Chapter 4 :: Addressing the Situation
Rarity's.
If there ever was one single pony she didn't really get along with, Rarity would be it. To be honest, it seemed like Rarity never really got along with anypony else, but she was always just there, getting in everypony's business and forcing them to get disgusting hooficures where strange ponies touched your hooves and…
No, you're projecting, Rainbow.
Calm down.
Just ignore her snarky and uppity nature.
Just ignore her over-indulgence and her need to exaggerate everything.
Just ignore her love of showing off.
Well, alright, maybe not that one. Showing off was something Rainbow could respect. She did it proudly. And to be honest, Rarity wasn't too bad at it, even though their methodologies differed slightly.
It's just the difference between drama and pure awesomeness.
Where was she?
Oh, right, just ignore the weird look that Rarity's giving you right now…
"Um… what?" Rainbow asked, her focus snapping back to the present.
"What… ever are you wearing?" Rarity asked, snarkily, in her snarky snarky way. "Is this a new thing, double-maning?"
"What? Oh!" Rainbow said, pulling the wig off her head. Scootaloo had dumped it on her on the way over, and Dash had just not had the wherewithal of mind to remove it until now. It was actually pretty comfortable, to tell the truth.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say that was one of the wigs my precious sister made for Scootaloo's awful fan club," Rarity muttered, regarding the thing as if it were a piece of trash. "Terrible stitching."
"You… you mean the Rainbow Dash fan club?" Rainbow clarified.
"Yeees, that awful club," Rarity replied sourly. "Can't believe they'd waste their time on that subject."
"I… am standing right here, you know," Rainbow said, frowning.
"Why, so you are. Care to come in? Awfully damp out here on my front step, isn't it?" Rarity smiled, opening the way for Dash to join her in her shop.
"You just want your own fan club, don't you?" Rainbow grumbled, walking in and throwing the wig up on the hat rack by the door.
"Nonsense!" Rarity dismissed the thought, leading her into the parlour. "Such parading of the self is simply unladylike."
"Then what are those?" Rainbow accused, pointing toward a couple of mannequin ponies in the corner who bore wigs of their own, albeit in a very 'Rarity' style.
Rarity turned and looked toward them. If there ever were a way of telling what she was thinking at the time, it couldn't be found anywhere in her expression. But her head swivelled back to face Rainbow, as she smiled like a cat does to a mouse.
"How can I help you today, Rainbow? You don't normally pop by. Are you here for some middlings, perhaps? Or could I interest you in some clothing?"
"Um… that's not what I'm here for. Could we… talk?"
"Oooh. Talking, Rainbow?" Rarity jested. "Learnt a new skill, have we?"
"Yeah, sure, laugh it up. I need your help, Rarity."
"You're… you're serious," Rarity stated, testing the waters.
"Yeah," Rainbow grumbled. She never asked for help. But it happened three times today, and it was getting old with all the jokes. She really just wanted to push past this part and get to the actual talking already.
"Hmm." Rarity raised her eyebrows, turning again and guiding Rainbow toward a pair of loungers that bordered a small coffee table.
It looked deliberately set up, probably so that Rarity could entertain guests who arrived. The table was stocked with a tea set and magazines of various thickness, and the loungers had pillows ready to relieve a heavy weight.
"Please, do make yourself comfortable." Rarity motioned.
"Don't you have any normal seats? Or… a stack of books or something that I could sit on?" Rainbow asked, looking at those silly things that Rarity considered furniture. "I could just lie on the floor, if that's all the same."
"Certainly not!" Rarity gasped. "Do you know how many ponies wish they could lay on one of my seats? I had them imported from Trottingham, you know! You ought to be a bit more appreciative of the good things, Rainbow!"
"Sheesh! Alright!" Rainbow gave in, clambering up onto the chair, if you could call it that. Now she knew what the cushions were for – she had never felt anything more uncomfortable or scratchy under her flank before. The wood was hard, the back was cold, and the fabric that lined it was rough and uneven. It made for an extremely annoying experience, but Rarity seemed to have no problem herself as she lay in the seat opposite.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Rarity asked, sweeping her mane over her shoulder.
"I… Applejack sent me," Rainbow Dash explained.
"Of course she did." Rarity nodded.
"Uh… yeah," Dash replied, turning up an eyebrow at Rarity's odd response. "Anyway… listen. She said… and well, it's the truth, I guess, but I'm a bit of a big clumsy brute."
