"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."
-Ronald Regan
I felt pride in myself. It was a foreign feeling to me. I'd been so set on anger with myself and my own ignorance and idiocy that I never left time to be proud of my actions. I was proud of myself for not running away. It sounds incredibly stupid to say, but it's how I felt. By entering the school house, it felt as if I had entered a time machine.
The walls were decorated with paintings of young fillies and colts running around and playing. There were a few posters hung up everywhere of popular characters saying positive things to the beholder. There were pictures of "Cheerilee's stars," which were what I assume were her students, and gold stars around them. I saw the Crusaders, but no sign of Rares. Maybe she was with the evening class and just was stopping by to say hello or something? I couldn't remember just then what the schedules were for classes.
I felt a hoof on my shoulder and I jumped a bit. I looked over my shoulder to see an adult mare that looked kind of like a blueberry smoothie to me. Her fur did, at least.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. You must be Sam."
I gave a nod. She smiled at me. "I'm your teacher, Miss Cheerilee. It's very nice to meet you."
I gave a fake smile. "Nice to meet you, miss. Should I go into class?"
She shook her head. "We still have a few minutes before we start. I wanted to talk to you for a moment."
I blinked, and she started.
"I'm told that you are new to town, and in addition that you have had some, well, episodes in the past."
I said nothing. She leaned in a bit. "You remember? According to Princess Twilight, you were struck so scared by a party cannon that you yelled, 'Screaming mimi' and dove under a table."
I shrunk back a bit. I remembered being scared, but what was a screaming mimi? Does it hurt?
She gave me a gentle pat on the side.
"I don't mean to stir up bad memories, Sam. I just want you to know that every so often we have parties in class, and that means the occasional loud noise. If I expect there to be some sort of party popper or anything, I will be sure to let you know ahead of time and I will set you up in my office until they have passed."
I blinked, and she looked over my shoulder at the classroom, where the last few students were filing in.
"Know that you can talk to me. My primary concern is the safety and well being of my students. Your education is a distant second to such things."
"Please," I blurted out to her. "Don't tell anypony. Not a soul."
She frowned. "I won't. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
My jaw was screwed shut, else it would have dropped through the floor. Even teachers honored those things? Just how serious were they? I later found out that in Equestrian Court, ponies to be questioned were made to Pinkie Promise that what they were about to say was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them Pinkie.
She looked over my shoulder again, and smiled at me.
"Now, it's time for class to start. I want you to introduce yourself to the class. Follow me," she said happily.
I walked by her side into the classroom, and for the first time I saw the room I would be spending much of my time in.
It was packed with around twenty kids like me, but most of them had their stupid mark already. They were all talking among themselves except for Rares. She was eyeing me as if her eyes deceived her, and waved excitedly. I waved back sheepishly.
The teacher must have thought I had been waving to the whole class, because she smiled at me before addressing the class.
She took attendance, but for whatever reason skipped over Rares. I didn't stop her to ask about it.
The more I stared at the first pony I really had a connection with here, however, the more off she seemed to me. She paid no mind to any of the others in the class. Only me. Like she only had eyes for me, and I didn't dig that. It was like her eyes were piercing right into my soul.
I felt a poke, and I gasped and jolted to the laughter of the class. Cheerilee gestured towards the class.
"Go on, say a few words about yourself!"
I suddenly felt as if I were on a stage by myself about to put on a one pony show. The class eyed me, and once I didn't begin speaking right away, they began to murmur among themselves. The Crusaders were all rolling a hoof toward themselves as if to get me to open up.
"I, uhh..."
Cheerilee gave me a nod of encouragement.
"Uhh, I... I'm..."
It was then that I just gave up. If I was going to embarrass myself, I might as well own it.
"To hell with it. I'm an alien, and I'm here to suck your brains out."
The class started laughing amongst itself, save for two dimwitted looking colts that were eyeing me in wonder. Even Cheerilee chuckled.
"A comedian! I would expect no less from Pinkie."
I was fortunate so far that none of my cussing was picked up on. The Cakes heard me utter the word "Fuck" once before and thought it was the name of a book.
Fuck: The Novel.
The class settled down, and we were back to quiet for a moment. Thankfully, Cheerilee helped me out.
"Do you have a nickname, Samantha?"
I nodded. "Sammy."
She smiled. "Say hello to Sammy, everypony."
