Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever!
Chapter 11: Blitz in the Ballroom
"YOU'RE ALL GUNNA FUCKING BURN!" Why did I hear that? Turning around, I saw that Griffin and co. had returned from dropping off the drunks. Except the bugbear followed them back and was now waving his crossbow around. It seemed to have an fiery arrow cocked and ready. I stood there and watched him pull the trigger, only for Griffin to smack the bolt away like a fly, sending it crashing through the window and detonating. That, somehow, triggered ALL of the other fireworks outside.
"Shit..." I stifled a laugh at his sudden attempt to apologize, and watched the asshole-bird smack him with a distinctive 'Ping' and blast him outside. Probably for the better.
"And it looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" I shouted, for the giggles. But still, I had a mission to complete, and I must find my gui-...-tar?
"Who the hell played that?" I asked, looking around. I saw Fleur de Lis point towards something. The stage. Why not? I turned and spotted Octavia, of all ponies, riffing out epically...on MY guitar! Wait, why's Vinyl trying to pull it away? Oh hell, they're gonna break it! ....why do I smell burned fur?
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Initiate 'PanicMode.EXE' y/n?
Y
PanicMode.EXE initiated
"OH FUCK!" I shouted, buzzing my wings to add some lift to my jumps. I leaped high over the crowd, straight from one end of the ballroom to the stage and grabbed my guitar, delicately moving the strings off of the lovely grey equine's hooves, only to get smacked in the face by her.
"Unhand me, you brute!" The grey mare growled, smacking me again.
"I will once I get your hoof untangled from my guitar, Miss Octavia!" I did my damnedest to be respectful, but it was hard when a lightning-wreathed hoof is thwacking me up upside the head.
"Let go! I can get it myself!" Defiant, angry, scared. She's scared of me, far more than anyone else. But fear breeds anger.... Oh lord, anger leads to HATE HATE HATE! So much HATE! I...I think I'm gonna be sick. Heh. Hate leads to suffering.
"No, you can't! The strings are made of lightning. You're just gonna burn yourself again." I sighed as she finally calmed down, though she still looked pretty panicked. I growled lightly at my guitar, tugging the first string off, granting the mare more room to move.
"There's one done, six to go." I looked up at her. "Sorry about this, ma'am."
Octavia snarled. "Sorry? What would YOU know about 'sorry'? I heard what you said earlier. 'Human'. Just like that vile beast."
I quirked an eyebrow at this unexpected comment. "Vile beast? You mean Griffin?" I shook my head, "I can agree on that much, he's an asshole."
She snorted derisively, "Not that buffoon, that OTHER winged beast, calls himself 'Zeta'. Blasted vermin."
"'Zeta?'" Who the fuck is 'Zeta'? " Never met a 'Zeta'. So far the only other humans I've spotted are Aoi, Griffin, and that bugbear."
"Do you honestly expect me to believe you hadn't heard of that MONSTER?" She was downright furious. Her eyes blazed with the heat of a thousand suns!...or something like that. One more string down.
"I've been in Equestria all of eight days. Seven of which were spent cleaning up Ponyville after Rainbow Dash and the Royal Guard tried to mutilate me. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for Princess Celestia. So forgive me if I've only met three of what I'm assuming are many Equestrianized humans out there." I mean, the year in the dream world obviously doesn’t count.
"Poppycock!" Did she seriously just say that? I stopped for a brief moment, giving her my best ‘What the hell did you just say?’ look before she continued. "There's no way you've only been in Equestria for eight days and already have the Princess protecting you! WHY would she protect such a vile monstrosity?"
Poppycock is a perfectly good word!
Yes, but it’s EXTREMELY silly...I wasn’t expecting her to say it. Seriously, think about it for a second...
I don’t see what’s so-....oh...oh my....
I stopped and gave a quick tug on the fourth string, getting her attention fast. "Ever considered it's because she BROUGHT me here?"
"WHY would she BRING you here? We have enough trouble with that tone-deaf brute and the other monsters."
"No idea, all I know is that we humans don't look like this. We're all the same species. Though apparently humans can't survive in Equestria or something, so we've been given new bodies. Something to do with a certain asshole by the name of Discord. Ever heard of him?"