Rarity couldn't help but quirk a smile.
"And you're pretty good at the whole… you know, poise and perfection thing. You know how to be all charming and dainty-like…"
Rarity's smirk grew into a grin.
"I mean… most of the time, that is."
The grin dipped slightly.
"Sometimes when you're sad or angry you just turn into this big wailing mess, and that's not cute at all."
An eyelid twitched.
"You sorta lose control and then everypony gets scared of you because during those times you're kinda like a Manticore, but angrier…"
"Alright," Rarity interrupted, her growling voice sneaking in. "I get the idea."
"There it is!" Rainbow pointed. "That's the angry stuff!"
Rarity closed her eyes momentarily, taking a deep, calming breath. The next time she opened her mouth, all traces of it had gone. "Yes, I suppose you're right. But did you have a point to all this, Rainbow darling?"
"Yeah, could you teach me that?"
"How to be…?"
"More like… you?" Rainbow asked uncomfortably. "The first bits, I mean. Before the angry stuff."
Suspicious notes flew through Rarity's demeanour, as her head tilted slightly.
"Why would you… oooohhhhh!" Rarity gasped, widening her eyes in a shot.
"No! No!" Rainbow yelled, holding her hooves out.
"Oh, yes! Yes!" Rarity's face filled with glee, absolute pure glee.
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I am not!"
"Who is he? Who's the lucky pony?"
"You don't know her!"
"Oh, it's a she, is it? That makes it even more interesting!" Rarity rubbed her hooves together.
Rainbow smacked her own head against the back of the chair.
"I said you don't know her!"
"Which means I do know her."
"Alright, I'm not saying another word!" Rainbow said, folding her legs across her chest and slumping sideways.
"Is it… Twilight? Applejack? Pinkie Pie? Flutter–"
Rainbow's leg twitched subconsciously at the mention of Fluttershy's name. She knew she did it, but it was a bit too late to stop it.
"Fluuuuutershy!" Rarity exclaimed, clapping her hooves together. "You want to impress Fluttershy! And you came to me for advice. Oh, how precious! How absolutely darling! My dear, you must be feeling so embarrassed right now!"
In fact, Rainbow was nearly boiling. She was wondering why the chair wasn't bursting into fire at that very moment, engulfing her in the sweet release of a burning death. That was preferable to… this.
"Oh, don't look like that, Rainbow Dash! I mean, just because your entire reputation is about to be destroyed, it doesn't mean I can't enjoy it!"
"Celestia help me, Rarity…"
"Oh, unclench." Rarity waved her hoof in the air. "Do you think I'm like that at all? I love drama, but I'd never turn down a friend. Just let me have my moment. My delicious… delicious moment."
Rarity took a second, bursting into a strange fit of giggles and shaking. While she curled her front legs in front of her like eagle claws.
"Annnd, done." Rarity smiled, looking toward Rainbow. "And I'm not even going to tell anypony."
"You won't." Rainbow intoned, making it sound more like a statement of disbelief than a question. "Resisting a story like this? Don't expect me to believe that, Rarity."
"Not at all. I won't need to tell this one. I have something much better."
"What?" Rainbow asked cautiously.
"When folk ask me who it was who turned you into Fluttershy's dream mare… well." Rarity grinned sharply.
Rainbow returned the grin with a glare.
"Besides, you've already asked. Whether you accept my help or not, I already know too much. So you might as well listen to what I have to say, hmm?
"And I know I fluster a lot. Yes, I do lose my… my temper sometimes, but what I can offer you is poise and grace, manners and sophistication. And that's what I will teach you today, Rainbow Dash, and I'm not going to let you leave until you understand how you should behave around your darling Fluttershy."
Rainbow groaned. This was going to be another few excruciating hours, wasn't it?
Rarity nodded, almost as if she had read Rainbow's mind.
"Then, let's get started," she said gleefully.
–––
Rainbow watched carefully, gathering as much focus as possible. There was something quite terrifying about the mare standing in front of her at this very moment – Rarity was exuding an aura of amazing power and strength.
It might have been the fact that she pulled her mane up in a sort of half-beehive hairdo, or how she put her red-rimmed stitching glasses on, or that she had a long, wooden ruler twirling around her horn…
But all together, this made her look exactly like the school teachers Dash remembered facing as a filly.
She wondered if this was how the fillies saw Miss Cheerliee.
