Ethan was in his Cell reading the book he had gotten. He was about two thirds of the way in, and while he had related to the main character at the start, the pony at this point felt foreign to him. She chose to give up one of her most valued goals in life to help her two of her friends achieve theirs. It was an act of virtue, a ‘sacrifice the few for the many’ mentality.
“She basically took a bullet for the team.” Ethan mumbled under his own breath. The Idea that in order to do the right thing one has to do something knowing it will have a negative impact upon oneself is a bittersweet notion at best.
He hadn’t read to the end, so he didn’t know if the sacrifice the protagonist made would pay off later in the book, though he suspected it would seeing as most fiction has a happy ending.
Ethan closed the book and got back to his favorite activity. Staring emptily into the roof. He imagined that if he just did it for long enough that it would give him some answers, though he didn’t expect to get any. What would the answer even be?
Ethan was not long after brought out of his pondering by the clopping of hooves hitting stone.
He swallowed hard. Was this the day Celestia was going to reveal what the surprise was?
He got up in from where he laid on his cot so that he sat on the edge with his legs hanging off the edge while he faced the bars separating him from anyone who would talk to him.
It didn’t take long before Celestia got into view where she then proceeded to sit down in her usual spot. A slight smile donned her today.
“So, how has your day been?” Celestia started, seemingly not nervous at all to talk to Ethan today.
“Oh, I don’t know. Still empty and meaningless like most days.” Ethan took a pause wanting to see how Celestia reacted to his downtrodden mood. She didn’t seem to lose any of her confidence however.
“What are you so happy about?” Ethan questioned.
“Your surprise!” Celestia exclaimed in a song like manner.
“It’s done! I’m moving you to a different place in the castle.”
“You’re moving me? To where?”
“Somewhere more comfortable.” Celestia stated, though her mood went from happy to serious in a blink. “And Ethan, please don’t try anything. I’d rather not have to… you know…”
“Knock me out and drag me to my new location.” He gave her a thumbs up. “Gotcha.”
Celestia took a moment to look at Ethan as he picked up his book and his spare clothes that he kept on a shelf not far from his cot. He then stood up with his hands full and walked over to the bars where the door to the cell was, waiting expectantly on Celestia to open the door.
Celestia took a deep breath. She hadn’t seen Ethan without the metal bars separating them for a few weeks now. She was internally beating herself up over that she hadn’t given Ethan a better room sooner, but she wanted to try and intimidate Ethan. But she never fully committed to that strategy, and as a result it did nothing but separate Ethan and Celestia further apart. She hoped changing his room could remedy some of the feelings he might have garnered against her. But even if it didn’t she was still glad that Ethan didn’t have to be down here in the dark damp dungeons anymore.
She took one last look at Ethan, reassuring herself that he wouldn’t try anything. Maybe she should’ve brought guards for this? No they would only have gotten in the way and it would make Celestia seem like she didn’t trust Ethan. Right now, she only wanted to gain his trust again, and what she was doing was the right thing. Celestia reassured herself.
She put the key into the lock and twisted until one could hear the heavy clank of the lock unlocking.
She looked up at Ethan, again waiting to see if he would do anything, but he simply stared at her with a cocky smile. “I said I wouldn’t do anything.”
“I know. I’m just… being cautious.” Celestia opened the cell door letting Ethan step out while keeping a guarded eye on him every step he took.
Ethan was now out of the cell, looking in the direction Celestia always arrived from. He could see that the hallway extended quite a lot longer than he remembered. Not that it was an issue, he was just happy to be able to see anything else but the bars keeping him contained to the small space he had.
“I think you know the way out, so… after you.” He heard Celestia say.
Ethan did a nod, signaling that he understood and walked down the hallway that would lead to the upstairs. It took only but a minute before they were out of the dungeons and in a hallway in the main castle. He stopped only a bit outside the door waiting for Celestia to catch up. She kept herself a few feet behind him so he wouldn’t try anything on her.
“So, which way now?”
“You know where my room is. Just, walk to there, and I’ll give directions once we are there.”
Ethan got a bit suspicious. Her room? Was she planning anything?
