 'trainer', a familiar-looking beefy-as-hell pegasus. "Wazzat, Roid Rage!?" I shouted, blasting my way back into the palace.
Celestia grinned and chased after me, simultaneously dodging coordinated attacks from the three captains while Roid Rage looked on approvingly. "You can't run forever!"
I screamed. "I'M GONNA TRY!" I blinked, the bulky form lending a deeper tone to my voice, oddly shocking considering I am a full on bass as a man.
Celestia appeared in front of me and grabbed my torso in her magic. "Catch."
I tapped Celestia's horn. "Release!" I shifted back to the speed form and Overboosted away, the sonic blast knocking several ponies away. I slid along the tile floors, dancing around and over ponies, including sliding my feet back and forth on the blade-like tips of my feet, bobbing and weaving them between a line of ponies, barely making it past. I slammed into a wall and de-shift.
"Ow....I'm getting used to that!" I grinned and began racing off in a random direction.....specifically, unknowingly to me, in the direction of Luna's private quarters...known by the inhabitants of the palace as 'The Lunar Forge'
I dashed through, not noticing that the color palette getting darker, less white and gold, more blue and silver. Until...WHAM! Right smack dab into the massive double doors that barricaded the Princess of the Night's personal chambers from the outside world! "Gottahidegottahidegottahide!"
I shoved the door as hard as I could, slowly pushing it open and immediately slipping in, shutting the door after me.
I gulped at the pitch darkness. Well, almost pitch darkness. There WAS a light at the end of the hall, barely illuminating a multitude of rooms. "F-f-fucking hell, it's like ice in here...." I began slowly walking through the halls, feeling exceedingly nervous.
I took shuddering steps, deeper down the hall...until it finally opened up into an utterly MASSIVE ..."FORGE!? Where the fuck did THAT come from!?"
The Lunar Forge, a thing spoken of in hushed whispers even in fanfics dedicated to it. None could do it justice. Towering five stories tall, with massive funneling pipes drawing wind from the four corners of the globe and pumping molten magma from the very core of Equis, the massive forge was a work of ART! Simultaneously unnervingly dark, yet brightly lit by the blazing hot magma, yet kept almost icy cold by the unholy lunar flames of the furnace and the whipping power of the Four Winds. Magma was being magically stripped into its component parts, legendary metals like Arcanite, Magicite, Adamnatite, Mythril Silver, EinLanzium, Vibranium, gems of the most flawless form, all flowing in shimmering ingots from the magically-laced magma. And there, standing center-stage, her form shifted into a voluptuous humanoid, was none other than The Forge Mistress herself, The Princess of the Night, The Queen of War, Princess Luna Everfree vi Equestria! Clad not in her black royal regalia, but in a thick and durable leather smith's smock, hammering away at a new suit of armor forged of Mythril Silver, Arcanite, and EinLanzium, custom made for her elder sister.
I looked around. "Woah...." I looked behind myself, to see if the Princess was still chasing my in her 'training session'. Seeing myself safe for the moment, I made the slow, silent trek down, my footsteps muffled by the thunderous crash of Luna's hammer striking mystical metals.
Luna continued to hammer on the unformed metal not knowing of my presence. She wiped some sweat from her brow. "Golem, please hand me the Arcanite hammer..."
I watched as one of the dozens of mechanical golems brings Luna a hammer specially designed to work magical Arcanite.
Luna grabbed the hammer and hit the metal with incredible force.
I bounced a foot into the air from the intense force of the blow, stumbling down the rest of the stairs, face-first into a trough of oil used for quenching blades. "....ew."
Luna stopped hammering on the blade from the noise. "Golems, find whatever made that noise."
She watched as the Golems set out to find me. Ah, shit, I need to hide!
"May be another rat but I can't be too certain..." She muttered to herself
I pulled myself up, spitting out the hot oil. "Gross!" I groaned, before making an embarrassing 'eep' as one of the mechanical monstrosities lifted me up, carrying him to the buxom form of the Princess. “Um... hi?”
"AH! Knightmare, what are you doing in my workshop? Does my sister want her armor this soon?"
I twiddled my fingers. "She never mentioned...armor. She was chasing me and wanted me to run...so I ran here.... I was NOT expecting...THIS!"
"Oh good, it will take a little while longer for the mold to set," Luna turned around and placed the hammer on the table. "So what are you doing here?"
