Monday 05 April 1999 00:27, Daria's POV
I woke up in the middle of the night to hear dad being stressed at the kitchen nook. I must've fell asleep writing a story (or trying to, seeing as how I had writer's block) and done so in my clothes.
I'm afraid to ask, but I think I owe it to him.
I set my notebook in the floor and grabbed my flashlight from the bottom shelf of the cart that held my TV, switched it on, and started to leave my room, but my jacket had begun to smell, so I took it off before leaving. I didn't feel any better, though.
"Dammit, what the hell am I doing wrong?" he said, looking at his laptop and a copy of the local newspaper, The Lawndale Sun Herald, and drinking coffee.
"Hey, Dad," I said, jolting him.
"Dammit!" he replied, snapping back to me, "Oh, just you, Daria."
"Something going on?"
"I'm having trouble getting clients and- hey, shouldn't you be in bed?"
"A wave of insomnia hit me."
I was met by a blank look, "What?"
"Trouble sleeping," I replied, "It hits me if I'm doing something and I fall asleep while doing it."
"Kiddo, you can get an audience, right?"
"If I give enough of a damn, I probably could."
"Can you help me with this?" he said, "It's my company's website."
"Why do you have parts of the paper highlighted?"
"Those are the trends and types of clients I want."
I looked at the paper and his choices, "You want trekkies and yuppies?"
"Huh?"
"Trekkies are pointless idiots from the 1960s whose lives revolved around a science-fiction show, and yuppies had their success in the 80s. I think you need to try and appeal to the older millennials."
"Millennials?"
"After the Yuppies."
"Oh, right!"
I took the paper and crossed out some obvious crap, leaving sensible stuff like IBM, Packard Bell, Kleenex, Clorox, and a few others that were already successful, just for some headway.
"Aren't these already successful?"
"For this to work," I said, sitting down with a cup of coffee, "You need to start with big names that have a strong foothold already."
"How is that going to work?"
"You might get some to back you."
"Hey, that's a great idea, kiddo!"
"Careful, you'll wake up Mom."
"You're right," he said, "If she finds us out of bed, there'll be all hell to pay."
"Not to mention the bonding and you losing your escape. You won't have your smokescreen of cluelessness to hide behind anymore."
"Dammit, you're right," he said, "But... how did you know?"
"It's easy when you start paying attention to the signs. You didn't even know why you grounded me and Quinn; you were just following Mom's lead."
"How did you know?"
"Your enthusiasm gave it away," I said, "Now, about your website."
He gave the laptop to me, and I read it out loud.
Hello! My name is Jake Morgendorffer. I have over 20 years of experience in consumer motivation, market research implementation protocol, and direct mail couponpack composition. Need marketing advice? My one-man operation keeps your costs low. You won't be wasting money on fancy penthouse offices, extensive support staff, or extravagant expense account meals. Or a decent coffee maker. Or a computer that can go for three minutes without crashing. I even use both sides of the paper when photocopying. When the damn "factory refurbished" copier works. "Like new" - yeah, right.
If you hire me you will get personalized service - the kind you won't find at some huge downtown firm with a boardroom table bigger than my so-called office "suite." Do you think there's someone over there who has the time to listen to you go on and on for hours trying to decide whether your logo has enough "oomph?" Who will sit quietly while you burst his eardrum screaming about a typo that caused fifty percent of your sweepstakes mailing list to win Grand Prize? (And by the way, it was the printer's fault.) No, damn it! They would never put up with that. But I will be happy to do so. "Be your own boss" - yeah, right.
Let me share my knowhow. Drop me a line. Anytime. Please.
JAKE MORGENDORFFER CYBER-CONSULTING
A division of Jake Morgendorffer Consulting, Inc. Halcyon Hills Corporate Park, Building G (the L-shaped one)
"It's good, right?"
I shook my head, "Really?"
"What's wrong?"
I sighed, taking another sip of the bitter, caffeine-rich drink, "Well, for starters, you're venting your frustrations with office appliances on the consulting page. Then, there's your choice of words. While I do like the approach, you overworked it some. Assuming that we would keep the page as it is, it needs punctuation. Also, it wouldn't hurt to change the title of the page to 'Jake Morgendorffer Cyber-Consulting'. The rest just needs to go away, altogether."
"Show me what ya got, Kiddo."
Hello, my name is Jake Morgendorffer, and I have over 20 years of experience in consumer motivation, market research implementation protocol, and direct mail couponpack composition. Do you need marketing advice? Because if you do, then my one-man operation will your costs low, resulting in you having a larger profit margin
If you hire me, then you will get personalized service that you deserve. With my one-on-one consulting and a personalized experience, you're likely to have a perfect profit.
If any errors or mistakes come about, bumps in the road, I will gladly help you deal with them, or take care of them myself, if I am able. My goal is to streamline your advertising experience.
I would be more than happy to assist you on your way to a successful product, then business.
JAKE MORGENDORFFER CYBER-CONSULTING
PHONE: 555-6676
FAX: 555-6677
A division of JAKE MORGENDORFFER CONSULTING, INC. Halcyon Hills Corporate Park, Building G
"So, here it is," I said, showing him the revised webpage."
"I... just... wow," he looked at me and noticed how I hadn't showered yet, "You go shower, and I'll have you something when you get back."
"I'd call that bonding," I said, going upstairs.
I just knew that he had his trademark smile after all that had taken place.