Rainbow did not like this one bit.
The ruler swung down, blazing by on a trail of magical particles, and rapped Dash sharply on the shoulder blade.
"Ow!" Dash squeaked, grimacing.
"No slouching. No fidgeting," Rarity demanded, walking in a slow circle around Dash like a shark ready to feed.
The pegasus was perched on one of those loungers that Rarity had, rear legs stretched out behind her and front legs crossed over to the side. Her head had fallen gently to one side just before Rarity had hit her.
Rainbow brought herself back up to full posture, her back creaking and groaning in protest. She had never thought lying down had an 'art' or a 'form', but apparently there was, and Rarity had given that as her first lesson of poise.
"Now, keep your head entirely still, darling," Rarity rattled off, floating three coffee-table books toward Dash's head. "Mmm… oh, yes."
Using the ruler, she flattened the top of Dash's mane to a plateau, like a combine harvester pushing down stalks of corn, and then with a quick whip of her head, the books settled down.
"Now, if you even move your head in the slightest, the books will fall, and there… will… be… punishment," Rarity declared, in a sing-song manner.
"Is thiff why Sffeetie Belle hateff you so mucff?" Rainbow Dash asked, through gritted teeth. It had only been a while, but she lay spread out on the most uncomfortable chair in the world, unable to move her head or her back, and that was excruciating to her in so many ways.
"Be silent! No talking about my family!" Rarity smacked Dash in the face.
"Nnnghh!" Dash yelled, wincing.
"Now, you shall remain like this. A proper lady keeps perfectly still, no matter the circumstance. No matter how uncomfortable you are, no matter how much you just want to move around and stretch, you must learn how to resist moving! Fluttershy is not as active as you are, and for her sake, you must learn how to take things calmly."
Rarity cleared her throat again, glasses bobbing up and down on her nose.
"Now, while you remain there, allow me to explain the course. We shall cover four elements of being just like me," she said, walking over to one of those window-shade style presentation boards, pulling it down.
Rainbow couldn't remember a time she had ever moved this slowly, but her neck nearly yelled out in frustration as she swivelled her head ever so gradually in order to see what was written on the canvas.
And there were eight boxes there in a four-by-two grid. The left column bore four symbols – the silhouette of a mare, a fork and knife set, a speech balloon, and what looked like a powder puff and lipstick.
"Now," Rarity explained, pointing to the symbols with the ruler, "it is simple. There are four things that one must pay attention to if one wants to be as sophisticated as I am. That is – poise, manners, speech and looks. I shall put you through training in each of these, and only when I am satisfied will you be exactly as I am."
"You are already doing rather well in the first test, under the circumstances." Rarity nodded, impressed. "We shall see how long you can bear this out."
"But do youff haff to punisff me?" Dash argued. She did not like that ruler one bit.
"Why yes, we are training you in the ancient ways of the proper lady," Rarity countered. "The wooden ruler is the most versatile teaching tool, after all, and we must adhere to tradition! Besides, I happened to have one lying around."
"But… it… hurffs!" Rainbow frowned.
The books teetered ever so slightly on her head, sliding forward by a sliver of an inch. Her eyes widened as they flew upward to look at them, hoping that she could persuade the books to go back by staring hard enough.
"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" Rarity said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "If you don't wish to get a traditional proper lady punishment, then you shall perform your tasks with grace and finesse!"
The ruler only managed to make it half-way to Dash's back this time before Dash instinctively straightened it again.
"There, you see? Learning already. Isn't this effective?" Rarity tittered.
"When did youff even haff timeff to prepffare all thiff?" Rainbow asked, tilting her head back. Her shoulders were seriously beginning to ache right now, and there was a slight pull in one of her wing muscles. Normally, she'd just give it a good long stretching, but…
"A proper lady is always prepared." Rarity shrugged. "Really, this should also be on the board if it wasn't practically impossible to illustrate through exercise."
"Scho, what iff all thiff for, again?"
"Well, Dash, you want to be perfect for Miss Fluttershy, do you not?"
"Well, yeff, but–"
"And do you think Miss Fluttershy would accept a dirty, rude, uncouth… oh, what was that word that you yourself used earlier… brute like you?"
Dash felt her heart sink a tiny bit. Rarity didn't have to say it like that. She wondered why she was being so uncharacteristically frank.