That's what the class did save for the two dimwits in the back, who thought I really was an alien.
We had a brief Q and A. I was asked a few questions about where I came from (I said the middle of Nowhere, which is apparently a real town here), my favorite hobbies (listening to the radio), and my favorite sports team (Yankees; it earned a blank stare from everypony).
It only took a few minutes, but when I was finally told I could take a seat anywhere, I was presented with an option: there was an open seat next to the Crusaders, who were beckoning me towards them, a seat next to Rares, who might as well have been signaling me like she were stranded on an island, and a seat next to the two dipsticks who were having a not so hushed conversation about who was going to be abducted first.
I chose to sit next to Rares, who was sitting on the opposite side of the class from the Crusaders. She grinned at me when I sat next to her, though I swear I saw a frown on Cheerilee's face for a moment. She turned away to the board, but I couldn't help but wonder if Rares had done something to bother her.
At any rate, the eyes of the class fell off me at last. I saw Sweetie Belle scribbling away on a sheet of paper, Scootaloo sending a few subtle glares in my direction, and Applebloom looking at me dejectedly.
Conversely, Rares was really excited. What the hell was the big deal? I saw a seat next to the first filly I really talked to, and took it.
"It's about time you got here, Sam I Am," whispered Rares. "Haven't seen you in a while. You look good!"
I shot a fake smile at her. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself," I whispered. She giggled.
"You got lucky. Not everypony has the privelage of sitting next to me and all my glory," she said. I smiled at her.
"Now class, today we're going to talk about the Elements of Harmony..."
You might think that, given my background, I would have no trouble whatsoever with school. I thought that too at first.
Like most of the time, however, reality decided to stop by and give me a smack in the face.
I found myself scribbling madly on my papers all sorts of tid bits and whoosits about the Elements of Harmony. Apparently they go way beyond Pinkie Pie and her friends.
All I really understood at the time was that they were allegedly formed from a magic tree, or something like that. I didn't ask any questions because I'm an idiot, and seeing everypony else around me participate in the conversation like they were professionals discouraged me. Even the two dimwits knew more about this stuff than I did!
Come to think of it, Rares was the only one other than me who was quiet. Whenever I looked over at her, she had her head down on her arm with an expression of pure boredom on her face.
It didn't last, though. She seemed to light up, and then sat up straight. From then on, whenever Cheerilee was facing the board, she would make funny faces at her back. If she turned to face the class, she pretended to be taking notes.
Nobody else seemed to notice, though. I didn't do much other than smile to myself.
She kept at it, though. Cheerilee was totally oblivious, as was the rest of the class. It felt like Rares was putting on a show just for me. The more time passed, the more ridiculous her faces became. I dared not do the same thing, though, because knowing my luck, Cheerilee would notice my stupid faces, have me sent back to Pinkie's with a note, and then I would be disemboweled by the Pink Menace, turned into candy, or both.
Instead of taking part, I did my best to take notes and listen while Cheerilee droned on, but whenever I felt it getting to be too much I would just look at Rares, who would almost always be making a face funnier than the last.
Cheerilee had talked about the Elements of Harmony for an hour, and then we started talking about the Zebra tribes. Well, she started talking about them at us.
"Zebrican potions are some of the most effective medicines out there. It's why we are lucky to have Zecora out there, everypony. Like many who brew, she is considered a Shamare."
Rares poked me on the arm, and softly sang, "Cha-cha-cha, Charmares!"
I blinked confusedly at her. Nobody else noticed; she was very quiet.
"Needless to say," Cheerilee continued. "We may not be a Zebrican society, but we should still appreciate our resident shamare."
I felt another poke, and looked at Rares again. "Toilet paper?"
I snorted audibly, prompting Cheerilee to stop writing on the chalk board. The class was mostly undisturbed, but a few eyes were on me like I was some kind of weirdo. Scootaloo specifically was eyeing me like I'd grown two heads.
Cheerilee turned to the class, and she eyed me with a frown, but she said nothing. Her frown morphed into a smile as she eyed the class itself.
"How about we have our lunch break now?"
It was weird.
Rares was nowhere to be found. I wondered if Cheerilee knew she was doing all sorts of stuff behind her back. I reasoned she was being held in the class to be spoken to.
