Math had been the last thing on Babs’ mind when she went to bed that night, and as she arose the next day, that was the one thing that remained the same. As interesting as the new discovery had been, her mind had already flitted to another detail, one far more applicable to the moment at hoof.
The sun had just barely rose, but the filly still found herself tingling with urgency all the same. She wiggled out of her bed, taking care not to wake Coco up, and trotted over to the hotel dresser in the middle of the room. While it was one of the most ornate and well-polished cabinets she’d ever seen, there was nothing of particular interest on top of it other than a few assorted travel items the two had brought with them. That, and a complete guide to Canterlot’s countless attractions.
With all the light that filtered itself into the room, Babs couldn’t help but be a little surprised that Coco still wasn’t awake, but she lunged on the opportunity all the same. She inched towards the nearest desk and opened the small magazine as quietly as she could, which, considering that she happened to be an earth pony, wasn’t very quietly at all. By the time she’d managed to get the magazine in place and on the right section, she’d almost ripped at least a couple pages straight out of it.
This, she thought to herself, is why we gotta have metal bars through the middle of things like this back home. Glad to hear unicorn towns have better things to worry about.
Once she got the hang of flipping through delicate pages with her mouth, Babs made an effort to take in as much information as possible. Even as her body ached for the luxurious bed behind her, she knew today’s events were going to be far more important.
Because she’d seen Coco’s face yesterday. Even as the mare coached her through her insecurities, there had still been a look of disappointment in her eyes. Babs was over thinking it was anything too extreme--her mother had proved her love for her time and time again--but she still couldn’t stand it. All this time, she’d told Coco her one dream was to go to Canterlot, and now that she was there, she had no clue she wanted to be there to begin with.
Coco had set this all up for nothing, but it wouldn’t be that way for long. By the time the sun ascended further into the sky, Babs would know, and she wasn’t about to make a fool out of herself in front of her again. She wasn’t about to let today be the day she wandered aimlessly around some big city like she could do back home. And, more importantly, Coco absolutely deserved better than that.
Especially after everything she’s been through, Babs thought, letting the doubts drown her yet again.
No, especially after everything I’ve put her through.
****
The questions never stopped. By the stars, by Celestia above, they never stopped.
At first, they’d been another novelty, another way of life for a Bridleway star. And as Coco’s star rose, they just kept coming. Sure, the constant stream of reporters had only worsened Babs’ wounds when they first came, only a matter of hours after Mosely was first arrested. But that was the thing. She tolerated them, she hid her scars for as long as she could, because she knew they’d eventually stop coming. Whatever weird miracle had brought the two of them fame would end in an instant.
She’d thought that after the Oranges had sought revenge, after their matriarch Midsweet had foalnapped her and tried to take her for her own. She’d thought that after Mosely had gone to trial--that once there weren’t any more stories to tell, they’d finally leave both of them alone.
And they had, for a little while. Just enough time to lull her into the ultimate bliss of ignorance. And then, a few nights before Silver Phoenix was set to take off, they’d come for her again.
Throughout the last few months, the papers had figured out how fragile she really was, and so she was largely ignored. That was another thing Babs had taken for granted, too, the way the simplest of words could remind her.
It had been a simple question phrased to a new couple, but she’d been there to hear it all the same. The outlets might have pretended she wasn’t there, but she could hear every word.
Coco and Scene had been promoting their tour alongside the rest of Silver Phoenix when a single piercing sentence came out of the pony’s mouth. The one that told Babs what she’d been denying all this time.
“Your animosity towards your ex-producer is well-known in this industry.”
A stream of words, ones Babs could barely understand, but ones that she knew would destabilize everything all the same.
“So, Scene Stealer, how can we be sure you aren’t dating her with similar ill intentions in mind? That is to say, how can we tell that you aren’t just playing around with her because you know she’ll go along?”
The head reporter on that story had rushed towards his partner, trying to silence him in every way he could. In the new Manehattan, nopony dared ask such things, not when they knew just how much the couple had been through together. But apparently, it wasn’t enough for some ponies.
“How do you know you aren’t just dating her to get back at him?”
Even if things didn’t pan out with Scene, Babs knew the question would be the same. Every time Coco got into a new relationship, tried to shed her troubles with somepony new, they’d always find a way to bring him up. In their minds, there was no other reason anypony would want to be with Coco anyway.
Babs already knew all those thoughts were irrational, but she let them invade her mind anyway. Out of habit, or perhaps because she knew they should’ve been on her mind anyway.