He began walking in the direction he remembered would lead to her room. They walked in silence, Celestia being nervous, and Ethan wondering why she was leading him to her room. Once they got to her door Celestia spoke. “You see the door to your right just a few meters ahead right? That is your room.”
Ethan kept walking with Celestia behind him. He glanced behind him, looking at Celestia who to his surprise wasn’t aiming her horn at him, but was simply watching him. Not even with caution at this point. Once he arrived at the door he noticed that the doorframe had runes embedded into it. Not many, but just enough for him to know that they weren’t there for decoration.
Celestia grabbed the handle of the door with her golden magic, opening the door for Ethan to step inside. Ethan however didn’t walk in. He stared emptily at the ground. He didn’t want to walk in, knowing it would just be another cell confining him to a very limited space. He missed being outside. He missed going on walks. He was so tired of just sitting in a room doing nothing but think and read and occasionally talk to Celestia.
“Ethan?” Celestia looked at Ethan. What was supposed to make Ethan happy only seemed to make him sad. How? Why? How was this a bad thing? Celestia wondered.
Ethan looked up from the floor and made eye contact with Celestia. He stared at her with a pleadingly glint in his eyes, quietly asking not to be forced to walk into that room.
Celestia steeled her resolve. No matter how much this hurt to say she couldn’t risk it. “Ethan, step into the room please.”
Ethan let out a depressed sigh. His whole form slumped, but he took the steps necessary to be inside the room, and his future home for the foreseeable future.
Once they were inside the room Ethan began looking around, getting a feel for the mood of the room while taking in the amount of newfound space he had to walk around and explore.
He laid his clothes on the queen-sized bed and walked slowly in circles while looking around. Sure there was plenty of space. It gave Ethan the false sensation of more freedom, but what was the point of more space if there were nobody to share it with?
“So, what do you think?”
Ethan felt empty inside. He knew why Celestia gave him this new room, and it was with good intentions at heart. Yet, the gesture seemed hollow to him for some reason. Why couldn’t he for just once feel something good come out of Celestias actions.
“I like it.” Ethan answered in a more monotone voice than he intended.
Celestias good mood was now going downhill at a dangerous pace. Didn’t he like it? She knew that he was tired of this little back and forth they were having, but she was trying to remedy that while keeping him with her. Celestia felt like she was about to break. Was this not enough? What more could she give that he would appreciate? Would she have to give up on him?
…
NO! She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. No matter how hard things are now, things will get better.
Ethan looked still taking in the room pondered why he was so unhappy with being alive. Unhappiness comes from being alone. That is something he learned through the years when his friends died, leaving him alone, only getting older. He knew the pain Celestia was going through, yet he wasn’t sure he could forgive her.
What was it he wanted? He had pondered this not too long ago. Maybe he should see what it is Celestia wanted. What she truly wanted. Maybe he could find something that would give him a starting point on trying to forgive Celestia.
Ethan felt easily irritable today. Today had been a wakeup call for him. He always knew that Celestia was really the one in charge, but today, when she was the one responsible for him changing rooms, it literally showed him how much she controlled what was going on around him. The fact that Celestia decided where Ethan would be at all times, that she was in always in control of what happened to him is what made him so easily irritable.
He had to try and take control back. Control over the conversation is what made Ethan feel safe, it gave him some power, some control of what was going on around him. If he didn’t control what topic Celestia and he was or would be talking about, then he didn’t control anything. That would mean that he would have to submit to whatever Celestia wanted from him. Even if he might run the risk of blowing his fuse today. He couldn’t let Celestia control everything today.
“Hey Cel.” Ethan started as he took a seat at the bed.
Celestia was brought out of her thinking and looked up to Ethan. “Yes?”
“What makes US so special to you? What do you want to do if I were to forgive you? How would we live our lives that makes you so obsessed with gaining my forgiveness? Seriously, what would even my purpose be?” Ethan wondered with what felt like genuine curiosity. Almost like he couldn’t imagine a happy life with her.
“We are special Ethan. Nopony, nor anybody is just like you. Just as nopony is just as me. Just like nopony is as the four I was together with before you.”