"SO THAT'S WHY YOU MONSTERS ARE HERE!" She was fuming; I swear I saw smoke coming out of her ears. "That freak must have brought your kind here, didn't he!?" I hope she doesn’t catch on fire like Twilight did in the one episode. Scary.
That was one time!
BULLSHIT!
"From what I've gathered over my few days here? He dragged one of us from another dimension." I quirked my brow at her sudden confusion. "Didn't realize that, did you? NONE of us truly chose to come here. Those that agreed didn't realize that it was all true, the promises to come to a paradise. But what I've learned so far? This 'paradise' isn't all it' cracked up to be." I glared at her, pulling away the sixth string.
"....How bad is 'your world' that this place would seem a paradise in comparison?" She was still unconvinced, but I could practically SMELL the concern in her voice....
"....War." One word. One tiny little word and I could almost HEAR the record needle scratch. I tugged off the last string, letting my hand go slack.
....I’ve seen your world, and know you’re not lying. But still, that just sends chills down my spine.
That was kinda the point...Before The Game, you all had something beautiful, but never took care of it.
And now we do...Amazing what going through hell and back will do to a planet’s worth of people.
"War?" She seemed shocked.... OK, that was a bad pun. "How recent?" She, and the other nobles, were NOT gonna like the answer. I could FEEL them breathing down my neck, horror, fear, and even a little pity washing off of them, directed not just at me, but the other humans in the room. Blech. Who knew emotions had flavor?
"Daily." She and several of the eavesdroppers became deathly silent. "For the past five hundred years, there hasn't been a single day without war occurring somewhere. Even if things aren't perfect here...at least there's no worry that you'll be press-ganged into fighting against someone you've never even heard of, all for resources and money thinly veiled as 'the right thing to do'." I'm gonna admit this right now. I HATE war and all of its aspects. I don't mind action, or horror, but when it's all pointless? ...If it's REAL acts of heroism, I can get behind it. But war for fun and profit just makes me SICK!
Apparently, it made other ponies sick, as several ran off towards buckets, barrels, and waste-bins to begin retching, with Lyra comforting a certain cream-colored, candy-maned earth pony, having realized it quickly...
"If you face such a horror on a daily basis...then why?" I may or may not like where she was going with this. "Why do you like such...brutish noise?"
"You mean 'Metal'?"
"That's what you call it?"
"Yep. It's actually, believe it or not, much more closely related to full orchestra Classical than, say, dubstep."
"Ugh. At least THAT can be recognized as music."
"Really? Last I checked ANYTHING could be music to the right ears."
"Well I STILL don't see how that NOISE could be related to MY art!"
"Maybe you haven't given it a chance?"
"What's THAT supposed to mean!?"
"Well, you came here knowing griffin would be here, and hating his 'style' of music simply because it's not Classical. So, I've seen you doing your best to pretend there's no such sound going about. Yet here you are, getting your hoofsies tangled in my guitar's strings."
"Alright then!" She challenged, shoving my guitar into my face. "Show me! PROVE to me that that racket is genuine music!"
"Very well." I handed it back to her and stood behind her, making the mare nervous. "Now, just hold it like this. We'll start slow. Follow my hands with your hooves." She mimicked the action, her nervousness growing. Vinyl was standing nearby, glowering at me like a rowdy boyfriend making sure his lady isn't offended or harmed. I responded with a grin.
"You see, with metal...it's not about complicated notes. It's all about EMOTION! Because, you see....
[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWskjTGGGn4]We live for the magic in the sound!
Distorted guitars are breaking ground!
The drum pounding faster than my heart!
The vocals are screaming extreme art!
The passion for metal drives us forth, the best heavy metal comes from north!
The powerful tunes, spectacular shows, the audience screams in ecstasy!
Metal!”
”Metal?”
”Back with a vengeance!
Metal!”
”Metal??”
”All that I need is heavy metal!”
”Seriously? Metal?”
”Screaming together!
Metal!”
”Metal...”
”Metal is all that I need!!
While hell bends for leather we stand strong, a rocker can party all night long
The school couldn't teach us rock'n'roll, the school couldn't help us reach our goal
We live for the magic in the sound, distorted guitars are breaking ground
The powerful tunes, spectacular shows, the audience screams in ecstasy
Metal!”