Mosely had only dated Coco because he’d wanted to get closer to the filly he’d never wanted to exist. To figure out what had somehow brought these two otherwise different ponies together.
What it all added up to was this--Coco and Babs were both damaged goods. But there was one thing nopony had realized before--Coco didn’t have to be.
And yet, because of Babs, that’s all she would ever be known as.
****
An hour or so later, Babs finally plopped the magazine down onto the desk, sighing in satisfaction. It would be a stretch, making sure both her and her mother would get to do everything they wanted to do today, but she would have to make it work. Anything, so long as her brain didn’t flood her with that crazy guilt trip again today.
It’d cost her valuable time, and as much as she hated to think about it, it was still in her head. She had a vague idea that it was irrational, and if her therapist had been there to watch in on her, she would’ve been praised just for recognizing that. Yet, just knowing that much wasn’t enough to get it out of her mind, and at this point, she wasn’t quite sure what would.
Just when she was about to stew on it even further, though, Babs heard a fluttering sound under the covers, and she breathed a sigh of relief. At least with everything going on in her mind, Coco was still able to get a better night’s sleep than she usually did.
From what Babs could remember, her mother had never really gotten much sleep. The job she’d had before Bridleway had been even more demanding than her current one, if such a thing was possible, and over the years, she’d become a pony well-acquainted to late nights. Even when she turned her life around and stopped working for Suri, she’d still caused everypony quite a few scares with her old habits, and Babs could distinctly remember a time when she’d actually fainted out of pure exhaustion. Then again, that had also been one of Mosely’s incidents, so Babs put it out of her mind just about as soon as it popped up.
She wasn’t sure if she’d ever woken up before Coco, and if she had, she figured she would’ve remembered the sight. Sure enough, the normally-fashionable mare had just about as terrible a case of bedhead as anypony else, and the sheer irony of the sight was almost enough to reduce Babs to tears. By the time she placed a hoof over her mouth, it was too late, and Coco flashed her a knowing smile.
“I guess that means we don’t have to go to the science museum today,” Coco teased. “Since these pillows work about as well as the plasma balls they have there.”
Even with the remark, there was still a hint of nervousness in the mare’s tone, almost as if she’d also been up all night trying to consider what to do today. However, when Babs finally brought herself to look in the mirror, she noticed that her mane was just as static-filled as her mother’s. That, at least, helped things out a bit, considering the way she’d outright laughed in her face a few minutes ago.
Once the two had finally gotten all the laughter about the strange situation off their chests, they rushed to get ready just like they would’ve done on any ordinary day. That, in and of itself, was enough to alleviate Babs’ nerves a little. The second they left the hotel room, though, Coco was already flooding with ideas.
“So I’m assuming you don’t actually want to go to the science museum, right?” she asked as the two approached the ground floor. “I know we haven’t had time to ourselves in awhile, but I’m pretty sure it hasn’t suddenly become your favorite subject.”
“Even if it was, I still don’t really wanna do school stuff today,” Babs replied. “Some ponies might like learnin’ on vacation, but I don’t just want this to feel like a field trip. It’s a free day, and I want to embrace it.”
Granted, she still didn’t know much about the city itself, even with the hours she’d spent poring over the informational magazines. But gradually, she was starting to come to the sense that this was her chance to really explore Equestria outside of her schoolbooks. It was a strange sort of excitement, really, but one that Coco seemed to understand all the same. Just like she seemed to understand everything else about the filly.
“What were you doing up so early, anyway? It felt like a tornado was pulling my bedsheets off this morning. You must’ve really had something on your mind.”
“I just wanted to make sure I had everything planned. I told you I didn’t really have anything in mind for our trip yesterday, so I wanted to make up for that.”
Babs could practically imagine the words streaming out of her mother’s mouth--that they could’ve spent an hour or so planning that before going out, that she didn’t have to worry. But behind that warm aqua gaze, Babs could tell that Coco was onto her. Not just about the surprise planning session, but about her thoughts, too. By now, even she knew she couldn’t hide things from Coco forever, and that she’d be willing to listen to every one of her insecurities and coach her through it.
But somehow, as they trotted out the door to their first destination, Babs still didn’t feel the need to mention it. If the thought came back at all, at any other time, she would tell Coco everything. But for now, she’d practice fighting on her own and hope she could come out better than the last few times she’d tried it.
Because for the first time in a long time, the two finally had time to themselves. It was the least she could do not to ruin it with her own problems.
It was what Coco deserved.
