"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life."
-John Lennon
My days and nights are blurring together. I feel almost as if I were on a desert island somewhere, but I was well taken care of. Of course, there was an alligator with no teeth on this desert island of mine, as well as a menace of pink and crazy.
Fine, also two babies that cried whenever they were left alone in a room with me. I'm getting to them.
It ended up taking some coaxing from Rainbow Dash of all ponies to get me to go back to Sugarcube Corner that night, by the way. She told me that Gummy never left the room I found him in and Pinkie wouldn't make me hang around him if it scared me.
It was the most clarity Dash ever showed at then to me. She was talking to me about me and listening to my problems, not just talking about herself and her exploits. Of course, once I had agreed to go back to Sugarcube Corner, she went on a tangent about how great her pet turtle was, and how she saved his life in a rock slide and just couldn't let him go.
I later found out that it was the turtle that saved her. There is a reason Rainbow Dash is not the Element of Honesty.
The remaining few days I had were spent cleaning up for Rarity at her shop, learning how to use my magic more efficiently and accurately with Twilight Sparkle, spending more time with the Cutie M- words withheld Crusaders, and brainstorming with Pinkie about costume ideas for Halloween.
Rarity offered to pay me for my services rendered, but I refused at first on the grounds that she paid for my food on my first few days here, so in my mind I had to make that money back for her before I could go about accepting any sort of reward.
I should also mention that Rarity tried to fill my head with numerous ideas about fashion, its current direction, who the power players in the fashion industry are, and the like. I knew that she loved what she did even then, but it all went in one ear and out the other in my case. A customer actually asked me my opinion on her best design, and I just told him that I cleaned up here.
My time with her, however, was very uplifting. I didn't know that a seamstress could have such passion for their work before I saw Rarity. She always had a smile on her lips or a song in the air while she worked. I felt myself a bit envious of her. My job was to work with my Daddy doing odd jobs for sixteen hours a day, typically on carriages. His special talent was mechanical work. Know what my vacation was? Riding across the ocean to shoot Nazis.
What I mean is, it seemed like all the ponies I met so far had life figured out. Even the Crusaders knew what they wanted in life, and they were all around my age. Just what did I want out of life? What did I like to do before the Krauts happened? I could hardly remember what my favorite meal used to be anymore.
I did, however, remember my brother. Stevie. My mommy was...
...Ponyfeathers. Uhh, Mancy? Miley? Missy? It definitely probably started with an 'M' but I couldn't be certain of much of anything else.
I was fortunate to have maintained control of my temper on that day. I wanted desperately to break something, and I don't think I would've forgiven myself if I'd broken something of Pinkie's. Then again, considering the degrees in her room she surely could have fixed whatever had been broken.
I didn't eat much at breakfast. Mostly I just poked and prodded at the eggs offered to me. Pinkie, in typical Pinkie fashion, was yammering away, totally oblivious to my disinterest.
"...and that was when I knew that I had to bring smiles and laughter to everypony. I mean, granted, Maude doesn't laugh much out loud, but she's like your brother in that sense, Sammy! She's laughing on the inside."
My days and nights melted together. I distantly poked at the eggs once more.
"And your father?" I asked.
"Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside. You'll like Maude! She's the bestest big sister ever! Uh, not that your big brother wasn't great- well, she'd technically be an aunt. I wonder why we say aunt, anyway? What about uncless? Uncless Maude. Or- ooh! Auntle! Wait!"
My ears flicked towards her, and I tore my eyes from the cooling breakfast to look at her.
"Did I say sorry about what happened with Gummy yet? Because I'm super duper sorry. I didn't know he'd scare you!"
I nodded. "You did. Several times, actually."
"I want you both to be friends too though. Gummy's nice!"
I stared at her. "He's an alligator," I said plainly. Pinkie gave me a rare frown.
"Bad Sammy! Don't be racist! Or- or speciesist. He's nice, I promise. He certainly won't bite you. Or if he does, it wouldn't hurt. He has no teeth."
"And you didn't think to call him Toothless?" I asked.
She grinned. "What do you mean? Gummy's not a dragon!"
I stared blankly.
"Look, just promise me you'll at least think about spending time with him. I'll be there too if it helps! If you don't like him after that, then you don't have to see him anymore."