"I… I gueff not…" The books slid down a fraction more, and Dash's head jerked back again to compensate.
"Of course not," Rarity asserted. "So you shall learn to be a pony that she will accept. A pony that she will like. You are doing this for her and for yourself. You will learn to be like I am."
"I don't sffee why I can't juff…" Rainbow started.
"Hmm?" Rarity asked, leaning in closer. "What was that?"
"… noffing. I can do diff! For her!" Rainbow nodded, her vigour renewed.
Oops.
Rainbow winced as her neck pulled up, her head snapping back and yanking a muscle. Unfortunately, the sudden jerk made the books slide a little bit too far in the opposite direction, as they all came pouring off and falling one by one onto her aching wing.
"Kyeeeahhhhhh!" She screamed, throwing her wings out and falling forward, as the books were scattered around in front of her in a flurry of feathers.
"P…pins and nee…needles!" she gasped, her wings cringing up and cramping into place. "Eeeeeeeeearrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!"
The whole rainbow mess threw itself to the bed of the recliner, which was definitively not made for such force – the legs exploded at the hinges, and the entire package came crashing down to the floor in a horrible chain reaction.
Rarity just blinked.
And then frowned.
Rainbow grinned sheepishly as she got back up, dusting herself off.
"Um… so how long did I last?" Rainbow chuckled, slowly, deliberately.
"Three minutes," Rarity answered dryly, as she stepped up with the ruler.
–––
"I… didn't know… being a lady… hurt this much," Rainbow moaned. To be fair, Rarity wasn't really hitting her all that hard; but what with the tumble and the crashing and everything else, Dash was definitely going to walk away with at least a couple of bruises.
"Everything worth doing comes with a bit of pain," Rarity said, frowning at the board. The white space next to the icon of the pony now had a large red 'X' drawn in it with a marker.
Dash was now seated at a table, on a stool that had no cushion, positioned in a rather precarious way indeed. The way it was set up – and no doubt this was part of the plan – meant that Dash couldn't move at all while on that chair. Any slight rocking of her body threatened to have her spill over the side and fall flat on her face.
Just in front of Rainbow Dash's face was the most elaborate set-up she had ever seen in her life – it was a dinner table with the works. Two empty plates of different sizes, spoons and forks and knives of different shapes and utility, and a napkin folded into a shape of some kind of bird. Cups and saucers and glasses bordered the whole deal, and everything was covered with these little prints of flowers, which, for some reason, made Dash feel a bit upset.
There were about 15 or 16 or 18 pieces in total; Dash stopped counting after she hit four.
"So… what is all this?" Rainbow asked, eyeing the configuration.
"This is how to eat, my dear," Rarity explained, still circling around the small white table like an albatross. "True proper ladies must know what goes where and for what purpose!"
"Um… well, the food goes into my mouth to make me less hungry," Dash said. "Is that right?"
The ruler smacked Dash on the top of her head.
"No then?" Dash rubbed her skull.
"No. Utensils. You have forks and knives and spoons. Each is for a different course and each is for a different purpose. You will now learn all these differences, so that when you bring your darrrrrling Fluttershy out for a proper dining experience, she will know that you weren't raised by Diamond Dogs."
"Uh…" Dash murmured, looking at the plate in front of her again. "I… don't know anything about any of this."
"You don't know what spoons are?"
"Well, I mean, I know what they are, but… I'm a Pegasus, Rarity. We don't… really use these things. These are Unicorn things, you know what I mean? It's like me asking you to try out bed-time wing slip-covers."
"Those exist? What… what are they for?" Rarity asked, suddenly distracted.
"Yeah… that's… pretty much what I mean. So why do I have to learn about these utensils again?"
"Because I've seen you eat before," Rarity said, "and it isn't very pleasant. For example, how would you eat a bowl of soup?"
"Put my face in it."
"And how would you eat a sandwich?"
"Put my face in it."
"And how would you eat a cake?"
"Put my fa–"
"Is there any food which you wouldn't put your face in to eat it?" Rarity interrupted.
"Um… I… but it's so easy!"
"Well, fine, but you know, Fluttershy hates that." Rarity shrugged, looking indifferent.
"She… does?"
"Well, yes. You know how she feeds her animals, right? That's how they eat. So when she sees you eating like that, it just reminds her of the animals."
"But… she loves animals," Dash pointed out.
"So, are you trying to be her special somepony or her pet?"
"… Fine."