”Metal.”
”Back with a vengeance!
Metal!”
”Metal!”
”All that I need is heavy metal!”
”Metal!!”
”Screaming together!
Metal!”
”Metal!!!”
”Metal is all that I need!”
As I concluded that phase of the song, Octavia downright PERFECTLY opened both barrels with an EPIC guitar solo! She learns FAST! Once it petered out, we both joined in singing, with EVERYONE roaring out the chorus!
”Metal,
Metal!
Back with a vengeance
Metal,
Metal!
All that I need is heavy metal
Metal
Screaming together
Metal, metal
Metal is all that I need!”
As the music stopped and we headed off the stage, I faced her and flashed her a cocky grin. "Admit it, THAT was fun!"
Octavia smiled, panting a bit from how hard she had to play that AWESOME guitar solo. "I will only admit that it wasn't as horrible as I'd feared..." she said.
"Octy, you are one stubborn mare," Vinyl teased. Me and her shared a quick laugh at the blushing musician, one that was quickly silenced when she smacked me with the flat of my own axe, knocking me off of the stage before leaving in a huff.
"Well done Knightmare," Aoi told me. "You've managed to make a little bit of peace...."
I pulled myself back to the stage shakily. "...Ow...." A few hushed snickers. Mostly from the far back, where a certain felinoid avian was watching. "I...MIGHT have deserved that..."
I crawled back to my feet and stumbled about on the stage, using my guitar for balance.
Aoi leaned onto the edge of the stage, making eye contact with Me. "You okay? She hit you pretty hard..."
I laughed. "Dude, Aoi, mah bro. I've hit MYSELF harder than that! No, seriously, ask the asshole back there, he witnessed it." With that, I shouted into the crowd at a certain eagle/lion flipper baby. "Savor it, Griffin the griffin, for it shall be the LAST time I embarrass myself! PERIOD! It shan't happen again!"
Aoi looked back to see Griffin giggling his ass off.
"Ten bits say you make a fool of yourself three more times tonight," Griffin said
I smiled and wrapped my arm around Vinyl, whispering into her ear. She giggled a bit as she heard my plan. The two of us turned to the audience with sadistically wicked grins. "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Scratch and I shall conduct a bit of an experiment in dedication to the resident bad-asshole, Captain Griffin of the Griffin Pirates!"
Griffin raised his eyebrows. "What does he have planned?"
"So, a 'special performance'?" Aoi guessed.
Griffin's face went blank. "I suddenly don't like this."
Me and Vinyl tapped horns, allowing a thick mist to rise up.
The mist formed a screen, eerie music playing. A visage of a pair of lion paws walking slowly forward through rubble and crushing someone's glasses filtered through. First came Celt saying "I fear no man! But that...thing....it scares me."
The image changed back to over the shoulder of a feather-crested head, ominous breathing as Diamond Dogs and changelings rushed into buildings, fleeing in terror. I showed up, speaking in a panicked tone: "No, I...I ain't talkin' about that freak, alright! ...H-he's not here, is he!?" I went up in fake panicking. "How do I get this fucking thing off!?" I'm trying to rip a microphone from my jacket before slamming into the camera, cutting the scene again...
"Eh? What is this?" Griffin asked.
The mysterious visage, a griffin it is revealed, kicked down a door, holding a familiar looking blade, its tip alight and ready to fire.
"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind those eyes..." An conjured illusion of Aoi said. The illusion cut to an image of a towering inferno spraying from the tip of Hades, the illusionary Griffin posing menacingly in a blazing city. "What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty...." The image pulled towards Griffin's face, zeroing in on his eyes...showing the world through HIS gaze...and it is oh..so....SUGARY! Literally, the world was even more sugary sweet than the real Equestria.
I started singing as the scene opens up.
Do you believe in magic?
I sung the song as Cherub-esque Diamond Dogs and changelings 'play' with Illusion-Griffin, his harmless antics translating to horrifying mutilations and murders in the 'real world'.
Griffin went slack jawed at the sight. "What. The. Hell...."
Many of the nobles were now laughing at the imagery of Griffin conjuring plush animals, flowers, and blowing bubbles and such at changelings and diamond dogs.
