Nevermind what I said before. Friends are the worst.
“Come on Charlie, it’ll be fun!” Pinkie whined, pulling at my hand with her two front hooves.
“No Pinkie, it will not.” I gave her a hard stare and refused to budge. It was a losing battle of course, because despite my best effort nothing can stop the Pink if she doesn’t want to be stopped.
“Oh stop being so obstinate Charlie, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it quite a bit. I know I always do.” Rarity added, calmly walking alongside us and Pinkie dragged me. It’s a good thing the rubber on my shoes was no longer fully corporeal, otherwise being dragged along the smooth hospital floor would probably make a particularly awful squeaking sound.
“Rarity,” I deadpanned, turning my head to look at her, “You’re a pony. You’re a member of a race composed entirely of fluff and adorableness. Of course you would like it.”
“Why thank you darling,” Rarity smiled brightly, “I’m always glad to see someone appreciating my looks. Although in the future if you could use ‘Grace and beauty’ instead of ‘Fluff and adorableness’ that would be most appreciated.”
“You can call me fluffy and adorable all you want though!” Pinkie exclaimed through her teeth, still pulling me along against my will. I considered going limp and making her drag dead weight, but somehow I felt too much resistance would only make Pinkie stronger.
“Right,” I changed to a half-lidded stare. “There’s no way I’m getting out of this without being exposed to another Pinkie Pout, is there?”
“Nope!” Both ponies replied at the same time, before giggling in that way only girls can seem to.
I grumbled some choice words under my breath, making sure that Pinkie could not hear me swear. “Fine,” I groused, “I’ll do it.”
“Yay!” Pinkie jumped up and latched onto my front, all four of her legs wrapped around my torso. “I knew you’d say yes!”
“Yeah, well, I only agreed to one hug so get off!” I stared directly into Pinkie’s eyes as I spoke.
Big mistake.
“Aww,” Pinkie moaned as she gave me a point blank pout, “Do I have to?”
My heart raced. My blood pressure rose. I’m sure my face turned red and my veins began to bulge. I strained as hard as I could, putting every ounce of will into telling her to get off. But it was all to no avail. I had once seen the yellow one stare down a bear, but I swear to pony god that Pinkie could one up Shy Horse any day of the week.
“No…” I gave in, letting out the breath I had been holding.
“Yay!” Pinkie buried her head into my shoulder and squeezed even tighter. I just stood there, arms out, unsure of what to do.
“Well go on then,” Rarity motioned to me with a hoof, “Hug her back!”
I will swear to my deathbed that Rarity cast some sort of mind control on me at that moment. There is no way I acted of my own free will after she spoke. Totally. Definitely didn’t want to hug the pony.
But nevertheless, I slowly wrapped my arms around Pinkie’s back and gave her a light squeeze. She made a sound like a squeaky toy and nuzzled my shoulder. I saw Rarity hide a giggle behind her hoof, but honestly I found it didn’t bother me too much. I hadn’t been hugged in literal years, so I couldn’t help but find myself enjoying it as I held Pinkie Pie, even if there was a small part of me still bothered by the whole thing.
Confound these ponies, they’re just too adorable.
“Onward Charlie, to victory!” Pinkie thrust a hoof forward as she rode on my back, having climbed there instead of hopping down after hugging me.
“Pinkie,” I said, absentmindedly following Rarity into Rainbow Dash’s hospital room, “We’re not even going into battle.”
“But we totally are!” Pinkie somehow curled her body around my head to look me in the eyes, “The battle of Get-Rainbow-To-See-You Hill!”
I stared into her baby blues for a moment, blinking a few times. I decided to just roll with it and replied, “That sounds like quite the landmark, if I do say so myself.”
“I know, right?” Pinkie uncurled herself and looked up, “Oh, hi Dashie!”
I looked up myself as she said that, realizing it was no longer just the three of us. Lying on the hospital bed was the blue pegasus I had seen hurt herself just the day before. I had not even realized we were at her room already. I will admit, when Pinkamena Diane Pie is riding you, it is hard to pay attention to anything else.
