It is quite surprising how easy it is to lose track of time when your mind is occupied with something that is just mildly interesting. Something as simple as reading a book, imagining different stories in your mind. Going over different conversations you`ve had with friends or strangers, wondering what you could have said differently. How you could have worded something you said in another way.
How would something as simple as changing how you worded a sentence affect you relationship with the person you were talking to at the time.
Ethan has had many conversations he would like to have a second chance at having, just so he could have said what was on his mind, so he could have told how he felt about something rather than not saying anything at all. Yet, here he was, stuck in reality where his past mistakes still haunt him, and in an attempt to remedy said mistakes. Well, that would involve hurting somepony he loved or used to love. He wasn’t quite sure what he felt anymore.
Once everything is in hindsight, it all seems so clear in how he could have avoided this. But then again, he didn’t think SHE, of all ponies would do something so irrational against him.
The clopping of hooves approaching Ethan drove away his daydreaming. It was that time again. Time to have another talk. Another fight.
The torch in the hallway was always lit under the orders of the princess. The light reflected off of the damp walls showing every brick in detail. Ethan had spent a lot of time here, counting bricks, wondering which one was closest to the outside. Which one would allow him to escape. Without tools, it was a fool’s errand trying to get through the solid stone walls. He had tried clawing his way through the material holding the brick together, but it had only left him with bloodied hands, and sore arms.
His hands was healed, yet again under the order from the princess. She still cared about Ethan, even after what he tried to do.
Even if he were to get through the wall, a unicorn guardpony still patrolled close by where Ethan was, who would no doubt overpower Ethan with magic and stop his already futile attempts of escape.
The Hooves were close, Ethan used to hold his breath in anticipation, wondering just what it was the princess wanted every time she came down here. But after many visits, it proved to just be she wanted to talk. Those talks usually ended on sour notes. Ethan was left feeling as if he didn’t get through to her, and vice versa.
The sound of hooves stopped.
And there she was in all her radiance. Princess Celestia. Her pristine white coat hadn`t aged a day in a thousand years. Ethan remembered how she would always approach him with that iconic smile of hers. The smile that promised that no harm would ever befall anypony or anyone under her watch. That motherly energy she would spread to all who stood close to her. Though that energy was never motherly to Ethan, it was something different, something the two had shared once. Though not anymore, at least not from both parties anyway.
Celestia sat down with a tired sigh, the smile Ethan had thought of, absent from her perfect face. It wasn`t anything new. Celestia always sighed when she sat down close to Ethan while they were going to have their one on one chat.
Celestia couldn`t be bothered to hold back how she felt in front of Ethan. Ethan was the only one she actually let her guard down for. Had it been anypony else then she would`ve tried to make an effort to seem like she forgave the pony in from of her when it was another prisoner. But it wasn`t a pony in front of her, it was her human friend, locked in a cage in the dungeons beneath Canterlot. And it wasn`t her that needed to forgive him, it was her that needed forgiveness.
The pair sat in silence Celestia looking down on the ground while Ethan looked directly at her. They both listened to the flame from the torch, it crackled slightly as it slowly burned the wooden stick keeping it aflame. It needed to be changed soon.
“So… how has your day been?” Celestia started. She broke her gaze at the ground to try and get some eye contact with Ethan.
This question was just about always how she would start their conversations, at first it had amused Ethan when he noticed the pattern, but at this point it was just tedious hearing the same question over and over, the answer always being the same.
“We both know how my day has been. Counting the same 453 bricks in my little safe heaven isn`t really anything new, though it did get through the book you gave me.” Lazily waving the book in question.
Celestia brightened slightly. At least she had given him something to alleviate his boredom.
“And what did you think of the book?”
“It was okay, a bit dryly written, but the story was okay.”
“That’s good.” Celestia ended. Not really knowing where to take the conversation. She had gone through pretty much every topic she wanted to go through with Ethan a long time ago. Coming down here was just her hoping their relationship would improve. That maybe at some point he would say those three magical words that would wipe all her problems away. The forgiveness she so desperately needed.
“How long has it been?”
“hmm?” Celestia hummed, not wanting to misinterpret the question.
“Since I first got here.”
“Oh… a… a long time. Far too long.” Celestia stated with regret in her voice.
“hmph.” Ethan shrugged casually. “I don’t get you.”
“What do you mean Ethan?”
“All of this, you know you are not winning any cookie points from me by keeping me locked here, yet you come down every single day trying to hold a conversation with me. I know what you want, I wish I could give it to you, but…” Ethan gave sigh, rubbing his face in frustration.
“But you can’t. Why? Why can`t you find it within you to forgive me?”
“You know why.” Ethan said not wanting to repeat the same explanation yet again.
“I do… And you know I would take it back if I could…”
“Well, that’s the thing now isn’t it? I’m not sure you would.”
“I…” Celestia had a pause. She was reflecting, and despite everything that had happened, that was currently going on, she wouldn’t. Ethan was right, she wouldn’t take it back if she could. She realized she would’ve done it again, even in hindsight of all it would lead to.
“I… No, I guess I wouldn’t, despite everything that is going on, despite how much you hate me, I wouldn’t take it back. It`s because I want to believe that I can fix it and make you happy again, make it up to you somehow. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but… I’ll try, why can’t you at least try to?”
“I don`t hate you… at least not in the sense that you think I do. I hate what you did to me, and how much you hurt me. I`m not sure I can ever truly ever trust you again.” Dodging the question of why he didn`t want to try.
Celestia, took a deep breath, trying to keep her composure. Why did Ethan have to be difficult.
“Damn it, Tartarus DAMN YOU! WHY CAN`T YOU JUST FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I DID!”
After Celestias outburst Ethans voice quickly grew to her level.
“HOW MANY OTHERS HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO?! HUH! HOW MANY PONIES, GRIFFONS WHATEVER ARE OUT THERE DEALING WITH WHAT I AM DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!”
Celestia was shook, Ethan had always been calm, but she must have really been pushing the wrong buttons to get him so worked up. Not only that, but she hadn’t thought of the others in many, many years.
Celestias voice was but a whisper at this point. “Four, Five if I include you.”
“Hmph. And how many more after me? Ten years from now. Fuck it forty years from now. How many more after me are going to have to go through this?”
“Nopony. I made a promise that you would be the last after I saw how you reacted, what you were willing to go through just so you could… so you could try and kill me. I’m done making enemies with the ponies and people I love.”
The Silence that was left after Celestias admission was deafening. Celestia wanted to leave, she wasn`t sure any of them were in the mood to talk today. With how she got fired up, and how Ethan also had a short fuse.
“I`ll come by tomorrow.” Celestia hadn`t noticed she had stood up during their shouting match. She quickly recovered however and began slowly walking in the direction in which she had come from.
“I`ll come with a new book for you tomorrow.”
“I`ll be here.”
That was the last words Ethan would say for that day. He always said that, even back when they were something more.
Celestia reminisced longingly to those days. It wasn’t as if what they had was any more magical than what everypony else had. But, that was the beauty of it to Celestia. Ethan was an equal to Celestia, and he treated her like they were equal.
But Celestia didn’t. She thought she knew best at the time. It’s just now after everything that has happened she realized that was just her excuse to do what she did. She used the same excuse four times before even, and they all backfired, just like now. It was her selfish nature that has brought her and Ethan so much pain.