Aoi started laughing wildly at the thought of the Pirate captain acting like that... "No way in hell that would ever happen...."
"Knightmare, you... Fucking TRAITOR!" Griffin bellowed at me. After the humiliating exposé, he marched up to me and grabbed me around the neck, throttling me as he glared coldly. Aoi, who had been laughing his ass off the whole time, went silent at the sudden outburst. "What the FUCK was that?" Griffin shouted, hurting my ears.
"'Meet the Pyro!'" I answered in a strained voice.
Griffin blinked a few times. "Wait, you mean Valve FINALLY released 'Meet the Pyro?'"
"Yup! and It was EXACTLY like that, except we replaced the Blue team with D-dogs and the Pyro with you..." Griffin dropped me on the ground. I laughed after the landing, preparing to buzz off at a moment's notice.
Griffin sighed. "I don't believe this. Well, I guess I won't be helping you out with your little food problem."
"Now how the hell could you 'help' with THAT?" I growled, not trusting the egomaniacal griffin.
Griffin laughed evilly. "I know magic, and I maaaaaaaay just know a spell that lets us humans toggle between our true forms and what we are now." Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Aoi perk up at Griffin's mention of the spell. Griffin went on. "Meaning that, if I feel like it, not only could I expose all of us for what we really are, and make us damn near powerless at that, but if I were to make you human, you could eat some of the leftover food from the Sweet Apple Acres cart. However, for what you just did on that stage, I don't think I'm feeling very generous right now...."
I started twitching. "And you didn't bother mentioning THAT earlier!?"
Griffin snickered. "Must have slipped my mind......." Sarcasm is wonderful.
I growled, about to do something I hadn't done in, literally, years: Act in pure anger.
I grabbed Griffin by the neck. "YOU BRAINDEAD EGO-MANIACAL SNIVELING SONOVABI-" My vicious rant was cut off by a deafening explosion, making me drop my hold on Griffin.
Aoi looked towards the source of the explosion, a hand over Kokuryu’s, his sword, handle. I must have picked up the name during that hour of fear earlier
Griffin ducked the body of an unconscious guard as he flew onto the stage from the door.... at the FAR end of the hall. "Oh, what is it now!"
I swung my guitar, the sharpened edge whistling in the air, "Don't know, don't care. I need to mangle something really badly, so back the fuck off before it becomes you."
Griffin and I looked to the door, smashed and splintered, to see a strange form standing there. It looked like a dragon without wings. Its eyes glowed a faint purple, and it had small, blue lines running all over its scales. Clenched fists and a look of pure rage on its face darkened it’s demeanor. Behind it was a pony wearing full steel plate armor, with a two-handed sword across its back, looking a little nervous. The dragon stormed through the hall, ponies jumping out of its way as it walked, cracks appearing in the stone as it came forth. As it walked up the remains of the red carpet, me and Griffin looked at each other, and jumped backwards, to either side, holding our weapons at the ready for when things inevitably became violent. The pony behind looked rather upset; probably the dragon's traveling companion, embarrassed that it was disrupting the Gala. Aoi crouched to a low stance and tightened his grip on Kokuryu, but he didn't draw it just yet.
I stomped onto a long table and marched towards the wingless dragoness. I dragged the axe along, the blade cutting deep into the thick hardwood table effortlessly. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" I shouted at the dragoness, clearly pissed that my rant was interrupted so suddenly.
It only walked right past us, ignoring my protests entirely, up to the throne where Luna sat, Celestia absent due to her lying in bed, drunk. She stared in the moon princess's eyes for a moment, before winding her arm back, and delivering a bone shattering punch to her muzzle. And Luna had probably just recovered from her fight with Chrysalis.
At this, I stood there, slack jawed. I just about dropped my weapons in shock of the audacity of what this dragon just did.
"WHO ART THOU AND HOW DAREST THOU DISRUPT THIS OCCASION AND ATTACK EQUESTRIAN ROYALTY?!" Luna shrieked in her RCV. "THOU SHALT BE PUNISHED FOR THIS ACTION!"
I twitched, and in my rage, I picked up a chair and chucked it at the dragoness. "HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!" The chair hit, shattering on impact. But it. Didn't. Do. SHIT! The dragoness just shrugged it off like a boss!
