I loved moonlit nights. The fresh air caressing my coat, the wind ruffling my mane and the stars looking down at our world made me feel welcomed, tranquil and... serene. Especially if I could spend such night in her strong, caring hooves.
In an evening like the ones I appreciated so much, I decided to fly as fast as I could towards the home of my lover to tell her all night long just how much I loved her, and listen to how much she desired me. They had been going on for quite some time, these secret encounters during nighttime. Every morning I woke up in her embrace and saddened as soon as I realized I had to leave her, but every afternoon I remembered that fate, for once, was giving me respite and, unfurling my wings, I simply let my heart take the lead and started performing random loops, twists, spins and nosedives, or milder glides and landings. Never had I felt so free in my own life than with her by my side, and unleashing my always-alert feathered limbs was the best way to show everyone else my state of mind.
Everything was still and silent, no other Pegasus flew in the sky and there was no pony walking the road beneath me. There was no Applejack waiting for me, either. She usually liked sitting on the grass of the small meadow facing her orchard and staring above, her eyes expecting my blue shape coming in sight at any moment. This time, though, I was the one searching for her. Glancing down quickly, first around the barn and then among the apple trees, I finally found her. I landed gently not to let her notice I had arrived and stopped, staring at her to admire her simple but stunning beauty.
There she was, standing with her muzzle towards the white, shining moon and her adorable ears perked up, ready to catch any sign of living presence. I considered sneaking and scaring her, but decided against it. Who knows what her mood was; if she was even a bit nervous I would earn only a painful buck on my chest and an angry scolding at best. Her blonde mane moved slightly in the breeze and her tail flicked from time to time, signaling faint bother. That’s it, I thought, no joking with her tonight.
Approaching her slowly and quietly, I noticed her lips were curved in a severe straight line and she seemed deep in thought, so I gave a small cough and splayed my ears back, smiling. She turned and, to my surprise, she grinned widely and shouted my name happily, trotting towards me. I couldn’t do anything but mirror her ways, so I flapped my wings a few times to tell her wordlessly how glad I was that she wasn’t in a bad mood. We greeted each other with our usual, tender kiss, then rested our foreheads on one another’s.
It was beautiful, this silent conversation we always had when we were like this, and I probably enjoyed such moments more than anything else. It was like she could read in my mind and through my thoughts, and I failed miserably at resisting at the temptation of letting myself get lost in those charming emerald eyes of hers.
“I missed you so much”, I mumbled in a low voice. The truth of the sentence made me wonder what sort of spell she had had to cast on me to take such a solid grip on my once indocile heart - not that I hadn’t the same effect on her. In fact, she might be even more crazy about me than I was about her, for she simply can’t help being so fond of my awesome personality. Pushing me out of my thoughts were her merry - but, with a hint of melancholy, perhaps? - giggles, sweet and soft as music to my ears.
“Ya idiot, Ah know ya don’t really mean it.” She smiled alluringly at me with her eyebrow raised and was about to say something else; however, I interrupted her before she could even begin, unfolding a wing and tracing a gentle line from her neck to her cutie mark with my pinions.
“I don’t?” I asked, already knowing by her low gasp that I was getting no response. “Why don’t we see...” I paused and got closer to her warm body, before whispering seducingly to her ear: “...if I can prove you wrong?” I lifted a hoof and brought it to her shoulder, doing the same with the other a few seconds later. Encircling her neck, I stroked my muzzle in her mane and savored the delicious scent of apples that featured her so perfectly.
“Dash, w-wait...” I knew she wanted to distract me so she could have the upper hoof, but I wasn’t letting her win so easily this time. I earned another gasp from my lover by grazing her jaw line with my lips and, in that instant, I couldn’t help but smirk inwardly at the thought of how crazy she was about me. I knew I could make her go mad if I simply touched her with my wings - that was one thing she would’ve done anything for -, but I decided to proceed by teasing her more, since I was particularly satisfied with her reactions.
Pushing her softly and slowly on the grass, I rested on her hefty body and kept on kissing her neck, then moved to her collarbone and then to her chest. Her faint moans were already arousing the feathered limbs quivering at my sides, but I tried to control them - I had to be patient. I shifted my kisses and brief licks lower and lower, but I had to stop when she suddenly stiffened and became silent.