It was beautiful out. The air was crisp and the sun was shining. I saw the (words withheld) Crusaders sitting beneath a big oak tree. The two dimwits were sitting by a chain link fence, and a few others were alternating between eating and playing on the playground.
I wasn't even acknowledged by the Crusaders, save for Applebloom- she gave me a wave which I returned. She was the only one that wasn't annoyed at my refusal to sit with them, I guess. Applebloom and I would end up becoming pretty good friends. Just not Scootaloo and Sweetie. Scootaloo and I would develop an enmity that would last into our teen years, and Sweetie Belle and I sometimes worked together with Rarity, but were otherwise going to be neutral towards each other. It wasn't all because of that one refusal of mine, either. It was a combination of different likes and dislikes, rumors spreading through school that were supposedly started by one of us, and basically all around he said/she said bull shit.
It took some growing up from us all to actually become cordial.
Hey, on the plus side, being that you had to be voted into the Crusaders and two of them didn't love me, I was only stuck with crusading with them on a periodic basis. We didn't bury the hatchet for a long while.
Don't tell anypony I said this, but that one time when Scootaloo and I fought, I totally kicked her ass. It wasn't a draw like she'd want you to think, but I digress.
"Hey, you."
I didn't really respond to the new voice beyond my ears flicking. I could hear two ponies approaching me, and I had to turn to them.
One was a light pink earth pony who was producing this "holier than thou" aura. Next to her was a silver looking pony with these hideous glasses, and they were both eyeing me like I was dirt underhoof.
"You're new, so let me set this straight for you, blank flank," said the pink one. "I'm Diamond Tiara, and when I address you, you will answer right away, is that clear?"
"Yeah!" chimed in the other one, who I would learn was named Silver Spoon.
God, I can't make these names up.
"So, what are you supposed to be?" snarked Diamond.
"Told you before. Brain sucking alien. Still looking for a brain worthy to be eaten."
"Still being a comedian," sighed the silver one.
"We're going to have to teach you a lesson, blank flank."
The two advanced a step each on me, and I felt my body shift into what I hoped resembled a proper fighting stance.
"Sammy," said Diamond.
I didn't respond. A friendly smile grew on her face. "I'm just kidding."
She and the other one began to giggle, and the tension instantly dissapated.
"We haven't tried the bully routine in ages. Couldn't resist!"
"Yeah," chuckled the silver one. "Name's Silver Spoon." (See?)
They each held out a hoof to me, which I uncertainly bumped with my own.
"No hard feelings?" they asked.
I shook my head. "You uh, had me going there."
They grinned. I spared a look at the Crusaders, who were talking among themselves.
I felt one of the two fake bullies guide me over to a tree.
"C'mon, Sammy. Sit with us while you eat."
The lunch Pinkie packed me that morning consisted of an egg salad sandwich, a small bag full of candies that looked like mint leaves, and a thermos of orange juice that had been enchanted to stay cool for me.
My favorite part was the note she scribbled for me. It reminded me of what my Mommy used to do. I couldn't keep the smile off my face when I read it, simple though it was.
Sammy,
I hope you are having a nice day and making lots of friends! Remember though, learning is important too. Trust me, I am a licensed teacher, after all. Cheerilee is much better at it though!
I left you a few mint candies too, but be sure to eat the sandwich first, missy. I bet you didn't need to be told that though. You're very well behaved, which makes me think you're planning something suspicious...
...you're plotting to take over Equestria, aren't you? Have you been plotting with Angel Bunny? Gummy? (over)
I turned the note over, my smile growing a bit more while the two I was sitting with munched away on their lunches.
Wait!!! I just remembered, Mrs. Cake says she is really super duper incredibly sorry for what happened earlier. She is making a special dinner tonight just for you.
Say, are you feeling alright? I can't help but think that you don't feel 100%. You seem like you need a smile. Or at least a big hug. You seem somewhat distant, and I just want you to know that if there is anything on your mind, you can certainly come talk to me.
I want you to let me know how school was when you come back today too, and I want you to be sure to have made at least one friend! Friends are important, and Twilight being the Princess of Friendship... not making friends is like treason if you tilt your head and don't think about it at all! (over)
I blinked, and turned the note over again uncertainly. To what should have been my surprise, the wording on the front was different.