I twitched even more and grew more frustrated, LITERALLY shooting off jets of steam and fire from my nose and ears, before shifting into a massive mechanical construct, the dreaded 9-Ball, charging at the dragoness, my weight enough to shatter the thick tiles of the ballroom, crushing tables and chairs underfoot effortlessly. "OUTTA THA WAY! COMIN’ THROUGH!"
But Luna's horn lit up, brilliant as the moon itself, and she flew into the air. Lightning began to crack in the sky behind her. She pointed her horn at the dragoness as I shifted and charged.
"Griffin, get Knightmare away from them, he's gonna get his ass kicked!" Aoi shouted at the griffin in question.
The dragon grabbed Luna by her horn, and smacked my mechanical form across the room, using the Princess like a baseball bat.
Coincidentally, I landed right on Aoi. The Wolf got his footing back as we skidded across the slick floor. "I got you!"
We both smashed into a wall, leaving a deep crater. "Bad....move...." I charged out, roaring like mad, readying my axe to strike, unharmed from the blow.
"You okay, Knightmare?" Aoi asked. "Knightmare, WAIT!" He grabbed me by the mechanical jets, earning a burned paw for his efforts.
I roared as loud as I could. "I will be OK when I got that oversized lizard and that damn bird in a headlock!" I charged out, Aoi still gripping my jets, and prepared to knock some manners into that oversized iguana.
Sadly, Griffin stood in front of me before I could get to that bitch of a dragoness "Hold it, bug. Think about it for a sec, k?" I turned and watched Luna. After having her magic fail trying to affect the dragon due to its scales, instead, she resorted to physical attacks. Even though the Princesses are AWESOME at magic... They fucking suck at physical fighting... Which was made apparent by the way the newcomer had grabbed Luna, tossed her into the ceiling, caught her on her way down, and stomped on her back, driving her through the floor and making a fairly large hole in it.
"If that thing can do THAT to Princess Luna, just what exactly do you think you'll be able to do against it?" Griffin continued. "It would be better if the three of us stayed OUT of this, at least till we know what we're dealing with." I changed back into my pony-changeling form, and hung my head in defeat. I then looked up at Griffin with a small hint of determination. Luna and the dragon had disappeared somewhere.
"Fine," I said, "But then we better spend this time thinking of how we can beat that thing."
"Heh, next time, Knightmare, don't expect to use me as another pillow. My ribs still hurt from you slamming into me," Aoi said as he walked up to me, a needle in his hand. I nodded at that, letting out a little laugh as I did so.
"Okay, Knight and Aoi," Griffin started. "We've got something here that is on the same level as Princess Luna. Did you see those lines all over it?" Me and Aoi nodded. "Yeah, that's magic if I ever saw it, meaning that this dragon..... thing, rather than using basic dragon abilities, probably knows how to use spells. And unlike me, since it's a dragon, it has a near unlimited reservoir to use spells."
"A dragon that knows how to use further magic?" Aoi asked.
Griffin nodded. "So, we'll need to triple team it, if it comes to that. Also, its scales were black, meaning we're gonna have a tough time even cutting it to begin with. It's smaller than the ones I'm used to fighting, and it's faster, so we'll have trouble even hitting it to begin with." He then turned to the wolf next to me. "Aoi, you've got the best shot at hitting it and actually doing damage."
"Griffin, there's something important I need to tell you!" Aoi started.
"Yeah? What is it?"
"Ubi told me about how dragons use magic, usually taking years of natural practice... Meaning..."
"Meaning?" Griffin was getting a little impatient.
"What did you say about using magic..."
"That it has a nearly unlimited reservoir? That it is definitely using it?"
"About those lines..."
"Yep, and if it takes years of practice, yet this thing is using it so young, I'm guessing it's the Twilight Sparkle of dragons."
"You're not going to be able to get near it... let alone touch it, or even a swing at it. Unless you can use that same level, We're most likely going to get floored as soon as it finds a new target."
"You're right. My sword is too slow. I won't be able to hit it, unless I have a clear shot and she doesn't see it coming. Knight, let's face it, you might be able to hit her, but you won't do any damage at all, so........"