It was a brave wager on her part. If I didn't have to see him anymore, did that mean she would give him up over me? Or I wouldn't be allowed in her room? Would I be given up? I finally poked one of the eggs with my fork and stuck it into my mouth. As long as I was eating I didn't have to answer, right? My brain told my mouth to just chew.
So, of course my mouth said, "Okay."
Pinkie's grin grew wider than I think I'd ever seen before, and that's saying something. I once asked her why she always smiled, and she simply told me that it's because smiling is her favorite.
Seeing Pinkie frown for longer than a few moments was debilitating. It was like the whole world got gloomy and sad if she frowned for too long. She does do it intentionally from time to time, though. She says frowning works out more muscles than smiling does and it's part of the exercise regiment she occasionally uses, Pinkiecise. Having said that, a few moments of frowning cause a visible strain on her.
I digress. What I'm trying to say is, it becomes difficult to describe just how she reacts to anything, because Pinkie Pie. So, when my dumb mouth agreed to her request, she seemed to lift off into the air. It was a good thing we had been having breakfast outside.
Pinkie suddenly returned to her seat and shot her head forward at me. I pulled back with a small smile on my lips.
"Tonight?" she asked.
I hesitantly nodded. Pinkie grinned again.
"Yay!" she whispered. "I am working today, so you should go see somepony- it's going to be super nice today! If you come by I will make sure you all get special treats!"
The promise of sweets brought my hunger around again. My stomach growled lowly, and she giggled.
"Sounds yummerlicious, right? No sweets until you eat breakfast though. Finish up!"
"Yes'm," I said. Though my eggs had long since cooled and were no longer appealing to me (I never liked cold eggs), I dug in anyway.
"Sammy?"
My ears perked up and I rolled my eyes to Pinkie, who was smiling gently at me now.
"Be careful when you go out. If you go see the Cutie Mark Crusaders, make sure not to go into the Everfree, or Forever Forest, or even the Lost Woods- anypony that gets lost in them becomes a monster, after all. So, I don't want to hear about you being lost in the woods, okay?"
I gave her a nod, but began to wonder just where I ran through when I came here. I wasn't about to ask, though. I could hardly remember which direction I came from, save for the fact that I didn't come to town on the main road.
I felt confusion wash over my face.
"Wait, monster?"
Pinkie, who was already carrying her dishes back to the kitchen, responded without faltering.
"Yepper depper! You know, hydras, changelings, manticores, skull kids, pop singers- just don't go into the trees!"
The door shut behind her before I could say anything.
"What the hell is a skull kid?" I whispered.
I bumped into Fluttershy while I was wandering around. I mean literally bumped into her- I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I was busy trying to get my lost memories back. Before I could even apologize, she let out a squeak and galloped off. I blinked twice, and lowered the hoof I'd raised in a silent attempt to stop her.'
I should have kept it up, because not a moment passed before I felt something splatter me in the face. I jolted with a muffled squeak too, courtesy of whatever was now on my face. For a brief moment I wondered if I was being fillynapped or something stupid, but then I noticed the scent and taste of apple.
It was an apple pie.
That was when I noticed the obnoxious raspy laughter that could only come from Rainbow Dash. I pried the tin off my face- it got stuck on my horn.
"Sorry shrimp! That one was meant for Flutters, but you wear the look well enough!"
She was hovering high above the ground with her forelegs over her stomach laughing.
After a few moments, she wiped a tear from her eye.
"Oh, that's rich. It's getting old, but still rich! Tell you what Sammy: I got you today instead of next week, so consider yourself prank proof for the next month!"
She took a breath, and her laughter began anew. It wasn't that funny.
"That's poetic, isn't it? A pie for a Pie! Bahahaha!!"
"This means war, Rainbow! You just woke the kraken. Whatever you do to me will come back to you ten times worse!" I yelled up at her.
She stopped laughing, but grinned down at me.
"Is that a threat?"
I shook my head. "A promise."
She snickered. "Well then, come get me squirt!"
With that, she lived up to her namesake again, and was gone in a dash. Keep in mind this was all before I figured out how inept at pranking compared to her I really was. I ended up having to enlist Pinkie's help to get her.
I growled lowly, but went to turn around and head back to Pinkie's so I could wash up.
I was face to face with the Crusaders, and they were all wearing the same look I was. Well, different flavored pies. If I had to guess from memory, then Sweetie Belle was wearing blueberry, Applebloom was wearing peach pie, and Scootaloo was wearing pumpkin pie with a bit of cinnamon mixed in.
