Charlotte and Hermione stepped into the Library with eager smiles plastered across their faces. The sight that greeted them was expected, yet slightly disappointing. The walls were covered with shelves chock full of books, as expected from a library, but the sheer volume of them was less than what they were expecting, even with how small the Library was from the outside.
A green rocking chair sat in the middle of the room— a clear indication that the Library’s main purpose was for Rosetta to read stories to her chikos. It certainly gave the Library a more humble, heartwarming feel.
Charlotte swept her gaze around the room, taking in sight of all the books filling the shelves. Many of them were likely children’s books, but even so, their contents would still be interesting just for the sheer fact of being from another world.
“We’ve got a lot of ground to cover,” she joked, giggling.
Hermione laughed as well. “This might be too daunting for me, even.”
They each chose a side and began scouring the shelves for interesting reads. Charlotte bent down and began scanning the labels of the middle row of books. The titles were in a foreign language completely unknown to her, written using a lot of symbols, particularly stars. Lots and lots of stars.
The space motif couldn’t be escaped, it seemed.
As she couldn’t understand any of the labels, Charlotte decided to check the pages. She picked a random book off the shelf and opened to the first page. It was all more words using foreign symbols, so she turned to the next page. One page had more alien words, but the other featured an illustration of a constellation depicting a five-pointed star with small, beady eyes.
If we had constellations like this back home… Charlotte chuckled internally.
“Hey, Charlotte, come take a look at this!” Hermione called.
Charlotte set the book back into the shelf and walked over to join Hermione. The book she was holding had a brown cover and a picture of another five-pointed yellow star with beady black eyes. Charlotte found herself curious as to the significance of the symbol. She decided to ask Rosetta about it later.
“What’s that book?” she asked.
Hermione opened the book to the first page. There was an illustration depicting a young girl and a chiko emerging from a mushroom-shaped craft. The illustration was painted with soft brushstrokes, appropriate for a children’s story. The words on the opposite page were the same language as the other books, so the full context of what was depicted was lost on her.
“That’s a cute picture,” Charlotte said sincerely. It reminded her of something her mother would read to her when she was five. “Is there something special about it?”
Hermione pointed to the girl in the picture. “Notice anything interesting about her?” she asked.
Charlotte squinted her eyes, looking over the girl’s illustration for any peculiar details. After a while, only one detail managed to stand out to her as being interesting, and it was very hard to miss.
“She’s wearing a crown,” she finally said.
“Yeah,” Hermione said. “Moreover, it’s silver like Rosetta’s.” She turned to Charlotte, arching a brow. “You don’t think…?”
The corner of Charlotte’s mouth lifted into a mischievous smirk. “Well, she did say we were free to explore at our leisure.” She clutched the book with a hand, Hermione shifting her own over to make room. “I must admit, knowing her backstory would be a treat for my curiosity.”
“Agreed.”
They spent the next few minutes looking at the book’s illustrations, trying to use them to puzzle out the story with the lack of readable words. The book seemed to depict the little girl going off on a journey with the chiko, eventually leading to them meeting dozens of other chikos, building a home on a giant ball of ice, and the first chiko transforming the ball of ice into a beautiful comet. The most puzzling was the chapter where the little girl was talking to a woman whom they assumed to be her mother, as it didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the story at first glance.
Charlotte was feeling equal parts sorrowful and confused by the time they finished the book, and Hermione’s face seemed to indicate she felt similarly. There were obviously a lot of conflicting emotions present in the tale, and if it was true that this was a simplified version of how Rosetta came into her current station, then that only heightened her interest to learn more.
“You want to talk with Rosetta about this?” she asked Hermione.
“If she’s willing to share more information, sure,” Hermione replied. “She might—”
The sound of rapid footsteps approaching from outside interrupted her. The two girls turned to the Library’s entrance to see Deadpool sprinting through in a rather comical fashion. He skidded to a stop before landing front down into the rocking chair, the sounds of deep breathing muffled by the fabric.
Charlotte and Hermione just stared, silently waiting for him to get up and explain what was wrong. A small voice in the back of Charlotte’s mind said she needn’t bother, but she suppressed it.
Deadpool pushed himself to his feet after a few seconds. He took a moment to rub a spot on his head, only then noticing the girls’ presence.
“You two bookworms would be in here.” His expression turned serious. “Mind if I crash in here for a little bit?”
“You don’t have to ask for our permission, you know,” Charlotte said. “Besides, we were just about to leave.”
She started for the entrance, only for Hermione to grab her arm. “Something wrong, Hermione?” she asked.
Hermione stared darkly at Deadpool. “What did you do?” she asked in an accusatory tone.
“What? C’mon, I didn’t do anything!” Deadpool held his hands up in a placating manner. “I just forgot what the inside of a library looked like and wanted a refresher, that’s all.”
Hermione continued staring at him. Charlotte quickly realized what she was getting at and leveled her own accusatory stare at him.
Committed at first, Deadpool gradually wilted under their stares, eventually deflating completely— Charlotte actually took more pity on Deadpool than pleasure in his discomfort.
“Alright, fine,” he groaned. “The chikos have been hounding me with questions about my suit and my weapons. I got tired of it and I might’ve… well, kinda sorta let slip some things.”
Charlotte narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t been using swear words in front of them, have you?” she accused. “You know what happened with Garp.”