"So, we're right fucked then, aren't we?" I quipped.
"... Wrong..."
"Huh?" I said. Aoi held out the needle in front of us.
"Now, I didn't say we couldn't buy some time for Luna..."
"You mean, let us handle it, while we give her time to prepare herself?" Griffin retorted.
"Yeah, but first..." Aoi called over one of the Diamond Dogs he traveled with.
By the look on Griffin's face, the wheels were turning in his head. "Knight, you and I will play distraction, while Aoi does his ninja thing and goes for the kill shot. We'll only get one chance at this. Screw up, and we're all dead. It won't fall for it a second time. It could work, and it means we're more likely to live since we'll be playing defensively."
"Ubi, on my signal, get ready to call the royal guard," Aoi tells the dog at his side.
"I can't, everyone's too scared to, they're not going to listen," the dog Ubi pointed out.
"Dammit!" Aoi paused to think. "Griffin, how much magic can you spare?"
Griffin pulled three vials of a weird red liquid that looked like blood from his pouches. "I got about ten minutes of unlimited spells, but then my brain will be fried and I'll have to drop out."
"I only need one spell."
"Hold on." Griffin snapped his fingers. Trixie, Gilda, and a tall cat-lady who was traveling with Griffin were soon at his side. "You three, get the crew to evac this place. It's about to become a warzone."
I growled in anger. "I still hate you, you know that, right? Once she's down for the count, then it's gonna be you and me." I stopped and thought. Celestia mentioned previously that she gave me 'special powers' in three of my forms. I’ve only got a short time using my mechanical form before it gets too painful to keep up, but if we need speed, [url=http://www.gundammodelkits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Armored-Core-OMER-TYPE-LAHIRE-Gun-Metallic-Ver.-Model-Kit-01.jpg]how about [url=http://ravenrepublic.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/XA-0901.jpg]something like this?"
I’m still trying to wrap my head around how these mechanical forms work.
Just call it magic and be done with it.
....That sounds like a good idea. I can’t believe I just said that. Blasted humans and your fingly-fangly machines.
"Bullets aren't going to work on something harder than diamond." Aoi reasoned.
I grinned sadistically. "Hence why I was thinking a plasma shotgun, instead of gatling guns."
"They might at least get her attention, and give extra breathing room to the rest of us."
I nodded. "Shall I?" I shifted to my LAHIRE form, the slender black and gold mech still painful to shift into. I listened and logged Aoi's battle plan whilst prepping the Sampaguita plasma shotgun for battle.
"Remember, we're going for distraction and buying time." Aoi reminded.
"Now, Aoi, you said you needed one spell?" Griffin asked.
Aoi gave a wide smile. "Yes."
"What kind of spell were you thinking?"
"Can you make me go faster for about 30 seconds?"
Griffin laughed. "How much faster?"
"Fast enough to turn me into a living bullet while falling?"
I perked up. "Does 2578 kilometers per hour sound right?" Aoi nodded.
"That, I can do. Just tell me when you want the buff."
As we discussed our plan, I could hear thuds coming from deeper in the castle, and the hum of magic as heavy things were tossed around. I listened whilst testing my boosters, hovering about in various directions, the powerful jets thankfully quite silent even as I circle the planning duo in mid-air. I scanned the battlefield in preparation, able to detect powerful vibrations coming from deeper in the castle. "Something tells me they're not in the ballroom anymore."
Griffin said "Wait a minute, guys, aren't we forgetting something?"
I blinked with my non-existent eyes. ....oh FUCK! I’m recalling something OTHER than the armored pony, something that scares me a WHOLE lot more!
I turned and look at the armored pony that came in with the rampaging dragon, who was trying ever so hard not to be noticed.
Griffin pounced, pinning the pony to the ground."You, you came in with that...... thing. You know it better than we do, so, tell me its weakness."
"Um. I'm Ritz.... I don't... really... know... any of her weaknesses? I don't even think she has one..."
"You're kidding..." Griffin deadpanned.
I approached the pony, holding the Sampaguita to its head. "Well then, 'Ritz'. I suggest you help us, or you won't have a face for long." My voice came out cold, and mechanical. Kinda unnerving.