Hey, if you live with Pinkie long enough, you learn your pastries.
"She got you too, huh?" asked Applebloom in that thick southern drawl of hers.
"What gave it away?" I asked.
"She was trying to get Applejack but accidentally hit me instead," she said.
Sweetie wiped a bit of pie off her face with a grimace, then spoke.
"She wanted Rarity instead of me, but she knelt down to pick up a lucky bit, so..."
Scootaloo licked some pie off her face.
"I was hungry, so she gave me this one."
Sweetie Belle sighed. "Rarity won't let me walk two steps inside looking like this."
"Let's just go wash up at the farm," said Applebloom. "Sammy, come with us. We can hang out afterwards and plot our revenge."
Their eyes lit up, as if an epiphany had just claimed them.
"Cutie Mark Crusader Prank Masters!" they yelled in unison.
I only blinked some pastry out of my eye. Then, I saw them all look uncertainly at the markings on their flanks, which all seemed to be a shield of some sort.
Scootaloo shrugged. "Old habits die hard."
"I better not get pink eye from this," I grumbled. Applejack chuckled, and wiped more pie away from my eye with a wet cloth.
"What did you think that pie was made of, sugarcube? Only the best apples, don't you worry."
I didn't say anything. I wanted to do this cleaning myself, but the Apples insisted they clean up I and the other fillies because they figured that we would probably make more of a mess if we tried.
"Come on, now. How do your eyes feel? Do they hurt?"
I shook my head. "It don't bother none."
She ran the cloth under warm water once more, and cleaned my horn up as well. I wanted desperately to shake dry like a dog just to spite someone.
"I imagine Sweetie Belle had a conniption when she got hit. You got to watch out for that Rainbow. I like a good prank as much as the next pony, but sometimes she just goes too far."
She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Between you and me? Pinkie's much better at pulling pranks than both she and Discord put together. I'm pretty sure she went to school for it."
"I've seen her room. That wouldn't surprise me."
She smiled, and finally set the cloth down.
"Good as new. You want something to eat?"
I shook my head. "No, thank you."
"You sure? I have some apple pie."
"Very funny."
She chuckled, and ruffled my mane. "I thought so. Alright, Scoot's turn. You have a nice day now. Don't get yourself pied again."
I had no intentions of it, and just nodded. Applebloom had been cleaned up quickly by an elderly mare that looked like she might turn to dust if I sneezed at her. Sweetie Belle was being cleaned up by big red stallion from the other day- apparently he was part of the family here. Scootaloo was called in by Applejack after I'd been taken care of- we flipped a bit to see who got cleaned first, and I won.
I ended up sitting next to Applebloom while we waited for the others to get cleaned up.
"Wasn't expecting you to be done first," I said. She smiled.
"Granny Smith may be old, but she's quick," she said. "You look better too."
I nodded. "Your sister surely did this before."
"It may not have been the first time something like that happened."
We were quiet for a few moments, but Applebloom tried to continue the conversation.
"How old are you, Sammy? I don't think you said."
"I'm six," I said without a second thought. A moment afterwards, I felt myself flinch, as if something was wrong, or I was lying.
Yet, I was confident I wasn't lying. I was turning seven in a few weeks, after all! Just a little bit after Nightmare Night.
It made it all the more stupid that I got hurt by those Krauts.
"Y'okay?" she asked. I shook out of my inner conflict. I knew I was six. I'd been six for a year now.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "Uh, how old are you?"
She smiled proudly. "I just turned nine. And already I got my cutie mark!"
I blinked. "So?"
She looked at me like I grew two heads. "So? Who wants to be a blank flank all their life?"
"Is that a slur?"
"It's a dirty way of saying someone doesn't have their cutie mark yet. Want help finding yours? That's our talent as Crusaders! Helping ponies find their cutie marks!"
I didn't share her enthusiasm. To then I figured it was a simple fix of getting an ass tattoo. I had no intention of getting one, though.
"You're only six though, so it's okay to be a blank flank."
"I don't care if I die without it, honestly. It means nothing to me."
Applebloom looked like she was about to vomit. I took a step away from her for good measure.
"Oh my- I think I'm going to be sick. What pony isn't interested in her-"
Sweetie Belle returned to us looking quite pie free, but her mane was messed up in such a way that I wouldn't hesitate to call it art. I unconsciously prodded at my own.
"Her what?" she asked.