...Don’t take that out of context.
“Uh, hey there Pinkie Pie,” The infirmed pegasus slowly raised an eyebrow as she looked her friend, “Cool new trick you learned there, how are you even doing that?”
“Doing what?” Pinkie tilted her head, her ears flopping over with her mane.
Rarity surprised me by adding “Whatever do you mean, Rainbow Dash? Pinkie isn’t doing anything strange at all.” I wouldn’t have ever really expected her to play along with a prank so fluidly, especially on the fly.
“What do you mean ‘What do you mean’? Pinkie is floating in mid-air!” Rainbow shoved a hoof out to point at Pinkie, “I know she does some weird things but come on, she isn’t even moving! It’s like she’s sitting on an invisible pegasus or something!”
Pinkie Pie and Rarity both began to snicker, although the pony on my shoulders certainly did a much worse job of hiding it than her more refined friend. I rolled my eyes and thought “Girls,” before deciding it would be fun to join in on the fun. I reached above my head and grabbed Pinkie under her forelegs. I then hefted her in front of me as gently as I could, and grabbed her under her barrel. Seeing that she was catching on to my plan, I slowly walked over to the hospital bed, holding my pink prank partner as steady as I could, and she reached out one hoof in front of her.
Rainbow’s face was incredible and priceless as Pinkie seemed to float over to her like an actor on strings. Her cerise eyes crossed as Pinkie’s hoof neared her nose.
“Boop.” Pinkie said softly as her hoof made contact. The flabbergasted look on Rainbow Dash’s face was finally too much for all of us, and we all broke out laughing, even as Pinkie flopped from my arms onto the floor.
“Oh darling, that was too good. I don’t normally go for your pranks but my oh my that was just perfect!” Rarity said between laughs, while Pinkie rolled around on the hospital floor, laughing like a mad pony.
“Oh ha ha guys,” Rainbow crossed her forelegs and huffed, “Very funny.”
“Don’t be that way Dashie!” Pinkie popped up and placed her front hooves on the bedside, “It was hilarious! Just look at how much Charlie is laughing!” and she thrust a pink hoof in my direction, as I held a hand over my mouth and looked away.
Of course, when Rainbow Dash looked my way all she saw was a boring hospital wall and the air before it. Based on the confused look she gave me, I was starting to wonder how long it would be until her eye started twitching.
My laughing fit slowed to only the occasional chuckle and there it was, that little muscle spasm under her right eye telling me she had just about had enough of whatever was going on.
“Oh come on Pinkie! First you do whatever it is you did when you came in now you’re trying to get me to believe in imaginary ponies? And what kind of name is ‘Charlie’ anyways?” Rainbow gesticulated wildly in frustration, it would seem the prankster was not used to being the prankee.
“Oh but Charlie is very much real, Rainbow Dash. In fact, just earlier Pinkie and I had tea with him. It was quite lovely, actually.” Rarity spoke up with a barely suppressed giggle, clearly enjoying the confusion Rainbow dash was in.
“Not you too, Rarity!” Rainbow dash was nearly shouting at this point, her forelegs crossed in a huff. “You two can’t seriously expect me to believe that this imaginary pony is real!”
“Well of course not silly!” Pinkie waved a hoof in dismissal of the very idea. “Why would I ever try to get you believe that an imaginary pony was real? It’s much more fun if they stay in my imagination, where they can do whatever they want and no one can say anything about it!”
I stared at Pinkie for a moment, blinking rapidly in my own confusion, and just a hint of fear of what horrors lurked in her mind. I glanced at Rarity to find her doing the same, the two of us sharing a look of worry, before silently agreeing not to delve deeper into the subject.
“But Charlie isn’t an imaginary pony! He’s a real ghost!” Pinkie said to her blue friend. “A human ghost, to boot!”
“So, lemme get this straight,” Rainbow said, narrowing her eyes at Pinkie, “You’re not trying to get me to believe that there is an imaginary pony named Charlie in here with us, but instead a ghost of something called a human, who is named Charlie.”