Aoi, however, fucked up my fun by getting in between me and Ritz, shooting a glare at me. "Don't start this, Knightmare, it might be hard to do, but calm down..."
"Ugh, it's fine," Griffin said, gripping his head. "A dragon that uses magic is small enough to evade power strikes, and strong enough to withstand speed attacks. It's very possible that she really DOESN'T have any weaknesses. We'll just have to play her 'Not-strengths'"
I moved my mechanical head, staring at Aoi. "I don't think you fully realize what's hidden within this castle. If their brawl should breach the Black Vault, we are ALL in deep shit. Ending this fight as soon as possible is my current priority."
"Black vault?" Griffin asked, tilting his head and stepping off Ritz.
I shuddered, the empowered disguise falling away in green flames, "Celestia told me about it. It's a literal vault where things deemed 'More Dangerous than Discord' are locked away. It's INSIDE the castle! If their brawl breaks it open, I don't wanna think of what...THINGS could get released! If you’ve ever heard of the SCP Foundation, then you’ve got a good guess to what’s inside."
"Well fuck." Griffin said. "That would have been nice to know. Now we have to go after them.... wait a sec. We are seriously forgetting something. Six somethings, actually." I caught Grif's hint almost immediately: the Elements of Harmony.
"We need to go now, I don't want to deal with other hazards that could endanger MORE civilians," Aoi said.
I grinned. "OH GIRLS!" I shouted, turning around to see the Mane Six, conveniently RIGHT THERE. "Time for a brawl!"
"You six, get the Elements of Harmony," Griffin instructed. "Whatever this thing is...."
"Her name is Ember!" Ritz protested.
"Okay, 'Ember' is rampaging, and fighting Princess Luna as we speak. The three of us have a plan, but if it fails, we need you to use the Elements of Harmony. So go get 'em."
"Rainbow Dash, what are you still doing here?" Aoi asked the pony in question as he looked at the blue pegasus with concern.
"I'm here to help, isn't that obvious?" Rainbow replied.
I rolled my eyes, "She's the Element of Loyalty, that's why!"
Aoi looked at me. "Element?"
"Aoi, these six are actually national heroes. They each wield one of six magical artifacts, called the Elements of Harmony, which combined, are the most powerful force in this universe." Griffin explained.
"Hmm... I sure hope you're right about this..." Aoi said with a bit of nervousness; he's probably thinking of all the things that could go wrong.
I nodded sagely, "They've beaten a demonic overlord, a psychotic god, and a power-hungry mage-queen. I think they can handle a wingless dragoness."
Griffin pressed on. "So, you six go get them while we hold her off and....." Just as we were getting ready to move out, there was a crash, and the dragoness, named Ember, crashed through the wall, using Luna like a battering ram. "Girls...... go...... now......"
I gulped. "......You gotta be fuckin' with me...."
Aoi quickly ripped Kokuryu from out of its scabbard and held it at the ready. "Griffin, when I sheathe my sword, cast the spell."
I quickly shifted to Speed-mode LAHIRE and began locking on with every missile in my arsenal.
The six mares backed away as the three of us readied our weapons. Ember tossed Luna to the ground with disdain, and began stomping towards us.
I looked to Griffin, "Shall I begin?"
Griffin shook his head. DAMN IT! "Ember, STOP!" And then Ritz, who we had all forgotten about, smacked Ember on the back of the head. Her eyes stopped glowing, and instead of purple, were now red. The blue lines faded from her body, and she began looking around confused.
I blinked my eyes -that-weren’t-there a few times. "Well now, that was anticlimactic."
Ember clutched her head. "Ugh, what happened?"
"You went on a rampage, AGAIN! And at the Grand Galloping Gala!" The armored pony screeched. What is with people and high-pitched noises today?
Griffin's mind was apparently full of fuck. "What....... the....... fuck..... just..... happened.......?"
Aoi lowered his blade. "Scratch that...."
I twitched a bit before bellowing in RCV: "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED!?"
"Ummm..... oops?" Ember apologized. Shittily, might I add. "Sorry folks. Eh-hehehe?" She laughed nervously. Griffin lowered Hades and his right eye started to twitch.
"Ember just got some sense knocked into her..." Aoi snickered.
