Rainbow Dash zoomed down the long, empty corridors of the Castle of the Two Sisters. Although, that title was a bit of a misnomer since Starswirl the Bearded had also lived here once, before the unfortunate incident with the Pony of Shadows. However, the Royal Sisters had been the main occupants, so the name stuck. The mare of speed wondered if Celestia and Luna had flown through the hallways like this when they were fillies. It was incredibly fun, and ponies couldn’t spend all their childhood learning spells from a stuffy old unicorn. Dash could practically picture Twilight’s face if she could hear that thought. She would probably spend a good two hours defending Starswirl and quoting from every ancient and current text about him in existence. Rainbow had to admit though, that while she once thought Twi was much too obsessed with him, she had reconsidered since his return from limbo. He was kinda cool, though nowhere even close to the level of coolness, awesomeness, and radicalness presented by, say, Flash Magnus.
Rainbow halted her wandering thoughts as she approached a massive, ornately woven tapestry. She knew there was a secret passageway behind it, recognizing the distinct pattern she knew from her many visits, even though it was nighttime. She had developed excellent night vision from secret excursions to the Wonderbolts training grounds as a youngster. Eye on her target, she changed course, swooping in right for the hidden switch that opened the passageway.
With a well-timed strike of her hoof, Rainbow pressed the switch and opened the passageway. Flying into the entrance at this speed was dangerous, but she had done it many times before. She stretched her wings behind her and flew through the opening. A rush of adrenaline shot a wave of electric energy through her whole body, from her quick yet steady heart to the very tips of her blue feathers. The wind generated by her speed blew back her mane and tail, the tips of her multi-colored tresses tickling her back. She let out a gleeful yell as she sped down the passage nearly at top speed, but held herself back a bit, knowing that the force of a sonic rainboom could wreck the already weakened walls around her.
At the end of the corridor, Dash went through the hidden exit and flew into the library it leads into. She slowed her flying, landing gracefully on the cold, hard stone beneath her. She paused for a moment to rest, putting her hoof on a nearby wall to lean against it. It was then that she noticed something interesting: The stone under her hoof was ever so slightly loose.
Knowing just how many hidden switches and hallways there were in this castle, Rainbow took a closer look. She noted that the stone was a slightly different color than the rest of the wall, and marginally too small for its place. She tried to pull it out, but couldn’t get a good grip on it. Dash inferred that whatever was hiding there must have been hidden by somepony with a horn, as unicorn levitation powers would be much better at moving the stone. Not one for quitting, she thought. How can I get this stone out of the way? I have to know what’s hiding here, I just have to!
The pegasus looked around the room for inspiration, or for something sticky, but couldn’t find either. She decided to go back to flying and come back to the mysterious spot later. She stretched out her wings—wait, her wings! That was it!
Carefully, Dash stretched her wings in front of her, using careful precision to slide her feathers in on either side of the stone, and manipulated her wings so that she could get a grip on the rock. It wasn’t a very firm grip, but if she was patient, she would be able to pull it out. She pulled on it and lost her grip. Immediately, she tried again. And again. And again. She would push in her wings as far as they could go, press them together as hard as she could, and pull gently. Every time, her wings lost their grip and she had to start over.
After several minutes, the tips of her wings were aching, and a few of her feathers were damaged. But she pressed on with a drive to quench her curiosity, encouraged by the fact that the stone was about an inch out of the hole. With one last good tug, she pulled it out enough that she could grab it with her hooves. After a final yank, the rock fell to the floor with a thud, as the inquisitive Wonderbolt looked in.
Inside, Dash saw a small, round, red stone. She assumed it was a button or a switch, and pressed it. Her suspicions were rewarded when she heard a loud sound to her right. The floor trembled slightly as one of the walls opened into a small, cave-like room. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dash flew in. However, the force of her flight disturbed the mounds of dust all over the place, and she paid for her heedlessness with a bout of coughing and watery eyes.
After the dust had settled, and her eyes and lungs were no longer irritated, she looked around. There were papers, scrolls, quills, and ink bottles scattered all over the floor. There were bits of rope and cloth as well and two wooden buckets. One of them held a slimy-looking substance that smelled strongly of pine. Dash knew it was pine sap, from helping Scootaloo clean up once after a crusading incident. The other bucket was mostly empty, save for a layer of dirt and tiny pebbles at the bottom. She guessed that this one might have been for carrying water. All the more intrigued, she kept looking. At the far end of the little hideout, she found a book. Dusting off the cover, Rainbow read what was written on there. It said: The Complete Guide to Pranks that Work. She had never thought that a book like this would have existed around here. She looked again, then did a double take at the author’s name. She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes, hoping to remove any leftover dust from her initial disturbance. But even after rubbing, then staring, then rubbing again, then staring again, the name stayed the same.