****
No matter what possibilities Babs could’ve run through in her mind, nothing could’ve compared to the surprise Coco had for her. As embarrassed as she’d felt telling her mother she had no clue what she’d wanted to do in the city, she’d barely even realized that Coco had been expecting a clear reaction. And, while Coco readily agreed to whatever activity Babs chose for her, she wanted to make sure everypony got the chance to see what she’d planned.
As the two cantered along the city, Babs learned that Coco had set this up quite a while ago, right after Scene had announced the tour dates. Knowing her connections with Rarity, and Babs’ own connections with Applejack, the filly should’ve seen this from a mile away. But somehow or another, Coco had managed to get special access to Canterlot Castle, the one attraction just about every tourist in Equestria tried to get into.
Babs had never thought of herself as a particularly princess-obsessed filly, but the idea of seeing the castle in person still sent chills down her spine. As cool as she’d thought it’d be to surprise Coco with a visit to Canterlot’s largest Ferris wheel (there were apparently enough in the area to justify such a qualification, though the magazine emphasized that this particular one was the only one with a panoramic view of the city), this simply paled in comparison. So much so, in fact, that disappointment barely registered in Babs’ head.
When the two approached the drawbridge, the sight was almost too much for either to take. It was at once dreamlike and real, the same spiraling towers they’d seen every day in Equestrian newspapers, and yet something neither had really seen before. Even though they’d been chatting all the way there, the way its perfection loomed over them was still enough to leave both ponies breathless.
“We’ll only be able to look in on the royal proceedings,” Coco finally said. “Rarity told me that the princesses are too busy to take guests today, even if they are intimate friends of the crown.”
Babs got the distinct impression that was supposed to be a buzzkill for most ponies, but for her, it was nothing but a relief. While she’d gradually gotten used to being around important ponies, and gotten used to the fact that they wouldn’t automatically hate her or disown her like the Oranges had, she had a feeling that the next step in her recovery probably wasn’t going to be “strike up conversation with the Royal Sisters.” Or the hundredth step, for that matter. Come to think of it, it was a wonder her friends hadn’t immediately fallen into a coma the minute Princess Luna trotted into their dreams.
Instead of saying all this, however, she simply nodded in agreement, said it was okay, and moved on. To her surprise, she swore there’d been a hint of relief in Coco’s voice, too.
In any case, the inside of the castle was an equally impressive sight, with an entryway that was almost a cross between a catwalk and a temple. From what little Babs knew of the place, the sparkling blue carpet the Crusaders had told her about wasn’t there, so she assumed it was just something they’d put out for the Grand Galloping Gala. Again, she got the impression that she ought to be jealous of her friends for being invited to such an event, but as she stood there, all she could do was hope nopony recognized her or told her she was now famous enough to attend.
However, even if nopony tried to pass an invitation her way, the two ponies still got stopped more than once as they waited to get into the larger areas of the castle. As it turned out, the Canterlot tour dates had been highly publicized, and apparently, they’d sold out quicker than any other Bridleway performance to date. If Babs hadn’t already known how quickly situations like this could get awkward, she’d almost be proud her mother’s play was getting this much recognition.
Coco gave a few smiles and nods as she trotted past, handling the situation like a seasoned pro. For the most part, these sorts of encounters died down about a half hour after they got there, when they’d escaped the ticket lines that seemed surprisingly conspicuous for such a hallowed place. The booths, which looped around the grand hall, resembled the ones Babs had seen at museums, right down to the anti-changeling security checkpoints. While the castle was as impressive as she’d always imagined in all other points, looking at the ticket booths for too long made it seem like just another tourist trap, a theme park attraction rather than the political center of Equestria.
Thankfully, the wait wasn’t long, and by the time Coco and Babs got their tickets, a tour guide was already prepared to embark. Not wanting a repeat of what’d happened a few minutes ago, they made their way towards the back of the group, and sure enough, nopony seemed to pay them any mind.
They were all too taken by the scenery, and the potential of meeting Equestria’s real number one celebrities.
Other than the tourists, the castle was mostly deserted, making it seem more like the spooky abandoned palace in the Everfree Forest Apple Bloom had told her about than a hub of Equestrian society. However, as the tour guide assured them, life in the castle was often far more hectic, filled to the brim with as many sisterly activities and pranks as royal events. Ever since the changeling treaty was signed, Equestria was more and more willing to accept trade deals with other kingdoms, and so much of the week had been devoted to the delegations.