“Oh, you’re saying we are all special then?”
“That is what I am trying to say, yes.”
Ethan chuckles a bit to himself.
“That`s just another way to say nobody is special. The very word Special means it stands out from a vast ocean of many samey things. The very word loses all meaning if everyone is special. How can I be special to you if you have four others that you can convince are equally as special as me?”
Celestia could feel her frustration rising from how Ethan was thinking.
“Ethan, everyone is special once you get to know them. Yes, in the point of view form a bird we are nothing but many ponies who walks the streets on this planet. Nopony stands out particularly. But once you get to know each and every one on a personal level that is the point that the pony becomes special. Not to everpony, but to ‘you’ who gets to know that pony. That is why you mean so much to me, because I have gotten to know you, you are part of my life now, I don`t want to lose you.”
There was no doubt in Celestias mind that Ethan was very depressed right now, but depression can be cured. Ethan was not a lost cause, he never could be in Celestias mind, no matter what drove him to do the things he did.
“Fine, you’re right on that one.” Ethan waves his arms over his head in a rainbow shape. “Everyone is special. Seeing as I care more about you than the average breathing thing on this planet. You could say you are special to me in that context.”
Celestia felt relieved to some extent. Ethan could be reasoned with. Celestias could feel her flickering hope being rekindled.
“But, I haven`t failed to notice that you haven’t answered my other question. What is my purpose, and how am I supposed to be happy with being alive for all eternity?”
Celestia was calm, she had won one discussion, she could collect another, she just have to make sure to back it up in a way that it becomes close to irrefutable.
“Well, what is your purpose now?”
“To die.” Ethan said in a deadpan manner.
“Well, there you have a purpose.”
Ethan was dumbfounded, did Celestia not hear what he just said?
“Celestia, when a person dies, it’s over. When I’m dead I don’t have to think about the next purpose, because there will be nothing left of me. Death has a tendency to also be very permanent, so I fail to see how the wish to die will bring me purpose for all eternity when dying is the only thing that is impossible for me. That very purpose is what put me in this situation in the first place!”
Ethans fuse was getting shorter by the second, it’s like Celestia gives him this room to in an attempt to buy him out or something. Celestia clearly had control of the conversation, and Ethan couldn’t see where she was going to take it, and Ethan didn’t like not being in control.
“But, with that eternal life of yours, you managed to find a purpose.”
“Yes, but if you didn’t notice, it was to END the ETERNITY part of that ETERNAL life!” Ethan put a lot of emphasis on the words that he had a negative connotation with.
Celestia still composed asked. “Ethan, what I am about to do will probably anger you further, but I need you to stay cold headed for this question, because I need you to take the time to think about it.”
Ethans Eyes shout out in rage. She was just fucking with him. She was just trying to piss him off. But to what end?! What does she gain by doing so?! Nothing, or nothing he could think of anyway. Question? Question? Question? Ethan thought frantically. What was she going to ask him that would apparently make him lose his shit? Calm down. Calm down. He though as he took deep breaths. Let Celestia ask her question.
Celestia got a little concerned when she saw how Ethan reacted, but she kept a close eye on him so that he wouldn’t try anything rash. She wasn’t exactly in an uncompromised position, but she still felt vulnerable without anything physically blocking him from her like the metal bars that were down in the dungeons, though she still had the security measure if worse were to come to pass.
Ethan visibly was still shaking, but he had managed to keep cool down enough to the point where he was willing to hear what Celestia was going to ask. He opened his eyes, looking to Celestia to signal that he was as ready as he could be to receive the question.
“Why are you upset right now?”
Celestia was right, Ethan was just about to blow the lid. He was so very tempted to just go on a parade of why Celestia was royally pissing him off at this very moment. That very temptation just kept on growing, and if Ethan didn’t find a reasonable answer within the next ten seconds he was going to let go of the already slipping grasp he has on the “keep your mouth shut and think rationally” filter.
Celestia could see Ethan was fidgeting with his hands. Internally she was pleading for him to find the answer for himself. If he didn’t, she would just have to hope that her guess would be correct, or close to.
