A Cynical Pony

by TwiPON3

6: Sleep Reschedule

"Oh, God," Daria said, even more flatly as she held a hoof to her head.
"Are you--"
She fell onto the floor, asleep, causing Fluttershy to scream. Two seconds later, she was snoring louder than Sci-Twi's DeLorean.
"Twilight," I said, "Does that library of yours have a bed?"
That pulled her out of another panic, "She can sleep there! I want you and Starlight to keep an eye on her, though. I'm worried."
"No problem."
The three of us carried her to a bed in the library and put her in it.
"Now," Princess Twilight said, "I need you two to help her out with this. She's in a strange environment, and she doesn't seem to be the friendly type. It's gonna be a challenge, but I think we can help her.
"She did spend time with me at Hayburger earlier today, but it didn't go... smoothly."
"What do you mean, Starlight?"
"I'd rather not talk about it right now. I mean, I'm still trying to process it."
The three of us remembered earlier and became uncomfortably sure of what must've been said.
"I'll get to work on reopening the portal. You two remember your job."
"You've got it, chief," I replied
She must've turned over, because she was snoring loudly again. This time, it sounded like Applejack's Ford, if it were revved all of the way up, "Heavy sleeper," Starlight noted as Twilight began back to her castle.
"What do we do?" Starlight asked after Twilight left, "You've lived in the human world."
"I've never really thought about different time periods."
"Should we just see where the first little while takes us?"
"That's what I did the first time I went to the human world."
"...Just klutzy..." Daria mumbled.

"She didn't mean to stab him to death," Jane said, referring to an episode of Sick, Sad World that aired yesterday afternoon.
"Exactly. The knife just slipped. Sixty-seven times."
"Hey, people are klutzy. What can I say?"
"They're idiots?"
"So," Jane said as we were walking to her house, "Care to tell me about Colorful Magical Pony Land?"
"I think I'd rather stay in Muted Stupid Lawndale Land, instead."
I noticed her looking at me like something was up, "Uh, Daria?"
"What?"
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah. I'm-" the familiar, muted colors slowly became more vivid as we walkied in, "fine. I think."
When we made it to the kitchen, the colors weren't muted anymore, and Trent was eating a pizza.
"Trent," Jane said, getting his attention, "Why are you up so early? It's only 15:45."
"Axl said he was coming to... Whoa, Daria."
"What?"
"You're blue."
"Crap!" I said, running to the upstairs bathroom. I was going too fast to turn to the stairs without leverage, so I reached out to grab the handrail, but I couldn't. It had turned into a cerulean hoof, so I ended up running into the wall.
"Daria?" Trent asked, "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," I said, getting up and feeling my face, which now felt swollen where my nose was, "I have to check on something!"
I ran up the stairs, only to be followed with a familiar, but foreign, squeak, "Party?"
Then a Transatlantic-English Accent, "Darling?"
Next came a familiar, timid voice, "Um, can I help?"
Then I saw that... thing from the dress shop gright at the bathroom door, "Dissy and I can have you back!"
"No!" I said, grabbing in the doorframe for leverage, then slamming it shut and locking it.
At least I could be alone.
"Oh God."
I looked in the mirror, and saw that I had the body that I had when I was taken to that land of ponies, so I screamed. That growth out my ass... was a tail.
"Kiddo? Out of my way, dammit! My baby girl's in there!" I heard my dad say.
"You tell 'em Jakey!"
"Don't worry, sis!"
It must've been Dad who was knocking on the door, because I heard what sounded like office stress-knocking.
"Just a second. Don't freak out."
The door locked by a small button being pressed into the knob.
Come on, Morgendorffer!
I looked in the mirror, and the only thing that came to mind was using my mouth.
"Is it stuck?"
"No," I said with my mouth on the knob, gripping it with my teeth.
I turned the knob just enough to where it would unlock, but not open. Dad took care of that part for me.
"Kiddo, I'm... God, nooo!!"
"I'll go down, now."
Downstairs, Mom, the fashion club (minus Sandi), Jodi, Mack, Kevin, Brittany, Jane, Trent, and Aunt Amy were waiting on us. My appearance was met with complete shock.
"How do you feel?" Mom asked, looking as if she had been up for a week straight.
"Are you alright?" Quinn asked, in no better condition than Mom was.
"I'm fine."
Everyone came and hugged me except for Jane, Trent, and Aunt Amy.
"No! Off!"
Everyone backed off.
"Don't follow me," I said, going to the kitchen, which subsequently turned back into that pony land. The worst part of that was that Eris and what looked like her brother (if she had one) hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe, so I started screaming.