Deadpool rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I mean, yeah—” He shook his hands reassuringly, “—but it wasn’t anything too bad.”
At that moment, a teal chiko entered the Library. Its eyes immediately landed on Deadpool and it chirped, “Hiya, Mr. Deadpool! What does ‘bitch’ mean?”
All three simply stared, deadpanned, for a few seconds, before Charlotte and Hermione’s gazes returned to Deadpool, bemused.
Deadpool made a motion like he was gripping his non-existent shirt collar. “Okay,” he said, “I might have gone a little overboard.”
Hermione and Charlotte kept up their stares for a little bit longer before Charlotte sighed, shaking her head. “Well, whatever you did, it’s your problem.” She turned toward the entrance. “Come on, Hermione, let’s go.”
Hermione nodded and fell into step behind Charlotte. They stepped past the chiko and made their way out of the Library.
“Wait a minute!” Deadpool called after them.
They ignored him. Charlotte heard a brief conversation between Deadpool and the chiko before a series of footsteps came up behind them.
“Come on, girls, do a pal a favor,” he begged. “Help me get these chikos off of my back, please?”
Charlotte and Hermione didn’t turn around until they had reached the sitting area just outside the Library, whereupon they took seats and faced Deadpool with pitying expressions. The teal chiko floated a few paces behind him, watching the three with an unreadable expression.
“Why can’t you politely ask them to leave you alone?” Hermione asked.
Deadpool laughed. “Maybe you didn’t realize it yet, but I was literally created to be two things:” He ticked them off on his fingers, “Badass, and offensive. Asking me to be polite is like asking taxes to stop existing: it ain’t gonna happen.”
He made a good point, Charlotte realized. Considering everything they’d learned earlier, it probably was a fruitless endeavor to ask him to be polite.
“Well, regardless, it’s your problem to work out,” she reaffirmed.
“Well thanks for nothing,” Deadpool said.
He put a hand to his chin, his eyes staring off into space as he appeared to go deep in thought. Charlotte watched the display with some small amusement.
When he turned and approached the chiko, Hermione leaned over and whispered to Charlotte, “Do you think we should really blame him for his actions, if it’s true this is all being orchestrated?”
“Depends on whether or not we’re at a point where things are being orchestrated,” Charlotte answered. “There’s no way for us to know if they are.”
“Good point.”
Deadpool stepped up to the chiko. “So, you wanna know what a ‘bitch’ is, do you?”
The chiko nodded. “Yep!”
“Well, a ‘bitch’ is what you call a female dog, while a male dog is called a ‘sire’. Nothing bad about the word whatsoever, take it from me.”
The chiko bounced in the air. “Thanks for teaching me something new!” she chirped. Then she looked past him toward Charlotte and Hermione. “But… they’re not dogs. They’re humans.”
All was silent in the reading area. Even the distant vibrations of the comet’s magic seemed to mute.
A surge of anger rose within Charlotte. She stood up with a huff, followed a second later by Hermione. The two shared a look of mutual understanding before stomping up to Deadpool.
Deadpool turned around just in time for Hermione to sock him dead center on the nose. He staggered back, clutching his nose and staring wide-eyed at her.
“Go to Hell,” Charlotte said.
She and Hermione stepped past him and began making their way along the right side of the lower deck. A few seconds later they heard Deadpool’s footsteps approaching from behind along with reassurances that they tried to tune out, but couldn’t.
“Ah, c’mon ladies! I wasn’t referring specifically to you two when I was talking with that chiko. You’re both a couple of fine looking girls— I have a girlfriend, just so you know. I mean, sure we haven’t gotten along very well, but—”
Deadpool stopped when Hermione turned around, wand drawn and pointed at his throat. Deadpool froze in his tracks, instinctively tilting his head back, eyes glued to the tip of the wand.
Charlotte saw a flash of rage in her friend’s eyes, not like anything she’d seen from Hermione before. No, this was more intense, more dark. She felt a chill run down her spine. She wondered if, while being called a bitch was indeed something to be mad over, maybe her friend was taking it far worse than she was.
“Um, you remember what I said about not dying, right?” Deadpool questioned.
Hermione said nothing.
“Oh dear, what’s going on here?”
Charlotte turned to see Princess Celestia walking toward them from the direction of the Bedroom.
She’d yet to examine the alicorn princess, but now Charlotte found herself amazed by the picture definition of regality approaching them. Each step she took was practiced and graceful and the golden regalia she wore gave off a radiant shine. Her eyes were filled with concern but had a glimmer of thousands of years’ worth of wisdom. Her mouth was split into a worried frown.
“Hello, Princess,” Charlotte greeted her.
Celestia only regarded her with a quick glance before closing the distance between them. She shifted her eyes between Deadpool and Hermione. They made no move as to acknowledge her presence.
Celestia sighed. “Charlotte, please explain to me what’s happening.”
Charlotte felt a small knot form in her stomach. It was strange, as being put on the spot typically wasn’t something she loathed. She chalked it up to the intensity of the situation.
She cleared her throat. “Basically, Deadpool has a rather low opinion of Hermione and me. He’s also doing a poor job of apologizing for it.” She reached over and shook Hermione’s shoulder. “Come on, Hermione; he isn’t worth it.”