I have a surprise for you too when you get back today, Sammy. Don't worry either, it's nothing bad. Surprises can't be bad. That's one of the first laws of Pinkie. Surprises legally can not be bad and the ones that are are not really surprises. Trust me, I have a masters in legal studies.
I think this note may be going on a bit long now, but it's all important information, and I am thinking of you. Have fun at school and be the pinkiest you can be too!
Love, the Pink Menace
I couldn't do anything other than smile.
The rest of the day came and went. When we finished our break, I once more sat with Rares, and we all took some time to write a short work of fiction. Mine was about the last pony on the planet sitting alone in a room, and there was a knock on the door.
We would read ours to the class the next day. The one I remember most vividly was Scootaloo's, considering she wrote hers about me and my adventures with the crusaders. She changed my name to Pammy, though, and made sure to make me as idiotic in the story as possible.
I got her back a week in when I filled her locker with flour. Even she begrudgingly admitted it was a good prank. This was still before either of us really came to blows.
When I opened the door to Sugarcube Corner after School, I was nearly blasted backward by the smell of sweets. My stomach took notice and growled, but I still didn't want to eat anything. I was remembering the incident with the twins, who were greeting me by holding their hooves out from a few high chairs while babbling.
I translated their gestures to, "Ready for round two, motherfucker?"
"Hey, Sammy's back!" called Mr. Cake. I did not respond. I only eyed the twins, and I swear I saw evil in those eyes.
That was when I noticed a pair of blue eyes peering over the counter. She had a chef's hat on and looked like a ghost.
At speeds rivaling Dash, she launched herself from behind the counter and closed the distance between us, wrapping me in a hug.
I found myself sneezing in rapid fire, because it turned out she was covered in flour.
She gasped, and vanished upstairs for literally three seconds. I heard water running, what I assumed was a motor vehicle backfiring, and then she was back downstairs good as new.
"Well? How was it? Did you make friends? Did your friends make friends back with you? Did you like your lunch? Ooh! How was your day all in all?"
I blinked. Pinkie was eyeing me like I held all the government secrets in existence.
"I uhh... I sat with a friend I made not long before we met. I also spoke with two others who fake bullied me for about twenty seconds. Thank you for your note, too. It made me smile."
Pinkie looked like she was about to lift off into the air like a wingless pegasus.
"Pinkie. Don't bust a gut. I don't think that would be good for business."
She seemed to calm down a bit, but her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something.
"Pinkie, you're fine. Your guts will remain unbusted," called Mr. Cake from the kitchen. She visibly relaxed, and was then back to her normal self.
"Tell me about the friend you sat next to!"
I smiled again. Rares was someone I wouldn't get tired of talking about quickly. I told her no, there was no relation to her Rarity. For the record, I did think that Pinkie and Rarity had an unspoken romance. That only kept up until I met Pinkie's out of town stallion friend, Cheese Sandwich.
I had a habit of calling him either Gene or Willy, even after he and Pinkie married. It depended on the day. He just looked like Willy Wonka to me. Who is Willy Wonka? I don't rightly know. I was raised by Pinkie Pie, so what do you want from me?
Right, Rares. I told Pinkie all about Rares and her sense of humor. I told her that she was a unicorn who blew into town not long before me. Pinkie seemed puzzled while I explained. She prides herself on knowing everypony in Ponyville, and her Pinkie Sense didn't go off, nor did she ever see Rares and/or her mom in town before. I also told her that Cheerilee didn't seem to care for her much either. She never once called on her and Rares herself only seemed to have eyes for me during class.
Come to think of it, none of the other students seemed to notice her or anything. I was the only one. She didn't seem to care about the others either.
I should have considered that a red flag right then and there. Pinkie, however, told me that she wanted me to bring Rares over by the end of the week if I could. I liked the idea. Rares was a good pony. It would be nice to spend time with her.
Maybe I could hear what was going on from her. Why was she hiding from everypony? Or at least, why did it seem that way?
Pinkie broke me from my thoughts again by asking if I had any homework. Tonight was one of the rare nights Cheerilee assigned some homework, though it was just to finish the short stories we were writing in class if we didn't already. There were only two who didn't finish. They spent most of the time debating on when I was going to call down the mothership to abduct everyone.
You might think I'm kidding about that. I'm not.
Pinkie gasped again long and loud, which is saying something for a Pink Menace like her. Something twinkled in her eyes and she grinned at me again.
"Remember I said I had a surprise for you?"