Written by: Celestia
The sky-colored pegasus couldn’t believe her eyes. Princess Celestia, the most dignified pony in Equestria, the alicorn who moved the sun each and every day, the quintessence of decorum and grace, had written a pranking manual? Looking again, she noticed that the writing was crude and childish. Even Scootaloo’s writing is better. She must have been really young when she wrote this, she thought to herself. For a moment, she debated whether or not she should read it. If Celestia ever found out, she might be quite embarrassed. On the other wing, Rainbow loved a good prank, and she wanted to see just how good her princess was. With a final pause, Dash sighed deeply, acknowledged her defeat, sat on the floor, and began to read.
Introduction: What you need to do before you prank anypony.
First, you need to know your target. All the pranks you will see in this book are approved to work on overpowered unicorn teachers, so they should work well on most ponies. However, do not prank somepony if they are in a really super bad mood. That is just a really bad idea. Do not do it. Do. Not. Do. It. However, if they are in a good mood, THAT is when you prank them. Also, get to know their schedule, so you can best surprise them.
Second, always have a partner. Mine is none other than my little sister, Luna. Each of you should have your own roles. Since I am the older sister, I do most of the planning and construction. Luna then checks for any little details that I missed. I make the big picture, she improves on the little details. We always work together.
Third: ALWAYS have a plan. I like to watch my pranks unfold, so I always have an escape route handy. If we get caught, I then try to get out of punishment. I am pretty good with logic (although Professor Starswirl still insists that I am too young to think logically- the nerve!), so I can sometimes weasel my way out. If that doesn’t work, Luna unleashes her Puppy Dog Eyes of Adorable Dooming. That ALWAYS works. If it doesn’t get us completely out of punishment, it at least lessens it.
That is it! Happy pranking!
Rainbow stopped reading there, both because it was the end of the page and because she needed a moment to stop laughing. As silly as it was, she was impressed with how much Celestia knew, and at such a young age, too. After calming herself down, she skimmed through the rest of the book, finding detailed records Celestia had kept. She had written her tests for new ideas, step-by-step instructions on how to pull off certain pranks, and some pretty neat diagrams.
Then, she got an idea. An awful idea. Rainbow Dash got a wonderful, awful idea! Time to put these pranks to the test!
The pegasus flew out of the castle into the starry sky above her, laughing wildly as she did. She flew high over the tops of the trees, the forest spread out beneath her like a sea of shadowy figures. Excitement gave her energy as she glided out of the forest and through Ponyville, grinning impishly all the while. All the while, her mind was abuzz with the excitement of all the mischief that could be managed. After a good bit of flying, she landed at her home, trotted inside, and carefully put the book down on her little bookshelf, next to the long line of Daring Do novels.
Rainbow flopped down in her bed and stretched out her wings, letting out a huge yawn. Only a few seconds later, she was fast asleep and snoring. She hadn’t won the “Greatest Napper of All Time” award from her parents for nothing.
*****
The next morning, Rainbow Dash was up sharply at sunrise. Usually, she slept in quite a bit, but she couldn’t waste one second of time, not with such an exciting day ahead of her. With a big yawn, she stretched her wings, then flapped them down hard, propelling herself into the air. She grabbed the pranking manual off her bookshelf and flew downstairs.
Landing gracefully on her kitchen floor, she set the book down on her small table and went to work making herself breakfast: a whole grain oats’n’hay bagel with apple cider jelly and cream cheese. Nutritious, delicious, and easy to make, this was Rainbow’s favorite breakfast. After preparing it, she sat down at the table, ate her bagel, and re-read the journal.
As she explored the many ideas filly Celestia had come up with, she noticed many pranks that used magical elements in creative ways, such as potion-making. There was a recipe in the book for a special powder that caused anypony who touched it to become extremely itchy, but it didn’t kick in until 10 minutes after contact, making it hard to track the source. Rainbow thought that this one would be good for Applejack, who often came into physical contact with her various farming tools. She could practically picture AJ’s face as she tried to identify what was causing the itch. Another recipe created a potent potion, that when sprinkled on an inanimate object, would cause it to resist unicorn levitation, teleportation, and the like for up to an hour. Dash thought that this one would be good to use on some of Rarity’s various dressmaking materials, or some of Twilight’s books. That is if they saw the need of those materials before an hour had passed.
After she had finished her reading, her planning, and her breakfast, Rainbow went into the adjoining room, took out a pencil and a piece of paper, and wrote down all her ideas. After they were all on paper, she realized that pulling them all off by herself would be an impossible task.
“How am I supposed to pull off the perfect pranks if the perfect pranks are profoundly problematic?” Rainbow muttered to herself. But just as she said it, she remembered something she had read in the introduction.
“Second, always have a partner.” It had been clearly written as one of the things to do BEFORE pranking. And all her previous “p” alliteration had given her an idea. So without further hesitation, Dash grabbed the book and her plans and set off to finish her preparations.