Hermione made no motion to lower her wand. Celestia’s horn lit up in a golden nebulous and Hermione’s wand did as well, tugging out of her grasp and floating high above out of her reach. She stared at it for a second, her face unreadable, before turning to Celestia who was giving her a disapproving glare.
“We needn’t be fighting amongst ourselves, especially at this critical stage in our fight to return home,” Celestia said, her tone firm but gentle.
Hermione’s expression turned to a mixture of shame and anger. “You’re right,” she said, before turning to Deadpool. “I’m sorry.”
Deadpool put his hands on his hips. “Apology accepted.”
Hermione stared expectantly, as did Charlotte and Celestia.
Deadpool looked between them before deflating. “Alright, fine, I’m sorry too.”
“Apology accepted,” Hermione said.
Charlotte nodded her agreement.
“But I should tell you something,” Hermione continued. “You’ve told us that you’re impossible to kill.” Her eyes turned downcast. “I know a curse that instantly kills any living thing it’s used against. It doesn’t rely on bodily dismemberment or anything of the sort; it… simply rips the soul out of the body.”
The hidden meaning of Hermione’s words was obvious to everyone. Charlotte wrapped her arms around her friend’s shoulders. Hermione returned the hug and buried her face in Charlotte’s shoulder. Charlotte felt her clothes dampen a little from Hermione’s tears.
“Well shit,” Deadpool said, sounding uncharacteristically humble. “Um… I’ll treat you girls with more respect, then, if you promise the same to me.”
Charlotte and Hermione hugged for a couple more seconds before breaking apart and turning back to Deadpool. “Agreed,” they said in unison. Hermione wiped the few remaining tears from her eyes.
“Well, I’m glad that’s all sorted out,” Celestia said. She lowered Hermione’s wand, allowing her to grab it and stuff it into her robes’ pockets. “How long have you three been like this?” she asked.
“Since we first met, pretty much,” Charlotte answered with a small laugh. “Call it a clash of personalities.”
“Don’t consider yourselves special in that regard,” Deadpool said. “Pigs will fly before you ever find someone who gets along with me that isn’t my girlfriend. You two actually put up with me better than most other people; they usually put a couple rounds into my head because they like wasting bullets.”
Hermione and Charlotte forced themselves to laugh.
“Actually, I don’t think you three are all that dissimilar,” Celestia said.
“In what way?” Charlotte asked.
A cheeky grin split Celestia’s muzzle. “Well, in my thousand plus years of experience I’ve learned many things about the equine condition, and the same should apply to humans. The smartest people tend to be the most childish—” she placed a wing over her mouth to stifle a giggle, “—and putting three of them together is like watching one’s foals fighting over the biggest piece of cookie.”
“Why does everyone think I’m a kid?” Charlotte groaned.
“Well you’re under the age of eighteen, so that makes you a kid,” Deadpool said, causing Charlotte to sag her shoulders. “But hey, you still look really lovely. Don’t call the FBI on me.”
Charlotte perked up a little. Hermione rolled her eyes with a smile.
Celestia chuckled heartily. “Another thing I’ve learned is that age doesn’t equal wisdom— I said that I’ve got plenty of years of experience, but that just comes with the job of ruling a country.
"But back to the point I’ve been leading towards: the three of you are more alike than you might wish to believe, especially in regards to your stubbornness. Like I said, fighting amongst ourselves is counterproductive right now, so try looking at each other not as nuisances, but as fellow people. People who have their own opinions and stick to them, but who share a common goal.”
Charlotte, Hermione, and Deadpool stared at her before looking between themselves.
“She’s right,” Hermione said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah,” Deadpool said.
“We might not be friends, Deadpool, now or ever in the future,” Charlotte told him, “but I’m willing to put in the effort to get along with you.”
“Same here,” he replied, then extended his hand. “Truce? Like you said, we’re not becoming friends anytime soon, or ever.”
Charlotte smiled and shook his hand. “Call it a truce.”
Hermione shook his hand as well and turned to Celestia. “Thanks, Princess.”
“You’re all very welcome,” she replied, then gestured with her head behind her. “Would anyone care to explore with me?”
“Charlotte and I are actually going to ask Rosetta some questions,” Hermione said.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll go,” Deadpool said with a shrug. “Can’t think of a better way to spend my time than with a lovely alicorn princess such as yourself, Celestia.” He fluttered his eyes at her.
Celestia froze in place, a faint blush filling her cheeks. “Oh… um… thank you, Deadpool.”
Deadpool gave a sharp laugh. “If only I had a camera right now.”
“Wha—?” A look of realization crossed her face, and she shot him a playful smirk. “You’re a little twit.”
They both shared a laugh before setting off down the lower deck side by side. Charlotte and Hermione watched them go with deadpan expressions.
“Think we'll see some flying pigs when we return home?” Charlotte finally asked.
“I'm sure I can learn a spell that'll do the job,” Hermione said.
They exchanged smiles before turning and setting off to find Rosetta.
A sea of edibles covered the floor of the Kitchen. Cheese wheels, drumsticks, dairy products, candies, salads, drinks and many more littered the space between the entrance and the far wall. Any attempt made to enter the Kitchen by someone who wasn’t a chiko would be met with an insurmountable wall of produce. Any attempt to take so much as a step would result in one’s foot being buried beneath the blanket of foodstuffs, forcing them to wrench it free. The only Kitchen floor space that wasn’t occupied by food was taken up by the two gluttons that were currently eating to their heart’s content.