“That right!” Pinkie smiled. “He already met Rarity and we decided to come see you next!”
Rainbow turned her head to Rarity and said “And you believe her? That this Charlie is really here?”
“I do indeed, darling. Charlie may be a tad rough around the edges,” I rolled my eyes as Rarity spoke, “But I believe that he could be quite the gentlestallion if he tried.”
My palm met my face with more than a little force at the word “Gentlestallion,” but I couldn’t help but feel a little flattered nonetheless.
Throwing her hooves in the air, Rainbow Dash nearly shouted “Fine! Fine! Whatever! I’ll play along. Charlie the Human Ghost is in this room right now with us, and wants to meet me.” She then hopped out of the hospital bed, taking care not to hit her bandaged wings on anything, and walked up to a wall to the right of me.
“Hi Charlie, my name’s Rainbow Dash. I like flying and naps, and one day I’m gonna be a wonderbolt! What do you like to do?” I could tell she was joking, of course. Her highly sarcastic tone may have given that away, just a little bit.
“Well,” I decided to play along, even if it was mostly only for my own amusement, “I enjoyed woodworking back home and I guess I always wanted to go on a road trip to see famous bakeries.”
“That. Sounds. AMAZING!” Pinkie Pie suddenly exclaimed, jumped up onto her hind hooves so she could grab my cheeks, “I would LOVE to go on a road trip to see famous bakeries! Think of all the awesome sweets we could try!”
“Yes Pinkie, that’s exactly why I wanted to do it,” I managed to reply in a muffled voice, my face squished between her hooves. “Could you let go of my face now?”
With a quick “Oops, sorry.” Pinkie let me go and turned back to Rainbow Dash, who was now staring at us with an expression I only wish I could have caught on camera.
“You hear that Dashie? Charlie and I are gonna go on a road trip to see all sorts of bakeries and try their sweets! You wanna come too?” Pinkie sounded totally serious with this offer, despite the fact that it was starting to seem lucky that we were doing to this Rainbow Dash in a hospital. Doctors on hand and all that.
“Okay, that’s it,” Rainbow shook her head, “I’m out. I’m throwing in the towel on this one. You win Pinkie, you got me good. I don’t even want to know how you did all that, I just wanna go lie back down and get recovered so I can go flying again.” She then proceeded to do just that, climbing back into her bed and pulling the sheets back over herself in a huff. The three of us, Rarity, Pinkie, and myself, all looked at each other, expecting the other to take over.
“Alright,” Rarity cut in, taking charge, “I think it is past time that we stop joking and solve the issue at hand. Charlie, could you come here please?” She walked over to Rainbow’s bedside and gestured me to follow. I looked to Pinkie, who looked back and me, and I shrugged.
“Okay,” I took the few steps to her side, “What’s the plan?” I was having fun, but I guess it made sense to get this over with before the pegasus gal got too worked up.
“It is really quite simple darling,” Rarity said, her horn beginning to glow. “I may not be as magically talented as Twilight, but I certainly have plenty of practice with my telekinesis.” The powder blue glow from her horn spread around Rainbow, wrapping the pegasus in the magical aura. She then lifted Rainbow about a foot from the bed, and held her there.
“Whoa!” Rainbow exclaimed, having been making a point to ignore us up to this point while still pouting, “Rarity, what are you doing? Put me down!”
“Just a moment Rainbow,” Rarity’s voice came out strained from the exertion of lifting Rainbow with her magic.. “Charlie, be a dear and place your arms beneath Rainbow before I drop her.”
“Uh, okay.” I had an inkling of where this was going, but really I was just going with the flow. I placed my arms beneath Rainbow, ready to catch her. Just in time, in fact, and Rarity cut off the flow of her magic just as I did.
The blue mare landed on my arms, feeling like a strangely dense pillow to my senses. I held Rainbow there while she looked around in confusion. She looked around at Pinkie, then Rarity, and then her eyes lingered on me for just a second. She looked down, seeing her bed beneath her as she hovered in the air. A strange expression came onto her face, her eyes wide and her mouth only just barely open. She suddenly jolted in my arms, and immediately twisted to look me directly in the face. I looked directly into her red eyes, and she stared back into my browns. I was reminded again of just how large pony eyes are, as we continued to look at one another.