Rarity indicated to the table setting in front of Dash.
"Now, memorize," Rarity commanded again, as she moved the ruler to point to each corresponding item. "Bread plate. Butter knife. Décor plate. Salad fork. Salad knife."
Rainbow's eyes darted left and right as she struggled to retain the barrage of names being thrown at her without stop.
"Main course fork. Main course knife. Fish fork. Fish knife."
"Wait… fish? But we don't even eat fish! Why…"
"Well, what if you had a gryphon or a dragon over for company?" Rarity shook her head incredulously, as if Dash had just asked if she could throw up on the carpet.
"Uh…"
"Soup spoon. Seafood fork. And up here, we have the dessert fork and the tea spoon."
"Tea… spoon?" Dash repeated. Tea required a spoon? Didn't you drink tea from a cup?
"Water glass to the right, and next to it, the wine glass, and your coffee or tea cup, whichever you so happen to wish to enjoy post-meal. And that's it! Simple, isn't it?"
"I… only remember the fish fork," Dash mumbled.
"Now! Here, this is a cake," Rarity said, floating a cake over. "It is a Mille-feuille. It is delicious and cost me 14 bits. You will now eat it."
"Why are you talking like that?" Dash asked, looking at the blob on the plate in front of her. It did look good, she supposed, although she certainly never saw a dessert quite like it before. It looked like three layers of cardboard with some sort of filling keeping them all stuck together, and it had about it a generous dusting of icing sugar on the top.
"Oh. Pardon. That's how I talk to get Sweetie Belle to eat her Brussels sprouts. Anyway, it is delicious, really. Which utensil would you use to eat that?"
"Oh… um…" Rainbow thought about it for a while, lifting a hoof to point to a piece on the table.
Her leg swept over each item one by one, as the tiny cogs in her mind worked hard to decide on the best thing to use. But… something in the back of her head made her move toward the top. She sort of remembered Rarity mention the word 'dessert' somewhere when she was pointing around that area… but was it the spoon or was it the fork? Which one?
"This one!" Dash said triumphantly, holding up her choice.
"No, darling, that's a wine glass," Rarity said, each word dripping with contempt. "You eat dessert with a dessert fork."
"Oh… right," Dash said, dropping the glass back onto the table. "I knew that."
"Now, pick it up, like so…" Rarity said, floating a fork of her own in front of Dash as demonstration.
"Um… alright…" Dash muttered in concentration, as she fumbled for the fork. It wasn't exactly easy picking up something as flat as that with hooves alone, and she ended up pushing a lot of the other surrounding items out of the way. The water glass, thankfully empty, fell over and rolled to the other side of the plate.
Rarity narrowed her eyes.
"Wait, I gots this!" Rainbow claimed, the fork clamped tightly between two hooves. She looked like a rather angry blue crab with a giant pincer. "Whoa…"
She teetered a bit, her weight shifting in the stool. Thankfully, her training with flight and the use of her wings helped her to regain stability, but that was met with another rap to the back of her head.
"A proper lady does not flap her wings at the table!" Rarity admonished.
"But I was gonna–"
"Now slowly bring your fork down upon the dessert, and cut off a small piece with the edge of the fork. Do not cut off more than you can fit into your mouth at one time. And yes, Rainbow Dash, I know you can fit the entire dessert into your mouth. You will still need to cut a polite-sized piece."
"Politeness has a size?" Rainbow asked, moving as requested. She brought the fork down upon the hard layer of puff pastry that made up the shell of the dessert, and struggled to get the fork through.
The pastry was tough, as it was with any good Mille-feuille, and pushing it down just made the custard and cream squirt out the sides.
"I said cut the dessert, not destroy it," Rarity said.
"It's hard! What is this thing? Why can't you eat normal desserts, like ice cream, or fruit, or ice cream?" Dash struggled, a drop of sweat running down her face.
The more she pushed, the more the dessert broke apart; it didn't help that with Dash's position, the fork had no leverage and she had very little grip. Utensils were simply a Unicorn's game.
But with one final burst of madness, Dash flung her weight onto it, as it finally cracked through and the fork clinked onto the porcelain plate underneath.
"Whoa!" Dash screamed, dropping the fork and holding her forelegs out to stop herself, but it was far too late. For the second time in that day, she'd fallen forward, the stool completely shifting and pulling out from under her flank, and her face hit the plate roughly, sending cream and custard and bits of pastry into her mane and all over her forehead.