Ed snatched the nearest cheese wheel from the pile and threw it into the air. His jaw enlarged to about three times its normal size, allowing him to swallow the cheese wheel whole on its way down. He then grabbed about a dozen chocolate chip muffins out of a box and proceeded to repeat the process as many times over. The concept of chewing was apparently completely foreign to him, as each foodstuff he ate he swallowed with but a single bite.
A few paces to his left, Kirby was doing an equally good job of gorging himself. Unlike Ed, who seemed to pick and eat any food without a second glance, Kirby actually took a little time to inspect each foodstuff before opening his mouth wide and inhaling them like a vacuum. He singled out a number of apples from the pile, looking them over carefully, as if checking for wormholes, before making them disappear in a split second into his great maw.
The air above the food avalanche was occupied by the massive form of Master Hand as well as a few chikos. The chikos all stared disapprovingly at the gluttonous duo.
Master Hand couldn’t bring himself to share their feelings. Really, he couldn’t bring himself to care about how the gluttons presented themselves to everyone. More than anything, he was getting tired of conjuring food for them. He hoped that after consuming all the food before them they would finally be too full to ask for more. Although, with every second that passed watching them feast on his offering, his faith in that outcome dwindled.
Ed popped an entire roast chicken into his mouth. Amazingly, it couldn’t fit down his throat, so he had to use his hand to push it down. His neck contorted to the shape of the chicken as it traveled down his throat before landing in his stomach, which bulged out.
“Ah, that hit the spot,” he said, patting his enlarged belly. He turned to Master Hand. “Thanks for making us all this food, Master.”
Master Hand gave a defeated sigh. ”You’re welcome,” he drawled. He couldn’t bring himself to sound more enthused.
“Can I have some more gravy?” Ed asked.
Master Hand snapped his fingers, conjuring a large can of gravy at Ed’s feet.
“Thanks!”
Another sigh. ”You’re welcome.”
Ed raised a hand to pry off the can lid, only for it to fly away from him and into Kirby’s open maw. The puffball closed his mouth around the can and swallowed it whole without a hiccup.
Ed stared, eyes awash with terror, while Kirby just gave a little wave and a “Yu!”
“Unhand the lifeblood, pink creature from the nether realms!” Ed cried.
Kirby tilted his head, seemingly deep in thought, though his eyes betrayed no sign of contemplation, before turning around and inhaling a large swath of food from the pile.
“Fear not, precious gravy, Ed will rescue you!”
Ed stood up and dashed over to Kirby. Kirby turned around, only to yelp in surprise when Ed hooked his hands over his maw and forced his mouth open.
“I’m coming!”
Master Hand and all the chikos watched in horror as Ed actually dove headfirst into Kirby’s mouth. Similar to the food they’d both been consuming, Ed’s entire body disappeared in the blink of an eye down Kirby’s gullet. Kirby closed his mouth, his face a mask of confusion.
One of the chikos floated over to Master Hand. “Should we do something?” he asked.
But Master Hand was too shocked to do or say anything in response. He could hear Ed’s faint voice echoing from inside of Kirby’s stomach, and it didn’t seem distressed, so at least he knew Ed was okay. Somewhat.
”I think it’d be better if we stay out of this,” he finally responded to the chiko, ”for our own sanity.”
A minute passed before Kirby’s mouth opened and Ed stepped out, amazingly without so much as a scratch, with the can of gravy held firmly in his hand.
“Ed has triumphed!” he said with glee.
He bit into the lid with his teeth, easily tearing it off like a wolf to a carcass, before pouring it all into his mouth. He swished it around a little before swallowing it all in one gulp.
“Delicious,” he said, letting the can drop from his hand before resuming gorging himself on the buffet in front of him.
Master Hand recovered from his shock. A part of him was considering hightailing it out of the Kitchen to go find something else to keep him occupied for the journey. As effortless as conjuring food for the two gluttons below him to chow down on was, his morality was making a strong case that he was being unfairly taken advantage of. He would’ve probably been fine with feeding Kirby ad infinitum (he couldn’t expect anything less from the hero of Dreamland), but Ed’s additional presence was overwhelming.
That part of Master Hand gradually won out a little more with every section of foodstuffs the two gluttons liberated from the pile. Some of the chikos had already decided to leave by the time he finally couldn’t take anymore and, in his opinion, he probably should’ve left long before now.
He turned toward the entrance, getting ready to clear a path for himself when the blockage started to shift. Chickens and cabbages and muffins shot outward as a strong force hit the blockage from the other side. Another force hit the wall and a red karate glove attached to a skinny yellow arm shot through into sight.
Master Hand watched as the barricade split open and the living yellow sponge known as SpongeBob emerged from within. He took a moment to take a deep breath inside his water helmet before reaching his gloved hand down into the pile, helping the bipedal talking squirrel known as Sandy to get out.
“Boy howdy, never thought I’d have ta fight my way through a mountain of vittles in my life,” she said, taking off one of her green karate gloves in order to wipe some sauce from her white jumpsuit.
“Good thing I’ve got experience with this sort of thing,” SpongeBob said, a little boastfulness creeping into his voice. “Work at the Krusty Krab can get pretty intense some days.”
Master Hand floated over to them. ”What brings you two to the Kitchen? he asked.