I looked around. "Your sister is doing her 'morning training'.....and apparently I'm 'it'.”
"Ah, my sister is one for 'morning training'." She looked to see me still being held by her Golems. "Golem, release Knightmare, please... Do tell me, how is she fairing in her training? I've been down here for a while." She rubbed some ash off of her face.
I gave off another eep, falling right to the ground. I lifted myself up and around, spotting a multitude of new-looking pieces...based off of my own designs and a wide array of video-game weapons. How did she get- right, mind-reading. "Uh....wow.. Oh, um, she....yeah, she's caught me once...and I think last I saw she'd thrown Barricade through a wall..."
"It's good that she is getting better." She turned around and saw me staring at her weapons, "You like them?"
I nodded dumbly. "...Is that...the Ultima Weapon?" I ask, pointing at a large, long broadsword that seemed to be made of glossy, clear crystal.
"Yes, this one," Luna grabbed the blade off of the row of weapons, "was a little tough getting the Magicite crystal right, but in the end, it turned out well. Would you like to hold it?"
I nodded, holding my hands out eagerly.
Luna handed me the weapon. "Be careful. I based that off a few earlier designs and took a few tries to get it right."
I lifted up the weapon, feeling the weight. Clearly a masterpiece, it feels perfect, easily used one-handed even by a weakling like me, yet with an edge sturdy enough to manage the forces of combat, and sharp enough to slice a falling leaf without moving.
"Go ahead take a swing at the dummy over there if you want.” Luna smiled toward me and pointed to a few dummies.
"Seriously? You want ME to test out THE ULTIMA WEAPON!?" HOLY SHIT, THIS IS BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!
Luna shrugged. "Sure. The only way to see if a weapon works is to give it a test run"
I grinned and took a probing poke at the dummy. It worked perfectly fine as a sword...but if it's made of Magicite..... "Huh...I wonder......" I began concentrating. ".....FIRE!" Only a few pitiful sparks popped out of the tip of the blade...
Luna looked back at to see what was happening. "What are you doing with the sword?" She grabbed the hammer and slowly pounded on a different piece of metal.
I blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry...I thought, y'know...'Magicite'....yeah, I was expecting magic and stuff..."
"You did it wrong," Luna smiled at me as she grabbed the sword and pointed it at one of her work Golems. "IGNUS!" The victim Golem ignited in a massive inferno. "Golem, put the other Golem out, please." The Golem did what was commanded and extinguished the burning Golem with a large bucket of water. Luna handed the sword back to me, “You need to empower the spell with your will. The language of magic, which you call 'Latin' tends to work best. Now you try. We are lucky that Griffin managed to recover the lost art.” That birdbrain discovered a lost magic language? Okay, whatever.
I blinked as I pointed the sword back at the dummy. "...Ignus?" I woke up five minutes later, staring at the smouldering crater that was once a training dummy. "...Note to self: NEVER use a magic-amplifying sword for spellcasting when indoors.”
"Knightmare, please make sure to put out the dummy after use," Luna told me. She looked back at the current work and hammered it down some more.
I coughed. "....what dummy?"
Luna looked back at me and the new crater in her workshop. "Not again, this is the 5th time this week!"
I blushed again. "Is that normal?"
Luna nodded. "Sadly, yes. Golems, repair the crater." The Golems began to fill the hole up. Luna grabbed herself a hammer that looked like a Gravity Hammer from Halo and walked over to the hole. "VIS!" She slammed the hammer onto the golem making a new flat ground.
I blinked in shock. "....Wow...."
"It happens a LOT." Luna put the hammer back on the rack. "Want to test more weapons or is there anything else you require?" She walked over to forge and placed some metal into water creating a hissing noise and steam.
I blinked. "Just...kinda curious about what you're making." I set the magical blade back where it belongs, far out of reach of anyone particularly dumb......Griffin included.
“Working on some armor and a new weapon." She grabbed the watered piece of metal and replaced it back in the forge. "My sister wishes for some armor for herself and the Elements of Harmony."
"Huh, really?" I looked around, and spotted six complete sets of armor, each one built around, and of the same material, as the Elements of Harmony. "Woah...." The armors were full-encompassing, almost Iron Man-esque armors, protecting every last inch of the wearer. "Talk about going all out."