“What in the world are you?” she exclaimed, her eyes locked with mine.
I couldn’t help but smirk as I replied. “Hello Rainbow, my name’s Charlie. I enjoy woodworking and I’ve always wanted to go on a roadtrip to see famous bakeries and taste their treats. Oh, and I’m a human. Nice to meet you.”
And there it was, that fish out of water look of utter astonishment as it clicked in Rainbow’s head that Pinkie had been telling the truth.
“You’re the ghost Pinkie was talking about!” She suddenly shouted. I rolled my eyes and raised a single eyebrow at her, giving the mare my best “Well, duh” expression.
“He sure is!” Pinkie’s head suddenly popped over my shoulder to look down at Rainbow. It sure was a good thing these ponies felt so light, otherwise holding two of them would be rather tiring.
“This is so…” Rainbow’s voice drifted off into silence. She took a second to consider her words before finishing. “Awesome! I’m meeting a real ghost! And an alien at the same time! Can you do any cool ghost tricks?”
My one eyebrow rose again and I replied “Cool ghost tricks? Isn’t being a ghost cool enough?”
“I mean, that is kinda cool I suppose,” Rainbow told me, “But like, can you walk through walls, disappear, or fly?”
“No, sorry, I’m not much more unique than other guys.” I shook my head. “Aside from only being visible if you believe I’m here, I’m really not that special.”
“That’s kinda lame, actually,” Rainbow scrunched her face up and rubbed a hoof on her chin, still sitting in my arms. In fact, Pinkie was still on my back and Rarity was just calmly watching the exchange. The moment stood out in my mind as definitely one of the strangest I had thus far witnessed in pony-world.
Deciding to continue rolling with it, I said to the mare in my arms, “Well, I guess I can do a couple things. I kinda repel anything that would hit me, and I’m not hurt by falling, no matter the height. I guess that’s something.”
“I can work with that. You could like, help me with stunts or something. We’ll just have to find a way to get you onto a cloud.” Rainbow seemed to be coping with the situation by refusing to acknowledge the absurdity of it. That, or like Pinkie and Rarity before her, she really just was that willing to accept that I exist.
Strange little creatures, ponies. They are quite trusting, a trait I can’t say is a flaw.
“Well,” I set Rainbow down on the bed, mindful of her bandaged wing, “Mission accomplished girls. What’s next?”
Pinkie started talking about her plans to get the other three of their friends to see me, but I just tuned it out. Instead, I looked around the room and noticed that we had a guest. I don’t know what happened to the poor sucker, but he was in a full body cast with only his eyes uncovered. All I could think was “Oof.”
Then I realized that eye was looking directly at me. I lifted one hand and moved it back and forth, and I watched his eye track it as I did.
I slowly drifted towards him as the girls spoke, and whispered to him “These girls sure are crazy, huh? Standing around talking about a ghost. Like anyone would believe that ghosts are real, right?”
He only continued to stare at me in astonishment.
“Well, that was convenient.” I remarked as the now four of us walked back through Ponyville. “Rainbow being released just as we went to visit her.”
“Indeed it was darling. I was worried we would have to leave Rainbow Dash behind in the hospital.” Rarity said, nodding her head.
“Like I’d miss this,” Rainbow chimed in, “I’d have snuck out of that hospital before I missed how Twilight would react to this!”
“I’m excited too,” Pinkie hopped alongside me as we walked, “But my plan calls for Applejack next. I figure we’re going to need as many ponies as possible to convince Twilight, so we’ll have to wait just a little longer to see her.”
“Oh, alright, I guess that makes sense.” Rainbow didn’t sound too excited about it. “At least Applejack will probably be pretty funny too.”
I shrugged my shoulders and didn’t say anything more. If she took it anything like Rarity and Rainbow Dash did, it should be interesting at the very least.