Sandy and SpongeBob looked up to him. “We thought we’d try some o’ that chiko food Rosetta told us about, but we had ta claw and chop our way through to get in here,” Sandy explained.
”Yes, I suppose I should apologize for that.” Master Hand gestured toward Ed and Kirby. ”Those two have quite the ravenous appetite.”
“Holy shrimp, are they really gonna eat all of this food!?” SpongeBob asked, incredulous.
”I’ve always known Kirby has the capacity to eat a hundred times his own weight in whatever catches his fancy and, as it turns out, Ed is more than a worthy rival; I expect all of this food might be gone within the next ten minutes at the current rate they’re eating.”
Sure enough, it took about as much time for every last scrap of food to be devoured by Ed and Kirby. Little by little, more floor space was uncovered as they piled scores of food into their mouths like starving giants, very rarely bothering to chew, favoring their ability to swallow things whole in defiance of most standard physics across the multiverse. It all made perfect sense with Kirby, Master Hand knew, but Ed must’ve come from a world that operated by its own set of, very highly exaggerated, physical laws.
Sandy and SpongeBob watched the whole time, alternating between being disgusted and being awestruck by the monstrous appetites on display. When the floor was almost entirely clean, SpongeBob put a finger to his chin, eyes trailing up in thought.
Ed stuffed the final loaf of bread into his mouth and swallowed. “All done,” he announced.
Kirby let out a cute little burp. “Aaah,” he droned.
”I take it you’re finally full to burst,” Master Hand asked with no small amount of hope in his voice.
Ed opened his mouth, ready to respond, but was interrupted by a sound. An awful sound. A sound that put a lance of ice through Master Hand’s non-corporeal heart and froze him to his very core.
A rumbling from Ed’s belly.
“Wait… Nope, still hungry,” he said.
Kirby made a sound of affirmation.
All was silent in the Kitchen. The remaining chikos quietly left the room, possibly out of fear of Master Hand’s reaction. SpongeBob and Sandy crept back against the wall behind them, worried frowns splitting their mouths.
Master Hand floated in place for several seconds, stiff as a corpse, fingers stretched out with the muscles tightened. His thoughts were swept up and churned into a typhoon of incomprehension. He tried to make sense of the reality he now found himself in but to no avail. A small whisper in the back of his head told him what was happening shouldn’t come as a surprise. Another, significantly louder, part of him was screaming to hightail it out of the Kitchen and stay as far away from Kirby and Ed as possible for the rest of the trip.
With a mighty cry of anguish, Master Hand turned for the door. He’d misjudged his placement, however, for as soon as he turned he slammed knuckle first into the adjacent wall. Pain shot through his being and he collapsed to the floor in writhing agony, little whimpers escaping him.
Master Hand felt a spongy hand clasp his knuckle. “Are you hurt bad?” SpongeBob asked. “Do you need a doctor?”
”Just give me a moment,” Master Hand wheezed.
The pain ebbed away after a few moments and Master Hand righted himself. He spared a look back at Ed and Kirby; they were staring blankly towards him. At least they weren’t pressing him to conjure more food.
“Have y’all been making that food for them?” Sandy asked.
”I possess the power of creation, and as such, anyone who wants something will naturally come to me seeking it.” Master Hand sighed. ”I honestly believed I could quell their appetites, but I was wrong, to the extent that my sanity hangs in the balance. I’m leaving before that happens.”
He turned for the entrance but was stopped short by SpongeBob’s outstretched hand.
“Not so fast there, Mr. Hand— SpongeBob Saviorpants is here to help you out of your pickle,” he proclaimed with a broad smile.
Master Hand just stared.
Sandy tapped SpongeBob on the shoulder. “Maybe we oughta just stay out of this,” she reasoned.
SpongeBob waved a dismissive hand. “Pshaw. If there’s one thing in all of existence that can satisfy the most monstrous of appetites, it’s a Krabby Patty.” His eyes sparkled with reverence.
“I guess so,” Sandy said with a shrug. “Krabby Patties are mighty delicious, after all.”
“Okay, Master Hand, if you can just conjure up a few ingredients for us, I promise we can get those two—” He pointed to Ed and Kirby, the former of whom had started picking at his belly button, “—off your back, figuratively speaking.”
”While I appreciate your willingness to help, SpongeBob, I simply don’t believe there’s anything in all of existence that could fill up those two. I’m willing to chance hiding from them until we reach our destination.”
“How do y’all expect to hide from them on this here observatory?” Sandy asked. “Only so many places to hide, you know.”
Master Hand tried to think up a suitable counterargument, but the longer he pondered it, the more he realized it was a futile plan. The Comet Observatory, while big, didn’t offer any suitable places to hide for someone as giant as him. He thought maybe he could float to the top of the highest spire and wait there, but then he remembered Kirby’s own ability to float via inhalation.
”I… suppose you have a point.”
“Trust me, Master Hand,” SpongeBob said with a smile, “we’ll have you out of this jam in a jiffy.”
”Fine then, what do you need?”
SpongeBob listed off several ingredients that were typical of grilled sandwiches: ketchup and mustard, hamburger buns, lettuce, etc. He had no idea how this was supposed to satiate Ed and Kirby, but he trusted SpongeBob to have an idea of what he was doing. He quickly conjured up all the listed ingredients in large quantities, organizing them into neat little piles before SpongeBob and Sandy. For the sake of making things go faster, he made sure the conjured burger patties were pre-grilled.