“Better to protect everything then get stabbed where you didn't,” Luna reasoned.
I nodded. "Still, this much armor, it CAN'T be easy to move...." I tapped it and hear the tinkling of well-made gears, clearly designed to work in unison. "....you made powered armor......"
"Yes, what other kind of armor would I make?" Luna began to use a weird tool to shape a blade
I blinked, examining the strange tool, it looked like a quill pen, but rather than using ink, it cut lines in the white hot, semi-molten metal with ease. "Well...most armor only covers what it can, instead of, literally, EVERYWHERE.....where I came from, powered armor was purely fiction, the realms of Iron Man and the like."
"Did you have goddesses that could move the moon to make them?"
I blinked again. "...No. We had scientists that were making breakthroughs, but even then they didn't have a...power...source... Damn you, magic, and all of your limitless potential."
"Then there's your problem, the key thing for powered armor is power that can last." She hammered at the blade, giving it more dimensions.
I nodded. "Yeah, they'd developed a LOT of things that can make the armor more durable, more efficient, more comfortable, safer, but all of it was pointless when batteries took up most of the weight...." I grinned, entering 'nerd mode'. "As a matter of fact, if you used Myomer bundles in place of sprockets and gears, you'd probably be able to cut the already lightweight a dozen times over, all while increasing the strength of the armor. With Magicite serving as a generator, you wouldn't need an individual power source, and to top it all off, there's plenty of good spots to mount weapon systems on all of the armor designs....or, heck, maybe add artificial wings and horns for those lacking them!"
“Hmm... those are very good ideas, Knightmare. I'll make a prototype to see how it fairs and then maybe change the current one if it works." Luna grabbed another slab of metal and pushed it into the metal of the newly-formed blade before hammering at it.
I whistled lowly, watching Luna work near-molten metal with her bare hooves. "That....either hurts like hell or takes a LOT of balls."
"Much thicker skin than you think." Luna then put on a pair of gloves. "Now for the part where these are needed."
Luna grabbed the blade and put it in a large furnace.
I stepped back as the Princess tapped a pedal....and the might of the Four Winds smashed its way through the piping and into the furnace, where icy blue Lunar Hellfire rips and roars through the room, blasting up from the furnace with nuclear force, and yet the ONLY thing protecting Luna's hands are those...gloves... DAYUM! It's official, Luna's a badass.
"The metals lace together too, instead of mixing, fuse perfectly together,” Luna shouted over the roar of the flames. I watched in fascination at the view. She lifted her hoof off of the pedal and opened the furnace’s hatch. She grabbed the metal piece with tongs and brought it over to her workbench."Golem, please pass my hammer again." I stepped aside as one of the mechanical monstrosities handed Luna yet another hammer.
"Wow, so...whatcha building?" I asked.
"A sword." Luna hammered the blade into a much more clear shape.
I looked closer. "Hey....I recognize that design...." Luna hammered at a seemingly non-existent blade, forming light into a solid shape. Streaks of light danced up and down the blade like lightning. Occasionally I thought I was seeing a rainbow but the color was truly only white. Imagine a piece of glass underwater with light being shined from the surface and you’re looking at the bottom but instead of the wave reflecting the light, the glass itself is, turning it into an electric current. That’s what it looked like. The blade looked rather thin compared to the hilt and guard.
"Oh do you?" She smiled and continued hammering out the blade's form. She then began tweaking metals around a large purple amethyst, from-which the ‘blade of light’ was sprouting, weaving it into a more familiar form. The hilt took up a pale gray-green undertone, wrapped in golden bands. The guard was large, with a number of gold spines pointing up towards the point of the blade, with more pale gray-green spines in between in symmetry. The guard flared out about 4 inches on each side of the blade. The hilt and guard were almost a third of the whole sword. It was nearly flawless and shined brightly in the light of the lunar flames.
I blinked at the light....on the blade.....with an amethyst in the guard... "Oh my lord, is that....Is that the Sun Blade!?”
"Indeed, I was feeling creative today." Luna grabbed the blade and inspected all around it for any flaws. “I think I shall call her ‘Sol Invicta’, The Unconquerable Sun.” She put a few more touches on it, including a green emerald on the pommel.
I gulped. "Uh....please tell me you're not gonna test it on me...."
