Twilight told me to write it all down... so I guess that’s what I’m doing. Why she told me to do it, I’m not sure. But whatever Twilight gives as advice is usually good advice, so I’ve decided to take it up.
Geez... I just don’t know.
o----o
It has been years since I last saw you. I’m not even entirely sure if you would even recognize me anymore, as I’ve grown so much since you last saw me, and I’ve changed a lot over the years. Then again, who wouldn’t recognize the pegasus with the rainbow colored mane? Okay, so I suppose that you would at least recognize me, but would you really know who I am? I’ve met a lot of really awesome friends since you left, and I’m sure that you’d be really proud of who I’ve become, but I’m not so sure you would even remember the filly that you used to know.
But now here we are. I never thought about this day, and I didn’t ever really want to think about it. But now it’s here, and I have to deal with it. I don’t even know why I feel so helpless right now, because I haven’t seen you in ages... but is that just how it is? Is that how you’re supposed to feel? I don’t know, dad. I don’t know how to deal with these things. I wish you were here to help me.
Where do we start? Where do you want me to begin? All of those empty years without your guidance can’t be summed up in a few pages worth of words. And I don’t want to tell you my life story, even if it is probably the coolest one in the history of Equestria...
I guess I’ll start with where I’m going...
Remember when I was young, and you were teaching me how to fly? I picked up on it so quickly, and you were so excited that you told me that I would be part of The Wonderbolts one day! Something in my head clicked, and it told me that I should pursue my need for speed, really train to make you proud. So I tried my hardest for you, every single day I went out and I tried my hardest to go faster and faster and faster. Each and every day I was improving... that is, until you left.
But you would be so proud of me, dad. I’ve been training on my own every day since then, pouring my heart out so that I can attain that goal. I think that I am nearly ready, and I’ve even met a few of the team members. So sometime soon? Oh yeah, I think you know it! They can’t keep me out of the group for too long, I’m getting pretty good. Plus, how could Spitfire even resist adding an element to the group!? (Oh, the elements, I kinda forgot about that one.)
So much has happened since you and mom had to leave me in Cloudsdale. The reason I even met Spitfire and some of The Wonderbolts in the first place is because of the friends I’ve made in Ponyville. You may or may not have heard of some of the things that have gone on, but I just wanted you to know that your little filly is the element of loyalty, part of the group that was used to defeat a bunch of evil guys for the Princess (I’ve even met the Princess!). If you aren’t proud of me now, then I don’t know when you ever would be. The other elements are my best friends, six of them in all (including myself, of course). Applejack- honesty, and a darned good athlete. Pinkie Pie- laughter, and she always seems to know how to make me smile... and how to confuse me. Fluttershy- kindness, she’s pretty shy, but hey, I’m still honored to call her my friend. Rarity- generosity, she’s not my style, so to speak, but if I’m ever short on bits or really anything else, I can count on her. And of course, Twilight Sparkle- magic, she’s the one who holds the group together, that egghead. Yeah, she may be into a lot of books and all, but she’s still pretty cool.
Even though you haven’t been there for half of my life... I can say that I’m fairly grateful. My friends are by far the coolest in Equestria, and I’ve had so many adventures that I can’t even keep count of them any more! You raised me to be a part of a family, so I kind of made one. These girls are my best friends... and the closest to ‘family’ that I could ever really hope for. I hope that you’re okay with that. I just really love those girls, and I don’t say that enough. Now I realize that I need to start.
Remember when I was young, and you used to parade me around on your shoulders so that I could get a taste of what being in the air felt like? I loved that. Of course, you wouldn’t have to do that if you were here, because I could just fly with you now. But if you insisted that I do it, then I wouldn’t hesitate, no matter how silly I looked. I guess it is just because I still love you, wherever you are.
Remember when I said that I hated you and mom when you guys had to leave me all those years ago? I didn’t mean it, dad. Please believe me, I didn’t mean it. I love you... I promise.
And do you remember when you told me that there was an extra color of the rainbow, and you pointed out that I didn’t have it in my mane? Ohmygosh, I hated you for days. You wouldn’t tell me what that color was called or what it looked like. I searched a bunch of rainbows for the longest time, looking for that mystery color that was said to be so small that you almost couldn’t see it, but was there. I squinted for forever, but I never saw it. I still haven’t found it.
Now you won’t ever tell me what the color was... but I suppose that I can let that slide, just this once. I’ll continue to look for it, dad, and I won’t ever stop looking for that metaphorical color of the rainbow.
I have a lot of memories of you. I was very young when you had to leave, but for whatever reason I remember a lot about you. Like your love for bowties over regular ties whenever you left for your meetings at the guard. Like whenever you let me win in races against you, even though I specifically told you not to, all because you knew that I hated losing. Like how you laughed whenever I told you about my adventures at school, my crazy imagination taking you inside lion’s dens and eagle’s nests.
Like how you tucked me in at night and told me that you loved me.
It’s hard, dad. It’s really hard to just let go. Why? Why is it so hard? You left so long ago, hearing this news should have just allowed me to move on with my life. But now that you truly have... left... I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been crying, dad. I never ever cry. I’ve been crying like a little foal, like one who just doesn’t know how to quit. After all of those years of never seeing you and rarely hearing from you, I should just not care.
But... for some strange reason... I realized that I still loved you. No, I still love you, with all of my heart and more.
I miss you, dad. I never got the chance to really say that to you. I’m so sorry...
And this stupid paper. This stupid paper isn’t going to bring you back, and I’m so sorry that I had to do this instead of just talking to you about it myself. You deserve better. You deserve so much better, and I hate myself because I never got to tell you that I loved you one last time. I never got to tell you how much I missed you or how I’ve been getting along.
I haven’t told you any of that since you left...
I can’t do this anymore. It hurts. This is so hard, I have tears running down my cheeks while I’m writing, and that’s not something I’d normally admit. That’s not cool. So I can’t write anymore. It’s just too hard.
But dad... please realize one thing. If you can read this, and please be reading this, I just wanted to let you know...
I just want you to be proud of me, dad. It’s all I’ve ever really wanted. I’ve spent my entire life just wanting you to be proud of me, even after you left. So if you’re reading this, could you somehow let me know...
Are you proud?
Are you proud of me, your little filly from so long ago?
I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome that would be...