"Sweetie, you look, uhh... better?"
"Her what?" she asked again.
"Did Big Mac try to give you that funny mane style of Zecora's?"
"Her what?" she asked again, this time more forcefully.
"She says she don't care about cutie marks."
This time, Sweetie looked at me like I had two heads.
"Why not?"
I shrugged to the best of my ability. "Stopped caring about them eleven seconds after I found out what they are."
Sweetie and Applebloom looked at each other, then grinned nervously at me.
"Excuse us a moment."
They then proceeded to have a hushed conversation like three feet away from me, as if they were expecting me to not hear anything.
"Who doesn't care about their cutie mark?" asked Applebloom.
"I told you she was weird."
"Somepony that doesn't want a cutie mark... now I've seen everything. She's gonna have a lot of quit in her at that rate. We ought to help her find it anyway."
"No you shouldn't," I mumbled.
"She clearly is desperate for it."
"I'm not," I said.
"The poor thing really does think she doesn't want one!"
"I don't."
When Scootaloo came back (looking much better too I might add), she was brought up to speed with the "(words withheld) emergency" they had on their hooves. At that point the huge red stallion was heading out of the house.
"I was speaking English, right?" I asked him.
"Nope," he said without missing a beat. He didn't even stop walking.
Apparently I learned a new language or my voice box stopped working temporarily, because the trio decided to take me around town to try out a bunch of different activities to see what my calling might be. They completely forgot about revenge pranks.
I plead six years old, but that didn't get me out of spending my day with the Crusaders. They did, however, cancel a few of their activities after I reminded them of my age, such as shooting me out of a cannon, vandalizing town hall, and sky diving.
It didn't excuse me from attempting apple bucking, which meant kicking a tree until the apples fell off. Want to guess how well that went?
Here's a hint: I didn't do it until I was egged on by those three for an hour and a half. So basically, I was standing with my rear to a tree telling them all I knew how this was going to play out.
So, you can imagine how unsurprised I was when I ended up kicking the tree, and pain reverberated through my rear legs. I'm stupid, I admit it, but even I knew what was going to happen. What was their excuse?
It ended up that I put a small crack in one hoof, and all I succeeded in knocking out of the tree was a leaf or two.
The rest of my day with them was spent doing random and stupid things. I was made to try and locate local pests that would eat the apples on Applebloom's farm- first of all, I found nothing, and second I wasn't too keen on doing free labor for the Apples thinly disguised as an attempt at figuring out what I was good at.
When that didn't work, Scootalloo had me try to use her scooter for "sick awesome stunts," and I went nowhere. I mean literally. To use a scooter would mean I needed to be able to walk on two legs. It wasn't exactly something I'd ever done before. I fell fairly instantly and caught the handlebars with my chin on the way down, so unless there was a mark for not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time...
She had me try again, of course, but this time from atop a ramp on the outskirts of town that Rainbow had built for her. There were a few low hanging clouds around the ramp in case she went flying off. That way, she'd have something to cushion her fall. Pegasi are super light, and as a result can actually stand atop the clouds.
Unicorns? Well, let's just say the clouds didn't stop me. A conveniently placed leaf pile did. The only reason I'd even attempted again was because they bribed me with a few bits. I never asked Pinkie for money yet and had no intention at then to.
So, now I had a cracked hoof, sore legs, bumps and bruises, dirt in my fur, and leaves caught in my mane.
That's when Sweetie Belle decided to take me to the Botique, where she took out her "little tailor's kit" and had me try and sew something. I ended up turning myself into a pincushion because I tripped over their stupid cat. Oh, and also the cat mauled me and then hid under a bed.
So, what I'm saying is by the end of the day I looked like hammered shit, and I didn't want to see the Crusaders again. At least not until I cooled down. None of them listened to anything I said. When the sun finally dipped below the horizon and we split up, I swear I heard them tell themselves that they did a pretty good job today. I wanted to give each of them a hoof upside the head.
Needless to say, I was in a foul mood when I got back to Pinkie's. It was like she was able to sense my mood, as well, because she was standing right in front of the door and swiftly hid something behind her back with a nervous grin.
"Uh, hi! You look like a super angry pony. And also like the Crusaders made you attempt to buck an apple tree, hunt down bugs, use a scooter and then sew! Or maybe you just are trying on a new look? If that's the case, you look amazing!"
I walked past her, and she moved to face me, never letting me see what was behind her back.