Luna looked down at me. "Don't be silly, Knightmare. I would never use a incomplete weapon on you."
I calmed down...then stiffened up at the possibly implied threat. "W-h-whaddya mean by that?!”
"Nothing at all..." Luna smiled, "Is there anything you still require, Knightmare? Actually, I do have a question. What happened to the Nightmare after you defeated her last night? I’m afraid I didn’t get a very accurate description of what happened. "
“Well....It kinda seemed like she got sucked up into my guitar after I brought it down on her horn.”
“What!? Show me please...”
I brought out my guitar from...somewhere and handed it to her. Or tried to. The moment she touched it there was a small zap and she pulled her hand back.
“Oh dear. Set it on my workbench please.”
I did so. She got out a number of magnifying glasses and weird metal rods and other things that I had zero clue to their purpose. She examined for a few minutes and frowned.
“Take it back. You should take heed. The Nightmare is indeed currently trapped in your guitar but be warned: seals do not last forever. It would not surprise me if she came out and tried to possess you or another. Keep an eye on it.”
She went back to her work. “Now, is there anything else you needed?”
“Just a quick escape.”
"And I have just the thing." Luna said, grinning happily, her grim mood gone. "Tell me, Sir Knightmare. Do you like....bananas?"
I should have walked away right then and there...no matter what the answer, I knew I'd go flying. Damn me and my mouth. She tossed me into the forge and used the exhaust to LAUNCH me right up through the top of the Canterhorn! Yes, that’s what it’s called. Far below me was Princess Celestia, having apparently given up on her 'game', hauling huge, half-ton anvils up the mountain in a wooden cart, for no better reason than weight lifting. Her trainer, Roid Rage/Horsepower/Snowflake/Big McLargeHooves/Tarzan/That really beefy pegasus, was running alongside her, hauling several halfton anvils as well....with a dumbell in his mouth.....
"Look out below!" I screamed, coming in for a crash landing. To my joy, amusement, and terror, Celestia leaped up to catch me, causing the two of us to fly back into her hauling cart.
Anvils...ever hit your head on one? It fucking HURTS! 26 of the fuckers...I counted, 26 half-ton anvils.13 tons of hardened steel. That's what Celestia considers her 'morning work out'.....
I think we can all agree pissing Celestia off is a BAD idea. Are we moving?
My mind clicked, my wings began buzzing, and it took all of five seconds to realize why.
"I forgot to hit the brakes," Celestia said, confirming my fears.
"Oh hell..." Music time!
GIMME FUEL! GIMME FIRE! GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE!
Turn on, I see red
We rocketed down the slope, flying off of the edge of the road, right over Canterlot!
Adrenaline crash and crack my head
Nitro junkie, paint me dead
The cart smashed into the side of a building, the axles breaking in half and getting wrapped around Celestia's legs.
And I see red
I run across through black and white
I was clinging to Celestia's back for dear life when we hit the roads, the velocity forcing the wheels to work as we careened through the streets of Canterlot.
War horse, war head, fuck 'em man
White knuckle tight
Through black and white
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And then I burn
Turning my direction
Quench my thirst with gasoline
So gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire
Celestia barely dodged a multitude of ponies and market stalls, but a poorly placed delivery truck served as a ramp, taking us skyward. And guess who's too panicked to realize she can fly!
Turn on beyond the bone
Swallow future, spit out hope
Burn your face upon the chrome
Yup, Princess Celestia...what? I'm playing music uncontrollably with my wings, do you seriously expect me to fly?
Take the corner, going to crash
Headlights (Head on), headlines
Another junkie, who lives too fast
Lives way too fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And then I burn
Turning my direction
Mix my blood with gasoline
So gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire
We barely missed hitting Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, who wound up getting tangled in Celestia's mane, dragged along for the ride. Scooting along the walls of buildings recklessly, I heard the most beautiful sound.
Celestia laughing.
I fear I may have made her an adrenaline junkie.
Gimme fuel
Gimme fire
My desire
Oh, when I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard, loose and clean
And on and on
Turning my direction
Mix my blood with gasoline
Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire, oh
On I burn
We FINALLY came to a stop....by slamming into a rather durable stained glass window. The last thing I recall seeing while conscious was Aoi and Rainbow Dash talking in the Hero's Hall....then pretty much all four of us black out before we hit the ground.
Five stories below...
