I'm trying my story again for those of you who read my previous story.
I would like to have feedback on this to see what I could improve on, good or bad.
Spike has his wings btw.
GIve a like if you enjoyed it.
The story begins in a beautiful sunny morning at ponyville. The birds are chirping, ponies greeting each other as they begin their day. Other ponies were opening up their stores and shops to start their usual business. As the day begins, we come into view of the friendship castle, home to the Princess of friendship, Twilight Sparkle and her two other friends, Spike Tatsu and Starlight Glimmer. We see Spike start to wake up to begin his day.
"Alright, I'm up.", Spiked yawned as he got up from his bed and began to stretch.
Spike looked at his bedroom wall to check the time, "So, it's 8:30 AM which gives me enough time to go to the bathroom too brush my teeth, then go make breakfast."
As Spike walked down the hall and he sees Starlight going to the same place he's going.
"Good morning Starlight." Spike smiled as he greeted her.
"Oh, good morning to you too Spike." Starlight replied, giving him a cheery smile. "Come to brush your teeth as well? You can go first if you'd like?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll make it quick since I would like to start breakfast soon. You can come and help if you would like. After you've done your business here of course."
"Sure. I would love to help.", Starlight replied. "Just give me 10 minutes after you're done using the bathroom."
"Alright, sounds good." Spike said.
After Spike was done he headed downstairs and entered the kitchen. He opened up the fridge and looked around to see what he should make for Twilight, Starlight and him. He decided to make some eggs and his delicious haycakes, which everyone of his friends loved to eat so much.
Spike wrapped around his favorite pink apron with a big red heart in the middle. He grabbed a frying pan and placed it on top of the stove. Spike turned the stove on, went to grab the eggs and cracked them open on the frying pan. He got the orange juice and poured some in three different cups. As Spike was about to go and make his haycakes, Starlight came in the kitchen.
"Hey Spike, I'm here." Starlight entered the kitchen nervously laughing, thinking that she might have taken a bit longer.
"Hey Starlight. You can start by setting up the table with the plates and drinks. While I start making some haycakes."
"Wait, you're gonna make your delicious haycakes?!" Starlight gasped at what she just heard. "Mmm. Now I can't wait till breakfast is ready." Starlight sighed heavenly. Thinking about how tasty those haycakes are, even drool spilled out on the right side of her mouth.
"Well I'll be done in 10 minutes. Oh, um. You might want to wipe that off." Spike pointed at his mouth showing Starlight where to wipe.
"Oh. Heh thanks." Starlight blushed, not knowing she was drooling.
After Spike finished making breakfast and the table was set. The only thing left to do was to tell Twilight that breakfast was ready.
"Twilight, breakfast is ready!!", Spike yelled.
But there was no reply from her.
"She must have studied all night again." Starlight assumed since Twilight never responded. "I'll just go and get her."
But before she could move, Spike raised his arm in front of her, "I got this. Alright Twilight, I guess me and Starlight will have to finish these eggs and HAYCAKES all by ourselves!"
As if on cue, Twilight just popped right in front of them.
"You made haycakes. Why didn't you tell me you were making them, I would have been down here sooner." Twilight said as she frantically went to go sit down.
But before she could do anything, Spike removed her plate, "Before you eat, you could at least freshen up first." Spike suggested, since she looked like a tornado hit her from her late night research.
Twilight was annoyed by this, "Ugh, fine."
And just like that she was gone as the wind, and then teleported right back.
"There, happy."
Spike just smiled at her and set down her plate, "Yea, that's much better. Alright everypony lets eat."
Everypony were silently enjoying the breakfast that Spike made, until Starlight spoke up after stuffing her face with Spikes' haycake." You know, you always out do yourself every time you make these haycakes Spike."
"I'll say. That's your third one you had so far.", Twilight added.
"I can't help it, they're just so good.", Starlight said stuffing her face again, savoring each bite.
Spike just giggled at Starlight's compliment. Heh heh. It's fine Twilight, I'm just glad I can make my friends happy in anything I make or do."
"I'll say.", Starlight began. "But you know... I wouldn't mind having a special somepony who can cook for me from time to time.", Starlight said as she smiled and blush from ear to ear at Spike.
