If you had told me a year ago to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I probably would have called you a faggot and walked away laughing. However, after a few episodes, I was undeniably hooked.
My name is Johnny, and I'm a college boy from a small town in the middle of Tennessee. Don't let the background fool you, though, I am by no means a Bible thumping redneck that some people think I am. Studying medicine, read books for fun (yes I am an egghead) and just all around hanging out, like a normal guy. However, there is one little pony that makes that seem unlikely. Her name is Applejack, and she is by far my LEAST favorite pony in the entire show.
It's nothing personal, well maybe it is, but she just really grates on my nerves. This is the redneck pony we're talking about, the pony that personifies all things Southern and country, so when she first spoke you can imagine my dislike.
Her first line in the entire show, not counting the opening when she sings, but the first real line that would forever be branded into my brain.
"Yeehaw!"
What...the...hell? Just like that, I knew this pony was going to be the stereotypical redneck that is everyone's vision of those of us who live in the Bible belt. Oh there have been lots of situations where she's not been the brightest candle in the shop, my personal favorite when she claims that "My sister is speaking in fancy!"
I honestly wanted to punch the freaking wall.
----
"Dang this rain, I can't see a thing." I muttered to myself as I drove down the highway from my night classes. Leave it to me to be stuck with the crappy evening Biology course. Then again, it was the somewhat good professor teaching this one. I had been pushing my luck severely when my gas light had come on in my truck halfway up there, and now I had barely started on my way back when it began to slow down.
And to top it all off, it was raining. Hard.
"No no no, don't do this to me!" I sighed as my truck groaned to a halt on the side of the road. I got out and tried to push it, but somehow it had gotten stuck in the mud. "Perfect." I groaned, getting back into my truck and trying to turn on my phone. The phone came on with a buzz, but was really low on power. I had one shot, so I called my dad.
"Hello?" He answered over the phone.
"Hey dad, it's me, I need some help on the highway. My truck is out of gas." Is what I said over the phone, but I'm guessing it came out more like "H y da, i m I ed sme he on the hihway. My trk is t of as." or something, because my phone cut off after that.
"Freaking great." I got out and tried to push again, but the truck wouldn't budge. Phone dead, no car, and to top it off it felt like a hurricane outside. I decided to walk a little ways down the road to what looked like an old farm. Crossing the tall grass and barely falling into a few holes, I came across a large barn that had been abandoned for what looked like years.
There's worse places to hide out during a storm, I though to myself as I forced the doors open. Sure enough, the inside was just as ragged as the outside. I sighed as I lay down on a bale of hay and tried to force myself to sleep.
"Come on, Johnny, you've been through worse." I smiled as I closed my eyes. "Just think, what would Rainbow Dash do?" I laughed. "Be awesome, that's what." I drifted off to sleep, letting the sound of the pouring rain fade away as my subconscious took over. I would find a gas station in the morning and use a payphone to talk to my dad again, or just call a tow truck. Either way, things would be ok as long as the cops don't show up.
----
"What in tarnation are ya'll doin' in here!?" A Southern belle accent flung me out of my sleep and into the waking world. A set of teeth, or what I thought were teeth, suddenly grabbed the back of my shirt and hauled me up and out the door in one quick motion. "Tryin' to make off with our apples?!" She yelled at me.
"Applejack?" I said in confusion, rubbing my back from the impact of the toss. "Dangit, girl, that hurt!"
The orange mare tilted her head and stared at me.
"You know who ah am?" She asked, looking confused.
"How would I not, that voice could wake the dead." I teased her.
"Now hold on, partner, you got a slight accent yourself. Don't be makin' fun of us down here." It was true. Try as I might, I always had a bit of a Southern accent when I was annoyed or excited.
And if I ever started saying ya'll or git, then duck.
"Sorry, hehe, well umm..." I tried to find the words to say to this pony. "How did I get here?"