"Can I just go get myself sorted? I look like the bog monster of Louisiana," I grumbled.
"You're going to have to wait a few minutes. Mrs. Cake is bathing the foals. Are you hungry?"
I was kind of hungry, but at the same time I wasn't in the mood to eat, so I shook my head.
Pinkie beckoned me with her head, and turned around to start walking to a table. The store's chairs were atop the tables and the floor was freshly mopped and only just dried. The main cause for concern, however, was the toothless little alligator biting onto her tail with not a care in the world.
I felt myself breathe in sharply at the sight of him, but I said nothing and followed at a safe distance.
She picked a table near the window and had me sit with her.
"You went crusading, didn't you?" she asked slyly.
I blinked. As if in response, I swear Gummy blinked separately again. I nodded slowly.
Pinkie squealed. "How did it go? I know you didn't find it yet but don't lose hope! If you find it at your age that would be something else. Did you have fun? Tell me all about it!"
I summed it up in about a sentence: "They had me crack a hoof, fall into a leaf pile, and I learned what a pincushion feels like."
It wasn't the best of days. Pinkie didn't see it that way, though. She only seemed to get more excited.
"Ooh, I'm so jealous! I remember when I first tried to get my cutie mark too. I was playing with rocks on the farm and trying to make a superrock- like a rock with all the power of a normal piece of sediment but the ability take a free flight to wherever it lands when I throw it..."
She began to smile wildly while she spoke, and the more she spoke, the more she smiled; the more she smiled, the more she spoke. She got so excited while rambling on about the trials leading up to how she got her cutie- FUCK word withheld mark that I worried her face might crack. It was a smile I would not see again until the day I told her that I loved her for the first time.
Suddenly, she gasped loudly, and her head shot to Gummy, then to me. Back to Gummy. Then to me again. She grinned again.
"You met Gummy! Kind of. Gummy, this is Sammy, Sammy this is Gummy."
Before I could say a word in response, she pulled him off her tail and all but shoved him in my face.
"Say hello!"
I backed up against the chair again. Barring the fact that he was a fucking dog-eating alligator, he was kind of cute I guess.
"Hi. My name is personal space," I said.
Gummy blinked his eyes separately at me again, and then his tongue shot out and licked my nose.
"See? He likes you!"
I shuddered. Seemed more like he was tasting me to see if I was worthy of being eaten yet. I looked down at my belly, where I saw just a bit of pudge forming. The three meals a day and no helping Dad haul stuff meant I could actually get a bit of meat on my bones.
What if Gummy wanted me to fatten up or something and then he would eat me? His teeth might just be invisible or hiding or something!
Still, I doubted it very much. Pinkie's the pudgy party pony, so if he didn't eat her, then I would probably be safe.
I risked holding a hoof out to him so he could sniff me or take my arm off. He did neither, and instead licked me slowly. It was that day that I was able to cross "Get licked by an alligator" off my bucket list. I've yet, however, to smile at a crocodile.
Pinkie grinned at me and said something about being Gummy's mummy. Then, she set him down on the floor, where he began to do laps around the table.
She said nothing of me calling her by that title, though, which I appreciated.
Pinkie as a mother was a concept that I could not wrap my head around for a long while. Though I would, one day, begin to refer to her as mom, I still called her Pinkie a fair amount of the time.
The first time I called her mom, it had slipped out right before bed. She'd just told me a story about her move to Ponyville, and when I had begun to nod off she tucked me in and said goodnight. I just reacted without thinking. She didn't press or anything, though I do not know if it was due to her not wanting to keep me awake or if she simply didn't hear me.
I heard the sound of water rushing down some pipes, and both mine and Pinkie's ears turned to regard it.
"You can have your bath now," she chirped. "I still say you need to eat something after, though!"
I told her I would, and I excused myself from the table. Gummy was still running his laps around it; I was amazed.
I felt a bit better after my bath, but I still didn't want to see the (word withheld) mark devils. Not for a while, at least. Still, I did come to terms with one thing, and that was the fact that those stupid marks were of high importance to this society.
I still thought it was just a big waste of time. Then again, I was disillusioned by the idea of the marks because I originally thought they were tattoos.
Some of the rumors I heard regarding the atrocities Hitler's Third Reich were committing involved tattoos being used to identify prisoners and strip them of their identity. To my warped reasoning, it seemed like the same thing. Therefore, I had promised myself to never get one of those marks. In not having one I felt I could preserve my own identity.