She hung off the edge of the table, like a discarded napkin, face-down in the muck.
And then the table tilted.
Rarity looked away.
By the time she opened her eyes again, all she could see was Dash's legs sticking out from underneath an upturned table, assorted bits of silverware and broken dishes littering the floor around her.
Rarity tisked.
She hated to waste a good dessert.
–––
There were now two red X's on the board.
And Rainbow was standing there, flecks of foodstuff in her multi-coloured hair, looking as disillusioned as when she touched down in front of Twilight's Library earlier this morning.
Her mouth hung open slightly, and she found it harder now to focus on what Rarity was saying.
Needless to say, Rarity had moved in with the ruler again, and maybe it was all in her mind, but it seemed that Rarity was hitting slightly harder this time around. Maybe because Rainbow had broken all her good dishes.
"Fuzzeeseh?" Dash mumbled.
"That's exactly what I mean," Rarity replied. "You simply can't articulate! How is Fluttershy ever going to know if you're telling her you love her or you want some cheese?"
"Because… when I want cheese I get some from the fridge?" Rainbow answered. She wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about either, her brain having only just returned from outer space.
"That is not the point!" Rarity cried. "You have to speak better. No more grunting and groaning. No more saying 'uh' all the time, as if you were a troglodyte!"
"I… uh…"
Rarity sighed.
"Oh, sorry," apologized Dash. "I mean… uh…"
"If you say 'uh' again, I shall smack you," Rarity declared.
"Alright! Alright! Jeez!" Rainbow withdrew automatically. She was fearful of that wooden stick. There was actually something to this method of teaching, she had to hand it to Rarity.
"What I mean is…."
"Is?" Rarity asked.
"…"
"You know, not saying anything is the same as saying 'uh', Dash."
"Can we just get on with it please?" Dash yelled.
"No!" Rarity thwapped Dash on the flank. "Wrong! A proper lady does not shout!"
"But… but you're shouting now!" Dash protested.
"It's part of the teaching process," Rarity waved it away. "Besides, what do you think of me now?"
"That you're mean, and you hit me?"
Rarity smiled.
"Oh, right," Dash said, eyes rolling. "I get it."
"Fluttershy is a gentle, gentle creature," Rarity explained, orbiting the Pegasus who stood naked and vulnerable in the middle of the room. Rarity had moved her there, to one strange corner of the building, away from the broken tables and broken loungers; to a curiously lit section of her little world.
There was a stand there, a little platform. A pair of mannequins bordered the little, raised, circular section, and spotlights focused down upon it from above. It was Rarity's showcase area – the place she put her latest creations for the public to ooh and aah over.
Right now the only thing on display was Rainbow Dash.
"One must not yell, and one must not be caught without a response. And this is your third task, Rainbow Dash. Eloquence. Speech. Delivery of diction!"
Rainbow nodded.
"Now, repeat after me,' Rarity instructed., walking over to an odd device in the corner. "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock."
"To sit in… what?"
"Solemn silence, dear," Rarity said.
"To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock?" Rainbow asked.
Rarity nodded, eyebrows raised slightly.
"In a pestilential prison with a life-long lock," Rarity continued.
"In a pestilential prison with a life-long lock," Rainbow repeated, perfectly.
"How… how are you doing this?" Rarity asked, genuinely surprised.
"What?" Rainbow retorted.
"Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big, black block," Rarity rattled off.
Word for word, and although it was a little bit slow, she managed to get through it on the first go.
Rarity scratched her head.
"This isn't… as difficult for you as one would have previously imagined," Rarity said. "I am… impressed, Rainbow Dash. Where did you learn to speak so well?"
"Well, I… I read books now, right?" Rainbow shrugged.
"But what has that got to do with diction?"
"I… I read them out loud," Rainbow said, looking away. "It's good practice."
"Of… course." And suddenly it all made sense. "You know, Sweetie Belle stopped reading out loud when she was five."
"Hey! It adds to the excitement, okay?" Rainbow argued. "Look, it isn't about that. I passed your stupid little test. Can I go now?"
"Well, no," Rarity said, flicking something on that thing she was standing next to. "That was just the warm up, I'm afraid. Your real test comes now. You see, simply repeating what others say and employing mimicry is no true task. You still stammer and stutter a lot because you find it hard to say things you are unused to, dear. So the true feat would be to repeat what I am about to show you next."