Ethan was thinking hard, why was he mad? Why was he mad? Why was he mad?
Then, like a light just got turned on he realized he just answered the question. Why was he mad?
Celestia did nothing wrong just now. All she had was control of the conversation, and while Ethan didn’t like it, it wasn’t as if she killed his family or anything. She just had control, and Ethan let it get to him. He could always take that control back! But, does this answer the question, was this the answer Celestia wanted? Maybe not, but it is the answer he wanted.
Celestia noticed that Ethan had stopped fidgeting with his hands. It looked like he was about to answer her with some confidence. He stood up from his bed and took one step towards Celestia before he stopped. Celestia held her breath.
…
Was this really what he wanted? What is it that drives Ethan to want to take control away from Celestia. Celestia has stated time after time that she wants to do nothing but what is best for them both. Was Ethan wrong in wanting her dead? Of course he was, and he knew it, but he was so tired of just existing just for the sake of existing. Because Celestia wanted him to exist for longer than he has any right to, or would ever want to.
Maybe that feeling could stop though… if he’d just forgive her? Would that break the vicious cycle of meaningless Ethan had felt for so long? He left the day he got to know what Celestia did to him, and what she did was wrong, but he hasn’t exactly been giving ‘living a long life with her’ option a chance. He remembered how it was before. Even before he knew he got cursed with an eternal life he already felt hollow. What would he do? Go back to painting again? Starting yet another business? Make music? His years of hunting for the dagger that would kill Celestia is the years that he felt like he had a true and meaningful purpose, that he could achieve something that would show a visible and clear result when he was finished.
But that was a dark and egoistical path that would leave an entire country wounded by the loss of a princess. Ethan never wanted to hurt anybody. He was a good man, right?
Maybe… Maybe Ethan have been so consumed by his current purpose that he hasn’t really taken the time to think of what he could spend his time on other things than think about how to kill Celestia. Truly sit down and think about what to do rather than coming up with the excuse of that life doesn’t offer enough opportunities for him.
Accepting this would truth would leave Ethan purposeless once more, and it would prove Celestia right in that you can abandon some goals in favor of others. People find a reason to go on every day. Celestia is a living example of somebody with a purpose even though she is cursed but eternity as well. This truth would mean that Ethan would have to revise his life to something else. He would have to accept how Celestia was thinking.
Accepting this truth however, leaves Ethan on an endless journey to find the next purpose in life, a reason to live for all eternity. Celestia claims she can give him that. Celestia, the one he swore to kill in an attempt to die himself. The one who betrayed his trust for the most selfish reason. Yet he still loves her in some messed up manner of what you could consider love.
Could he live a life with that being the truth?
Celestia looked at Ethan, she slowly let out her breath, looking at the man before her who went from confident to confused, terrified even. She had done something. If it was the right thing was still to be seen.
She stared at him intently, wondering what was going on inside his head, when she noticed a glint on his cheek. She tried to get a better look, and it was… a tear.
Celestia was now worried, what had she done.
Suddenly Ethan almost spastically shook his head, his spaced out look now replaced with one of intention, his eyes homed in on Celestias.
“Get out.”
Celestia wondered what had just happened. She clearly did something, though what she does not know. She stands in her place, letting Ethan think about what he just said in a hope he would reconsider.
They stood there in silence, Ethan staring down Celestia. It was clear she was not wanted in the room right now, so she sat up and went for the door.
“I’ll come by tomorrow.” She said, hoping their ritual would play out.
Ethan didn’t answer, he simply glared at her with his ice cold eyes. What she saw was pure hatred, and it was directed at her. Celestia visibly flinched from Ethan.
“And you’ll be here.” Celestia finished with a shaky voice.
As she left the room her thoughts began to wander. She knew something had changed. Ethan wasn’t going to be the same after this conversation. Had she been too rash in trying to turn Ethan over to her side?
She eventually came to the conclusion that it might be best if she didn’t come by tomorrow. Time is what Ethan needed. He looked like he was in a state of internal conflict from what she could read off of him.