When I descended the steps again to ask Pinkie if she needed me to do anything for her, I noted the smell of cleaning fluids. The floors had just been mopped. This was before I really knew much about Sugarcube Corner, so I thought that Gummy had either gored Pinkie, or Pinkie gored him. It was really just something they did upon closing up shop for the night.
Pinkie was in the kitchen wearing a chef's hat and cooking something in a pot, and having heard my entrance, she grinned at me and gestured to the table we'd been sitting at earlier. I wasn't so hungry, but I sat.
The Cakes were nowhere to be found- the upstairs rooms were quiet and dark. I found it amazing that I still wasn't introduced to the babies- Pinkie had mentioned them in passing. I wasn't complaining, mind you. Other people's babies all looked exactly the same to me back home, and being around them bored me to tears.
I digress. Pinkie seemed to be reading my mind again, because she yelled from the kitchen, "The Cakes went out for a play, and the twins are with Twilight."
Right, the twins...
The Cakes had shown me pictures of the babies at one point after Pinkie had told me about them. The problem is, baby pictures bore me. Where I'm from, they all look exactly the same, and they never do anything interesting. Also, their puke looks like bird shit, and that just confuses me.
I honestly had to feign interest in the pictures. I would rather have been staring at a rubix cube, because with them you can at least move some parts around. With a baby, if you move its parts around, you get arrested.
Though the babies in this place seemed to look more unique, I still had zero interest in pictures. I could not tell genders because they were fucking babies, and I didn't want to make a guess at that sort of thing, because I am often wrong.
I ended up meeting the Cake twins for the first time the following morning. For whatever reason, they liked to throw food at me when they were toddlers- it would be a habit they carried into their early childhood.
It was honestly as if I blinked, and then I realized something: I was coloring on a place mat with a green crayon absentmindedly- the crayon was one of many sitting in a small box in the center of the table.
I felt a pang of guilt at first, and I quickly put the crayon back before looking down at whatever I'd been drawing.
I felt a smile pull at my lips- I was never a particularly good artist, but even I recognized the pony I was drawing- it was Stevie and Mr. Bear with I and a pink blob. Or, at least, it was big blue stallion resembling blob with small brown blob, red blob, and pink blob. My question was, just who was the pink blob supposed to be? I am almost certain it wasn't Pinkie- last I checked, she didn't have a grey mane.
Was it my Mom? I don't remember how she looked. It felt like it's been an eternity since I last hugged her, much less saw her.
It was then that I noticed Pinkie standing over me with two plates on her back. She was smiling at me while she appraised my work. I wanted to slide a hoof over my scribbles as if to hide them.
"I hope you worked up an appetite, because I made some dinner for us both."
I blinked.
"What did you draw?" she asked cheerfully.
I looked down at my art- if you could call it that.
"I don't rightly no. My brother, and then two blobs."
Pinkie gasped loudly and bucked the plates off her back, where I saw them land safely on the table, making no mess. She was eyeing my drawing intently, then she looked at me, then my drawing, then me...
She grinned.
"It's a beautiful picture!" she said. I blinked.
"You need to get your eyes checked, Pink Menace."
She giggled. "Nope. I have my masters in fine arts. I see a really nice picture and we're going to hang it up on the refrigerator next to the drawing I did of my family!"
She gasped. "Wait! I need to introduce you to them. I already sent them a letter about you. You're going to love them. But first..."
She leaned in to whisper to me, as if we were conspiring against Celestia.
"Are you nervous about school tomorrow? It's not going to be bad. Promise."
I blinked. School was tomorrow? I felt anxiety begin to creep its way into my body, and I wondered for a moment if I could fake being sick or something to avoid it. I dismissed the thought, however. I was going to have to go sooner or later.
She saw the look on my face. "It's going to be okay, Sammy. The Crusaders will be there with you, and you can even make friends with lots of others."
"I wonder if Rares will be there," I whispered to myself. Pinkie blinked.
"No, Rarity will be working a half day tomorrow. After that she is going to the spa with Applejack."
I didn't correct her. In my silence, Pinkie pushed a plate of spaghetti towards me.
"Come on. You need to eat something that is not an apple pie," she said. I looked up at her with an unamused stare. She grinned. "If it helps, I got Rainbow back. When you were out and I was on my break I went to her house and I made the Pinkie Sampler."