Most of this information went over Babs’ head, but with the way the hallways were designed, she barely cared. Even as the tour guide lectured her through various historical events that had occurred in each space of the castle, the architecture proved far more interesting. Every once in a while, one of the shining white pillars would be covered by some great Equestrian work or another, and the hallways were surrounded by ancient pieces of culture, from scrolls to silverwork. As much as it was a historical artifact in and of itself, the princesses had also designed it to be the strangest art museum in Equestria.
And so, most ponies were so lost in the magnificence of the building that after a while, Babs swore they weren’t listening either. It was a place that almost froze time just by looking at it, and by the time the tour guide took Coco and Babs aside for the extended version of the tour, neither realized that it’d ended in the first place.
The guide told them that they would end the tour with a trip to the royal courtroom, where discussions about the trade agreements were already underway. For the time being, however, he left them behind in one of the exclusive viewing areas, a room filled with stained glass portraits, and said he would be back in a half hour.
It almost seemed like an excuse to lock them in, even though Babs knew that wasn’t really the case. Even with the beautiful artwork covering the area, somehow the feelings she had before faded into the air, and she could feel an invisible sort of pressure mounting around her. While she knew it wasn’t exactly claustrophobia, since the room was still comfortably spacious, it hit her all the same.
And then she realized what it really was. Silence. For once, nopony was following her or clamoring to speak with her. It pressed against her, and for a few moments, she didn’t feel as though she was in a castle chamber at all. From the chilling quietness of it all, and the dark thoughts still on her mind, it almost felt more like an interrogation room.
She wasn’t sure how long things actually stayed that way, but for her, it felt like an eternity. Long enough, at least, for her to ask the one thing she promised she wouldn’t.
“Would you do it all again?”
The phrase echoed across the high walls, almost as if it was interrogating Coco right alongside the filly. However, when the mare finally came close to responding, she just looked confused. And so, despite herself, Babs felt the need to open her big mouth even more.
“I mean, I know you definitely wouldn’t leave me behind or anythin’. You’ve proved that so many times. But what about all the extra stuff that came with me?”
With a quick sigh, she added, “I was just thinking about that reporter from a few days ago this morning, and--”
Coco’s confusion slowly morphed into understanding before her eyes, and then onwards into fear. It’d become clear that she hadn’t thought about that incident, that she’d become too used to things like that for them to affect her. With all that in mind, the terror on her face was almost inexplicable.
Until the mare curled her up into her chest and gave her the most comforting feeling imaginable.
“It’s okay,” Coco whispered. “You’re handling this better than you would have a few months ago, but I had a feeling you were hiding something else today. You don’t have to do any of that as long as I’m around to help. Besides, I should’ve known this would come up after those reporters stormed us like that.”
Even though Babs was still a bit too young to fully comprehend the words Coco was whispering under her breath, she had a distinct impression that somepony had to have made her pretty mad for her to talk like that. Babs had heard those sorts of words from her tormentors, but never from her own mother.
“Nopony should have the right to make you feel that way,” Coco finally whispered, going back to some semblance of her old self. “That reporter probably knew the minute he said it that you were going to blame yourself for it, so that makes him the one at fault. So let me just say this: if anypony wants to make you go back to the pony you were before, the one who always doubted herself, don’t listen. Because you’re becoming such a great pony, and I never want you to have to go through anything like that again. I never want you to think you’re hurting me.”
In the past, it would’ve taken Babs so many more words to fall out of her wave of self-doubt, but somehow, for now at least, that moment had been enough. If anypony else had been watching it, they might’ve thought the whole thing had been anticlimatic, nothing to get worried over, and yet Coco understood. And yet that was what mattered.
“Because if it means being with you, I don’t care if I hear a million of those rumors. I know in my heart that they’re wrong, and I know in my heart that we can beat him together.”
“Besides,” Coco finally finished with a grin, “Mosely probably would’ve messed with me even if you hadn’t come into the picture. He would’ve found some other reason for making my life be miserable, and I wouldn’t have gotten the best daughter in the world out of the deal. My life would have a lot less sunshine without you in it, that’s for sure.”
And with that, the room went into silence yet again, but this time, it was a welcoming one. The one that came from a genuine understanding between ponies, a silent desire to be alone together with the ones they loved.
So the next time Babs trotted into the entryway, on her way towards the surprise she’d planned for her mother, she willed new thoughts to enter her mind. Ones that Coco, and everypony she cared about, had spoken countless times.
A bad seed takes other ponies’ potential and steals it for themselves. I create my own, and as long as that’s true, I will never be a bad seed.