Rainbow rolled her eyes again. This was taking forever! But fine, if it would prove to Rarity that she was better than she expected…
"Fine, what's going on now? What is that thing anyway?" Rainbow dash pointed toward the device.
"Don't worry about it." Rarity floated out a cue card from beside the video camera. "I have some lines for you to read here. I shall not be verbally speaking them this time. You are to read from this card and deliver the lines with the greatest of articulation!"
Rarity floated it over to Dash, at which Dash immediately started to blush.
"You can't be serious," Dash said.
"Oh, I am. I am serious." Rarity smiled.
"No!"
"And you can't read it sarcastically, either. You have to sound like you mean it. Come on, it's just one stanza."
Rainbow took a deep breath. A long, waffling deep breath.
She cleared her throat, and felt a heat rising up around her collar.
Well, at least it was only to Rarity. There wasn't any other pony around, right? There wasn't any possible way that this could be spread around if she did do it, so it was relatively safe.
Rarity hit the button on the camera, zooming a bit closer onto Dash's face.
"Oh… oh Fluttershy doth teach… teach the torches to burn bright," Rainbow started, still trying to get momentum.
"It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night, like a rich jewel in a Pegasus' ear; beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear."
Rarity nodded, grinning madly, for Dash to continue.
"Nggg… So shows a snowy… a snowy dove trooping with crows, as yonder lady over her herd shows. The measure done, I'll watch her from the roof; and touching hers, make blessed my rude hoof."
Rainbow coughed. She couldn't tell which was worse. This, or what Applejack had done to her earlier on in the day.
"Did my heart love until now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw true beauty till this night."
Rarity pushed a button triumphantly, squealing with pride.
"Oh Rainbow, Rainbow. Five stars. Five stars indeed! That was a magnificent delivery! Reading has helped you! All those big words, too, I'm ever so proud, Rainbow!"
"Okay, okay. Jeez, rub it in, won't you?" Rainbow grunted, jumping off the platform. It was getting hot under those spotlights.
"No, I truly mean it. That was a refreshing breeze in the cataclysmic cavernous trench that you threw yourself in tonight! Oh, you pass. You pass this one, Dash. And now there's only just one final thing to do and we can go back and cover the first couple…"
"No," Dash said, shaking her head. The way she said it this time, however, was remarkably different from the rest.
Usually it was a loud yell of objection, in a very bombastic and very spirited way, one that showed her unwillingness to do something.
But this time round it was a tired, weary statement. It was said in a tone in which Rarity immediately understood – it was time for her to stop the process.
In a scene that eerily shadowed Applejack's response, Rarity, too, changed her mood entirely, calming down and shedding what had been a mask. The ruler fell to the ground, clattering noisily. The rest of the room was already in such a state that Rarity didn't mind the extra mess.
"And just why not?" Rarity asked.
Rainbow felt that this was the final test. The true test. She was beginning to pick up the signs. In fact, she was beginning to pick up on something else, here – something suspicious, but she couldn't figure out what.
"Because there's no way I'm going to put on lipstick and makeup!" Dash shouted. "And I don't want to go through all that stuff again!"
"But Dash, didn't you said you wanted to be just like me, didn't you?"
"Yeah I do, but…"
"Just like me?"
And then it hit Rainbow. It hit her like a pie in the face. Rainbow smacked her lips, looking downward, upward, taking a big sigh and then looking right at Rarity.
"You get it now, don't you?" Rarity asked, still grinning like a cat.
"Yeah. I shouldn't try to be somepony else, right?"
"Rainbow Dash." Rarity walked over, leading her away from all the mess to the front of the shop. "The most important part of being you is that you're you. We surely don't get along most of the time, but I still love you as a friend, because you're you. And if Fluttershy were to accept you as well, as a little bit more, then she'd have to love you for who you are as well."
Rainbow nodded.
"It's not to say that you can't learn how to be a little bit more delicate once in a while, but that is another lesson for another day, and I highly doubt you'll be requiring it. However, when you come to me to ask to be somepony else, that's when ponies start to head in the wrong direction.
"And oh, it is so easy to fall prey to this, Rainbow. One day in your long, illustrious relationship, you will wake up and think, maybe I should change myself for Fluttershy. And if it's something worth changing, then yes, you should. But if it is just something that's part of who you are deep down, the very qualities that Fluttershy likes about you in the first place, then that's where you have to remember what happened today."