There was one glaring problem with that: Rainbow Dash lives in Cloudsdale, which is impossible for an earth pony like Pinkie to stand on. I'm also certain she didn't ask Twilight Sparkle or somepony to cast a spell allowing her to walk on clouds, and I also do not know how she got up there in the first place.
So, of course my question was, "What's the Pinkie Sampler?"
She giggled. "That's my secret. You'll find out soon enough!"
It was said that Rainbow's scream could be heard from Manehattan.
The next morning was a first for me in more than one way. Yeah, there was the whole first day of school thing, but also breakfast.
It was the first time the Cake twins and I would meet- my life had been turbulent recently and apparently the Cakes had a very busy schedule of late, too. As Nightmare Night approached, business skyrocketed. The day before was one of the busiest days of the year. When I got older and helped around the shop from time to time, I was always busy on that particular day.
The toddlers, however, being toddlers, did not have to work. Instead their schedules were jam packed with naps, crying, giggling, eating, and pooping.
Now the babies were staring at me as if I were the very meaning of life itself. Well, one of them was.
I had to fight myself, too. One of them, Pound Cake, started pointing at me with one hoof. Back home, when babies pointed at me, I had this habit of leaning in, and whispering, "Stop snitching, motherfucker."
The other baby was focusing more on a single cheerio with Bobby Fischer like intensity. What I noted then was that one of them was a Pegasus and the other was a Unicorn, like me.
The pointing one looked to its twin and babbled something in babynese, which led to the other one waving dismissively at the intrusion. The cheerio required much more focus apparently.
Pinkie plopped down in a seat next to mine and smiled warmly at me, then at the twins.
"They like you," she said. I took my eyes off them for a moment, at which point I felt something tap me on the side of the head. I looked at the twins, who were smiling at me and giggling, and then I reached into my mane, where I found the bastard cheerio.
"Pound Cake is the pegasus, and Pumpkin is the unicorn. They like to play with food!"
I blinked as the pegasus tossed a bottle at me, which I managed to catch in my magic. Or so I thought.
When I tried to send it back to him, it didn't listen to me. That was when I noticed the unicorn seeming to be more focused than it was on the cheerio. The bottle hovered over my head, and then I was covered in what I could only sincerely hope was not maternal milk.
I sighed while the twins clapped and giggled. The Cakes saw what happened and set about grabbing the babies and scolding them, but they thought me covered in milk was the funniest thing on the planet so a lot of good that did.
I was in the bath cleaning up within a second of asking Mrs. Cake if that was store bought milk. She hesitated, which meant no.
Pinkie was rambling outside the door about what happens when a "mare and a stallion love each other very much," and I heard the babies downstairs crying now. My stomach rumbled, as if to remind me of its current state, but my brain shunned it by reminding me of the fact that I'd very recently been soaked by Mrs. Cake's breast milk.
I didn't eat anything related to dairy for a week.
The clouds had moved in that morning, but there was no rain of yet.
Pinkie had packed a lunchbox and a bag with some paper, a few pencils, and some quills in it. She said it was the saddlebag she used when she was in school, but I kept calling it a backpack.
She was yapping away about how I should make lots of friends and have fun, and then off hoofedly mentioned that she owns the schoolhouse.
When we got to the school, I felt my heart sink a little. This was really happening. I could see children walking in to the schoolhouse and I could hear them chattering among themselves. Resting against the side of the school and locked to a pole was Scootaloo's scooter.
I just barely caught Rares walking in to the schoolhouse, though she did not seem to notice me.
Pinkie pulled me from my thoughts and into a hug, during which I grew tense. She did not take note or did not care, and simply told me to be good, don't do drugs, and eat like a freak.
With that, she turned and began to trot off, humming what I could swear was Scott Joplin's Maple Leaf Rag to herself.
I looked back to the schoolhouse, its open doors seeming to do their best to tempt my entry, then I looked to the street out of town. I was being trusted to enter the school on my own volition.
Come to think of it, I was given free leash when I saw the Crusaders. Everyone trusted me not to run away.
I felt my hooves start towards the road out of town, but I could not bring myself to run. Why would I want to, anyway? I'd been given a home and somepony that seemed to really care about my well being. Several someponies actually. I wasn't being oppressed or anything, so why would I leave?
I stepped towards the school once more, as the first rain drops began to fall.
End of Chapter