I sat up in a cold sweat and realized I wasn't wearing my glasses.
"Where the hell are they?" I said, groping around for a nightstand of some kind, "Thank God," I said as I found them with what I thought was glue on the nose of them. And a note.
"What the hell," I said, getting where I could read the letter in the light of the full moon.

Daria,
Sunset and I figured, also at the request of Princess Twilight, that we should stay with you. When you fell asleep earlier, you REALLY scared us, especially considering that you fell facefirst and hit your head on that table. We had you examined by a doctor from the Royal Infirmary, who said you were just suffering exhaustion from lack of sleep. You didn't hurt yourself too bad, though. It's just a small bruise on your forehead, nothing more. We both know how weird this must be for you, being a pony. I hope it's okay, but we listened to that music, and we think that you have at good voice for it. Sunset did some research, and she thinks it's something called 90s Grunge. It's different compared to anything we have in Equestria.
Anyway, if there's ANYTHING we can do to make you feel more comfortable or at home, just let us know, and we'll try our hardest to make it happen.

-Starlight and Sunset

"Wow. They do care," I said, looking up only to find Starlight passed out, surrounded by what looked like soda cans, "You could at least act like you care, Morgendorffer."
I looked around and found that my jacket had been hung on the cabinet door of the nightstand, while the few things I had in my pockets were right inside the compartment, so I pulled my notepad and pencil, and tried to write something with my mouth, similar to how I unlocked a bathroom door in my dream. I didn't get anywhere, so I went downstairs and into what looked like a kitchen.
"Let's try this again," I said, actually being able to pick the pencil up with my hoof, "All I can say, please get this."
I began to write

Whoever gets this,
It's me, Daria. I'm alright, and it's about 02:00 here. I don't think that time lines up exactly between these two worlds, because it was the middle of the day here when I talked to Jane at school, which I'm assuming was between 08:00 and 09:00 in Lawndale.
This place is called Equestria, and I am in a town called Ponyville. Don't ask. It's actually like being cynical, sarcastic, and realistic is horribly taboo here, seeing as how just hearing me talk can make anyone cringe.
As much as I'd like to get home, I don't think that there is a way. Or if there is, I probably would have missed out on about twenty-or-so years of life at home. I just hope this letter makes it to you in a timely fashion.
Equestria is a land populated by horse-like creatures known as "ponies". I've seen some pretty weird things while I'm here. Speaking of which, I'm not a human anymore. At least now, but I'm not one of them, either. I'm something called anime. If there's a way to get you a picture, I will. I'm not making any promises, though.
Moving on, this place is filled with magic. In a LITRERAL sense. I think that's how I'm holding my pencil to write this letter. I'm going to try to find someway to get this back to you if it kills me.

Daria

"That looks sloppy. I just hope they can read it."
I took the notepad, went back for my jacket, and left the library. On the way out, I noticed the sign said NEW GOLDEN OAKS LIBRARY. I made my way back to that castle, but I felt like I was being watched when I went in. I dismissed the feeling until I heard someone walking behind me twenty minutes later.
"Just keep moving, Morgendorffer. You'd be stupid to stop now," I said, coming to the realization that I was lost.
"Hey, dude. You lost?" a raspy voice said.
I started running, then it sounded like whatever it was began to fly, then land in front of me. I couldn't tell what it was because it was dark. What I did know was that it was a pony the size of Starlight Glimmer.
"Who are you?"
The pony stepped to the right so I could see her in the moonlight, "It's me, Rainbow Dash."
"You scared the hell out of me."
"Sorry."
"Can you show me where that window to my world is?"
"If... you'll let me wear those glasses."
"Sure," I said, reluctantly, "I need them to see."
I handed her the glasses.
"My vision's all blurry. How do I look?" I could tell that she was twitching her face because they wouldn't stay on mine, seeing as how they were made for humans.
"I can't see a damn thing, and I need to get this letter to the human world."
"How do you wear these? They don't stay on!"
"Could I have them back now? I'm getting a headache, and I don't like to be blind."
I got my lenses back.
"We can go."
Thank GOD.
She took me back to that room with the table.
"Twilight says that the mirror should go to your world, like a weird door."
"Thanks," I said as I walked into it, before being pulled in.