Spike smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up, "It's okay Starlight. I'm sure you'll find your special somepony someday, you are pretty amazing after all."
Starlight gave Spike a deadpan look while Twilight giggled at Spike for not understanding what she meant.
"So Twilight", Spike began. Is there anything you need for me to do this week?"
"I don't think there is anything particularly I need for you to do. Why do you ask?", Twilight questioned Spike.
Spike sighed in relief, "Okay that's good. It's because the other day the girls wanted me to help them with some stuff. Rarity wants help with picking out gems and fabric for her next fashion lineup. Rainbow Dash needs help with coaching rookies for the buckball team. Applejack needs extra help on her farm, Fluttershy wants me to help bath the animals. And Pinkie Pie wants me to taste test some of her new recipes she created."
"Well Spike, since I have everything planned out for this week. I think I can manage with just me and Starlight."
"Thanks Twilight"
Spike was glad that Twilight could cover for him while he helped out her best friends. As Twilight was about to continue to eat, Spike announced something surprising.
"There's also another thing I'm also going to do.", Spike began. "I'm going-", Spike was nervous and hesitant on what he wanted to tell them. "-I'm... I'm finally going to tell Rarity how I feel about her." Spike finally said with determination in his eyes.
Starlight spit her food at Twilight as she also heard the shocking news.
Twilight sat there speechless but was still able to wipe the food off her. "I see Spike. But what made you decide to finally tell Rarity you love her?", Twilight asked.
"Well since I just turned 18 last month, I'm finally old enough to ask her to be my special somepony. I just want to try and see if we can be more than friends. I've been with you girls for years. From having adventures, helping out ponies with friendship problems, beating bad guys and now having every creature learn about friendship through this school that we have. You all have grown and achieved your dreams through it all. Applejack running her family business; Fluttershy becoming a great veterinarian, Rainbow Dash being part of the wonderbolts, Pinkie Pie spreading laughter world wide through her parties, Rarity opening boutiques from ponyville all the way to canterlot, Starlight becoming the headmare for the school of friendship and you are to become the new ruler of equestria."
"Spike, I understand we have accomplished so much ever since we came to ponyville, even if Starlight has accomplished less than us.", Twilight stated.
"Hey!", Starlight yelled feeling a bit hurt.
Twilight giggled, "Heh heh, sorry. But what does that have to do with you confessing."
"That's just it Twilight.", Spike began. "You girls have fulfilled your goals and all that's left is to enjoy life. As for Rarity, since she's all set, she would probably want to start a relationship with some random stallion, and what if this time said stallion could be the one Rarity has been looking for. I don't want that to happen when I haven't even told her how I feel!"
After Spike finished explaining why he wanted to confess, it was Starlight's turn to say something. "If I may say something, I thought you gave up on Rarity a while back.", Starlight admitted.
"What do you mean?", Spike wondered.
"It's no surprise that you've had feelings for Rarity, even the whole town knows about it. But I've seen and so have are friends that every time you try to woo Rarity or to tell her you like her, something goes wrong. Like that time you bought her flowers, only to have a bunch of bees attack because they were pollinating. Or that time you invited her for a nice picnic out in the sun but forgot that it was going to rain that day. There was that time you wanted to invite her to go dancing but she couldn't go because she had meeting with photo finish. Your friends also told me about when you were younger, you tried to cheer Rarity up when one of her clientele didn't approve in one of her designs with the whole puppet show thing. So, you got her this book that had this spell which brings ideas to life but it backfired because she was making everything in ponyville into her own rough draft ideas."
"Yes I know.", Spike felt depressed. "I've known how all my attempts always seem to fail. I know most ponies struggle but in the end it mostly works out. But for me, it never seems to work out no matter what I do, I'm just so unlucky." Spike said looking down at his plate.
Starlight felt bad in making Spike depressed, she didn't mean put it that way. "I could be wrong though."
Twilight was just as confused as Spike when she heard that new statement.
What I mean is, despite with all your failed attempts you still keep trying. Most ponies would have given up thinking it's just not meant to be when they've fallen too many times. But you keep getting back up no matter how much you fall. And I think that is what might help you pull through at the end."