“W-What’s wrong?” I asked, more to myself than to her, fearing that I was taking things too fast when she wasn’t ready yet. I reached her muzzle with my own and her cheeks with my wings, kissing tenderly the former and caressing gently the latter as I received no resistance. We spent a few minutes like this, in complete stillness, until I felt her body relax once again. I didn’t know what was going on her in mind, but I decided I had to get her back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, I thought driving my wings to her warm stomach and brushing it lightly. Her back arched as she breathed sharply and then muttered something I couldn’t hear. Assuming it was one of the usual compliments about how good I was at “cheering” her up, I went on, untied her silky flaxen hair, and admired it for a few seconds as it fell on the dark-green grass... Well, I did, until she abruptly sat up and smacked me in the face.
“Ah said stop it!” Still with the red hair band in my mouth, I looked up at her, hurt and a bit scared from her sudden change. Should’ve stopped it the first time she’d said it, I cursed silently. Yet, I couldn’t figure out what was troubling her so much she wouldn’t even tell me.
Her sad eyes glanced at me before they closed slowly, her brows furrowing slightly. She lay down and sighed heavily, resting her muzzle on her front legs, but then lifting it again towards the black horizon. “We... We gotta talk.”
Damn it. I sat up as well, trying to get closer to her and folding my complaining wings. I desperately tried to remember what I had done to get her so angry, what I had said or how I had behaved in a possibly dangerous situation (was it the time I had told her grandmother her oats salad was “not that good”?), but nothing really came to my mind. I concluded that, maybe, she had misunderstood something I had joked about, so I got ready to apologize in any case.
“It’s not workin’, Dash.” I froze at her sentence. What wasn’t working? Why was she telling me “it” wasn’t working? She knew I wasn’t so pragmatic as her, she knew she couldn’t rely on me when it came to broken toasters or-
“Ah... Ah think we should... take a break.” I slowly realized what she was going to talk about as each word was spoken. She couldn’t be leaving me, I reasoned. She couldn’t, because we still had a lot of things to do together. We have to tell her family, we have to tell our friends, we have to start living together, we have to get- ... That was not the time to think about such things; I broke my flowing thoughts and shook my head vigorously.
“Rainbow... Ah know it’s gonna hurt, but... Ah think we should... y’know... Stay away from one another. For... some time...” She gulped and closed her eyes tightly as a few tears threatened to fall down. I stared at the grass for what seemed like hours before I finally rediscovered how language and communication work.
“W-Why?” was everything I was capable of whispering, my voice trembling. The fur on my cheeks was getting damp.
“Ah think we should see how we... live without each other. Ah honestly can’t see this relationship going any furth-”
“You can’t see our relationship going any further?! How can you say this, if you don’t know how things will go? How?” I stood up and stomped a hoof on the ground, bursting into an unexpected wrath I didn’t know I was holding back. My wings flared and more tears escaped my bloodshot eyes as Applejack’s ears splayed back and her whole body started shivering.
She tried to calm me down with words I can’t remember now, with attempts of strokes that failed as I flinched each time she tried to get closer. I wouldn’t listen to her, and she wouldn’t explain why we had come to this. Things were more than fine, why had she wanted to ruin them? Was I not enough for her? Didn’t I deserve her?
“Dash, please, Ah didn’t...”
“You know nothing about relationships, Applejack! Nothing! You can just destroy things when there isn’t anything wrong with them, then pretend nothing happened!” Now she was standing on all four, as well, and she backed with every hard sentence I spat. I understood her fear, I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do and I didn’t have to blame her for her choice, but I couldn’t cease it. My bitter rampage was getting the better of my own self, though I felt like I had to get rid of the burdening sorrow I had felt the instant she had revealed her decision to me.
Her breath got heavier and heavier, her watery eyes were silently beseeching me to stop it. And I wanted to. I wanted so much to tell her it was just a stupid joke, and fly into her arms and kiss her; but all that came out of my mouth when I tried to beg her forgiveness were hateful, rueful words.
“Yeah, you know what? Fuck you, Applejack! Fuck you and the useless tears you’re crying! I don’t care about it anymore! Now I’ll be able to have all the fun I desire with anyone and you’ll be able to go back to your fucking apple trees and sing them useless songs!” When I finished, my chest heaving and my legs and wings shaking violently, I realized what I had just said and, with horror in my still teary eyes, I lowered my head and ignored the distant sound of galloping hooves.
I felt something wet on my thigh and between my shoulders as a few monotonous raindrops started falling, but I didn’t mind anymore. My rear legs collapsed and I sat still in the grey rain, not caring about anything but what I had shouted angrily minutes before.
You’re right, Applejack. It’s not working.