"This is awfully confusing," Rainbow said.
"I know, dear. It will make sense in the future. Just try to remember what I've said."
"How… how do you know all this anyway? Have you ever been in a relationship before?"
"Well, no. Not exactly. But I… I know about things. You really shouldn't ask how, Rainbow."
"And really, Rarity, did you have to put me through all that? Couldn't you just have told me from the start? Why did you have to hit me so many times?"
"Ah well. That." Rarity looked away with a deviously smug smile. "You do remember a certain time once when we were out in the old country, don't you?"
"Do I?"
"And you had quite… inconsiderately left me in the middle of the desert with Pinkie Pie, after she had knocked me off a certain cart, while we were chasing after a certain pony. Do you remember?"
"Oh… that. Yeah, I never did say sorry for…"
"Oh, no apologies necessary, Rainbow Dash. You can consider us even now, hmm?"
"But… but I broke your stuff," Rainbow said, looking at the destruction around the room. A trashed seat, a wrecked set of dishes…
"Oh, please. I picked those chairs up from a warehouse sale. Did you think I would ever sit on something so uncomfortable? And that set of cutlery and plates? Do you think I would ever use something that kitchy? I bought it off a travelling sales-gryphon for three bits! I mean, there's a fish fork there. We don't even eat fish."
"I… but… that's what…" Rainbow protested.
"Listen, Rainbow. Just remember. Be yourself, because it will only work if she accepts you for who you are, and only change the things that make her upset. You can handle that, can't you? There's a big girl. Now, on your way!" Rarity shuffled the stuttering pony out of the door.
The unicorn looked around her shop, shaking her head at the cleaning she was going to have to do. But before she began, she walked over to one of the windows in the rear and peered out of it.
She nodded her head, once.
And upon receiving a reply, went back to tidy up.
Dash, on the other hoof, was left standing deep in introspection on Rarity's doorstop.
There were far more 'lessons' than any one pony could learn in a day, especially a pony like Rainbow.
So, what had she learnt so far?
She, herself, was the first one who had to accept that she was in love, and not be worried about having to admit it.
She had to treat Fluttershy like family, and not be afraid of physical contact with the one she cared for.
She had to be herself, and be comfortable in the fact that Fluttershy should love her for it.
But these lessons… Dash felt they were a tad bit presumptuous. Perhaps what Rarity had said was more appropriate for a time when Dash had already admitted her feelings to Fluttershy, and she had proclaimed her love back, and they were curled up in front of a lovely cloud fireplace and they could snuggle into the night and..
A sheepish, dreamy look came onto Rainbow's face, as her mouth hung open and a trickle of saliva dripped out.
But that didn't last very long as a cannonball hit her from the side, carrying her along on a whirl of pink.
The two of them tumbled into a bush, a set of hooves planted around Rainbow Dash's head. She looked up in a daze, her eyes focusing on the one who had tackled her.
"Hey Dashie Dash Dash!" Pinkie crooned. "Hey! Wanna go have some fun? I was just passing by and you look like you could use some fun!"
"Oh, hey, Pinkie. Um… now's not the best time," Rainbow Dash said, pushing herself out from underneath her friend. She'd already been under one too many ponies in that position today, and she was worried Pinkie was about to lean down and smother her with her body.
"Oh, that's silly! Everypony has the time to have some fun! Come on, let's go!" Pinkie jumped forward a bit more, landing in the same position as earlier again.
"Um… really, Pinkie, I've got some things to think about…" Dash scrabbled backwards again, pushing through the bush into the dirt.
"Aww," Pinkie said, keeping up with each step, looming over Dash like an omnipresent watcher. "But I was gonna make you a super-duper chocolate float with extra root-beer!"
Dash's tummy grumbled. Well, she was a bit hungry. She hadn't had anything to eat ever since breakfast at Twilight's, and that was all icky health stuff. She sure could go for some pure sugar right about now.
"And maybe some candy floss and taffy and candy canes and cupcakes and–"
"Alright, alright. You got me, Pinkie," Rainbow said, pushing her aside and jumping back up. "You got me. Let's go. But just for a while, alright? I have something to do today."
"Oooh, you absolutely must tell me everything about it!" Pinkie said, as they both walked toward Sugarcube Corner.
Here we go again, Rainbow thought.
Here we go again.
Chapter 4 :: End