“You up for another round of Kitchen Karate, Sandy?” SpongeBob asked her, stretching his shoulders.
“Darn tootin’ I am!” Sandy replied.
“Ready?” SpongeBob said.
“Set?” Sandy said.
“GO!” they both cried.
The two friends became a blur of motion to Master Hand, the space before the entrance a mess of colors as Sandy and SpongeBob took to the conjured ingredients, chopping and spraying and stacking faster than the naked eye could track. Their passionate cries blended together with the sounds of their work, creating a frenzied ruckus that would easily be heard by anyone halfway across the observatory.
Master Hand couldn’t take his non-corporeal vision off of the display. Quite frankly, he was beyond impressed. The combination of karate and food preparation was unusual, but there was a certain beauty to the inscrutable motions before him. Seeing them working with such fervor helped lift his spirits, but the little skeptical voice in the back of his mind refused to stop saying this solution was too good to be true.
Completed burgers started flying out of the chaos, falling into neat little stacks before Master Hand somehow completely intact. Master Hand decided to forgo questioning the possibility of such an action, choosing instead to believe Sandy and SpongeBob were just that talented. The sandwiches formed into a neat little pyramid about half as tall as the Kitchen.
Sandy and SpongeBob halted their chaotic motions almost the instant the last sandwich completed the pyramid. They wiped some accumulated sweat from their brows while catching their breath before they stopped to admire their work.
“Hoowee, that was a good workout,” Sandy said, the red in her face fading away. “Haven’t had one that exhilaratin’ in a while.”
“I’ll say,” SpongeBob agreed. He gazed upon the pyramid with a reverent glimmer in his eyes that Master Hand felt was unwarranted. “I didn’t think I’d get the chance to make Krabby Patties while here, but I can’t think of a better reason to than this.”
Master Hand examined the pyramid of ‘krabby patties’ with more skepticism. Nothing about them looked particularly special.
”Are you sure this will work?” was the only thing he could ask.
“Master Hand, lemme tell you something,” SpongeBob said, coming over and resting his own hand on him. “Krabby patties aren’t just sandwiches; they’re a gift to fishfolk, and now to those two—” He tilted his head toward Ed and Kirby, “—A gift from my boss that spreads happiness and satisfaction to everyone who takes a bite. Eating just one makes you want more while eating too many makes you explode. We made enough to satisfy them without making them blow up.”
”... Well, it’s worth a try I suppose,” Master Hand finally said, despite seeing flaws in SpongeBob’s logic.
He snapped his fingers and conjured two enormous plates, levitating one half of the pyramid each onto the plates and moving them over to Ed and Kirby. The two disposals viewed the towers of Krabby Patties like they were ancient treasures of invaluable worth.
Kirby wasted no time inhaling all the Krabby Patties at once along with the plate itself, sending them into the bottomless void that was his stomach. Ed tapped into his cartoonish nature and leaped into the air, his mouth opening wide and proceeding to whittle down the Krabby Patties like a beaver, spraying spit-riddled chunks of lettuce and meat everywhere. Five seconds was all it took for the Krabby Patties to disappear from existence.
“That should do it,” SpongeBob said with conviction.
“Hoowee, they took to those Krabby Patties like termites to a log,” Sandy observed.
Master Hand turned to them. ”And you’re positive this will satisfy them?”
“Positively,” SpongeBob replied. “As many Krabby Patties as they’ve eaten— they’ll be too full to want to eat anything else for the rest of the trip. They’ll—” SpongeBob’s eyes widened with horror and disbelief as he was cut off by Ed’s stomach rumbling, his mouth dropping.
“Those were amazing!” Ed cried with joy. He was laying on his back, his swollen belly obscuring his face. “More please.”
Kirby gave an agreeable nod. “Yu!”
SpongeBob stood rooted to the spot, his mouth quivering and eyes glazed over.
So much for that plan, Master Hand thought.
Sandy gripped SpongeBob’s shoulder. “Sorry SpongeBob, but it’s time for Plan B.”
”Quite.”
Master Hand scooped the two of them up in one swift motion, ignoring Sandy’s cries of protest, and turned to face the entrance. Tilting vertically, he gently squeezed his way through and began putting as much distance between himself and the Kitchen as possible.
Samus quickly found that she liked traveling through space on the Comet Observatory much more than her gunship. The freedom to move around was nice, of course, but what she really loved was how homely the observatory felt in comparison, which made sense as it was designed to act as the home of Rosetta and the chikos. Watching all the chikos frolicking in the air around her, and seeing all the quaint little domes strewn across the observatory, a welcomed sense of tranquility overcame Samus, allowing her to feel more relaxed than she was accustomed to.
She first spent some time at the landing platform, admiring the beautiful comet’s tail surrounding the observatory. Living on a comet was something she’d never gotten to experience before, despite journeying through space more times than she could try to count. She wandered around the lower platform once she'd gotten her fill of that, visiting all the various structures but never stopping to chat with anyone, wanting some time alone to herself.