"Eep," I responded.
Her grin somehow widened. "It's upstairs."
"Eep," I repeated.
"Close your eyes," she instructed.
"I'm good," I squeaked out.
For a moment Pinkie's grin weakened, but it returned in force. She was gone in a flash out the door. I swear I could hear a cat yowling and something crashing outside, as well as an old mare yelling, "What in tarnation?"
She was back again within seconds, or so it seemed, this time with a blindfold in hoof.
I was led up the stairs by Pinkie with the blindfold on. No, I didn't put it on willingly. Pinkie just used her Pinkie Powers on me.
I could practically feel her grin, but I wasn't sharing it. I kept feeling like a prisoner of war being sent to my execution. If only Pinkie knew. She probably would have taken the blindfold off. Or would have shot me right then and there. That would have been a hell of a plot twist.
"Are you ready?" she squealed. I shivered a little. What if I was about to be thrown off a cliff or something to weaken me so Gummy could devour me or something?
Before I could voice any sort of response, Pinkie pulled the blindfold from my eyes. Slowly, I opened them up. It didn't stop me from biting my lower lip though. Slowly, I creaked my eyes open.
I was standing before the door to the room I had been staying in since Pinkie found me. At first, I figured the surprise she had for me was behind the door.
I figured out I was wrong when I reached for the doorknob. Towards the top of the door was a wooden plaque with my name on it.
Sammy
My blood ran cold while I stared at it. I could feel Pinkie's gaze boring into me while I tried to register what I was seeing. My lips quivered, as if I were trying to say something. Finally, I looked at Pinkie.
She was smiling at me, though I saw a hint of anxiety in her eyes.
"I know it's not much, but I want you to see this place as your house too. Not just my house. Do you like it?"
My answer was in leaping towards her, wrapping her in a hug.
She giggled, but returned my hug and held me. "I guess that's a yes, huh?"
I couldn't speak. I knew I was going to cry if I tried. All I did was nod in her fur. I never knew something so simple to be so profound to me before.
We stayed like that for a long while.
The rest of my week was interesting, to say the least. We ended up reading our stories before the class the next day, but Rares was not there. She seemed to get out of the story time, because when she did come to class the next day, Cheerilee didn't even acknowledge her.
When Rares wasn't there, I spent time sitting with the Crusaders for the first half of class. Scootaloo kept throwing paper at me and I back at her. The rest of the day I sat with Diamond Tiara and that other one. I remember Cheerilee smiling at me that day, as if in approval. I didn't do anything though.
There was also the first time Scootaloo and I almost came to blows over the best baseball team. She's a huge fan of the Red Manes, which is an answer I consider incorrect because the Yankees. I triggered Scootaloo by mentioning the Yankees, and she triggered me by asking who they even were. She shoved me, I shoved her, tempers rose... the whole thing got stopped before it went out of control by the mailmare dropping a bag of mail between us.
She was a grey pegasus and she didn't even slow down. She just kept flying and was none the wiser. Scootaloo and I just sort of stared at the bag for a second, looked at each other puzzled, and then the bell rang.
The week went on and when I did manage to corner Rares, I asked her if she wanted to come to Sugarcube Corner with me. She was hesitant at first, but I managed to convince her.
I also got my results back from the test the doctors did on my skin, and they gave me a clean bill of health which is nice. They said the skin was just scarring and was harmless.
Shame that wasn't my main problem. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I didn't invite Rares over. It probably would have saved me some grief. However, that's not how things turned out.
Rares dragged her feet when I lead her back to Sugarcube Corner at the end of the week. She wasn't really responding to my assurances that she would like Pinkie and the sweets they had there. She seemed kind of bummed out, actually.
When I asked she wouldn't answer, but I figured she would tell me whatever was eating her when she was ready.
I remember how I introduced Sugarcube Corner to her. I stood beside the door and in my best showmare voice said, "Presenting Sugarcube Corner."
I opened the door for her, but she looked kind of panicked. It piqued my curiosity, and I looked into the bakery fully expecting Pinkie to just be standing right in front of the door like she does most Wednesdays.
I was stunned when, instead of that, I saw Pinkie, the Cakes, and Ms. Cheerilee sitting at a table with a chair vacant next to Pinkie.
"Sammy," said Cheerilee. "We need to talk."
End of Chapter