Twilight rolled her eyes as she prepared her coffee, watching her friends watch her closely.
It was getting rather annoying.
You're the one who tried to kill yourself, next time, cut off your horn and jump off a cliff so you can't save yourself accidentally. Twilight shook her head at the morbid thought. It wasn't too terrible an idea, though if she failed, and her track record was against her, she'd be crippled for life, and unable to ever attempt again. Not like you could try again anyway, they only leave you alone to use the bathroom... You could drown yourself.
"Shut up." Twilight grumbled.
"Twi?" Applejack probed.
"Nothing, sorry, just...talking to the voice."
"Applejack, are you okay to watch her alone?" Fluttershy whispered, Twilight was used to this, instead of calling them out, she decided to pretend she couldn't hear them anyway.
"Yeah, go take care of yer animals or whatever you need to do."
"I'll bring some homemade food when I stop by again." She whispered heading out the door.
"Er... Twilight, you said you were talking to a voice?" Spike piped up, clearly very worried.
"Not like that." She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, okay. So what are you talking to?" He asked.
"My depression. My psych wants me to try treating the depression as a bad house-guest that won't be easily evicted and to counter it's arguments." She sighed.
"Is it helping?" Applejack asked.
"Nope." Twilight sipped her coffee, Applejack and Spike gave each other worried looks.
"Twi, I wanna know why you thought suicide was a valid reaction. I know what ya said back then, but you weren't exactly stable. I wanna help as best as I can, and for that, I think ah need to know what has you so depressed."
Twilight looked hard at Spike.
"Not in front of him." She answered.
"What!?" Spike exclaimed. "I won't have nightmares or something if that's what you think!"
"No, I just... I don't want you to hear it Spike." She sighed.
"Fine, fine! Kick out the dragon again! You're lucky I'm small for now!" Spike growled and stormed out.
"He'll be fine, I'll make him some hot cocoa or something later." Twilight said gently.
"So, what happened Twilight?" Applejack asked.
"I was beaten and molested by my parents. I was raped by my brother. I was gaslit. I was granted no privacy, not even in the bathroom. My journals were subject to being invaded and corrected by my parents if I didn't paint them in a positive light, eventually I just stopped writing..."
If Applejack was upset by this news, she hid it well.
"Maybe ya should start a journal again. Defy them that made you feel like ya couldn't?" She suggested.
"...Maybe." Twilight sipped her coffee.
"I always thought it was terrible awful my parents died, but, at least while they was here they loved me." Applejack whispered.
"Spike, bless him, still loves my mother. She treated him better than she ever treated me. I don't know how he'd react if I destroyed his idea of a perfect "grandma", I... I actually at one point started to hate him Applejack. I... I shouldn't, but I love my parents, and I wanted her to love me the way she loved Spike!" Twilight began sobbing.
A pale gold handkerchief was suddenly in front of her, wiping her eyes.
"Twilight, I'm so sorry you went through so much pain."
"Thanks." She sniffled. "I mean, of course I love Spike, he's like a brother or a son to me, but, I used to hate him. It wasn't until I was sent to Ponyville that I began to recover a bit, and I still treated him like nothing more than a servant. He didn't deserve that. Not any of it."
"Maybe you should talk to him?" Applejack suggested.
"But he's just a baby!" Twilight argued.
"Spike is more grown up and mature than you realize Twilight."
"I don't want him to feel bad for loving my family." She muttered.
"Do you love your family, Twilight?" Applejack asked bluntly.
"I... yes. But that's not the point!" She argued.
"That's exactly the point. You're both gonna get hurt from all this mess. Honestly, I'm surprised the Princess hasn't sent a letter to your parents."
"Luna was in my fever dreams, she probably intercepted the letter or told Celestia not to before she did it." Twilight muttered, and then became angry. "Or maybe, those bastards got it and were only sad I hadn't succeeded and worried I'd expose them!"
"Twi, deep breath." Applejack reminded.
She inhaled slowly and then exhaled, trying to imagine the anger leaving her in the same breath.
"They are my family Applejack." Twilight cried.
"How about I share mine?" Applejack suggested.
Twilight smiled, and laughed a little. "Gee, thanks."
"Twilight Sparkle, I am serious. You're now my sister, because I said so, you deserve a good family, and I'll let you into mine!" Applejack shouted. "If I have to marry ya to make ya an Apple I will!"
Twilight stared at Applejack for a moment and began twitching.
"Twi?" Applejack asked concerned for her friend.
The twitching continued, and then a laugh spilled out. Twilight fell over, laughing and wheezing.
"Twilight? You okay?" Applejack asked.
"Sorry. Sorry. I just-" She coughed and laughed at the same time. "I just pictured you in a fancy frilly wedding dress, wearing your stetson and I-I..." the laughter continued.
"Glad to be of assistance." Applejack smiled.