Seeing all the floating chikos reminded her of the baby Metroid that had imprinted on her after her genocidal mission to eradicate the Metroids on SR388. The feelings of warmth and comfort she felt with the baby Metroid were the same she felt being with her fellow captives. They’d all become so close-knit that a significant part of Samus wasn’t looking forward to returning home, as she had more friends here than she did there. Most of her friends and family were all dead, anyway: her parents, the Chozo, her fellow bounty hunters, the baby Metroid, and Adam Malkovich.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
“Something wrong, Samus?”
Samus blinked. She’d made her way to the area outside the Bedroom while musing to herself. Yugi sat outside the door, fiddling with his duel disk and cards. He looked up at her with obvious concern.
“Oh, uh, it’s nothing,” Samus replied, wiping the tear from her face. “I was lost in some sad thoughts, but I’m okay, really.”
Yugi blinked then smiled. “If you say so.” He went back to fiddling with his cards.
Deciding she wanted some company now, Samus spoke up. “Are you planning on using those when we reach our destination?” she asked, pointing to the cards.
“I’m not expecting to have to, but it’s good to be prepared anyway.” Yugi shifted his cards to one hand to touch the Element of Kindness hanging just above the Millenium Puzzle. “Honestly, I think we might end up finally using these if it becomes necessary to fight.”
Samus touched the Element of Honesty hanging around her own neck. “Maybe we will.” She sat down on the ground next to Yugi. “Do you remember that conversation we had the other day about the Elements?”
“That was with the pharaoh,” Yugi said. “But yeah, I know about it.”
“You think they’re as powerful as Twilight and Celestia have made them out to be?”
Yugi shrugged. “We’ll find out if the chance comes.”
They spent the next few minutes in silence, with Yugi continuing to shuffle and reorganize his cards and Samus thinking silently to herself. A few chikos passed by during this time, always giving the two friends waves of greeting as they passed which Samus and Yugi returned.
Samus couldn’t stop wondering what awaited them at the center of the universe. Lots of ancient epics told tales of heroes being forced to face their greatest fears as obstacles in their quests for peace. Something as cliche as that would’ve sounded too ridiculous that morning, but after hearing what Rosetta and the Doctor said about the progenitor universe and its creators, such a scenario was not only possible but probably likely. If that happened, she could end up being forced to witness Ridley massacring her parents over and over.
At one point Ryuk floated down to them from the upper levels. Samus and Yugi both waved to him but gave him their full attention when it became clear he intended to join them.
“Something on your mind, Ryuk?” Yugi asked as the shinigami sat down next to him opposite Samus.
Ryuk shrugged. “Been thinking about what I’ll do when this is all over. Things were kinda boring before I got pulled into this, and I’ve kinda enjoyed seeing all the fun and exciting things that’ve happened to us. I’ll miss it a little.”
A sense of relief washed over Samus and she smiled. “That makes two of us,” she said simply. She waved a dismissive hand at the questioning looks she got in response. “Nothing. Nothing. I just enjoy everyone’s company a lot.”
A few moments of silence passed before Yugi spoke up. “I’ve been talking this over with the pharaoh a little, and I know this might be a sensitive topic to bring up, but…”
He trailed off for a moment. Samus and Ryuk turned to him.
“... What do you think about everything that Rosetta and the Doctor told us?”
Samus had to think for a moment before she understood what Yugi was getting at. Ryuk’s expression didn’t change, but she thought she saw a flicker of unease flash across his eyes.
“What do you mean?” Samus asked, despite already knowing what Yugi was getting at.
“How much of it do you believe?”
Ryuk tapped his chin. “I can’t really say for sure. I mean, if it’s true that there’s no passage between this ‘progenitor universe’ and our own worlds, then there’s really no way of proving whether or not it’s real. As for whether or not I believe it anyway, well…” He paused for a couple seconds. “I guess it’d be like karma in a way since Death Notes allow the user to manipulate the actions of people before they die, so I can’t really say that shinigami don’t deserve it at least a little bit.” Another pause. “Then again, supposedly we and our Death Notes were created by people from this progenitor universe with that intention, so maybe I’m completely wrong about that.”
Samus sighed. “I’m honestly not sure what to believe or how much. If it is true, however, then I know who to really blame for the loss of my parents.” That was a weird thought, the idea that someone other than Ridley and the Space Pirates were to blame for that. “But then there’s nothing that can be done about it if we’re not allowed entry to their world.”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Yugi said. He gave the both of them an apologetic expression. “Sorry if I made either of you feel down.”
“It’s okay, Yugi,” Samus said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s something we’ll all have to come to terms with, so talking about it is for the best.”
“Can’t say it’s bothering me too much,” Ryuk said, then quickly added, “But I understand if it’s troubling you guys. Just don’t ask me to help counsel you or something. I’d be terrible at it.”
Yugi laughed. “Okay, Ryuk.”
A flicker of movement in front of them caught their attention, and they all turned to see Pit hover from below the lower deck, his wings glowing with the brilliant blue of Palutena’s power.
“Hey there guys,” he said, settling onto the deck while his wings returned to their normal white coloration. “You doing okay?”
“We’re just hanging out,” Yugi replied. “Are you up to something special?”
“Just flying around the observatory, checking out the sights. Lady Palutena is letting me go crazy with the Miracle of Flight since, apparently, there’s no risk of falling off into space, so if the power runs out before I can get back on solid ground I’ll be just fine.”
At that moment, Palutena came striding from the group’s left, her wooden sandals click-clacking against the unusual metallic substance the platforms were made from.