Spiked walked over to Starlight and gave her a big hug as thanks. "Thank you, Starlight. That means a lot."
Starlight didn't know how to respond. She was to flustered from this sudden contact. "Oh. Ugh, heh. You-. You're welcome Spike." Starlight relaxed herself for a second and returned the hug.
"I'm done with my breakfast and I think I'm going to head out now. I don't want to be late with meeting Rarity at the fabric store, I'll talk to you girls later tonight."
And with that, Spike got up and flew to his destination after he exited the castle.
Once Spike was gone Starlight and Twilight got up and went to clean the dishes. Twilight got one of the plates and started to lather it with soap. As she was doing so Twilight brought up the conversation Starlight had earlier. "You know.", Twilight began. "It was very nice of you to cheer Spike after he started to feel down and doubt himself after the whole... Well you know." Twilight mentioned levitating the wet plate over to Starlight.
Starlight took a hold of the plate with her levitation magic and dried it up with the rag. "I wasn't trying to sound mean or put Spike down. It's just that--". Starlight stopped her movements after she received the plate she was levitated too.. "You know my feelings for Spike is not so surprising. Heck, even the others girls know about it as well. He was the first one to look past my faults and just see me as me. Spike didn't care who I was back then, he cares who I am now and I'm so grateful for that. I was able to get closer to him without worrying about what I did back then and just be myself." Then Starlight looked down and felt disgusted with what she was about to say. "But when I heard Spike say he was going to confess his love, I just felt like I lost something important. And I guess my subconscious mind blurted out those things so that I wouldn't lose him. I'm just glad I didn't say anything worse. I know sometimes Rarity uses Spike for manual labor and I get little upset because of it. But I can't just dis her. Because I know deep down she doesn't mean to use him like that, because of how Spike is kind and willingly to do it for her just as much as he would with anypony!" Starlight finished trying hard not to burst out crying.
Twilight was just dumbfounded at this revelation from Starlight. "I'm thrilled that you care so much for Spike. It warms my heart knowing I''m friends with somepony so wonderful." What Twilight said next shocked Starlight. "To be honest with you I... I- I'm also in love with Spike." Twilight admitted blushing from ear to ear.
Starlight didn't know what to say. "You... How... Since when."
"To tell you the truth, I don't know myself. I've been best friends with him since the day I hatched him. I used to think he was the only friend I needed because of how close we got. But I was wrong when I started to make other friends, especially you and the girls. Even with all the friends I've made, Spike made sure I was taken care of. Made sure I was fed, had good sleep, and helped with assignments from Celestia. Lets face the facts, I would have been a wreck if he wasn't with me as my assistant. But most of all is how Spike always believed in me even when I start to doubt myself or when I'm "Twilighting" as you all call it. I think- No, I know that's the reason why I fell for him. And to be honest, I thought he would outgrow his crush on Rarity when we first came here but he never faltered. So, it was hard to believe his crush turned into true love.
"You did?", Starlight began. "Then you could talk to Spike that maybe he's still infatuated, he'll understand if it came-"
"I wouldn't do that Starlight. It's not up to me on who Spike should fall in love with. It wouldn't be right of me to force him to stop seeing Rarity. Just how I can't stop you from loving Spike so I can get the advantage, what mare would I be if I did that."
"You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.", Starlight said turning her head to the side not wanting to look Twilight in the eye.
"Look. I know it hurts to see somepony, er in this case dragon to be in love with somepony that's not you. But forcing him to change his mind won't make him see you or me in romantic way. We should be the best friends he has and at least cheer him on, and hope for the best with Rarity.", Twilight smiled.
"Yeah, I understand Twilight. I just wished he knew how much he means to me the same way he feels with Rarity."
Twilight saw how this was affecting Starlight. So, she came up to her and gave her a big hug. "Don't feel sad Starlight. We don't know if Rarity feels the same way about Spike. If that happens then we both could cheer each other on to gain Spikes' affection. After we support him from his heartbreak of course."
"I'd love that.", Starlight beamed.
To be continued...