Broken Wings
A knock at the door woke me from my unsatisfactory sleep. My room was a mess with take out food all over the place and bottles of alcohol here and there. I also looked like a complete mess my lime green/cyan mane was unwashed from a week or so without a shower and my light yellow coat was in just as bad of a shape.
Getting up out of my bed and stretching my wings out as i looked over at the clock that was on a short stand next to me. Seeing that is was one in the afternoon, I picked up my hoodie laying on the floor. After slipping it on and throwing up my hood to try my best to cover up how much of a mess I am, I headed towards the door to my room.
Slowly making my way out of my room and through the trashed apartment I made my way to the door. As I stepped around more bottles and half eaten food I finally made it to my front door and unlocked it. Slowly opening it a smidge I looked out to see who was bothering me at this time of day.
Seeing a light blue unicorn with a even lighter blue main with what looks like a ocean wave reflecting the sun as a cutie mark I got my answer. Her name was Ocean Breeze, a friend of mine from when we used to go to school. She was one of the few that I managed to stay in touch with over the years since graduation, although she was always the type to stick to her friends.
“Hey Breeze, what you need?” I said moving out of the way of the door to let her in.
She stared at the mess that was my apartment for a good minute until she gave up with a sigh and came inside. Clearing herself off a seat on my couch she looked around the apartment and then turned to look at me. “Well I heard from your boss that you haven’t been in for a few weeks and they asked me to check in on you to see if you were ok… from the looks of it you aren’t."
“Oh I forgot about work… been well, kinda busy I guess.” I completely forgot about my job to be honest, not because I was busy but because I haven’t been in the bests of moods. Plus I'm pretty sure I have been too drunk to remember to go to work let alone to care.
“Yeah busy sure, so what's going on with you? You look like you haven’t showered for a week and your apartment looks even worse.” she said with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah… kinda let myself go a little bit huh…” I moved over to a chair across from the couch and cleared it off before sitting down.
She just looked me in the eyes and snorted. “A little? This isn’t a little Vertigo something is wrong and I'm not leaving till you tell me what.”
Sighing I looked away from her and rested my head on the arm rest of the chair. “She broke up with me…” I whispered barely audible even in the silence of the apartment.
“Wait… she like broke up broke up with you? Like not just the whole break thing?”
Her name was Water Lily but everyone just called her Lotus. She and I were dating ever since high school. She was a beautiful pegasus mare that was a sky blue with a light purple mane, and wings that turned into a yellow at the ends of her feathers.
All I could do was reply and hope Breeze couldn't see my tears streaming down my face from the corners of my eyes. “Yeah…”
“Wow.. but u guys have been together for years, you even proposed to her and had a wedding planned and everything.”
The truth hurts even worse when you can’t pretend it’s a bad dream, and to me this was a nightmare. “S-she said she couldn’t take it anymore… all the long nights I wasn’t there… all the times I came home only to go straight to bed… all the times I got drunk… how I'm mentally unstable and lash out at everyone and everything when I’m stressed… she was just tired of me in general… she said it wouldn’t work and that she doesn’t want to be in a toxic relationship anymore…”
“Oh… that… I don’t even know what to say… I'm so sorry Vertigo.” we sat there in silence after that, her sitting and waiting for me to feel like saying something and me crying my eyes out again. Upon seeing that I wasn’t planning on talking anytime soon she got up and started to clean up my apartment while she waited.
After what felt like a hour of her cleaning my apartment while I cried, I was finally out of tears for now and was able to talk again. Getting my voice under control I spoke up. “I keep dreaming of her… of all the times we used to lay in bed on my days off and how I just held her for hours…” I looked over to where Breeze was picking up a broken picture frame with a picture of Lotus and me beneath a tree with our names carved in it. “And how she used to laugh at all my bad jokes and cheesy pick up lines when she visited me at the bar where I work. I just can’t get her off my mind…”
Breeze put the picture on the table in the corner of the room face down and turned to me. “Well Vertigo that’s just part of how much you loved her and how much you still love her. You don't want to let go and who would when you are in love with someone?”
“I never wanted her to leave… I just… I snapped… I was stressed from work and I lost my house… I snapped at her… I took it out on her… and and she told me it was over.” I looked over to where breeze put the picture and then back to my front hooves. “I tried to say sorry… I begged and pleaded… I tried everything… but she said she had enough and that it was time to move on. Next time I saw her… she was with somepony else walking down the street sharing a kiss…” I started to cry again wishing everything would end, and that my pain would go away.
Breeze just stood there for a bit and shook her head. “I'm sorry Vertigo I wish this didn’t happen to you. I know how much you loved her, but now all you can do is move on.”
I looked up from my hooves to look her in the eyes. “But how!?” I practically screamed. “How am I supposed to let go? I still love her, how do I just get over it and stop all this pain?”
“For starters accept that you did everything you could to fix things and to make it right.” she walked over to me and put her hoof on my shoulder. “Second? Well you get this place cleaned up take a good warm shower and go to work.”
I continued to stare at her for a moment before turned my head. “And how is that supposed to help?”
“To be honest? It's not, only time can help you with the pain and that means continuing to live day by day in hopes that the pain fades.” she then pulled me into a hug and held me as I began to cry into her chest.
“I-I don't know how to live without her though…”
“I know.”