“We’ve got quite the gathering here, it seems,” she said with a kind smile. She regarded the group of three. “Taking some time to relax, are you?”
“Kind of,” Ryuk said simply.
Palutena looked between Yugi and Samus, her smile falling as a mask of concern overcame her. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“It’s nothing too bad, really,” Samus replied. “We were just talking about all the stuff Rosetta and the Doctor told us earlier, about the progenitor universe and its people.”
“Oh,” Pit said, sounding confused before he said “Oh!” again with clear understanding. “Yeah, I get you. That was some pretty heavy stuff.”
“Do you believe any of it?” Yugi asked.
Palutena’s smile returned. She strode over to the group and sat down in front of them. Pit followed suit.
“In our world, we’ve actually always known that there were things beyond our understanding,” she explained. “Legends exist that say the universe is just a giant game, and that many others exist alongside ours. We’ve always wondered what exactly they meant, but it wasn’t until earlier when Rosetta and the Doctor told us those things that everything clicked into place.”
“Yeah,” Pit said. “Samus, you said there exist creatures called ‘metroids’ in your world, right?”
Samus nodded.
“We knew about the existence of metroids in another universe, and there are even creatures called ‘komaytos’ that look a lot like smaller versions of metroids. Our two universes must be really close or something, huh?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” Samus asked, genuinely confused.
“Honestly, it never crossed our minds until we heard all that stuff from Rosetta and the Doctor,” Palutena explained. “We’ve been so caught up in all the chaos of this past week that we never had the time to think about it. And exploring Shulk’s home wasn’t any less distracting, either.”
“You think it backs up what we’ve been told?” Ryuk questioned.
“I’d say so,” Palutena answered with a nod.
This did nothing to help Samus’ mood. She felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach and she clenched her trembling hand into a fist.
Palutena must’ve noticed her discomfort, as she said, “Why don’t we talk about something more pleasant? Any suggestions?”
“We were talking about whether we might have to use the Elements of Harmony for whatever we find at our destination,” Yugi said, lifting a hand to the Element of Kindness.
Pit touched the Element of Loyalty hanging around his own neck. “This thing is super uncomfortable.” He scratched his skin around it. “I hope I can take it off soon after we’re done.”
“Oh come on, Pit, I think it makes you look very handsome,” Palutena said with a teasing grin.
Pit crossed his arms and pouted, but didn’t say anything.
“Eh, I think I’m just gonna pawn my Element off of on someone else,” Ryuk said with a shrug.
Everyone turned to him with great surprise. “Why?” Samus asked.
“I’m not the ‘save the world’ kinda guy,” Ryuk explained. “I like to sit on the sidelines and watch the action happen. Not to say I don’t want to go home,” he was quick to clarify.
Everyone stared blankly at him, waiting for him to say more. When it became clear that was the end of it, looks of disapproval crossed all of their faces. Samus leveled a particularly harsh glare at the Shinigami.
“That’s it?” Yugi asked.
Ryuk nodded. “Pretty much.”
“That’s a dumb reason,” Pit told him.
“We all need to do our part in this conflict,” Palutena said. “We’ve all been told how the Elements work— it isn’t too much to ask for to activate their powers when needed.”
“Eh, I’ll find somebody else who’ll do it for me,” Ryuk re-affirmed.
“Who exactly?” Samus asked. “How do you know there’s somebody else among us who can wield the Element of Laughter?”
Ryuk was silent again, his unchanging expression making it hard to determine what he was thinking. After a few moments, he stood up and, without a word, floated away down the platform. Everyone tracked him until he disappeared from view.
Yugi sighed. “I hope we’re all on the same page when the time matters,” he said.
“Yeah,” Samus said, bored.
“Can I fly some more, Lady Palutena?” Pit asked excitedly.
Palutena giggled. “Sure thing, Pit.”
She lit her staff and Pit’s wings were enveloped in the same colored light. “Thanks,” he said, before taking off out of sight over the bedroom.
“He’s the closest I can have to a child,” Palutena murmured.
Samus’ mouth lifted into a playful smirk.
“Can you speak from experience, Samus?” Palutena asked her.
“I wish I could,” she replied. “I never got the chance to really act as a surrogate mother for the baby metroid that imprinted itself on me. At the time, I didn’t really see our relationship like that, but in hindsight, I wish I’d cherished that bond a little more.” She cast her gaze downward, her mouth dipping a little.
Palutena reached over and clasped a hand on her shoulder. “If thinking about it now makes you happy, then I think that has to count for something. Don’t you?”
Samus’ smile returned. “Sure, I guess.”
“What do you say we go track down Twilight and see if we should come up with a plan for what to do when we reach our destination?” Yugi asked, standing up and stretching his legs. “While we’re at it, we should ask for her opinion on possibly finding someone else to wield the Element of Laughter if Ryuk isn’t on board.”
Samus and Palutena stood up as well. “Sounds like a good idea,” Samus said.
The three of them set off.
Pitch blackness was everything. A definite end didn’t exist to the dark void. A reptilian creature stood out as the sole definable object within, standing atop an invisible surface.
”That’s how it always works, huh? Apparently simply floating is taboo for some reason.”
The words didn’t come from the creature’s mouth; they came from everywhere at once.
”But it isn’t Aza.”