I rubbed my temples as I shifted back to my humanoid form. "You...you have GOT to be shitting me...."
Griffin facepalmed. Ember looked at him angrily, suddenly recognizing him apparently. When he removed his claw, he saw her staring at him. For a few moments, the two locked eyes with each other... until Griffin decided that he has had enough.
"WHAT?!?!?"
"You," she said simply.
"What about me?" He inquired.
"Yeah, what about him?" I said. "Because, seriously, fuck him, he's an asshole."
"I'm gonna kill you," she spat at him vehemently.
I blinked. "...I like this gal."
Aoi pinched the inner corners of his eyes in frustration. "Five minutes ago you wanted to get back at her for interrupting..."
I quickly retorted to Aoi's comment by saying, "Only because she was interrupting me giving Grif a piece of my mind and playing some Grifball."
Ember pressed on. "But not here. Too many innocents to get in the way. Be warned. I will find you. And I will fill you with so much pain, you will beg for death. And after that, I'm going to EAT you, but, unlike my dad, I WON'T choke."
Aoi blinked twice at what she said.
I blinked as well. "Wait, what? The who with the what now? .....Fucking hell my brain is so full of fuck and rage right now, I can't think straight."
"Now, I have to go talk with Princess Luna." Ember grabbed the unconscious alicorn by the horn and dragged her out of the hall and into a meeting room. By the way, she said 'talk' seriously and not spitefully; it appeared she really was just going to talk. At least, I thought so.
"WAIT! Ember..." Aoi called to her while she's still in sight. She ignored the wolf's call.
"Wait... hold on. She storms the gala, wrecks shit, curbstomps Luna, snaps out of it, says sorry, threatens me, then takes the princess out back to have a chat over a cup of tea?" Griffin asked rhetorically. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?"
"I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME!" I screamed, making use of the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Aoi sighed and sheathed Kokuryu, "I don't know, either, but it looks like you're going to have to watch your back. She just swore a vendetta on you..." Aoi said, speaking to Griffin, not me.
"Sonor. Sonor. Sonor. Sonor. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" Griffin screamed, his magic amplifying it to RCV levels.
"WHADDA YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A BIRD CAT THINGY!" I countered.
"WHY ARE WE YELLING!?" Griffin shouted into my ear.
"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! THAT'S WHY!" I countered, yet again.
"WELL YOU'RE A WUSS!" Right about now was where we'd come to blows, were it not for Octavia smacking us both upside the head and pointing to Aoi, who looked REALLY .....calm.
"She just swore a vendetta on you... and please stop yelling..." The warrior wolf was gripping his ears, clearly in pain. "I'm still trying to burn through the spiked punch, you yelling is not helping."
"Okay.........." Griffin took a REALLY deep breath, "She said she's gonna kill me, and unlike her dad, she won't choke........ wait, her dad? Oh, just FUCKING great. She's pissed because that dragon ate me and it died instead of me."
"Wait, what?" I looked right at Griffin with the 'Are you serious?' face, "Are you serious? A dragon ATE you and it died? How the fuck does shit like that happen?"
"I'll tell you what I tell everyone else. I'm chewy." Snarky-ass bastard.....
"He dove down it's throat with a scale." Aoi responded, cutting off Griffin's fun.
"Wow Aoi, way to ruin it." HAH!
"That's for yelling... My ears are still ringing..."
"No comment." I shook my head in irritation. "Not only are you an asshole but you're a lunatic to boot." I sighed and walked off to survey the damage - hopefully nothing was wrecked too much.
"They're coming to take me away, haha! Hee hee, ho ho, haha, to the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time!" Griffin...was singing...THAT song. Yup, he's a lunatic.
"Seriously though, yeah, I know. I'm pretty screwed up." Odd, I thought you were Captain Griffin, not CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
"Then move to Ponyville, you'll fit right in!" I shouted, getting a few chuckles out of Griffin, Aoi, and Octavia.
"Have your face plastered all over the news one day" Aoi butted in. "Then you could see yourself acting crazy."
"Um, I hate to interrupt but..." At the sound of Twilight's worried voice, we turned to see them with the Elements of Harmony, all of them VERY worried.... "We have a problem."
Oh we are so FUCKED!
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